Chapter 5 #2
Benji blinked. Joshua had mentioned his fear of being cheated on during their earliest conversations about an open relationship, but he’d never put it so bluntly.
Not even when he admitted that he was the product of his mother stepping out on his father.
Benji assumed that had been a one-time indiscretion.
Joshua’s shoulders slumped, and his mouth drooped.
“They never hid the cheating from each other, much less from us kids. It’s like they were daring each other to try and file for divorce, a life-long game of chicken.
They hurt each other over and over again.
I couldn’t stand it if one of us cheated. It would break me, Ben.”
Unable to resist the plaintive tone, Benji pulled Joshua into a hug.
A familiar chest pressed into his, and strong, familiar arms looped around his waist. He inhaled the scent of Joshua’s sweat and soap, and the lingering odor of alcohol.
“You could have told me that,” he whispered. “You should have told me.”
“I know. I know.” Joshua’s chest heaved. “I’m so sorry. It’s so stupid, isn’t it? I could tell you about Kirk, but not about my parents being serial cheaters.”
“Hearts and minds are mysterious things.” He pulled back enough to see the tears filling Joshua’s eyes, and that made his own sting. “But baby, do you believe now that I will never, ever cheat on you?”
“I do.” Joshua’s chin trembled. “But what if I cheat on you? All of my siblings have cheated on their partners or spouses at some point. It’s like a family badge.”
“Cheating isn’t a gene or a chromosome. It isn’t a disease you can catch and spread around. It’s not an accident or a mistake made in a moment of passion. It’s a choice you make to be faithful or unfaithful. Only you can make the choice to cheat or not.”
Joshua held his gaze, accepting the words, but he still looked terrified.
Benji didn’t envy him any of the thoughts or doubts in his head right now.
This was bend or break time for them. Benji had stated what he needed.
If Joshua couldn’t do it, if Benji wasn’t enough, and if he didn’t believe in himself enough to be faithful, then they were done.
As much as it would hurt, Benji would walk away.
“Okay,” Joshua said.
Benji’s heart nearly stopped. “Okay what?”
“I’m in. All in with you, no one else.”
“Really?” His knees actually wobbled with the intensity of his relief. “You mean it? We’re closed, committed, the two of us only?”
“Yes. I love you Benji Moore, so much. I need you in my life, however you’ll have me.”
“I want you the same way I’ve always had you, you big dummy, except now no one else gets you.” Benji sealed the promise with a soft kiss, so grateful for the familiar press of Joshua’s lips against his own. Thankful he hadn’t lost this.
Joshua’s mouth softened, and his tongue flicked out, tasting Benji’s lips, slowly deepening the kiss into something stronger, more intense.
Fingers skimmed Benji’s hips, plucking at his t-shirt without lifting.
Subtle hints of what he wanted, and of what Benji was more than happy to give him.
Intimacy he’d only ever shared with Joshua.
Benji made a soft, agreeable sound.
Joshua pulled back. “Shit, Ben, is this okay? I don’t want to pressure you.”
Benji sighed and held the back of Joshua’s head in his palm, keeping him steady. “We don’t have to do this every time you want to have sex, okay? How about I make you a promise right here and now? If I ever, at any time, am not totally into anything physical we’re doing, I will tell you.”
“I’m sorry. It’s hard not to second guess myself now.”
“I know. But attraction isn’t the same thing as arousal.
You can have one without the other. I’m still a man with a body that reacts to stimulation.
Just because I don’t look at a guy and think ‘I really want to fuck him’ doesn’t mean I don’t get hard over internet porn.
” He placed Joshua’s hand over his semi-hard dick. “And you, Josh, definitely arouse me.”
Joshua’s entire face softened, and a familiar glint appeared in his dark brown eyes.
He had a way of looking at Benji that always made him feel seen.
As if nothing else in the world existed outside of him and the moments they shared.
Benji treasured those things about Joshua.
The things that made him want to do almost anything to please his boyfriend.
He rubbed the inside of Joshua’s thigh, and when Joshua’s eyelids fluttered—a sure sign of his excitement—Benji allowed his knuckles to brush his boyfriend’s thickening cock.
He loved watching the tiny tics and flickers on Joshua’s face during sex.
Joshua often seemed quiet and orderly because of his IT job, but in bed he really came alive.
He let all the walls down and simply enjoyed himself in the moment, and so did Benji.
Joshua nibbled on the side of his neck, near his ear, a spot that was guaranteed to send blood to Benji’s dick.
The very first time Benji agreed to anal sex, Joshua had spent two full hours exploring Benji’s body.
Tasting every nook and cranny, learning all of the spots that drove him nuts.
The tender care he’d taken in those earliest moments had helped Benji fall in love as quickly as he had.
He wasn’t just a hole to fuck; he was a person Joshua wanted to know inside and out.
Going on tour with Fading Daze had seen one of Benji’s two biggest dreams accomplished.
Today, Joshua finally handed Benji his second greatest dream: a closed relationship. And he wanted to say thank you.
Benji eased down to his knees and palmed Joshua through his khaki shorts. Joshua sucked in a breath, then carded his fingers through Benji’s hair. “You don’t have to,” he said.
“I know.” Benji grinned. He turned his head to kiss the inside of Joshua’s wrist. “I want to.”
“Can I blow you back?”
“You’d better.”
The soft, sexy sound Joshua made spurred Benji into action.
Getting Joshua’s shorts and boxer briefs off was the easy part, but he still fumbled a little.
In some ways, this was the most important blow job of his life—their first sexual act as a committed couple.
Knowing he would be the last person to put Joshua’s dick in his mouth—hopefully for the rest of their lives—was both humbling and incredibly exciting.
The first time Benji had blown Joshua back in college, he’d done it out of curiosity—and because Joshua seemed to love having Benji’s dick in his mouth, so it had to be fun, right?
The act itself hadn’t turned Benji on, but all of the sounds Joshua made?
The way his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth stayed open, panting breaths and gasping?
Those things turned Benji on. The power he held to give or withhold Joshua’s pleasure helped him grow more comfortable with sex.
He understood it all better now, and it made Benji even more grateful Joshua had stuck by him and gone at his pace.
Not every couple reached that level of intimacy, sexual attraction or not.
He curled a fist around Joshua’s dick and gently stroked him, enjoying the way his foreskin slid back and forth, allowing the glans to peek out and say hi.
Benji was cut, and the first time he’d seen Joshua’s cock, he was fascinated by the differences between them.
Joshua was long and almost perfectly straight, while Benji was shorter, thicker, had a fat head, and curved to the left.
As different as the lives of the men they belonged to, but when they came together?
Perfection.
Benji licked the length of Joshua’s dick, treasuring the soft gasp that earned him.
And every other gasp and noise that followed, as he sucked Joshua as far into his mouth as he could, using his tongue to massage the underside while his fingers tickled at Joshua’s balls.
Joshua held his head lightly in both hands, keeping contact without directing the action.
As much as Benji wanted to take his time and tease Joshua until he was cursing and demanding release, he also had roommates who could return at any moment.
So, he made it fast and dirty, using his hands and mouth to help Joshua fly.
He rubbed Joshua’s taint, and Joshua thrust forward, bumping the back of Benji’s throat.
Benji gagged a bit, but didn’t relent his assault, needing Joshua to fall apart.
To show Joshua he’d made the right choice; he didn’t need anyone else.
“God, Ben, so close,” Joshua gasped. “Fuck.”
Benji started humming, which always made Joshua nuts with the alternating vibrations. “As I Am” was one of his favorite original Fading Daze songs, and he played the lyrics on Joshua’s body, while Joshua made beautiful music of his own.
“Fuck, gonna come.”
He pulled back, Joshua’s dick falling from his mouth, and Joshua took over, stroking himself hard and fast until he came.
Warm semen splashed Benji’s neck and t-shirt, and he watched all of the emotions playing across Joshua’s face—pleasure, relief, love, and maybe a little bit of awe.
As he came back to himself, he gazed down at Benji with so much adoration that Benji kind of wanted to cry.
“That was so good,” Joshua said. “Fuck. You don’t usually go that fast.”
Benji yanked his soiled shirt off as he stood, then used it to wipe his neck. “Well, this isn’t a private room, and I have no idea when the others will be back.”
“Danielle will keep them away for a little while longer, I bet. She’s kind of in on my being here.”
“You conspired with Dani?”
“Not me.” For the first time since showing up at the hotel, Joshua looked uncertain.
“I was so mixed up about what happened with us Thursday night that I needed to talk it out with a neutral party, so this afternoon I met Van at a local place and we talked. He kind of got me drunk and then kidnapped me. He conspired with Danielle while I was passed out in his passenger seat.”
Benji blinked several times at the quickly blurted confession, unsure if he was annoyed or grateful. He didn’t like that Joshua had reached out to his aborted hookup, but apparently Van had orchestrated getting Joshua to this room so he could lay his soul bare to Benji. “Van did all this? Really?”
“Yeah.” Joshua suddenly seemed to clue in on his half-dressed state and hiked his clothes back up.
“It occurred to me that I’m a twenty-four year old man with no actual friends of his own.
My friends are your friends, so I reached out to Van.
He’s a great guy, and for whatever reason, he made it his mission to get us back together. Not many people would bother.”
“That’s kind of amazing.” Benji definitely wanted thank Van in person. He’d gotten Joshua to admit something out loud that had been a barrier in their relationship for years. “And it’s also a little sad that you don’t have any other friends of your own.”
Joshua shrugged. “You know me and trusting people.”
“Does that mean you trust Van?”
“I don’t know much about him, but yeah, I do a little. I mean, he did me a solid today, and all he said was he was paying it forward.”
Now Benji was all kinds of intrigued. “Is he still in town?”
“Yes. He said he’d be around for a few hours, if I need a ride home.”
“Invite him to the show tonight.” The offer was out of Benji’s mouth before he’d thought it through. “You both should come. Stay the night.”
Joshua glanced around the cramped room. “Are you sure?”
“I am.” Benji didn’t want Joshua to leave yet, and he really wanted to officially meet Van. “We’ll figure out the sleeping arrangements. I doubt the hotel has any extra rooms at such late notice.”
“Still.” The heated look Joshua aimed at him made Benji’s pulse jump. “I’ll spring for it if they do. Doesn’t hurt to ask.”
“Go nuts then.”
Benji snatched his own phone off the bed so he could send a quick “we’re exclusive” text to Danielle, while Joshua called the front desk. She texted back with a series of celebrating emojis, followed quickly with: How long will you two be celebrating?
He laughed. No one’s naked. Come back whenever you need to.
She sent back a thumb’s up icon.
“Good news.” Joshua slipped his arms around Benji’s waist from behind. “One night cancellation. King bed. I’m going to run down to the front desk to get keys, okay?”
Benji’s belly wobbled. “That’s fantastic.”
“While I’m out, I’ll call Van and see if he wants to stay for the show.”
“Okay.”
He spun in Joshua’s arms to plant a long, sensual kiss on his boyfriend.
A claiming kiss full of lips and teeth and tongues.
He pulled away breathless, still hard, but okay with waiting a while to do something about it.
Joshua had promised a reciprocal blow job after all, and now they had their own room. “Thank you,” Benji said.
“For what?”
“For today. For being completely honest with yourself and with me. Promise we will always be honest with each other from now on, about everything.”
Joshua grinned, his dark eyes crinkling at the corners. “I promise.”