Chapter Nine
Y ou’re going to a birthday party. No big deal. No need to feel on edge.
But she did.
It wasn’t difficult to pin down the reason. Spence. No matter how many logical pep talks she gave herself about friendship and avoiding anything beyond that, her heart jumped when she saw the man. Fine. It could jump like that all it wanted. And she could silently admire him to her heart’s content. She simply had to keep it to herself.
But doing so made her feel edgy.
She wasn’t a big one for secrets, and the way Spence affected her pretty much needed to stay secret. Her focus needed to be on a baby, and not complicating her life with her hot neighbor, which might affect her baby plans.
So there she was, driving into the Keller Ranch, past grazing cattle and a pivot system spraying leased water on the hayfields, with her heart beating a whole lot faster than normal. Or should she say faster than normal when she wasn’t around Spence?
When was the last time she’d felt this way around someone?
It had probably been when she’d taken command of Spence’s predicament and delivered him to his basketball game years ago. That had been the first time she’d really come out of her shell around someone who wasn’t a close friend. It had been empowering and, looking back, it may have been impetus to the changes she began making after arriving at the university a few months later.
Yes. It most definitely had been the impetus.
Her nerves started to get the better of her as she drove under the log arch that marked the entrance to the Keller Ranch. It seemed that everyone had an arch commemorating the establishment of their ranch, except for her. Ironically, hers was one of the oldest in this part of the valley, but her family had never seen any need to proclaim the fact. The Kellers had homesteaded the area almost a decade after her great-great-great had set down roots.
Both families were considered foundation stock of their part of the valley. Reed would no doubt take over the ranch when his parents retired. She couldn’t see Spence settling for long. Call of the open road and all that. He’d been pretty open about it.
The thought stayed with her as she rounded the last corner on the driveway and the ranch came into sight. The Keller Ranch was one of the prettiest in the valley, set against the mountains and surrounded by pastures to the timberline. She hadn’t visited the place often, having no reason to, other than 4-H events that were hosted there when she was a kid.
When she got closer, she noted that there were several extra cars, and the familiar wave of self-consciousness washed over her at the prospect of meeting new people—or reacquainting herself with old—but she confidently lifted her chin and smiled as Daniel came out of the house and waved for her to park near the barn.
Fake it until you make it.
Not the counselor’s exact words, but close enough. She’d been skeptical at first, which made the success of the strategy all the more amazing. People believed what they saw.
And with Spence, she saw a totally confident guy who had the world by the tail. But was that the whole story?
She parked and got out of her truck, then jumped a mile when Spence ambled out of the barn. “I didn’t see you,” she said, pressing a hand to her chest and smiling through the embarrassment at being so openly startled.
“I’m lucky you didn’t karate chop me.”
She felt herself start to relax at the teasing words and the gentle smile in his eyes. Yes, the man put her on edge, but he also had a calming effect on her. That made no sense. In fact, it was kind of confusing, and Hayley decided it was nothing she wanted to think too hard about. Better to simply go with the flow.
“I’m glad you came.”
“Me too.” She hoped. She sucked a breath between her teeth and looked past Spence to where Trenna Hunt and Spence’s mom, Audrey, were arranging dishes on the long folding table that had been set up next to the smoker.
“We’ve been cooking tri tip for hours.”
“I can smell it from here.” She met Spence’s gaze. “I should have brought a dish.”
“You should relax and enjoy being a guest. Come on.” He motioned toward the front yard with his head. “Let’s go say hello to the birthday girl.”
Their shoulders gently bumped as they headed across the driveway, and Hayley wondered if it had been an accident or if Spence sensed that, for all of her bluffing, she was still a shy girl inside, and was giving her a reassuring touch. He smiled down at her, giving her the answer. Reassurance, it was.
He seemed to be figuring her out faster than she was figuring out him.
Not that it was a contest, or that she really had any business figuring out Spence. He was a friend. One that set her hormones ablaze, but that was simply chemistry. He smiled down at her before reaching for the gate, and her stomach did a slow flip.
At that moment, she was so relieved that he’d turned down the baby request. His ability to set her off and cause her lady bits to do a happy dance would have caused complications with a capital C. With a baby involved, she wasn’t allowing complications in her life. She had things mapped out from birth to graduation, and everything centered on the child—or perhaps children. There was no room for hormones and the problems they brought. Her child would not grow up the way she had until the age of eleven. She still felt the sting of feeling like she was being shoved into the background whenever a new Mr. Wonderful appeared in Reba’s life.
Trenna and Audrey looked up as the gate squeaked, then Reed emerged from the house with yet another big bowl of something that smelled wonderful.
“Hey, you all know our neighbor, right?” Spence put a casual hand on Hayley’s shoulder as he spoke.
Deep breath. Smile.
“Hi,” she said simply. “What can I do to help?”
“How are you with icing?” Audrey asked. “Lex needs help with the cupcakes.”
“Great.” Hayley glanced up at Spence, who pointed to the door that Reed just came out of. Hayley went up the steps and into the cheerful kitchen, Spence close behind. A dark-haired girl who looked eerily like a feminine version of Reed in his younger days glanced up, then broke into a welcoming smile.
“Hi.”
“Lex, this is Hayley Parker. Hayley, my niece, Lex.”
“Nice to meet you,” Hayley said as she crossed the room. “Your grandmother said that I could help you with the icing?”
“You’re the person who saved the ranch,” Lex said, licking the knife she held, then setting it in the sink on top of three or four other knives. “I can’t help myself,” she explained. “But I don’t double dip, so the cupcakes are safe.”
“Good to know,” Hayley said, glad that she didn’t have to answer the “you saved the ranch” comment. She hadn’t saved the ranch, but she probably helped out.
“If you two are good, then I’ll see what’s shaking at the smoker,” Spence said.
“We’re good,” Hayley said before giving Lex a warm smile.
Lex held up a cupcake with crumbs mixed with the icing. “I messed up and started when they were warm and the icing kind of sank in.” She made a face as she regarded the cupcake. “Grandma had me put them in the freezer and now I’m redoing them.”
“Great. Double icing,” Hayley said, earning herself an approving glance.
“Indeed,” Lex said with a quirky half smile. She opened a drawer and took out two knives, handing one to Hayley. “We’re getting low on knives, so—”
“I get it.” Hayley picked up a cupcake and then dipped the knife into the icing bowl. She’d save her knife licking until the job was done.
“Thanks for coming to my party,” Lex said as she swirled icing over the top of a cupcake.
“Thanks for inviting me,” Hayley said, fighting the urge to lick the icing off her fingers.
“Uncle Spence’s idea. He said that you spend too much time on your ranch.”
Hayley shot the girl a quick look, then focused back on the cupcake. “I like my ranch.”
“I think he wanted you here,” Lex said. “Which is cool, because my dad says he’s a lone wolf.” She shot Hayley a look. “Spence, that it. He’s the lone wolf.”
Hayley managed to keep her gaze on the cupcake as she curved her lips into an obligatory smile of response. “I can see it.”
She did see it.
“Middle child,” Lex murmured, creating a jaunty swirl on top of the cupcake she held and smiling at the results. “Lissa, my friend who’s coming for the party, is a middle. Being an only, I have lots of advantages she doesn’t.”
“Mmm,” Hayley said noncommittally. Her thoughts had drifted in the same direction, but she hadn’t expected a fifteen-year-old kid to clue in on such a thing. “You talk about it a lot?”
“All the time. Lissa says she feels like she’s invisible.”
Hayley gave a short laugh. “I know that feeling, but I worked at it.”
“Really?” Lex gave her an uncertain look.
“Oh, yeah. And I’m an only, so sometimes it’s more than birth order.”
“Huh.” Lex was obviously filing the information away to discuss later with her middle-child friend. “I still think it fits with Uncle Spence.” Lex cocked her head in a thoughtful way. “Grandma was probably really busy with the twins. Grandpa was busy yelling at Dad to not be so much like him. Uncle Spence was on his own.”
“You may be right,” Hayley said, impressed by the girl’s logic, which mirrored her own thoughts on the matter.
Mirrored logic aside, it was time to change the subject, because there was a good chance that anything she said might get back to Spence. She dipped her knife in the icing, then swirled it over the top of a cupcake. “It is good to get off the ranch. Thanks again for inviting me.”
“The more the merrier.” Lex gave Hayley a sideways look. “How do you feel about team sports?”
*
“Come on, Hayley!” Lex bellowed from the sidelines as Hayley took her place at home plate. Apparently, a pickup softball game was a tradition with the Keller family, even though they were way short of the numbers for complete teams. There were a total of eleven people at the party: the five Kellers, Trenna Hunt, Hayley, Henry, Jay McClain—a guy who, like Andie, had once worked for Trenna’s dad—and Lissa and Avery, Lex’s best friends from Bozeman, who’d arrived shortly after the cupcakes were iced, much to their disappointment.
Hayley shouldered the bat. She’d never played much softball outside of PE, but she gamely took her stance.
“Wait,” Spence shouted, holding up a hand to stop Audrey’s pitch.
“Is this a time-out?” Daniel called.
“No. I just want a word with my player.”
“Secret play?” she asked when he approached the plate.
“Just some stance adjustments,” he said, his mouth close to her ear. “Spread your feet a little wider.” Once she complied, he said, “Weight on the inside of your feet, balance on the balls of your feet. Relax.”
“How am I supposed to relax with you so close?” she mouthed back.
“I make you nervous?”
She turned her head slightly to give him a dark glance.
“Yes. Fine. I’ll back off.” He did. “Eye on the ball.”
“Don’t give me an easy one,” Hayley shouted to Audrey. She didn’t want extra leeway because she’d been coached on her stance. The pitch that followed indicated that Spence’s mother had taken her at her word.
“Wow,” she breathed.
“Yes. Mom doesn’t understand the ‘slow’ part of ‘slow pitch.’ You should see her overhand.”
It took two more pitches, neither of them easy, for Hayley to smack a ball into right field.
“Run!” Spence shouted.
Hayley ran, dodged Reed on first, made it to second and stopped, then took off again when she heard Spence shouting, “Run!”
She made it past third, then reversed course and touched the makeshift base with her toe as the ball went zinging by her ear. A horn sounded, and everyone turned to see a red Ford F-250 pull to a stop. Hayley took advantage and raced for home before Henry could retrieve the ball and get it to Lissa, who was manning home.
“Cade!” Audrey dropped the ball and headed for her youngest son, who’d just gotten out of the truck and was heading for the pasture where the game was taking place. Audrey practically vaulted the fence, then enveloped her youngest son in a fierce hug. “What are you doing here?”
“I was invited?” Cade grinned down at his mom. His features were similar to Reed’s and Spence’s, with high cheekbones and a taut jawline, but instead of being dark, his hair was dark blond and bleached white in places.
“That was a mercy invite,” Reed said as he strode toward his brother, stopping a few feet away from him.
“I knew that,” Cade said with a wink at Lex. “I decided to take advantage.” He shoved his thumbs in his front pockets as if trying to figure out what to do with his hands. “And I’m having some job issues.”
“Quit,” Audrey said at the same time Daniel said, “Find a new job.”
Neither of his parents had been thrilled about Cade’s latest job with a drilling company, which had him working ridiculous amounts of overtime for no extra pay as a salaried employee.
“Thinking about it. But... it’s been a rough week. I need to decompress before I make any hard-and-fast decisions.”
“You can help out here while you job hunt,” Daniel said.
“I’m not at that point yet. Like I said, I might just need some R Cade was her second.
“So, is there food?” Cade asked.
The scent of tri tip still hung in the air, and his face fell when Reed said, “Sorry, man.”
Audrey cuffed her oldest son on the shoulder. “There’s lots of food left, Cade. Sit and eat while these guys finish their grudge match.”
Cade smiled. “I’ll eat later. Whose team am I on?”
*
After Cade Keller’s unexpected arrival, the softball game became way more competitive. The youngest Keller joined his father’s team, thus evening up the numbers, and the competition between the family members was on, Cade, Daniel, and Spence against Audrey, Reed, and Trenna. Lex, Jay and Lissa were on Audrey’s team; Avery, Hayley, and Henry were on the patriarch’s team.
The score was tied, and the trash talk had become colorful when Hayley went up to bat again. It was up to her. It was literally the bottom of the ninth, and it was her turn. No pinch hits allowed on the Keller field. If you muffed this, no one was going to hate you.
Except the members of your team.
For a friendly family game, emotions were running high.
Hayley tapped the end of the bat on home base as she simultaneously pushed aside memories of PE hell when teams were chosen, and she and Bella were nearly always the last to be picked. And that, she knew, even at the time, had more to do with social hierarchy than athletic ability, because even though she didn’t put herself out there, Hayley had some ability. A girl didn’t work on a ranch doing chores every morning and night without gaining a degree of fitness, but no one before Spence had ever thought to give her pointers on her batting stance. Pointers she took to heart.
Jay, who’d taken the mound from Audrey, made the mistake of sending a slow pitch that dropped over the plate—a pitch that Hayley connected with and sent flying over the fence behind Jay.
“Run!” Spence yelled.
Hayley dropped the bat and took off. She was past third before the ball came whizzing back onto the field, courtesy of Reed, who’d dashed after it. She ran for the plate, wishing that she’d done more cardio over the past year, then took a flying dive to it, eating dirt as her fingers touched the canvas bag that served as home.
A cheer went up from her team and a big hand appeared to pull her to her feet.
“We win.” Spence barely let her feet touch the ground before swinging her in a circle. He laughed, then gave her a hard kiss on the lips that she was too startled to return, but inside, she melted into a gooey puddle. She put a hand on Spence’s cheek, staring into his eyes as he smiled down at her, mesmerized by the intensity of his expression.
Then they were surrounded by the rest of their team, whooping and hugging and backslapping. Hayley hugged Lex and Audrey, but Jay held back after giving Spence a quick look.
Daniel ambled up, looking like a man with a back issue who shouldn’t be playing softball, and congratulated the team.
“Looks like we’re doing dishes,” he said to his players before jerking his head in the direction of the kitchen. “Let’s get to it. The sooner we do, the sooner the marshmallows will be roasted.”
Trenna gave Hayley a broad smile. She’d been a few years ahead of Hayley in school, and Hayley didn’t know her well, but she liked her.
“Nice. Work.” Trenna held up a fist, knuckles pointed toward Hayley, who tapped it with her own fist.
Soon everyone, the winning team and the losing, were covering dishes, shifting leftovers and cleaning the table. Cade managed to fill a plate before the food disappeared. After he finished eating, he and Reed started a fire in the old stone ring at the far end of the backyard, and Spence took advantage of the activity to pull Hayley aside.
“Nice hit,” he said.
Hayley gave him a look. He was so gorgeous, and she loved the way he kissed. And she couldn’t be doing that. It wasn’t part of the plan. In fact, it may well upset the plan. She was looking at a biologic time crunch and she needed to act while she could. If she allowed herself to slide down this slippery slope, then it might delay matters to a point that it was too late.
But what if he was the one?
What if he isn’t? Then you may well have wasted months you don’t have finding out.
Hayley felt the introversion coming on, as it still did in times of stress, and tipped up her chin. She wasn’t giving in to it. Wasn’t reverting.
“Thanks,” she said. “I had a good coach, you know.”
Spence’s smile started to do things to her that she was afraid couldn’t be undone if she didn’t take some immediate steps. She reached up to touch his face, smiling with an edge of sadness.
His eyebrows came together, and she quickly adjusted her expression. The man could read her, and she didn’t need that. What she did need was to get things back on track.
There were lines, and then there were lines. Kissing Spence was fine. Falling for him was not.
Hayley needed to get out of there before she crossed the wrong line.
*
Hayley took off before the marshmallow-roasting fire burned down to coals, telling the group that she had a few things to get done for the next day’s Farmer’s Market and slipping away before Spence had a chance to talk to her.
Spence sharpened a few willow sticks for the roast and told himself to let her go, because it was actually kind of amazing that she’d come in the first place, then found Lex and wished her happy birthday.
“I’m taking off for a bit,” he said. The party was over, except for the marshmallows. Her friends had headed back to Bozeman. Jay McClain had said his goodbyes and headed off to the Iron Mike’s, the salvage yard where he lived and worked, and Reed had taken Trenna back to her apartment in Marietta. That left Cade, the folks, and Lex, who could roast marshmallows without him.
“Going to find Hayley?”
He gave the girl a sharp look and almost made the mistake of asking why she thought that. She gave him a sidelong glance when he didn’t answer, looking so much like her dad that it was almost creepy, then said, “Sorry. None of my business.” Then she said, “Lissa and Avery”—who’d left half an hour before—“think you guys make a cute couple.”
“We’re not a couple,” he said.
“But you’d like to be.”
This time he bit. “What makes you think that?”
“Uncle Spence. I have eyes. You guys spend so much time trying not to look at each other that it was kind of, I don’t know, weird? And then there’s that lip-lock.”
“That was a victory kiss.”
She gave him an oh yeah look. “Even without you kissing her, it’s obvious that you guys like each other.”
“I don’t know what to say,” he said honestly. Other than he hoped that Lex had some kind of secret teenage power that allowed her to notice such things, and that his mother didn’t have that power.
“Go see Hayley. I won’t tell.”
“I hadn’t planned on seeing Hayley.”
“Yeah? Then what?”
“I don’t know. I was just going to...” Go find Hayley. He would have gotten into his truck, driven for a while, then stopped at the Lone Tree. By being honest with himself, he could leave out a step and simply go see Hayley.
“Keep this to yourself?” he said to Lex. She held up her palm and he gave her a high five. “Thanks.”
Now that Lex had stopped his game of oh-yeah-going-for-a-drive, he could focus on his actual motivation.
He had no idea what that was, but his gut told him to go see Hayley and he was going to do just that.
He drove straight to the Lone Tree—thank you, Lex—and parked in front of the front yard gate. The porch light came on as he strode up the walk, and Hayley opened the door, a concerned expression on her face.
“Did something happen?”
He looked down at her, then lifted his hands to her face, cradling her cheeks between his palms. “Nothing,” he said before lowering his head to kiss her.
Hayley’s breath caught as his lips touched hers, then she wrapped her arms around him and leaned into the kiss. When he raised his head, they were both breathless.
She studied his face, a faint frown bringing her eyebrows together and Spence eased back, suddenly feeling a touch foolish. “I actually came to talk.”
“Yeah?” she stepped aside so that he could enter the house if he wanted.
He did. Spence pulled off his hat and stepped into the cheerful kitchen, setting the hat on the kitchen table.
“Why?” she asked.
“Good question,” he said. He hooked a chair with the toe of his boot, pulled it out, then sat, resting one arm on the table next to his hat. “I guess I’m here for perspective.”
“Okay,” she said slowly.
He moistened his lips, then said, “I think I’m falling for you.”
“Don’t.” The word fired off her lips. He blinked at her, more surprised than he should have been at her instantaneous and adamant response. She’d made things clear early on. She wanted a friend. Full stop.
That didn’t stop him from asking, “Why?”
Hayley dropped her head back as if searching for an answer that would satisfy him so that he would drop the matter immediately. “Because along that path lies madness.”
She said the words more to herself than to him, then leveled a look his way. “I like being your friend, Spence.”
“You can’t be anything else?” A friend, and whatever it was that she was afraid to be?
“Friendship works better.”
“You asked me to father your child.”
“With the help of a medical intervention. It’s not like I invited you to my bed.”
“No,” he agreed. “You didn’t do that.”
She sucked in a breath and studied the floor, reminding him of how she used to watch the ground as she walked. Apparently, she was also reminded of that because she jerked her gaze back up again.
“I am trying to keep my life complication free so that I can have a child and give them the attention they need.”
“The attention you didn’t get.”
“My dad was very attentive.”
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”
Her gaze didn’t waver as she nodded. “Yeah.” She worked the edge of her shirt between her fingers, the only sign that she wasn’t in complete control. She stopped the absent movement as soon as she noticed that he was watching.
“Are you tempted?” Spence asked softly.
She didn’t pretend not to know what he meant. “All the time.”
Her simple response made his groin feel heavy as the blood started abandoning his brain. What would it be like to feel Hayley moving beneath him?
Probably pretty damned fine.
Would he get a chance to find out?
Most assuredly not, judging by the way she was watching him. She had a boundary in that regard, and she was guarding it.
Her mouth tipped up at the corners, surprising him. “You have no idea how often. But, Spence? Sometimes you have to sacrifice for the greater good.”
“Meaning?”
“I have to look at the big picture.” She made a don’t-you-see? gesture. “You’re leaving in a matter of weeks. It’s what you do.”
“I don’t have to leave.”
She gave him a look that said she wasn’t buying his simplistic answer, even though it was true.
“I’d have to adjust my career,” he admitted, “but that’s doable.” He started to step toward her, then stopped. It wasn’t the time to touch. Not until they hashed this out. “I travel, but I don’t have to.”
“How do you know that?”
“I know.”
His words seemed to alarm her.
Her mouth tightened, then she pulled out a kitchen chair and sat. Spence did the same, resting his arm on the worn oak of the kitchen table again as he angled his chair to face her.
“Here’s the thing,” she said. “I’ve had no relationship role models in my life, other than the do-opposite variety.”
He nodded to show that he followed her. The more information he had, the better to make his point, which was that they should take a chance.
“I want a baby. I don’t want to navigate the ins and outs of something I’m not good at while trying to raise my child. All the instability in my life came from poor relationships. Why would I subject my kid to that?”
“You’re going to go through life alone? Never having a partner?”
“My dad did after he and Mom split up.”
“Do you think he was happy with that decision?”
“I think he chose what was best for him. He focused on raising me and running the ranch. It was a good life.”
Which Hayley planned on echoing.
“Hayley...” Her name fell from his lips, but he had no words to follow with. Frustration at being the victim of a situation he had no hand in forming twisted inside of him.
Hayley lifted her chin. “I can’t speak for the future, but I can speak for right now. My focus is the ranch and a baby.”
Thus recreating the more stable years of her life.
She set both hands on the table in front of her. “I totally understand if you don’t want to come back and finish the corrals—”
“I’m coming back.” She frowned as he interrupted her. “We’re even now. I said no to baby daddy. You said no to”—he gestured—“me, I guess.”
“I didn’t—” She let out an abrupt breath. She obviously had. “Are you sure?”
“I made a commitment.” He got to his feet and picked up the hat he’d set on the table, holding it in front of him. “When I do that, Hayley, I follow through. Your corrals will be finished before I leave again.”