60. Caelia
“Is this what you want, whore?”he sneers. My limbs feel numb, and my temples throb. All I want is to turn back time and stay with him. I should never have tried to run away. “Open your fucking eyes and look at me when I talk to you!”
I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter, refusing to obey his command. His thrusts inside me are aggressive and ruthless. I sense the blow coming before I feel it. There’s not much sensation left; the cold has numbed my body. I’m starving. I’m bleeding.
“Fucking look at me!”
I don’t need to open my eyes to know that Mattia is watching as Ludovic destroys my body. Mattia has been standing in the same spot since the beginning. I can hear him giving orders to his brother while he strokes himself.
“No.” I shake my head. “Fuck you! No!”
“Shh, Wildfire. You’re safe. Come back to me.” I wriggle, throwing my arm back with all my might, trying to escape the arms that hold me captive. “Fuck!” I hear as I accidentally hit him with my elbow before I can stop myself. I roll until I land on my backside. Looking at my surroundings, I remember where I am. Fuck indeed.
“Kaz? Oh, shit!” I stand up and crawl back to bed. He’s wiping the blood dripping from his nose with the back of his hand, looking like he just woke up. I must have disturbed him with my squirming. My body is covered in sweat, and my clothes are sticking to my skin. “I’m so sorry,” I sigh. “I didn’t mean to.” I lean over his body and take the box of tissues from the nightstand. “Here.” I take a couple out and hand them to him.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”
I worry about it. What was he thinking, trying to wake me up in the middle of my nightmare? I’ve had them before, but never this intense. I used to have them all the time when Mattia used to abuse me, but I learned to live with them.
“Lie down. Please?”
“You’re beautiful when you’re worried about me.” He still finds time to compliment me and smirks while doing it. He’s wide awake, but his eyes are heavy with sleep, his dark hair a mess, and his body almost completely exposed, considering he went to sleep in nothing but boxers. “Are you all right?”
“Am I all right? I’m not the one who’s been punched.”
“No, something worse. You were having a nightmare.”
I’m not sure how I’m going to survive a week if he continues like this, let alone six months. No one has ever tried to protect me like he does. No one has ever been as concerned as he is. He’s a paradox. He was threatening me just the other day.
“I’m fine.”
“No more lies,” he reminds me.
“Lie down, will you?”
“Come here,” he says as he lies down, lifting his arm and inviting me closer.
“I’m sweaty.”
“I’m bloody. What’s your point?”
I slide under his arm, glancing at his nose as he removes the tissues. I wipe the blood from his chin.
“Here.” He hands me a tissue, but I don’t take it. Instead, I suck my thumb. It’s not much blood anyway, and I remember how he drank from my body when I squirted into his mouth. He sucked his cum out of me and spat it back into my mouth. A little blood on my tongue is nothing compared to what he’s done for me. To me.
“You’re going to get yourself into trouble, Caelia,” he warns me.
“Maybe I want to get myself into trouble.”
I must have left the shy part of myself back in New York. Or maybe this is just me playing the role of a loving wife.
“Undress.”
“Kaz—”
“Now, Caelia.” It’s pointless to fight him. I discard my clothes, kneeling in the middle of the bed, feeling more self-conscious than ever. He wipes the blood from his nose again, tossing the tissues to the ground. “Come here.”
“Here where?” I tease him, moving my gaze between his erection and his face. God, he’s beautiful.
“Come sit on my face. I’m not telling you again.”
I furrow my brows, about to ask him how I’m supposed to do that when he’s still bleeding, but I don’t have time. He grabs my waist, pulling me forward. This is really happening. He moves toward the middle of the bed, lowering his body. I swing my leg, unsure of what to do. I got his command, and I’m good at following instructions when they come from him, but I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have.
“I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never done this before.”
“Good.” He smirks. “Another thing to add to the list of things you’ve never done with anyone else. The thought of another man’s hands on your body drives me fucking insane.”
I can’t tell if he means it or not. I lower myself, squeezing my eyes shut. There’s still some shame left in me, after all. Placing his hands on my pelvis, he pulls me down, forcing me to sit on his face. His mouth engulfs my pussy without warning. I stifle a moan.
“No, Caelia,” Kaz murmurs. “You’re going to scream for me so loud that even the pilot will hear you.” He licks my clit a second later.
I spread my legs farther away, touching the wall before me. He’s not giving me much of a choice as he devours me with his tongue like it’s the last thing he’ll ever taste. I feel every stroke of his tongue resonating through my body, setting me ablaze. I can’t make sense of his rhythm as he’s licking my pussy like he’s enjoying this more than I am. He flattens his tongue over my clit, barely sliding it. I’m writhing and whimpering, rolling my hips to grind against his mouth.
“That’s my girl. Your pussy is so wet and ready for me.” Kaz circles my clit with the tip of his tongue. I feel like I’m about to explode.
“Stop.”
The word cuts through the air like a blade. He goes still beneath me, pushing himself up so that he can look at my face, reminding me why I trust him blindly. His mouth is smeared with a mixture of my wetness and his blood. He looks like a fucking savage.
“What’s wrong?” He draws his brows together, concern dripping in his tone.
“Nothing,” I hurry to add, realizing that I’ve abruptly stopped him, my voice too hoarse. “I was just ... I want to—” He raises an eyebrow, patiently waiting for me to think coherently. I can’t. Not when he’s looking at me like he can’t wait to devour me whole. I take a deep breath. “I want to feel you inside me when I come. That’s why I stopped you,” I explain, my cheeks burning. He licks the blood off his lips with a lazy smirk. “Not because ... not because I was?—”
“It’s all right, solnysho. You don’t need to explain yourself. Whatever you need, I’ll give it to you.”
Kaz withdraws, shifting behind me. I watch him undress over my shoulder, positioning himself on his knees behind me. He digs his fingertips into my waist, pulling me back. He rubs the head of his erection against my clit in slow motion. I place my hand on top of his, my head falling back onto his shoulder.
“Kiss me.” I turn my head toward him.
“You seem to enjoy giving me orders,” he grins.
I love the way he kisses me. It feels more intimate than fucking—the way he possesses my mouth, the way he slips his tongue inside my mouth, groaning like he’s pleased with me. He guides me back to his length by gripping my waist and simultaneously thrusting forward to fill me completely. He fucks me hard, making it difficult to focus. He’s unforgiving. I struggle to kiss him back until he laughs at how unfocused I am—dark and low—before he yanks me back, wrapping his arm around me so tight I can’t move. I want to make this last for as long as I can, but my control wavers. His hand slips down on my stomach. I place mine on the wall before me, looking for any balance. He thrusts deep, keeping me close to his body.
“Is this what you want?” He whispers in my ear. “To take every inch of my cock like a good girl until you come on it?”
“Yes.” It’s easy to reply since this is the only word I can remember now.
He pulls back, bringing me with him. Placing a hand on my back, he urges me to rest face down on the pillow, my ass in the air, as he slows his pace, pulling almost out before plunging back in. I wasn’t joking when I told him I felt mentally unstable. I truly do. Vanya still scares me. So do his men. But I crave Kaz so badly that I stopped being afraid of him. He’s the only person in the entire universe who can touch me without me freaking out about it. He places his hand on the back of my head, forcing me to stay still as he gives me what I need, shoving himself deep inside me and fucking me like he’s angry at me.
“You feel so fucking good,” he reminds me.
I spread my legs wider, struggling to catch my breath. I trust him with my body, but I certainly don’t trust him with my heart. I only trust him with his. I asked him to help me forget, and he did. My body betrays me, and I come, giving him what he wants. I shake and scream so loudly that I’m sure the pilot will hear this. It feels like I’ve been sitting on the beach before the tsunami hit. I’m left breathless, feeling the aftershocks with every move of his hips, until I want to collapse, but I can’t. Kaz removes his hand from the back of my head, moving it to my thigh and digging deep into my skin. Nothing felt as good as this. I struggle to find rational answers, but there aren’t any. I don’t know how I can still enjoy sex after everything that happened to me, but he’s my cure. I can’t fight this. He curses, following me over the edge as he comes inside me. He kisses my spine before we shift to our sides, collapsing on the mattress. Kaz is still buried inside me, breathing heavily behind me. His arms wrap around my waist, keeping me tight. I stare at the wall, trying to catch my breath.
“How’s your nose?” I break the silence.
He chuckles, placing a kiss on my neck. There’s a flutter in my stomach.
“I’ll survive.”
I recall my disappointment when he said something like that when I mistook him for his brother. I wished for him to die. The thought of his death sends chills down my spine now.
“Do you think that this is unusual?”
“What is unusual?”
“That I can still enjoy sex with you after everything? Shouldn’t I be ... not okay?”
“I’m glad that you enjoy sex with me, solnyshko. It will make the next six months more bearable. But you have nightmares. You barely eat, and you care so little about your life that you pushed yourself against my gun. You’ve been through far too much. You’re not okay.”
I continue to stare at the wall. “Do you think I should seek help?”
“I do, yes,” he tells me the cold, harsh truth. “And we’ll get you someone to talk to soon enough.”
I know he’s right. I’ve been approaching this in the wrong way. Just because I can still find pleasure in sex doesn’t mean I’m fine. I’m just surprised that he noticed all of this. That he paid enough attention.
“But I’m here for you, Caelia,” he adds, kissing my shoulder.
“Thank you,” I say instead of asking him why. That’s a question I’ll have to answer for myself. “I’m sorry I hit you.”
“I should’ve known better than to wake you in the middle of a nightmare.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“If I can’t take a hit from my woman, then why the hell am I still breathing?”
I laugh, even though nothing about this is funny. We’re growing too comfortable in our new roles too quickly. It’s as if we’ve flipped a switch and remembered who we are to each other. And what we are scares the hell out of me.
“You’re still inside me.”
“I know.”