Chapter 19 #2
“Missed you too.” Any thought of bringing up last night’s bar conversation fled beneath the desperate need to kiss them both. So he did, Joshua first because he was closer to Van’s mouth. Joshua tasted like coffee and sugar.
Benji pushed Joshua away with a terse, “Gimme,” then attacked Van’s mouth with a hello kiss that sent Van’s cock straight to half-mast.
“How much time do we have?” Van asked.
“Leaving. At. Three. Thirty.” Benji got the words out between kisses.
“Time now?”
“A little after nine,” Joshua said.
Oh hell yes.
Great use was made of the next three hours, resulting in quite a few orgasms, and enough noise that the neighbors were probably wondering what was going on.
Van never thought he’d be so turned on by having sex with one guy while another watched, but now he was hooked.
They were all hooked, and their smug, happy smiles never dimmed as they sat over a lunch of sandwiches from a local Jewish deli.
Van didn’t often indulge in meat, especially deli meat, but this was all smoked in-house, and he got the turkey and brisket wrapped in lettuce, instead of on bread.
Benji surprised him by ordering liverwurst on rye with coleslaw and Russian dressing.
Joshua settled for basic roast beef on whole wheat.
Van watched them eat, memorizing details, making every moment they still had with Benji into a special treat.
“How did you guys do it for three years?” Van said suddenly. “Long distance?”
“It wasn’t easy.” Joshua smiled fondly at Benji. “But with our jobs, we didn’t have much choice. We made use of texting and calling as often as possible. Communicating was key, and we tried to get together as frequently as possible.”
“But being open helped?”
“For me it did. I know now that Benji didn’t indulge, but at the time I had no reason to think he wasn’t sleeping with other people.”
Benji blushed.
“Dude, stop being embarrassed about that,” Joshua said. “But yeah, it helped when I really needed to scratch that itch, you know?”
Van regarded Joshua over the last of his sandwich. “So does that mean I’m the new scratching post?”
Joshua narrowed his eyes. “Scratching, huh? Sound kinky.”
“And speaking of kinky, we still haven’t established rules for while Benji is away. I think we all agreed kissing is okay.”
“We did,” Benji said. Joshua nodded yes. “I don’t expect you two to never have sex while I’m traveling. That wouldn’t be fair, and it isn’t at all why we’re doing this. It isn’t about limiting each other.”
“So you’d be okay with me and Van having sex?” Joshua asked.
“Yes. I love watching you guys, so I’ll miss that, but you’re both so beautiful together. I can’t say don’t fuck while I’m gone because I want to see it. That’s unfair and selfish.”
“We could always make videos to keep you company,” Van said.
Joshua squeaked.
“No, don’t do that,” Benji said. “Once something is recorded, it’s impossible to destroy, and the last thing I need right now is for homemade porn starring my boyfriends to make it onto the Internet.”
Van barely saw it, but he was certain Joshua flinched. He definitely battled against a flash of guilt.
Joshua knows about the week off. He knows the real reason.
Annoyance tried to creep in, but Van wanted to enjoy these last few hours with Benji. He didn’t want to bring up a sore subject, or be the cause of a fight between Benji and Joshua.
“Okay, no videos,” Van said. “How about phone sex?”
“Um.” Benji gulped. “Uh, yeah, as long as I can make sure I’ve got the motel room to myself for at least an hour with no interruptions.”
“I bet you can get Danielle to help arrange that. She seems very invested in your relationship.”
“She’s a romantic at heart.”
“Romantic enough to accept that you’re in a poly relationship?” Van wasn’t sure why he’d asked that.
“I think she would,” Benji said after a pause. “She’s crazy open-minded.”
Unlike her brother, who’s turning into a grade-A douche nozzle.
“Open-minded enough to accept that her co-lead singer gets turned on by watching one boyfriend fuck another?” Joshua asked.
An odd pause fell over the table as the weight of Joshua’s words hit them.
While they’d referred to their three-way as a poly relationship, this was the first time any of them applied the b-word to Van.
Van’s insides wobbled; he’d never had a serious boyfriend in his adult life, much less two at once.
Benji smashed the tension with an adorably shy smile. “Pretty much.”
Speaking of one person fucking another, Van couldn’t tame his curiosity or stop his mouth. “Do you and Joshua fuck each other?” he asked. “I mean, I’ve seen you rub off together plenty of times . . .”
“Once in a while, I’ll want Joshua to fuck me,” Benji said. “But I need to be in the right head space, and I’ve never been comfortable trying it the other way. I mean, obviously he likes bottoming, considering how he is with you, but . . . yeah.”
“Not everyone likes to switch, or even enjoys anal sex.”
“But you’d like to see Joshua fuck me, wouldn’t you?”
Heat pooled in Van’s belly. “Yes. When you both feel comfortable sharing that with me. No rush. I’m fond of fucking Joshua, so . . .”
Benji tilted his head, assessing. “Do you exclusively top?”
And that killed the heat faster than a bucket of ice water. “Yes.” Van nearly growled the word. Benji didn’t seem to sense the dangerous territory he’d wandered into.
“I guess it doesn’t feel good for you? I know it takes a lot of prep to get me there, and Joshua is so good at it. He makes it amazing.”
Van saw the veiled suggestion there, and he was shutting that down now. “I don’t bottom.”
“Which is great,” Joshua said, “because I’m cool with it.” He met Van’s gaze and seemed to understand. Van tried to silently thank him for ending the discussion. “And when you’re ready,” he said to Benji, “I’d love to fuck you while Van watches. Maybe even participates.”
Benji licked his lips. “We’ll see.”
He’d take a we’ll see over a no way in hell.
“No pressure,” Van said. “I mean it. This thing between us is only officially a week old, so there’s no rush to push our limits.”
“You say that now.”
“I’ll say it always. Relationships are about more than sex, and while the sex we’ve been having is amazing, there’s way more to this triad than that. There is understanding and emotional connection and patience. Tenderness. Fun. So many things that make the sex a nice bonus.”
Benji watched him for several long beats. “How did you get to be such a smooth talker?”
“Honey, I was born this way.”
“And I wouldn’t change you for the world.”
That single, sweet declaration tipped Van a little bit harder over the cliff of serious infatuation, bringing him one final, terrifying step closer to truly being in love.
Van was pleasantly sore and sporting some serious muscle fatigue by the time Benji bounced out of his bedroom, declaring himself first to take a shower, despite being the least messy of the three of them.
Joshua lay next to him, flat on his stomach, his hips still bearing red imprints of Van’s fingertips, ass glistening with lube.
It didn’t seem fair to sideswipe Joshua like this when he seemed so perfectly content, but Van couldn’t help himself.
“When were you going to tell Benji the truth about his weeklong vacation?”
Joshua sat up so fast he nearly clipped Van’s chin with the top of his head. All of his earlier calm was gone, replaced by shock. “Who told you?”
No denial, which actually earned Joshua a few “benefit of the doubt” points. “I overheard Bobby and Lincoln talking last night. Bobby seemed to think that Benji being open about his sexuality might somehow hurt the band.”
“What?” Joshua’s cheeks darkened. “That’s not what he told me. I overheard the band talking about how some of their venues had cancelled because of perceived homophobia, and we all agreed Benji would take everything personally, so we kept it from him. But Bobby really said that?”
“In so many words. He knows Benji’s incredibly talented, but I feel as if he’s tolerating the gay as long as it’s not in his face. Or anyone else’s face, for that matter.”
“Son of a bitch.”
“I’d have put the bastard in his place right then, but Beatrice came over and stopped me from throwing down in the middle of her bar.”
“It would have served Bobby right.” Joshua glanced at the open bedroom door.
“But do you understand why no one wanted to tell Benji about why the band was dropped? He is so wrapped up in making sure Fading Daze succeeds that he’d quit and sacrifice his own career if he thought it would help them.
It was one week, and their manager is on top of it. ”
“I do understand, even if I’m not happy about it. People who care about him are lying to him, and that includes you and me.”
“I know. I’m so sorry that you’re in the middle of this now. Will you please not say anything to him?”
“For now. Any more venues start dropping the band, and he deserves to know the full truth.”
“Agreed.” Joshua wilted. “Shit.”
“What?”
“If Bobby is like this now, thinking Benji is only dating me, what’s going to happen when we come out as a triad?”
Van’s heart ached. “I don’t know. I suppose that’s something we’ll all have to deal with when it happens. Another good reason for not pushing things too far, too fast. We all three have to re-adjust our realities a little bit and get comfortable again.”
“At least you and I will have each other while he’s gone.”
“We’ll have to make sure he feels as included as possible.” The water in the bathroom shut off, bringing Van that much closer to saying goodbye to someone who’d quickly stolen a piece of his heart. “He’s too special to lose, Joshua.”
“I know.” Joshua smiled sadly. “I almost did lose him once. Believe me, I know.”
Van said goodbye to Benji in the tiny foyer, taking his time holding him close to his chest, breathing him in.
Kissing him with long, slow strokes of his tongue, nibbling lips with his teeth.
Memorizing Benji for many long nights to come without him.
It hurt, letting him go, but it helped knowing he’d be back. This goodbye was temporary.
Benji pulled his head down so they could press their noses together. “I know you aren’t ready to say it yet, but I do love you, Van. I’ll miss you so much.”
“Me too.” To all of it.
“Keep an eye on Josh for me, okay?”
“I promise. You be safe. Watch out for crazy fans.”
“I will.”
They kissed once more, and then Benji practically flew out the front door. Joshua lingered long enough to hug Van tight, promising to see him soon. He followed Benji outside. Van watched from the window as they piled into Joshua’s car and drove away.
“I love you,” he said. “I didn’t want to, but I do.”
Please, God, keep them safe for me. I can’t lose them, too.