Chapter 8
Jamie
My calendar alert popped up just before I clocked out at work. Dinner with the fam.
I’d been meticulously molding chocolate dicks for hours.
Chrissy Banks was having a bachelorette garden party—to celebrate what would be her fourth wedding—complete with tasteful cupcakes topped with dicks.
They’d be a lovely compliment to the floral arrangements Maverick was setting up with phallic cacti centerpieces.
If I didn’t have to create another dick-shaped dessert item in this lifetime, I’d be happy. But it wasn’t likely. Dick demand was high in Granville, especially with Paula Dirks holding all those dang sex toy parties.
Chocolate dick exhaustion or not, there was no getting out of family dinner. I’d never hear the end of it if I didn’t show.
Mom always said that if you didn’t make time for family, you lost sight of why you were doing everything else.
I swung by my little cottage rental to pick up Lady and Tramp. They had been cooped up too long to wait at home. I got them into harnesses and loaded them into my car. It was a tight fit with the top up, but I didn’t trust Tramp to keep his ass in the seat if it were down.
By the time I got to my parents’ house, three cars filled the driveway. I found the nearest curb and parked on the street. Lady and Tramp bounded out when I opened the passenger door. They took off for the porch, leashes trailing behind them.
I didn’t bother to give chase. They knew where they were going.
The front door opened, and my brother greeted my dogs with more affection than he’d ever shown me. When I trudged up the steps, he raised an eyebrow.
“You sick or something? You look like crap.”
“Long day at work, but thanks for your concern, asswipe.”
He laughed. “Sorry, man. I just call it like I see it.”
“Uncle Jamie!” Grace raced forward, dressed in shorts and a tank top. Her knees were covered in Band-Aids.
I wrapped an arm around her as she hugged my waist. “Wow, Gracie, you starting a new fashion trend?”
“Huh?”
“All those Band-Aids. That’s like… Tomboy Chic, right there.”
Her forehead creased in confusion. Her mom, Gwen, laughed. “That’s my girl. Takes after her mama.”
Grace decided my comment was a compliment. “Thanks! Can I play with the dogs in the backyard?”
“Please do. They’re too hyper. Kinda like you.”
She giggled and patted Tramp’s head. “Come on, guys! Outside!”
They heard the magic word and trotted after her. Her cousin, Joey, joined her by the door, opening it and going out after them.
Voices trailed out from the dining room, Dad’s laughter so loud it echoed through the whole house. Despite everything, I smiled. My dad was one of those guys who found joy in everything. I really admired that about him.
Gwen wrapped an arm around me as we strolled into the dining room. “You smell delicious. If only you were straight, we could run away together and you could feed me for life.”
“Hey,” Nick protested. “I’m right behind you.”
“And you never cook for me,” she shot back.
“I do other things for you,” he grumbled. “Gay guys aren’t gonna give you an hourlong back massage, are they?”
“That’s what it takes to get her in the mood?” I snickered. “Maybe you should run away with me. Or better yet, find a pretty girl.” I winked.
My brother scowled. “Hilarious.”
My older sister, Ashley, paused in the act of setting the table. “Who’s running away with who?”
“No one,” Nick said, pulling his wife into his arms and kissing her soundly.
My heart ached a little. It was sweet how he got jealous even though she was just teasing. I’d never had a love like that.
Dad grinned from his place at the head of the table, still handsome despite the salt that peppered his beard these days. “You making trouble again, Jamie?”
“I can’t help it if she wants my chocolate dicks.”
“Whoa, she wants your what?” Ashley asked.
“Chocolate dicks.” I wrinkled my nose. “I came straight from work, after molding three dozen of them.”
Gwen laughed. “Oh, man, and you had my mouth watering.”
My brother grinned. “Maybe your subconscious knew, huh? You can cover me in chocolate later if that’s what does it for you.” He winked.
Mom entered just then with a big bowl of salad, thank goodness. I really couldn’t handle it if my brother kept putting those sorts of images in my head.
She clucked. “When are you going to open your own bakery, Jamie? You know we’d help you get started.”
“I’d personally eat you out of carrot cake every day,” Dad said, patting his soft belly.
Mom shook her head. “On second thought, a bakery might just kill your father. He has a terrible sweet tooth.”
I smiled. “Well, no worries. I’d be no match for Glazed Holes, anyway.”
“Best doughnuts ever,” Gwen agreed with a lusty voice.
My brother snorted. “Yeah, but my ass gets ogled every time I go in there. Miles is a huge flirt.”
“You should be flattered,” I said. “Miles doesn’t ogle just anyone.”
“Yeah?” My brother brightened and turned to his wife. “I’ve still got it, babe.”
“Well, of course you do. You’ve still got me.”
That led to more kissing. With a wistful sigh, I followed Mom into the kitchen to check on the rest of the meal. We all fell into default roles when we were here.
Ashley always set the table. Nick always did the dishes. And I always helped in the kitchen.
“Sorry I’m so late,” I said as Mom handed me oven mitts and opened the oven door. “The catering business is unpredictable.”
I grabbed the ceramic casserole dish and withdrew the baked ziti with summer squash and chicken. It was bubbling, the cheese on top a nice golden brown.
“Well, I may not be a professional like you, but I can still handle a family dinner.”
“Please, Mom, you’re the best. Where do you think I got my love for baking?”
She smiled, pleased. “That’s why I don’t understand why you don’t want to pursue a bakery.”
I hesitated. “Because it’s not what I really want.”
“But what do you really want?” Mom pressed as I re-entered the dining room to place the casserole dish on a hot pad in the center of the table.
“You know what I want already.”
“Not this thing with the dog treats again?” she said, sounding baffled. “I thought you decided Granville was too small to make a business like that profitable.”
I shrugged. “That’s why I’m doing it on the side. I’m thinking of launching a website. Maybe with online sales…”
The room went silent, everyone staring at me. My shoulders inched up. “I’m keeping the catering job for now.”
“Don’t you bake your dog treats?” Nick asked.
Gwen had disappeared, probably to wrangle kids and get their hands washed for dinner.
“Yes,” I said slowly.
“So why not open a bakery? You obviously like baking.”
Ashley frowned. “Don’t be a jerk.”
“What?” Nick protested. “I’m just asking. I don’t get it.”
Sometimes, I wasn’t sure I got it either. I just knew that it wasn’t about the baking. It was about the dogs and their owners. That special bond they had. The joy of watching one treasure the other.
I couldn’t begin to explain that in a way that didn’t sound silly and childish. I just wanted to make dogs happy. That was the simple truth of it.
I shrugged. “It’s just not what I want to do.”
“Well, you should always pursue your happiness,” Dad said with an air of finality. The subject was closed, thankfully. “Everyone sit down and eat. Your mom worked hard on this meal.”
Gwen returned with her daughter and Ashley’s son in tow, directing them to open seats. Their older siblings were at a sporting event with Ashley’s husband tonight. When everyone was in attendance, we had to drag in chairs from other rooms to accommodate us all.
My family was full to bursting with loving partners and children. And then there was me.
Single. Alone.
Confusing all of them with my inability to settle down with a nice boy and open a nice bakery and live the nice life they could see so clearly for me.
They loved me unconditionally. Barely blinked when I came out as gay.
But I couldn’t help but feel, sitting at the crowded family table, that I would always be the odd man out.
My disastrous date with Hank only hammered it home. I was alone, and I might always be.