Chapter 18 #3
After a few minutes of dumping their duffel and using the bathroom—nearly three hours in the car required a pit stop before more driving—they all piled into the Civic, and Dad drove to the quirky pizza place they’d first found about four years ago.
The décor was cheesy, all fake grapes and wine bottles, but the food was amazing.
Dad ordered a pitcher of beer for the table.
Benji made sure their addictive sausage and cheese ravioli was still on the menu—nothing else would do, now that he was craving them.
While everyone else perused the menu, Mom kept up a steady stream of information about last weekend’s reunion, and everything going on with every member of the extended family. Dad pitched in occasionally.
“Everything okay with you boys?” Dad asked after the waitress had taken their orders. “You both seem a bit quiet today. Long drive?”
“No more than usual,” Joshua said. “Late night.”
“Still partying at the beach in October?”
Benji grabbed a breadstick out of the basket, unsure how to answer that one.
Partying wasn’t exactly what they’d been up to in the wee hours of the night, but he wasn’t sure how to bring up Van.
Right after the whole Virginia Beach incident, when he and Joshua had decided to close the relationship, Benji had called his parents and explained what was going on—everything from thinking he was ace to finally getting Joshua to commit.
They had never agreed with his decision to have an open relationship, and they were overjoyed to hear that he and Joshua were settling down, so to speak.
“Is everything all right with you boys?” Mom asked.
“Yeah, we’re great.” Benji ripped his breadstick in half. “Better than ever, actually.”
“Well, good, that’s excellent news. You two have been through enough this past year and a half. You deserve some peace and happiness.”
“We are definitely happy,” Joshua added.
Benji tried to imagine Van at their table, seated in between him and Joshua, part of the family unit. Sharing a simple “welcome home” meal with his loved ones. He could definitely see it. But he was having trouble seeing his parents with those same casual smiles and open acceptance.
Joshua told a story about a particularly difficult customer at his part-time job, while Benji silently fretted.
He nibbled his breadstick and sipped his beer, but he couldn’t relax.
The subject of Van was like a giant elephant in the room, daring him to mention its presence, and it remained even after their food was served.
Benji ate his ravioli, and then stole a clump of melted mozzarella off Joshua’s plate of baked shells.
He couldn’t help but wonder what Van might have ordered here.
A salad, probably. The piles of pasta, cheese, and tomato sauce weren’t part of his very structured diet.
A diet that kept him healthy and alive, while Benji ate whatever the hell he wanted without consequence.
He resisted eating a second breadstick.
Dad ordered a coffee to end his meal, as usual, so Benji decided to split a cannoli with Joshua.
He needed something to keep his hands busy, because he couldn’t think of anything to talk about.
His mind was full of Van and all of the fun their trio had this past week.
Mom gave him frequent curious looks, but God bless both his parents, they let it go until the four of them were home again.
They’d barely crossed the threshold into the living room before she said, “Okay, what is going on? Benji, I haven’t seen you this quiet since after the car accident last summer.”
Benji startled, his heart pounding. He glanced at his mom, who was watching him from near the sofa with open curiosity and a bit of worry. Then to Joshua, who slid an arm around his waist and kissed his temple. Dad started hanging everyone’s coats in the hall closet.
“It’s a bit odd to try and explain,” Joshua said. “We’ve met someone.”
Dad dropped his own jacket on the floor, and turned to face them. “You’ve what?”
“You said you two were happy again,” Mom said. Her face crumpled. “Are you breaking up after all this time?”
“No.” Benji pulled away from Joshua’s touch so he could squeeze his mom’s hands tight. “No, we aren’t breaking up. We are definitely still together.”
“Then what do you mean that you’ve met someone? I don’t understand.”
Dad gave up on the coats and moved to stand by his wife. Joshua closed in on Benji, creating a tight unit of support all around. Benji’s mouth went dry.
“We met the same person,” Joshua said. “His name is Van Holt.”
Mom’s expression went fierce. “The boy you said helped you fix your relationship with Benji? Was that so he could insinuate himself into your lives?”
“No, it wasn’t like that.”
“It’s so much more complicated than that, Mom,” Benji said. “There was always something missing between me and Joshua, even when we chose to be exclusive, but we didn’t know what it was. Van is that missing piece.”
Joshua nodded. “It’s like we always knew on a subliminal level that the two of us couldn’t work alone. We needed a third person.”
Dad made a face that was a terrifying mix of disgust and confusion. “So you’re still together, but you’re both also dating this other boy?”
“Yes,” they replied in tandem.
“And you’re sure this isn’t some late reaction to the accident?”
“What does that even mean?” Benji asked. “We’re not experimenting or acting out. The feelings we have for Van are real.” He swallowed hard, regretting now all the food he’d eaten. “I love him, too.”
Mom’s face went completely blank, while Dad flinched. That hurt. A lot.
“I know this is a surprise, and it’s pretty unorthodox,” Joshua said.
“But I promise you both. No one is being taken advantage of. We all went into this with our eyes wide open, and we’ve talked.
About what this means to us as individuals, and how we function as a group.
We wouldn’t be telling you about Van if it wasn’t real. ”
“You certainly don’t take the easy road,” Mom said to Benji.
Benji shrugged, then wrapped his arms around Joshua from behind, unashamed of using his boyfriend as a human shield.
His emotions were simmering right on the surface, and he needed his parents to be okay with this.
“You can’t help who you fall in love with.
I’ve loved Joshua a long time, and maybe I’ve only loved Van for a little while, but it’s real.
And it feels right. We’re so happy when we’re all together. ”
“And you know that’s all we’ve ever wanted, baby. For you to be happy.”
“But with one person, not two.”
His parents exchanged a look he couldn’t read, but at least Dad’s disgust was melting away bit by bit, leaving a lot of confusion and concern in its place.
“We’re being careful every step of the way,” Joshua said. “And not just sex, but with each other’s feelings. Benji and I are very careful about making sure Van doesn’t feel ganged up on, or like his thoughts and needs matter less than ours. We’re all equals.”
“How’s that possible when you and Benji have so much history?” Dad asked.
“That’s true, we do, but Benji and I have hurt each other, too. In the past. I know this is very unusual, and maybe even a little bit terrifying, but I promise I love Benji as much as I ever did. Maybe even more for trusting me to share his heart and my own heart with another man.”
“I’m so happy, Dad,” Benji said. “I swear I am. Happier than I’ve ever been in my life.”
Those must have been the right words, because Dad’s posture relaxed, reducing him from overprotective father into curious dad again. “How well do you know this Van character?”
“Pretty well. We’ve all talked at length about our histories, including the bad stuff. And he’s the healthiest eater I’ve ever met in my life.”
“Don’t tell me you’re going to turn vegan or something,” Dad said. “You know you can’t go a single visit without my famous grilled pork chops.”
Benji laughed and released his hard grip on Joshua. “I love meat too much, but I could be persuaded to eat more green vegetables.”
“I refuse to cook kale under this roof.” The humor in his eyes belied the gruff comment, and in that moment, Benji knew his parents were okay. Maybe not totally on board with the idea, but they’d sit with it and come to terms with it. They wanted him to be happy, and he was.
So goddamn happy he wanted to cry.
Instead, he kissed Joshua, and then followed his family into the dining room for a few rounds of Scrabble. Benji had a score to settle with his mom from last time.