Chapter Twenty-One
Letty had no idea what she was doing. She just knew that she couldn’t leave things between her and Riley as they were.
She took off her coat and hung it up. She hated that she’d hurt him.
Val had accused her of ‘breaking’ him. While she didn’t believe that, she knew that Riley thought he was in love with her.
She could still see his face when he’d said they were through. Beneath the anger was a world of hurt.
And she’d done that to him.
When she agreed to a fling, she’d had no idea she would begin to feel so strongly about him. Or that he’d fall in love with her.
Admit it, you’re in love with him.
But it didn’t matter. She couldn’t allow it to matter. What if he—
“All right,” Riley said when she let him in. “I’m here. What’s so important?”
“Can we sit down? And can you take off your coat?”
Riley took off his coat and tossed it over a chair. Then he sat, but grudgingly.
“I, uh, I don’t like the way we left things. Why can’t we be friends?”
He looked at her like she was crazy. “We broke up. We’re over. Done. How can I be friends with you when every time I see you, I want to take you to bed?”
“So we’re just supposed to ignore each other? That’s impossible in Marietta.” He didn’t say anything. “I—I miss you.”
“Damn it, Letty, I miss you too.”
“Then why are we avoiding each other? We said we’d be together until after New Year’s.”
“And then like magic we’ll break up and all will be well? Do you really have no clue how I feel about you? I want to marry you, Letty. I have almost from the first.”
She sucked in a breath, realizing he spoke the truth. “Why did you agree to a fling, then?”
“Because that was the only way you’d be with me. Besides, I thought—hoped—you’d change your mind.”
She wanted to. But she was scared. Riley had no idea what it was like to lose the two most important people in your life.
If she let herself love him, then he’d become the most important person in her life.
If she’d learned anything from losing her parents so young it was that you couldn’t depend on those you love always being there. Bad things happened.
She realized she wasn’t quite rational on the subject. She’d had enough counseling to know that. But she still couldn’t take the risk. She didn’t believe in happily ever after. That sure hadn’t worked out for her parents.
Still, she wanted him. So badly. One last time?
He stood. “What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m leaving.”
She stood as well. Put her hand on his arm. “Don’t go. Stay with me.”
He rubbed his jaw. “You know what will happen if I do.”
“I know. I’m counting on it.”
“It’s a bad idea. A really bad idea.”
“Why?”
“Having sex will just make things harder in the long run.”
“I don’t care. Stay with me, Riley. Please.”
*
Riley knew staying here with Letty was a mistake.
And he knew he was going to do it anyway.
He took her in his arms and kissed her. Not gentle but hard, making it clear what was about to happen.
She flung her arms around his neck, and he picked her up.
She wrapped her legs around his waist and his mouth never left hers.
Would he regret making love to her? Yes, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. To hell with the consequences. He’d worry about them later. Right now she was in his arms, warm and willing. In his arms where she belonged.
Letty ripped off her sweater and tossed it away. He unhooked her bra and it followed the top. He turned and pressed her up against the wall. Her hands fumbled with his buttons as she scrambled to undo his shirt. He didn’t let her get far before he yanked it off over his head.
He bent his head down to capture a nipple. When he sucked on it, she groaned. He moved to the other breast, plumping it up and sucking it into his mouth. He pulled up her skirt and rubbed against her, feeling how hot she was in her skimpy panties that rubbed against his jeans.
He let her down and freed himself, then ripped off her underwear, picked her up again, and drove inside her.
She gasped. “Oh God.” Her legs tightened around him, her inner muscles squeezing him as he thrust and withdrew, again and again.
Her nails bit into his shoulders. Holding her up with one hand, he reached between them with the other and rubbed her clit, pushing her higher.
He tried to hold off, determined she’d orgasm first. She screamed his name and came, milking him until he exploded, following her to oblivion.
When he could breathe he carried her to the bedroom and dumped her on the bed. She still wore her boots. She tugged off her skirt and threw it aside. Now wearing only her boots. She propped herself up on her elbows and met his gaze. “Are you…done?” she asked.
“No.” He’d never be done with her. He sat on the bed beside her and unzipped each boot before pulling them off. “Not yet.” He’d already made the mistake. He might as well compound it.
They made love deep into the night. She was as insatiable as he was. When dawn broke, Letty had fallen into an exhausted sleep. He got up and dressed. He let himself look at her sleeping, so peaceful, so beautiful, knowing he’d never see her like this again. This truly was the end.
He walked out the door.
*
Letty’s alarm went off. She fumbled with it, trying to make it stop.
She hadn’t had nearly enough sleep. She turned to look beside her.
No Riley. His pillow was cold. She didn’t hear anything and the apartment felt empty.
He was gone. The fact that she’d expected it didn’t make it any easier to bear.
She dragged herself to the library, hoping it wouldn’t be busy. She didn’t feel like being nice. She was angry. Not with Riley—not only with him, anyway. She was far more angry with herself. But what else could she do?
Cici came in later in the day. “How did it go last night?” her friend asked her.
“What do you mean?”
“You left right after Riley. I figured you two were together. Did you make up?”
It was hers and Logan’s party. How did she have time to notice what Letty did? Letty looked at the clock on the wall. “I have a break coming up in about ten minutes. Can you wait and we’ll go get a cup of coffee?”
“Sure.”
A short time later they had their drinks and had found a table at the Java Café.
“All right,” Cici said. “Are you back together?”
“No.” She was pretty sure the fact that he’d left without saying goodbye was not a good sign.
“Damn. I just knew the fact that you basically left together meant something good happened.”
“Something good did happen,” she said glumly. “But we didn’t get back together.”
“I don’t understand.”
So Letty told her. About asking Riley to come to her apartment. About having sex all night long. And about how he was gone that morning without a word. “He’s done.”
“Do you want to be done?”
“No. But I have to be.”
“I know I haven’t known you all that long, so I’m getting the feeling something happened between you two in the past.”
Maybe if she tried to explain to Cici why she couldn’t be with Riley, it would help her. She’d tried to explain it to Riley, but he hadn’t understood. She hadn’t told anyone the real reason why she couldn’t get involved with him.
You already are involved, dumbass.
“Not between me and Riley. It’s what happened to me.
” Cici didn’t speak but waited for her to go on.
“When I was seventeen my parents died in a car wreck. I didn’t have any other relatives.
Riley’s family took me in, so I didn’t have to go to foster care or live on my own.
I lived with them until I turned eighteen and graduated high school. They’ve always treated me like family.”
“I’m so sorry. I knew your parents had died but I didn’t know any details.”
“Thanks. My parents were good people. I was happy. Well, as happy as a seventeen-year-old ever is.” She fell silent, thinking about it.
“When they died my world fell apart. The two most important people in my life were simply…gone. And even though the Fletchers took me in, even though I love them and will always be grateful, I don’t ever want to experience a loss like that again.
I can’t. Riley and I were supposed to be a fling.
We were only going to date until New Year’s.
I warned him from the first.” Even though he’d said he would still try to change her mind.
“But Riley wants more. He said—He said he wanted to marry me. That he had almost from the first.” Which, if she were honest with herself, wasn’t a surprise.
She’d worried about it, hell, had known it, even if she hadn’t wanted to admit it.
“But you don’t want that. So… What? You just plan to be alone the rest of your life?”
The short answer was yes. “Becoming independent was the hardest thing I ever did. If I fall in love with Riley I’ll lose that independence. If something happened to him, I don’t know what I’d do. I don’t think I could survive that kind of loss again. So I can’t fall in love with him.”
Cici took a sip of her latte and frowned. “Except the problem is you are in love with him.”
“I can’t be.”
“Oh, Letty.” She shook her head. “Don’t bother denying something you know is true. You’re in love with Riley and he loves you. What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re kidding. Nothing?”
“There’s nothing I can do except hope I get over him.” And that he got over her. But she was terribly afraid neither of them would get over each other.
“Then I have to ask you, have you thought about Riley at all?”
“What do you mean?”
“What about his feelings? He’s in love with you and it seems like all you’re thinking about it how you feel.
How you’re scared. I’m not saying that doesn’t matter, but what about Riley’s feelings?
They matter too. And if you’re in love with him—and you obviously are—then his feelings should matter to you. ”
“I—it’s not that simple.” But had she thought about Riley’s feelings?
Of course she had. She knew he loved her, but she’d believed he’d get over her.
That he’d find some other nice woman and be happy with her.
But what if he didn’t? Was she condemning Riley to a lonely life because she couldn’t deal with her fears?
And how would she feel if Riley did find someone else?