Twenty-Two
Jude
Six days. I sat behind my desk, staring at the calendar in front of me. How had it only been six days? It felt like an eternity. Saylor’s face, before I had turned and left her the last time, taunted me. Slicing me like a metal whip across my chest. My gaze swung to my phone, and I fisted my hand to keep from reaching for it.
If I could just hear her voice…
The door to my office swung open, and I snapped up my head, startled because no one came in without knocking. The man who walked inside, I realized, didn’t care about any formalities. He wasn’t here for anything to do with the church. I sat up straighter, refusing to let the sight of him intimidate me. There was also the fact that he was the closest thing I’d had to Saylor in six days.
The door clicked shut behind him, and he walked over and sat down in one of the chairs on the other side of my desk.
“How can I help you?” I asked him. What I wanted to say was, How is Saylor? Is she okay? Is she with you?
He leaned back and stared at me as if he were trying to dissect me.
“Is that what you always ask folks who walk into your office, uninvited?” he asked.
No. Because that had never happened until now.
“You would be the first.”
His expression didn’t change. It stayed the same. Almost…bored. Or perhaps annoyed. I wasn’t sure.
“I don’t want to be here. I’ve got shit to do. Didn’t see a point in wasting time,” he said. “Do you know who I am?”
I knew he’d been here the day of the tornado, but I couldn’t remember which one he was. “I know you’re one of the members of the family. A friend of Saylor’s.”
An almost smirk might have twitched on his lips—I wasn’t sure. “A friend? Yeah, I wouldn’t say that. Saylor wouldn’t throw water on me if I was on fire.”
She didn’t like him. That meant this one had to be…
“Bane Cash,” I said, realizing this was Crosby’s older brother. The one who had married the girl that Crosby had cheated on Saylor with.
That response did get a smirk. One that actually made the muscles on his face move. “I’d say, good guess, but I made it easy for you.”
I nodded my head once.
“Well, you have my complete attention, Mr. Cash. What is it you want to talk to me about?” Please let it be about Saylor. Tell me something.
He rubbed the short beard covering his jaw. “Seems Saylor has gotten herself a champion in the form of my wife.” He said it as if it might actually be distasteful to him.
I wanted to ask him when they had met. How it had happened. But I bit my tongue. What mattered was Saylor had faced that obstacle and sounded like she’d conquered it.
Good girl . A smile of pride pulled at my lips.
“Saylor has an effect on people.”
Bane’s brows drew together. “What, like immediate annoyance?”
I tensed. My hands fisted, and my eyes narrowed.
“Are you glaring at me?” he asked with an incredulous tone in his voice.
“Don’t disrespect her,” I replied.
He didn’t respond as he sat there in his arrogance, studying me.
“It’s not one-sided then,” he said finally. “You have feelings for her.”
I did. More than I wanted to admit.
“Why are you here, Mr. Cash?” I asked, ready for him to leave now.
He’d not helped with the absence of Saylor from my life. He might be making it worse. I was worried about her now.
“I told you. My wife. That’s why I am here.”
What did his wife have to do with this? I waited for more.
“Halo and Saylor had a talk over dirty martinis and ice cream. Seems Saylor is, uh, hurting or whatever shit drama she is living out right now. Halo has a big-ass heart and wants to do something for her. Fix things for her. I’m told that you sent Saylor packing because you believe her being here is putting the church folks in danger. Is that true, or did she make that shit up and you got rid of her because she was causing problems?”
Chalk up another sin for me on the tally board because I hated this man. He was a complete bastard. Was this the shit she lived with? Did that entire family treat her like she was dramatic and a problem? No wonder she stayed here, working insane hours. She’d had a safe place here. Somewhere that she was appreciated.
“I’m going to say this one more time. Do not disrespect Saylor,” I snarled, rage seething through me.
Bane looked slightly amused. “Or what? You gonna pray for me?” He chuckled, making my fist itch with the need to plant itself in his smug face.
“Saylor did an excellent job here. She spent more time and energy on the clothes closet than anyone has ever spent on all the ministries we have here combined. She made those who came in off the streets feel important. Gave them their dignity. She even won over Sister Mena, which is unheard of, but that smile and those dimples can melt a damn iceberg. If she wanted to. Clearly, she doesn’t find you worthy enough to spend the energy on.” I stopped when I realized I was shouting.
There was a good chance this man had a gun. He was involved in organized crime. But I didn’t give a shit. He’d said the wrong thing.
“If that’s so,” he drawled, not even flinching, “it seems her worth here should have had you wanting to keep her. Not force her to leave.”
I hadn’t forced her. I’d explained why she had to go.
“I had no choice. The windows were bombproof. Her car wasn’t towed away, but driven after what should have twisted it around the power pole. That kind of protection means she must be a target. And I can’t have that danger brought to our doors.” I paused and swallowed. “And I don’t want her putting herself in danger either. I can’t…now, that I know it wasn’t safe for her here, I wouldn’t be able to let her do it. The times she walked to and from the building to her car alone—I wasn’t protecting her. Something could have happened to her, and I can’t live with that.”
I’d said it. Something I hadn’t wanted to think about. Because I had let her go to protect her. Not the people here. I’d used it as an excuse to cover for the truth. I’d even lied to myself.
“She was never alone,” Bane said. “There was always someone watching her. One of us was stationed out of sight. Keeping an eye on her. We protect ours.”
Had she known that? Why hadn’t she told me?
Because she didn’t know it was her you were worried about, Jude.
Bane stood up, and I rose with him. Not liking the idea of that man towering over me. We were about the same height. I preferred we stayed eye level.
“When Saylor is on this property, it is one of the safest places in this town. If you sent her away because you thought you were bringing danger here, then that reason is void,” he told me. “If you sent her away because you’re a priest and she’s causing you to break all those Catholic rules, then admit it.”
He took a small square card from his pocket and slapped it down on the desk, keeping his finger on it as he lifted his eyes to look back at me. “Today is her twenty-second birthday. My wife is throwing her a surprise party at this address. So, if you want Saylor, come and get her. But be aware: if you make her cry, nothing she says will keep Gathe and Than from coming to make sure you don’t ever get the chance to do it again. There is no God, pulpit, or cross you can find to protect you from one of us.” His finger shoved the card at me. He straightened and sauntered out of my office without a backward glance.
My eyes dropped to the card he’d left behind. I hadn’t known when her birthday was. I didn’t know her favorite song, what she liked in her coffee or if she was drinking some sweet, creamy thing in those Starbucks cups. I didn’t know what her favorite color was, but I was going to guess pink. Her nails, nightgown, even a purse she had were shades of pink. I realized I wanted to know. All of it. Did she watch scary movies, and if so, did she cover her eyes when it got to the good parts? What was her most embarrassing moment as a kid? What had she looked like as a little girl? Had she worn braces?
I picked up the card.
It wasn’t just lust. Did I want to get her naked and in my bed? Absolutely. But that wasn’t all. I missed her. My days were long, empty, with no warmth, no laughter, just a duty. A routine with no joy.
Saylor’s entrance into my life had filled the emptiness, brought the sunshine. I couldn’t have her the way I wanted. But removing her from my life wasn’t working. Could I stay behind the line that my vows had drawn and still have her in my life?