Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
Van had too much nervous energy to suggest they stay in, so after everyone showered and dressed, he shuffled Benji and Joshua into his car so they could grab a late dinner.
He took them to the dive bar he’d eaten at with Joshua during that first sit-down.
Joshua turned his nose up at the raw oysters, but Benji tried one and loved it, especially with a drop of sriracha sauce.
Van tried not to put any extra meaning into their seating arrangements, but it did feel odd to be on the opposite side of booth from the other guys.
They ordered food and drinks and chatted about normal enough things. Van watched Benji carefully, seeking any hint that he regretted their bedroom activities, and found none. If anything, he seemed less guarded, more animated, and that helped Van relax as the evening progressed.
“Van, may I ask you something personal?” Benji said when they were all picking at the remnants of their dinners.
Van instinctively wanted to say no. He hated talking about really personal stuff, but wasn’t that what relationships were? Getting to know things about each other and discussing the personal stuff? “Go for it.”
“You mentioned you were adopted when you were a baby. Have you ever contacted your birth parents?”
“No.” He didn’t want to unpack his past right now, especially that part of it.
“It was a closed adoption, so even my adoptive parents don’t know where I came from.
” A polite way of saying none of the adoptions were exactly legal, which meant no way in hell anyone would tell him who his birth parents were.
Might have been nice for his medical history, but whatever.
“Are you curious about them?”
“Sometimes, but since there’s no way to find out who they are, I don’t dwell on it. No sense in wondering. I mean, they gave me up, so who cares?” He put a lid on his rising defensiveness. Benji wasn’t being nosey on purpose, only curious.
“You don’t keep in contact with your adoptive parents?”
Fuck, what’s the sudden interest in my family life?
“Well,” Van said with more irritation in his voice than necessary, “my douchebag father died a few years ago from a stroke, and I found out six months after the fact, so no. I don’t keep in touch with my mother.
” She hadn’t been an affectionate woman to begin with, and he’d never regretted leaving home when he had.
“I have one older brother who knows my number, and he keeps in contact with a third brother, but we don’t talk. Neither of us wants the reminder.”
Benji ducked his head. “I’m sorry.”
Joshua was frowning at Van hard enough to clue him into how sharp he’d been with Benji.
Van reached across the table and squeezed Benji’s wrist. “No, I’m sorry.
My parents are a sore subject. I know you’re used to loving, supportive parents, but mine simply were not.
They adopted kids to work their farm and help raise the younger kids until they could get out into the fields and farm.
It was a hard, dusty life where a leather belt dealt with mistakes, and you did go to bed without supper.
I hated that fucking farm, and I grew to resent both my parents by the time I finally walked away. ”
Benji had raised his head during this quiet rant, and instead of sad, he looked . . . kind of angry. He twisted his wrist so they were palm to palm. “Then I’m glad you got away from them. That’s a horrible way to treat children, like indentured servants. How’d they get away with it?”
“It was a small town. Everyone looked the other way about everything, from drunk and disorderly to spousal abuse. And whoever was finding kids for them to adopt was probably making a little extra on the side.”
“That’s illegal,” Joshua said.
Van shrugged, and then leaned back in the booth. “Can’t change the past.”
“Ain’t that the truth?” The flicker of sadness in Joshua’s eyes made Van regret explaining himself as much as he had, but also glad he’d done it. Joshua had a similar background with unsupportive parents. As awful as it was, it bound them together.
“Lucky for us, Benji has amazing parents. You’ll love them,” Joshua continued.
All three of them went perfectly still as the enormity of Joshua’s statement settled over the table.
Van’s Off Beat family wouldn’t bat an eye at such a nontraditional relationship, but until this moment, he hadn’t considered the fallout of introducing himself to Joshua or Benji’s parents.
Hell, they weren’t even out to their friends in Fading Daze yet.
Not everyone was going to understand it, much less accept it.
“You will love them,” Benji said softly. “My mom’s ex-military so she can be a little intimidating, but my dad’s a teddy bear.”
“How do you think they’ll take you dating two guys at the same time?” Van asked.
“I think my dad will worry, because he’s always been the worrywart of the family. They knew about Joshua and me having an open relationship all these years, and I think once we explain that you were the part we were looking for this whole time—” Benji cut himself off, his face going cherry red.
Van sat a bit straighter. “Why does saying that embarrass you?”
“I don’t know, it sounds so melodramatic.”
“It’s not melodramatic if that’s how you feel.” He looked at Joshua, who was grinning at them both. “Is it how you feel?”
“Yeah, it is,” Joshua said. “We make sense together, the three of us, and fuck whoever doesn’t agree.”
Naturally, their waiter chose that moment to come over and ask if they needed drink refills. Young and as queer as a three dollar bill, the waiter refreshed Benji’s iced tea with a wistful smile, then went off to fetch a new Coke for Joshua.
“I have a question,” Van said. “Being the sort of odd-man out here, when are you going to tell your friends? Because Beatrice already knows.”
“She does?” Benji asked.
“We’ve known each other for five years. Bea is like a sister to me and she can sense my moods. I couldn’t lie about why I’ve been so happy at work recently.”
“No, I mean, it’s cool that she knows.” Benji glanced sideways at Joshua and poked at the remnants of his food with a fork.
Apprehensive about something, and that made Van nervous too.
“The thing is, the band is leaving again Saturday afternoon, and when I first got to town, I’d planned on stealing Joshua for a day or two and us going to see my parents in Philadelphia.
It’s been a while since I’ve been home.”
He stopped there, and Van saw the dilemma in his unasked questions: Do you want to come?
Would you rather not? How do you feel about us leaving for the last few days of my vacation time?
Van wasn’t going to be the petty, jealous guy who couldn’t let them out of his sight for a few days—especially when Benji would be on the road again soon.
He’d have to get used to him not being around, which was a difficult thing to do after spending the past six days in each other’s back pockets.
“Then take Joshua and go see your family,” Van said. “Your plans don’t have to change because your circumstances have altered slightly.”
“Altered slightly?” Joshua parroted.
“You know what I mean.”
Benji leaned forward, arms around his belly, practically hunched over the table. “You aren’t upset?”
“No. I’d have been upset if you’d called me from the road and told me about the plans when you were already halfway to Philly.
Plus, the fact that my reaction worries you so much is amazing, so please don’t think I’m going to resent you for going away for a few days.
If you aren’t ready to spring me on your folks, then you aren’t ready. ”
“I don’t want you to think I’m hiding you.”
“I promise I don’t think that.” Business in the restaurant was slow, so Van reached out to take both of their hands.
“Menage relationships aren’t exactly commonplace, and Benji being in Fading Daze complicates things, because he has a public image to protect.
I get that. So, I will promise you guys that if I start to feel left out, or ganged up on, I will say something.
I’m not exactly shy about speaking my mind. ”
Benji finally smiled. “I’d noticed that.” He took Joshua’s free hand, effectively completing their circle. “God, I want to stuff you both in my luggage and take you with me on Saturday.”
“That’s what video calling is for.” Van foresaw a lot of phone sex in their future. Also a conversation on rules and who could do what when the third wasn’t present, but that wasn’t a chat for a public restaurant. “And since you two are heading north tomorrow, I have a selfish request.”
“Okay,” Joshua said.
“Will you spend the night with me?” All week their triad had spent as many waking hours together as possible, but Benji and Joshua always returned to their apartment to sleep.
Van’s queen bed would be a little crowded with three people, and staying out all night long might bring too much attention to the new shape of Benji and Joshua’s relationship, so they probably wouldn’t—
“Why’s that selfish?” Benji asked.
Van blinked. “Well, I’m sure your friends will notice if you guys don’t come home tonight.”
“So?”
“Where will you tell them you were?”
Benji tensed a bit. Even the hand clasping Van’s stiffened.
“I’d like to tell them the truth,” Joshua said. “But that’s up to you, too, Ben.”
“I want to tell the truth, too, but I’m worried about it affecting the band.” Benji took his hands back and put them in his lap. “I mean, Bobby and Andy were cool about those drunk photos, and they’ve never given me shit for being gay.”
“But being in a relationship with two men is a big step up from having one long-distance boyfriend?” Van said.
Benji flinched, then nodded.
“Tell them the truth,” Joshua said. “That we went out with Van, and then crashed at his place. You don’t have to tell them we’re all dating and having amazing sex until you’re ready.”