Chapter Twenty-Six
A few days after talking to Val, Letty received a call from her. “Hi, Val. What’s up?”
“I need a favor.”
“Shoot.”
“Can you come stay with Vivian tomorrow night? I know it’s last minute, but my parents can’t do it and neither can Liam’s mom.”
“Of course I can. Where are you going?”
“Liam’s got a meeting with a man who wants to take us to dinner. He’s trying to sell us on some new kind of fencing.”
“Sounds expensive.”
“It is. That’s why he’s taking us to dinner.”
“Is Liam thinking about it?”
“There’s a small area, a part of a field he’s considering for it. He wants to see how it works before he commits to a lot more.”
“That makes sense. What time do you want me?”
“About six. Thanks so much. We really appreciate it.”
“You know I love to be with Vivian. It’s no problem at all.”
The following evening Letty drove out to the McFarland ranch. Val was rushing around trying to finish getting ready and Liam was patiently waiting for her. He held Vivian in his arms. The baby, who was about eight months old now, wore only a diaper and was babbling earnestly to her father.
“Do you know what she’s saying?” Letty asked him curiously.
“Nope. But I know when she says dada.”
Vivian began chanting ‘dada, dada, dada.’
“I am so sorry, Letty,” Val said. “I meant to have her fed and bathed before you got here but, uh, things happened.”
“We’ve been feeding her while she’s only wearing her diaper, which is why it’s a hundred and two in here. She’s a little messy.” He paused and looked at his wife. “Some of us think we should dress her anyway and then we wouldn’t have to die of the heat. Other people don’t want to wash the clothes.”
“I said you could wash them,” Val interjected.
“It is pretty warm,” Letty said, thinking it felt like at least a hundred and two.
“Don’t worry. Vivian and I will be just fine.
” She took the baby from Liam. Vivian was a beautiful baby, blond-haired and blue-eyed like her mother, but the shape of their faces was different.
Maybe Vivian looked a bit like her biological dad.
“Are you ready to eat some yummy dinner?”
Vivian began babbling again, the only discernible words being mama and dada. As she left, Val said, “There’s some cooked shredded chicken in the fridge if you want to give her that along with some veggies.”
Letty got the chicken out to heat in the microwave and then let it cool.
She had been over to Val and Liam’s at mealtime enough to know where the jars of baby food were.
Last she’d heard Vivian hated peas and loved carrots, but she could have changed her mind.
There was also baby cereal so she made up a little of that as well.
She put a bib on Vivian, put her in the high chair, and offered her a bite of the cereal.
She didn’t want it. In fact, she grabbed the spoon and turned it over so it dripped on the tray.
Letty tried again, with little success. Then she decided to try something else.
She had a little more success with the carrots, but after she ate a bit, Vivian grabbed the spoon and managed to fling mushed carrots in Letty’s face. Then she giggled madly.
Letty got up and grabbed some paper towels to clean herself off. She was working on the chicken when she heard the kitchen door open. “Did you forget something?”
“I don’t think so,” Riley said. Vivian waved her arms and babbled madly and he crossed the room to kiss her forehead, that being the only slightly clean part of her.
“What are you doing here, Riley?”
“I could ask the same of you. I’m here to babysit.”
Letty stared at him. They both said “Val” at the same time.
“I don’t know what she thought to accomp—” She was interrupted by Vivian flinging the chicken she’d put on the tray for her to eat with her fingers.
Riley was looking at her critically. “Let me do it.”
“I can do it.”
“Yes, but I’m better at it.”
“You are not,” she said, incensed.
Riley merely lifted an eyebrow.
“Fine.” She got up and brushed food off her clothes. “I should have worn a bib myself,” she muttered.
“Watch and learn,” Riley said.
Damned if he wasn’t better at it than she was. Of course, Riley had airplanes coming in to land, made faces and rainbows with the food, and encouraged her to finger-paint with it.
“How in the world did you learn to do that?”
“Figured it out. Val helped. She was having a hard time one day and we came up with some fun ways to get Vivian to eat.”
“Ha! Cheater.”
“Now, now. Don’t be a sore loser.”
Vivian chose that moment to pick up a glob of peas and fling it, which hit Riley on his nose.
“Score!” Letty said.
*
When they finished laughing and Riley had wiped the food off his face, he said, “I guess it’s bath time now.”
“Yes. Let me guess. You’re an expert at that too.”
“Nope. I’ve watched Val and Liam do it, but I’ve always been afraid I’d drop her.”
“They do get pretty slippery.”
“I bow to your superior knowledge.”
“Ha-ha.” She unhooked Vivian’s belt and took her out of the high chair. “I’m going to get her bath ready. Why don’t you clean up in here?”
“Gee, thanks.” Riley couldn’t decide whether Val’s obvious scheme was a good or a bad thing. He knew his sister wanted him and Letty to get back together and she’d clearly decided that putting them alone together—except for Vivian—in the same place would help.
He’d suspected Val’s plan the minute he saw Letty’s car.
There was no reason she needed both of them to take care of Vivian.
Unless she wanted to force them to talk to each other.
Of course, one of them could have left, but he was damned if he’d be the one to break first. Apparently, Letty felt the same.
Maybe they could actually talk once Vivian went to sleep.
Maybe Letty would explain why she was so adamantly against a permanent relationship.
Because no matter how hard he tried to understand, what she’d told him didn’t make sense.
He went to the bathroom to find Vivian in the bath and Letty kneeling by the tub, soaking wet. He had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. “Need some help?”
“No, smart-ass. We’re almost done. It will be bedtime by the time I get her out and put her jammies on.”
Letty attempted to put on Vivian’s pajamas. “You’re soaked,” he told her. “Go get a dry shirt from Val and I’ll put her pajamas on.”
Riley managed to get her jammies on, but it was a bit of a challenge.
Vivian kept turning over and squirming away, then laughing when he’d catch her leg or arm and attempt to get it into the footed pajamas.
“You’re a mess,” he told her. She smiled as if to say, “Of course.” Sometimes, when he saw Vivian he thought about what it would be like to have a baby of his own.
His and Letty’s. It surprised him that he had such a strong urge to be a father, to have a family of his own.
He thought he might have had it for a while now, but he’d been too stubborn to admit it, even to himself.
At least, until he started dating Letty. Then everything he wanted fell into place. Everything except Letty.
*
After changing into a dry shirt, Letty stood at the door to Vivian’s bedroom watching Riley with his niece. She could see the love in the way he touched her, in how he cuddled her in his arms, in his smile as he looked at her. It would be a crime if Riley didn’t have children of his own.
But they wouldn’t be with her. Because she was afraid. Too afraid to reach out and grab what she really wanted. Was Val right? Was she condemning him to the same lonely existence? She hoped not, but…
If so, that wasn’t fair. But she’d told Riley from the beginning that they couldn’t become permanent. Then she fell in love with him. As if you haven’t always been a little in love with him. You just ignored it after he rejected you.
Now she wondered if she could learn to let her fear go. Logically she knew her fears were irrational. But knowing that didn’t make them go away.
Still, she’d never really tried to change. But then, she’d never wanted someone as much as she wanted Riley. As much as she wanted a home and family of her own. And the only thing stopping her was her fear of losing those she loved. She’d known from the age of seventeen that bad things happened.
But maybe, just maybe, they didn’t have to.
She left to get Vivian’s bedtime bottle. When she returned Riley was walking Vivian around, trying to get her to stop crying. “I don’t know what’s wrong,” he said. “She just started crying for no reason.”
Letty held up the bottle. “Take a wild guess.”
“Oh, yeah. She takes a bottle at bedtime.”
Letty sat in the rocking chair and looked at Riley expectantly. “I did get the bottle.”
“Yeah, yeah. Here you go.” He handed Vivian to her, and she quieted the minute she got the bottle.
“Clean babies smell so good.” She cuddled Vivian as she rocked her.
Riley didn’t say anything, only watched as she rocked and fed the baby.
Vivian’s eyes closed towards the end of the bottle. “Time for bed,” Letty said after burping her. She put Vivian down on her back in the crib. She and Riley stood together looking at the sleeping baby.
“She’s so sweet.” Letty sighed.
“She is.”
Letty took the baby monitor with her as they left the room. Once in the den she said, “You can go home if you want. I can handle her from now on.”
“I’m sure you can but I’m not leaving. We should talk.”
She started to deny it but shrugged. “Fine. What should we talk about?”
“Do you know what you looked like when you were feeding Vivian?”
“Happy?” she guessed.
“No. You looked wistful. Like you didn’t think you’d ever have that experience with your own child.”
“I probably won’t.”
“Why?”
“You know why. It’s the reason we broke up. Because I can’t do permanent and that’s what you want.”
“You’ve never really explained why you won’t keep dating me. You said you were scared of losing me but that makes no sense. You’ve lost me. Truth, Letty. Are you any happier now that we’ve broken up?”
She wanted to lie but she couldn’t lie to Riley. “No. But I’ll get over it.”
“You might but I won’t.”
“You can’t know that. You’ll find someone else. But you can’t do that if you’re with me.”
“No. I think I’ll be alone. There’s no one else I want to be with.”
“Don’t you want to settle down, have a family? I saw you with the baby. You can’t tell me you don’t want that for yourself.”
“Yes. But I want a family with you. If I can’t have you then I don’t want anyone.”
“Oh, Riley. Don’t say that.”
“Why not? It’s the truth.”