49. Kaz
“Tellme again how you lost your mind.” Vanya doesn’t bother hiding his grin.
“I didn’t ... I?—”
I fucking lost my mind. It didn’t take me long to understand that Caelia would never come with me willingly. She might have said she doesn’t hate me, but I don’t believe the feeling was strong enough to survive everything she’s been put through by my bastard brother, who’s wearing my face. There’s still some fight left in her. Enough to resist me and try to have her way. I understand that all of this is confusing for her. Nothing makes sense.
“What do you know about relationships?”
“More than you do,” I assure him.
I had to confide in someone, or I would go crazy. Vanya has been in the waiting room with me all this time, waiting for Caelia to come out of surgery. Dmitri is taking care of Mattia, ensuring that no one will find him. I want to handle that problem personally, but nothing is more urgent than Caelia’s recovery. The police stopped by an hour ago, attempting to speak with her. I stood there, overly concerned for someone who claimed not to know her. Vanya came up with a stupid story about how we just found her on the street, and Caelia went along with it. She said she didn’t remember anything. I wish that were true. If it were, she wouldn’t look at me like I’m going to hurt her any second.
“It’s a stupid plan, Kaz,” Vanya remarks.
“What other option do I have?”
“You can let her go.”
“I can’t.”
“You don’t want to.”
This happens when you grow up with someone, and they get to know you better than anyone else. They won’t take any bullshit. You can’t lie to them. Vanya is trying to make amends. I also need someone to keep me sane.
“You’re right. I don’t want to let her go. But I also can’t let her go. The thought alone drives me insane. Where’s Domenico?”
“Our doctor stitched him up. The last time I spoke with him, he was with Dmitri. Why?”
“Call him. Caelia wants to see him.”
Vanya narrows his eyes, not saying a word. He doesn’t have to. I don’t like this either.
“He’s her friend or some shit.” I shrug. “Just call him, will you?”
He nods, taking his phone out of his pocket. I head back to Caelia’s private room. I already took care of all the bills. I’m just waiting for her to be able to travel. It matters little to me because she will, willingly or not, but one of those options will make her life easier. When I enter the room, her eyes lock with mine. There’s less rage and more pain in them than this morning.
“What’s wrong, Wildfire?”
“Could you please call a nurse for me? I keep pressing this button, but nothing happens.”
“What do you need a nurse for? Are you in pain?”
“If you must know, yes. But there’s nothing else they can give me for that. I need to use the bathroom.” Her cheeks turn red.
“All right.” I cross the distance between us, making sure not to move too fast and scare her. “I’ll help you.” I extend my hand, keeping it far enough for her to feel safe.
It’s driving me fucking insane. I want to touch her. I need to touch her. She can barely stand to touch herself at the moment and winces in pain with every sudden movement.
“Just call a nurse, please.”
“I’ve eaten your pussy until you came in my mouth, and you’re ashamed of this?” I arch an eyebrow, still waiting for her to take my hand.
“This is different!”
“Different, how?”
“I don’t know. It just is, all right?”
“Sure, Wildfire. It’s very different.” I mock her, smirking as she gives in and places her palm in mine. I want to intertwine my fingers with hers, but I’m afraid it will be too much suddenly. She stares at our hands, exerting all her strength to stand. My other arm wraps around her waist before I can stop myself.
“I will not hurt you,” I say, which is what she needs to hear.
She nods, leaning her body against mine. She never seemed so fragile to me before. I want to set Mattia on fire. Caelia is breathing heavily and moans with every step she takes. Not the kind of moans I want to hear from her.
“This is not working.” I bend down and lift her into my arms as gently as possible.
“I can walk by myself,” she protests, throwing her arms around my neck.
“Or you can save your energy to fight me. We both know you want to.”
She holds back a smile, closing her eyes. I see red every time I look at her bruises. There’s nothing I can do to get used to seeing her like this, and it never gets any easier. I open the door with my foot, placing her inside, reluctant to let her go. But we’re back where we started.
“Can I have some privacy?” she requests.
“I want to say no.”
“Please, Kazimir.” I look around before I decide if I can leave her alone. “You’re being ridiculous. I won’t throw myself out the window!” I can never be too cautious with her.
I can’t figure out why she insists on calling me Kazimir.
“I’ll step away, but the door stays open.”
“Fine,” she scoffs.
My brain keeps replaying the moment I found her and how she begged me to kill her. I’m sure that if she’s contemplating death, she will find something to harm herself with. I step out, turning my back to her. I move out of her line of sight. I can’t stand still, so I pace around the room until I hear her gasp. I stand at the door for a long moment before she notices me. She’s gripping the edge of the sink, looking at her body in the mirror. Her naked body is covered in stitched-up cuts and bruises.
“Caelia—”
“No, don’t. Please, don’t say anything.” Apart from violently describing what would happen to Mattia, I can say nothing. I step closer, stopping behind her. “I wanted to take a shower. I feel disgusting.”
She already had one, but nothing will cleanse her mind from what happened.
“I’ll help you.” I wrap my arm around her waist, barely touching her. I use the other to trace the shades of purple on her skin. She shivers under my touch. “You’re strong.” I caress her ribs. “There’s so much fire inside you, Caelia.”
“No, there’s none left.”
I don’t think she realizes it, but she tilts her head back onto my shoulder. My hand continues to travel up and down her body.
“It’s still there. And I won’t let it go out. Tell me where it hurts so I can help you heal.”
“Is this another poisonous lie?” She closes her eyes.
“No. No more lies. I promise.”
“Then give me this truth, Kazimir. Why do you want me to come with you?”
Caelia’s not asking the easiest questions.