Chapter Sixteen
E va watched Casey climb out of her van, her chest aching with worry for him. It was so obvious to her that Casey belonged on a stage, singing his heart out. The way he came to life up there, the songs he wrote… He was a musician, through and through. And yes, he might be a cowboy, too, but that didn’t mean he had to sacrifice one for the other.
That was the way Casey saw it, though, and Eva didn’t have enough knowledge of the sort of financial hole the ranch was in to begin to counterarguments he’d obviously spent days, if not weeks, brooding over.
The people who held that knowledge were his family, and she knew in her heart that Sienna and Jed would fight tooth and nail to ensure Casey could follow his dream.
But he wasn’t going to give them the chance to do that. He wasn’t going to share his good news with them, he was just going to stifle it and bury it and go on being the hardworking, dedicated brother they knew and loved.
It was noble and infuriating and so misguided—and Eva had no idea how to talk sense to him. He’d all but shut her down just now when she’d tried to provide alternative ways of looking at the situation. She understood where that came from—he’d steeled himself to do what had to be done, and he didn’t want to go over ground he’d already covered a hundred times in his own mind. But if he wouldn’t talk to her or let himself consider another way of looking at his situation, how was she supposed to help him see sense?
She had no idea, but if she didn’t hustle, she was going to be walking into the house alone. Casey was already halfway up the porch steps and she slid out of the van and walk-ran across the yard to catch up with him.
“Is this normal, your brother dropping in like this with no notice?” she asked as Casey reached for the front door handle.
“Hasn’t happened before. Hope everything’s all right.”
The voices emanating from the kitchen told them where the action was at, and the moment they entered, it was clear that things were not all right. An athletic-looking woman Eva assumed was CJ was seated at the kitchen table, her left arm in a sling, a dark-haired cowboy hovering over her solicitously. Eva would have known him as a Carmody anywhere—he had the same green eyes, dark hair and cheekbones as his brothers while also possessing a lean edginess that marked him apart from them.
“Casey,” CJ said when she spotted them, standing and instantly making Eva feel like a malnourished eight-year-old.
The woman was an Amazon warrior come to life, with broad shoulders and toned legs shown off to perfection by tight jeans, and her smile was broad and infectious as she pulled Casey into a one-armed hug.
“Save me from your brother. He’s driving me crazy,” she said, shooting an affectionate look over her shoulder.
Jesse smiled faintly and shook his head. “The doctor said to rest. If I have to stand over you with a bullhorn and a whip, that’s what’s going to happen.”
CJ’s focus shifted to Eva, her brown eyes warm with interest. “You’re Eva, right? I’m CJ. Great to meet you.”
The other woman’s handshake was firm and strong.
“You, too. I’ve heard a lot about you guys,” Eva said as Jesse stepped forward to shake her hand as well.
“Good to meet you, Eva.”
“Okay, I’ll ask, since no one is volunteering. What happened to your arm?” Casey asked.
“Broke my wrist. It’s not a big deal,” CJ said.
Casey looked to Jesse.
“Got crushed against the rail in the chute,” Jesse explained. “Still gave the nod, though.”
There was reluctant respect in his tone.
“Wait—are you saying you broke your wrist and then still went on to ride a bronco?” Eva asked, sure she was misunderstanding.
“It didn’t really hurt until afterward,” CJ said with a pragmatic shrug.
“That’s why we came home,” Jesse said dryly. “I cannot keep this woman still. I figured she’d have less chance of doing something risky if we were back here.”
“Does that mean you’re missing some dates on the tour?” Casey asked.
Jesse nodded. “Shouldn’t hurt us in the standings. As of last weekend, we both qualified for Vegas.”
“Hey, that’s fantastic,” Casey said, slapping his brother on the back. “Congratulations, CJ. Pretty kick-ass, making finals in your first year on the pro circuit.”
“Took me three,” Jesse said. There was quiet pride and unashamed affection in his eyes as he looked at his partner.
It was more than enough to make Eva fall instantly in like with this new Carmody brother. She had first-hand experience that not a lot of men were prepared to share the limelight with their partners, especially when they were in the same field. But here was a man openly and generously supporting his woman, even though she was his actual competitor.
“Getting into the finals is one thing, bringing home the title is another,” CJ said. “That’s why I’m going to be following doctor’s orders so I make a full recovery.”
“So why did I catch you trying to hitch the trailer this morning?” Jesse asked.
“With my right hand,” CJ clarified.
“I’m going to buy a dictionary in town tomorrow so you can look up the word ‘rest,’” Jesse said.
“You do that, cowboy,” CJ said with a cheeky glint in her eye.
The hurried slam of the front door and the sound of fast-moving boots announced Sierra’s arrival, and she skidded to a halt in the doorway.
“Why are you here? Is everything okay? Oh my God, what did you do to your arm?” she asked.
Jed appeared behind her, taking in the scene with his usual quiet calm.
“Broken or sprained?” he asked simply when he caught CJ’s eye.
“Broken. But not badly,” CJ said. “Good to see you, Jed.”
They hugged, then Sierra flung her arms around the other woman.
“Do I want to know how this happened?” she asked when she stepped back from the embrace.
“Probably not,” Jesse said. “Nice to see you, too.”
Sierra rolled her eyes and gave her brother a big hug. “Yeah, yeah. I saw you there. I was getting around to saying hello. CJ gets priority because she’s injured. And a superhero.”
Eva glanced at Casey to see how he was taking all this. He was at the counter, slightly removed from the others, arms crossed over his chest. His mouth was smiling, but his eyes weren’t and she had to fight the urge to go to him and wrap her arms around him.
“You guys eaten?” he said. “Eva and I were going to make mac and cheese for dinner if you want in?”
“I could eat a horse and cart,” CJ admitted.
“I’m gonna take that as a yes,” Casey said easily.
Eva joined him, ferrying ingredients from the pantry and fridge to the counter before filling up the largest pot with hot water and setting it on to boil.
The next hour flew by as the Carmodys caught up with each other’s news. Eva sat beside Casey at the table and listened to the laughter and tried to give back as good as she got, but the whole time she was aware of how tightly Casey was holding himself. She felt bruised for him, and more than anything she wanted right the wrongs in his world, but it wasn’t in her power to do that.
In wasn’t in her power to do much of anything, really, except be there to listen and offer comfort as needed.
That was the hard part about loving someone—feeling their pain, and being unable to do anything about it.
She went very still as she registered the thought. Then she looked at the man sitting next her, noting the way he was focused on his sister as she said something, a small almost-smile on his lips. His dark hair was touched with golden brown on the tips from all his time outdoors, his skin tanned by the sun.
He was beautiful, and talented, and so bighearted and sweet.
Of course she loved him. She’d been falling in love with him from the moment she met him, and every day since she’d fallen a little harder, a little deeper.
He caught her looking at him and raised his eyebrows. She gave a little shake of her head to indicate it wasn’t anything important, and he slipped his arm around her shoulders and dropped a kiss onto her lips.
When she tuned back into the conversation, she saw that Jesse was watching them from across the table.
She understood his curiosity—she was curious about him and CJ, too. These people were Casey’s family, important to him, and, by extension, important to her.
Jed was the first person to call it quits for the night, and it quickly became an exodus after that as people registered how late it had gotten. Eva said her good nights and slipped into the bathroom to brush her teeth, then padded barefoot to Casey’s room.
She found him sitting on the end of his bed, his head lowered. He’d taken his shirt off but hadn’t gotten any further with undressing and her heart turned over in her chest at how sad and burdened he looked. He lifted his head the moment he heard her, throwing her a tired smile over his shoulder, but, like the rest of his brave-facing tonight, she knew his heart wasn’t in it.
Kicking off her shoes, she climbed on the bed and tucked herself in behind him, wrapping her arms and legs around him and resting her cheek against his back.
He accepted her comfort for a beat before moving subtly away.
“Better get in the bathroom before someone else beats me to it,” he said.
She let him go, waiting until he’d closed the door behind him before undressing and climbing into his bed. She lay staring at the ceiling, going over the night’s events in her mind.
There had to be a solution to this problem. There had to be.
The door swung open a few minutes later as Casey returned, and she watched him strip off his jeans and fold them neatly before placing them on the chair in the corner. She smiled to herself over how neat he was, so different from her, then scooted over as he joined her in the bed. He reached out to turn off the bedside light, and she waited for him to turn to her in the darkness.
He didn’t disappoint, pulling her into his arms. She went willingly, her touch gentle as she caressed his shoulders and back. Neither of them said anything, the only sound their increasingly labored breathing as they teased and stroked one another.
Maybe it was her imagination, but it seemed there was an added urgency to Casey’s lovemaking when he finally slid inside her. She gave herself over to his rhythm, giving him what he needed, and it wasn’t long before she was clutching his hips and shuddering into climax.
Afterward, he curled his body around hers and pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck. She tried to muster the courage to talk about the band again, now that it was just the two of them in the darkness, but she had no new arguments to make. After a while she felt his body relax behind her, and eventually she drifted toward sleep herself.
Maybe tomorrow would bring new insights.
*
She woke to the sound of boots in the hall and discovered she was alone in the bed. The clock told her it was just past dawn, and she sat up and yawned. She wanted to see Casey before he left the house for the day, so she threw back the covers and dressed in a hurry. She regretted not stopping to check her hair when she reached the kitchen—everyone was there already, empty breakfast plates in front of them, coffee cups in hand. She mustered a smile and ran a self-conscious hand over her no-doubt messy hair.
“Let me guess—you’re all early risers,” she joked.
“Saved some bacon for you but you’ll have to cook your own eggs,” Sierra said.
“I’ll do it,” Casey said, pushing back his chair.
He was wearing one of her favorite tops, a forest-green T-shirt that matched his eyes and he kissed her good morning on his way to the stove.
Breakfast conversation was focused on the day’s chores, but the discussion quickly deteriorated into a good-natured argument between Jesse and CJ over whether she was allowed to pitch in, even in a small way.
Eva smiled into her coffee and tried not to laugh too obviously when CJ got Jesse with a good zinger. She was so distracted she was taken by surprise when Casey announced he was heading into town to pick up supplies from the hardware store. Gulping down her coffee, she shoved back her chair and grabbed her plate to take it to the sink.
“I’ll walk you to your car,” she said.
Casey waited by the door for her, and she exited ahead of him. He shot her a questioning look as he joined her on the porch.
“All good?”
“I just wanted to have a quick word with you. The offer from this Jimmy guy—Rory hasn’t rejected it yet, has he?”
She could tell by the way his expression blanked that he didn’t welcome her question.
“I don’t know. We didn’t discuss those kinds of details. I assume Rory will tell the guy we’re not interested.”
His gaze slid away as he talked, and he lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck. He obviously hated that the band was passing up an opportunity because of him.
“Why don’t you tell him to hold fire until you’ve all had a bit of a chance to think?”
“Time isn’t going to change anything. Not from my point of view.”
“I know you feel that way now, but maybe something will come up.”
He rested his hand on her shoulder and ducked his head to kiss her forehead. “I appreciate the thought, but nothing’s going to change, babe. I’ve made my decision. The guys made theirs. Do I think they’ll resent me at some point because I cost them their big break? Yes. Can I make them take the showcase without me? No.” He lifted his hands to signal his helplessness.
“But—”
He kissed her forehead again and turned away. “I need to get to the store, get this order in.”
She bit her lip as he strode away from her, effectively cutting off their conversation. Talk about stubborn.
The sound of the kitchen door opening behind her made her turn and she gave Jesse a smile as she slipped past him on her way back into the house. She did her bit to clean up, then got ready for the day and drove to the elevator.
She was so sick of her own thoughts by then that she plugged in her earbuds and cranked up her hip-hop playlist. She allowed herself a short break for lunch, sitting in the open doorway of the van, then she got back to it. By midafternoon she’d completed the final section of the outline and she rode the cherry picker to the ground and walked to the edge of the highway so she could get some perspective on her work.
Her three portraits soared above her—stark, strong black on a white background. There was so much to do yet, so much shadow and highlight and color required to bring her vision fully to life, but she could see she’d gotten the bones right. She’d laid a good foundation, and it was only going to get better from here.
She dusted her hands off as she walked back to the van, ready to move on to the next phase, excited by her work. Not for the first time, she was grateful that the committee had taken a chance on her and allowed her to do what she loved on the side of this defunct structure. She was honored by their faith in her, and she was going to make something beautiful for them to be proud of.
She was smiling as she changed the cartridge in her respirator, and then it hit her—this feeling she was experiencing right now, the privilege she had of creating for a living, was something Casey was denying himself. He was so talented, and performing gave him so much joy, yet he was going to turn his back on the chance to turn his passion into a career and share his gift with the world.
It was wrong . Why shouldn’t he be allowed to pursue his dreams? Then she remembered their conversation about hitting it big, and realized Casey was so bound up in duty he wouldn’t even acknowledge that creating music for a living was his dream. He’d carved out a small space for music in his life and refused to let himself imagine or want anything beyond that. He was allowed only so much of what he loved, but no more, because otherwise he’d be letting his family down.
It hurt her to think of him denying his true self in the name of duty. She didn’t believe for a second that his family would want him to do so. Jesse was living his best life on the pro rodeo circuit, and Sierra was pursuing her ambition to be a helicopter pilot—why wasn’t Casey allowed to chase his own dreams? It made no sense to her. In fact, she was certain that if his siblings knew what was going on, they would be offended and upset that Casey was making this sacrifice on their behalf without even giving them the opportunity to find a way to make it work.
Standing in the hot afternoon sun, resolve hardened inside her.
She loved Casey too much to watch him sacrifice his own happiness.
Sliding the van door shut, she walked around to the driver’s side and climbed inside. Her hands were trembling as she put the key into the ignition, because she knew there was a very strong possibility that Casey would view what she was about to do as a betrayal.
She really, really hoped that wasn’t the case. But she honestly didn’t see what else she could do. She’d tried talking to him, and he’d shut her down. There was no reason to believe that was going to change.
Her jaw set, she put the van in gear and headed for the ranch to do what needed to be done.