21. DESERVE ME
21
DESERVE ME
PENNY
S he was fine.
The baby was fine.
But Jack…
Jack was not okay.
For as long as Penny lived, she wouldn’t forget the look of panic that seized his features when he saw her hit the floor. Everything happened so fast, except for the fall itself, as though it had taken a thousand years for her to slowly sink and finally land with a thud.
Her head and her body had hurt like hell, but she’d felt safe in his strong arms. Then she was jittery again when they’d had to separate, and she was wheeled away.
And then the questions came at her. Had her husband done this to her? Was she afraid to go home with him? Should they have an officer escort her to another place where she’d be safe? She had to explain what happened to at least three different people, and by the time she was done, she wanted to cry.
Turns out, she had a mild concussion. But she was relieved to hear, “Your baby is doing grand,” after the ultrasound picked up its galloping heartbeat. They installed her in a room, “To watch you overnight, just as a precaution.” And she actually did cry with relief when they let Jack in to see her. He walked in and took one look at her. Then he lay his head against her belly, and when he sat up again, his face was suffused with color, and his eyes were wet.
He spent the night in her private room, in a chair that was too small for him, not complaining once. In fact, he wasn’t saying much of anything; he only asked if she needed this or that, changed TV channels for her, and fetched snacks from the vending machine. He purchased a small travel-sized deodorant, toothpaste, and toothbrush for her from the hospital shop, not wanting to go get hers from home if it meant leaving her for longer than a few minutes.
“I guess they didn’t have any bonnets down there?” she asked with a teasing grin.
His answering smile was strained. “I’ll tell them to put in an order for the next lady who needs one.”
Thankfully, the bleeding had stopped on its own, and she didn’t need stitches. And thank God, because there was no way she was going to let them shave a patch of hair off if that had been required.
“Head wounds are usually worse than they look. But you do have a mild concussion, so you need to relax for at least a week after you go home,” her doctor instructed. “Your husband has been in here many times in the past with head trauma. He knows the protocol. Take it easy. And if you see any troubling signs, Mr. Valentine, just bring her back in, and we’ll have a look. And as for you,” she said, turning to Penny, “if there’s any vaginal bleeding or abdominal pain, come back right away. But try not to worry.”
“So, that’s it? The baby is in the clear?” Jack asked.
The doctor paused, her brown eyes thoughtful. “For now, yes. There have been some cases where maternal head trauma has caused complications in fetal development but it’s rare.”
Jack’s face froze. The sudden alarm that blossomed in Penny’s chest must have been apparent on her own face, because the doctor made a soothing noise.
“Please don’t worry. Just see your obstetrician regularly as you would anyway and try to keep your stress low. Anxiety can do more damage than anything else at this stage. I’m sure you’ll both be just fine.” The doctor smiled at them and headed toward the door.
Jack said, “Thank you.” After she left the room, he turned to Penny.
“Don’t worry?” she said with an exhale then gave a short laugh. “Clearly she doesn’t know me.”
Once again, his smile looked like it took effort. “Let’s get you dressed and get you home, angel.”
When they walked through the door, a sense of relief flooded Penny. “One night away felt like a week. I’m so happy to be home.”
She let Jack pull her coat off, but he didn’t take off his own. He hung hers in the front closet and dragged her to the couch to sit her down.
“Take your coat off. Come snuggle with me,” she demanded, but he only tap-kissed her lips.
“Have to take Trixie out for her walk. Then I need to get the messages and stock up on your snaquitos. All your favorites,” he said. “Just relax, and when I get back from the market, I’ll make you some tea. Don’t get up unless you need to pee.” Jack paused. “On second thought, don’t get up to pee. Wait for me, and I’ll help you.”
She huffed a sigh. “I don’t need help walking to the bathroom. I’m okay, Jack. Please don’t tell me you’re going to go off the rails with the caretaking.”
Jack would usually grin at a tease like that. But the look in his eyes chilled her instead, to her core.
“People haven’t seen me off the rails yet,” he said softly. Then he bent to kiss her again. “Relax. Be right back.”
Her heart leaped up and lodged itself somewhere in her throat. “I’m not the only one that needs to relax and take it easy, Jack. I’m fine. We are fine.”
Jack only gave her a small smile before he took Trixie and left.
Weeks passed. Physically, Penny felt as though nothing had happened. Her head felt good, and her body felt good, albeit tired. The dreaded morning sickness manifested, as well as some heartburn in the afternoon, but she was lucky that was the worst of it. The obstetrician gave her a thumbs up and said things were looking great. Yes, she felt pretty good physically.
Emotionally? That was another story.
It was Jack who hadn’t gone back to being Jack after the incident. Yes, Jack cooked for her, rubbed her back and her feet, and made love to her. All the things.
Whenever she asked, he insisted he was okay, but…he wouldn’t let her come to the gym anymore, coming home to take walks with her in the afternoon instead.
He was okay, but… he was on the phone a lot in his office with the door closed. Of course, she’d never eavesdrop. That would be weird and an invasion of his privacy. When she happened to drop her notebook on the floor outside his office door, she tried not to wonder what it meant when she heard words like “legal wife” and “insurance.”
He was okay, but…he was working out six days a week for three hours during the day and another session in the evening when otherwise he would have read or watched a show with her.
Yes, Jack was completely and very okay except for the look in his eyes…that hardened, distant look. It frightened her. There was no comfortable spot for her to burrow in, nothing to cleave to when he looked at her with eyes like that.
The worst part of it was he knew she understood what was happening but expected her to pretend that everything was normal. Pretend he wasn’t about to break her fucking heart after he was the one who’d demanded she give it to him.
All at once, it was the first week of February. A delicate fluttering in her stomach woke Penny from a deep sleep. Jack’s side of the bed was already empty, as usual. She stretched and yawned, and that’s when she felt it again. A strange movement in her lower tummy, like a butterfly rolling over and tickling her from inside out. She grinned, knowing what it must be.
“Jack,” she called. “I feel it moving!”
But the house echoed back emptiness save for an excited answering bark from Trixie. Jack’s parents swore they’d be back any day now to pick her up, but any day was taking a long time. Penny didn’t mind. Trixie had become her most reliable companion lately anyway.
She went to check on Trixie and let her out of her crate. Apparently, she’d had her breakfast. Jack had most likely already taken her for a morning walk, but Penny would take her for another, just to be sure.
“Come on, Trixie-bell!” she said cheerfully. Trixie happily ran to the door to bark at her leash.
After the walk, a quick breakfast, and a shower, Penny felt energized. She didn’t want to tell Jack about the tummy fluttering through text. Maybe she should just walk to the gym and tell him in person. It had been a month since she’d been there.
Surely Jack would ease up on his mandate that she not come anywhere near there. La Roque wouldn’t be waiting to pop out at her like Michael Myers the second she reappeared. And she wanted to share something light-hearted and fun with him for a change and maybe put some spark back in his eyes about this whole pregnancy instead of the shadow of worry that had taken over.
Penny took the walk slowly, taking time to savor the last bit of winter. It felt almost balmy. The promise of spring was soft and sweet on the wind. She pushed open the door of the gym, walked in, and was immediately greeted by smiling faces and enthusiastic hellos.
All except for Jack, who turned to look at her with darkening eyes and a tightening mouth. Her spirits sank at that look, but she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin.
“It’s good to see you, darlin’,” Charlie said, limping over as fast as his feet could carry him. He grinned at her and patted her on the arm. “No worse for wear, I see. To hear Jackie tell it, you’ve been at death’s door this whole time.”
“And I’ve been telling him I’m totally fine,” Penny said, shooting Jack a pointed glance. “So, what’s been goin’ on? How’s the crew? I’ve missed you guys.”
“We missed you, too, Miss Penny. We —”
Before Sampson, with his cute smile, could get in another word, Jack cut him off. “Penny, can I talk to you for a minute? In my office?”
His expression told her everything she already knew he was going to say. He wanted her out of there. And now she was pissed. Fucking pissed. What was supposed to be a joyful moment was about to be ruined.
So be it. He wanted to talk? They were going to fucking talk. Good thing Jack had the music going on the surround speakers.
Stalking toward his office, Jack’s shoulders in his bright red tracksuit jacket were tight. All of him was tighter and fitter, which she hadn’t even thought possible when they’d first met. He’d been a specimen then; he was now high-octane hot. She hated the reason behind it, even as a surge of lust for him ricocheted through her. Ignoring the sudden hunger, Penny walked in behind him and went to lean on his desk as he shut the door.
The windows in the office were high, near the ceiling, and let in good light. Golden sunshine highlighted the planes of Jack’s face, which was taut with displeasure.
“I’ve asked you not to come here,” he said, standing in the center of the room with his massive arms folded. “It’s not safe for you here.”
She sighed hard, folding her own arms. “You used to like it when I came here. It’s boring at home by myself.”
“I never said you had to stay home. I thought you were going to look into a prenatal yoga class.”
“I found a few. The one I really want to go to is a partner class. It meets at five-forty-five tonight. I was hoping you’d want to go with me,” Penny said softly.
A shadow flitted across Jack’s face. “With my workout schedule and evening class, I don’t think I could fit that in. Do they have one on Saturday?”
It was like a cold wind had just blown through the room. Penny nodded slowly, huffing a short laugh.
“Okay, yeah, Saturday would be cool if you’re not tired like you are all other Saturdays now. With your eight-hour workouts all the other days of the week, I thought Saturday was strictly ice bath time.”
His mouth flattened into a line. He wasn’t meeting her eyes and not responding. The hurt and confusion that she’d been carrying for weeks now had wound up tightly. Suddenly, she couldn’t — no, she refused to hold it in.
“Jack, I have a ton of imperfections. I’m sort of an anxious mess, even on my best days. I’m a procrastinator who turns around and makes impulsive last-minute decisions, usually bad decisions. I talk a lot without saying important things that I should probably say. But the one thing I’m not is stupid. So please don’t treat me like I’m slow. You’re going to fight that man, aren’t you?”
A small eternity passed. The deep red flush in his skin confirmed what she already knew. But then he had to go ahead and destroy her world by saying the words. Words that made her heart explode.
“Yes. I’m fighting La Roque. At the end of next month.”