Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Eva couldn’t sleep. She kept thinking about that moment when Brandon had intended to rape her and her skin crawled.
She’d never had sex before. She’d never wanted to.
Being in the business she was in, she’d had her tits fondled and her ass grabbed. She’d always dealt with it swiftly and brutally. A kick to the balls did wonders.
Oh, she’d sometimes thought she was going to die for being so difficult. The kind of men she’d spent the last few years around were not the kind to piss off, but she’d done it and she’d survived. Somehow.
They’d laughed, called her quirky and prickly. But they’d respected her art, so they’d tolerated it. Until tonight.
She’d often wondered if something was wrong with her.
There’d been attractive men over the years.
Not every man she’d met was an asshole. Some had been nice enough.
But she’d had no response. They left her cold.
If not for an absolute revulsion at the idea of personally kissing a woman, she might have thought she played for the other team.
She did not.
Maybe if she’d gone on a date with a man, let one romance her, she might have developed desire for him. But no one had interested her. Her goals had been her priority.
And then Jake Ryan crashed back into her life, and her body responded. Despite her belief that she was dead inside, that desire and love weren’t possible, her reaction to him was quite the opposite.
She wasn’t dead inside. Her body could feel desire. It was a shock and a mystery. It was also alarming.
Who was Jake Ryan anyway? He wasn’t a Brother anymore. But he wasn’t the kind of guy she’d spent the last few years thinking she wanted either.
She’d thought that once she took down the Brothers, once she made Brandon pay for what he’d done, she’d eventually find a nice man and settle down.
An accountant. A lawyer. A real estate broker, or even a postman.
She didn’t care, so long as his life was drama free and she could rely on him not to turn into an adrenaline junkie asshole criminal.
Not that Jake was a criminal. No, he wasn’t that. But he was a badass and he thrived on danger. Not what she wanted. Heather had been attracted to badasses and look what had happened.
Eva threw off the covers and sat up. She needed a drink of water and there were bottles in the fridge. The living room was silent and dark as she padded across it and into the kitchen. When she headed back to bed, bottle in hand, a noise from the couch made her squeak in surprise.
“You scared me.” She pressed a hand over her pounding heart. “Why are you on the couch?”
“Because I need to be between you and the door.”
Goosebumps prickled her skin. He was her protector, and he took that job very seriously.
“Oh, right. What?” she asked when he didn’t stop looking at her.
“Enjoying the view.” His voice was a throaty growl that made her tingle deep inside.
She hadn’t put her jeans back on. She wore a T-shirt that didn’t cover her ass and a pair of sensible cotton panties. They weren’t exciting, but they were still panties. She decided to pretend like it wasn’t a thing.
“I’m sorry I woke you. I tried to be quiet.”
“Not your fault. I’m trained to hear a mouse squeak a mile away.”
It was a silly thought, but also a comforting one. “Well, I’m still sorry.”
He pushed upright. “It’s okay. I wasn’t sleeping well. You doing all right?”
She hugged herself, as if she could hide her naked legs and the thin panties barely covering her butt. “Can’t sleep.”
“I can fix that for you. If you let me.”
His voice was so deep and sensual that her nipples beaded tight. “How?” As if she didn’t know.
“A good orgasm does wonders.”
Her body flushed with heat. “Does it?”
He cocked his head to the side, and she cursed herself for sounding so prissy. She might still be a virgin, but did she have to sound like one?
“If you don’t know, then you haven’t been getting any good ones. Or maybe it’s been a long time. Has it?”
Her body heated. “You know I didn’t let any of the Brothers touch me. So, yeah, it’s been a long time. Unless you count the ones I give myself, and then it hasn’t been that long.”
Oh hell, she was babbling. Time to zip it.
“You like giving them to yourself?”
Her skin was on fire. “It’s the only ones I’m getting,” she brazened. “So yeah, I do.”
“That’s a shame. Let me know if you want to change that. I’m right here.”
Her heart pounded. A reckless part of her wanted to take him up on it.
But she couldn’t. She’d embarrass herself if she tried.
He thought she was experienced because she was a grown-ass woman, and because she looked the way she did with all the tattoos and the attitude.
He’d find out quick that she didn’t know what she was doing, and she’d never get over the embarrassment.
Her teenage crush, about to get busy with her body, and she’d go and ruin it by being incompetent. No. Just no.
He dropped his head into his hands. “I’m sorry.
Forget I said that. You just look so damn sexy standing there in your underwear, and it’s been a while for me too.
But that was over the line. After what you’ve been through with Brandon, it’s unforgivable to make you uncomfortable.
You’re safe with me, Eva. I’m not like him. ”
Her heart thumped. “What? No, I’m not worried you’d do anything like that. Jake, you’ve been nothing but decent and kind to me a-and I, uh….”
She’d been about to tell him the truth, but it was hard to say.
He raised his head, his gorgeous eyes melting into hers. She couldn’t let him think he was anything like Brandon Cox. She tumbled on.
“It’s just, well, I don’t know what to do. I don’t have the first clue, and that’s the truth.”
He sighed. “It’s okay, Eva. It’s too much too soon. I shouldn’t have suggested it.”
He hadn’t understood her. Maybe that was good enough, but it didn’t feel right.
“That’s not it. I mean I don’t know how…. I’ve never…”
He frowned as the gears turned in his brain. “Never? Never what?”
Oh God.
Nothing to do but say it. She closed her eyes as if that would make it better.
“Sex. I’ve never done it.”