59. Kaz
We’re finallyon the plane. This day didn’t come soon enough. It was the best offer I could make her. Dedushka won’t like it. Hell, he won’t like her. But presenting her as my wife will be better than Caelia making it clear she’s with me against her will every chance she gets. And knowing her, she would’ve made it a statement.
“Have Dmitri look into this, Vanya. See what he can find out. Try to get in touch with your father.”
Vanya’s eyes follow the movement of my hand. My fingers are playing with Caelia’s hair. She fell asleep on the couch, her head on my lap. She said nothing but refused to sleep in the suite and didn’t seem keen on flying.
“Did I tell you recently what a stupid plan this is?”
“Not since this morning.”
“She’ll end up ten million dollars richer, and you’ll end up with fucking nothing and your heart in pieces.”
“I don’t have a heart to break.”
“Yeah, you go on and keep telling yourself that. We’ll speak again in six months.” I had to explain to Vanya why Caelia stopped fighting me. She’s not the only one who’s sick of lies. I went with the truth, so now he knows about our arrangement. To say that he loathes it would be an understatement. “You said you couldn’t let her go.”
That statement still stands. I can’t. I won’t. This stupid arrangement is a monumental fuck up. I gave her my word, but I have no fucking idea how I’m going to keep it.
Caelia wakes up, rubbing her eyes. “Why are you both looking so gloomy?”
“ты идиот,” Vanya rolls his eyes.
“What did he say?” Caelia asks, hating the fact the fact that she doesn’t understand a word.
“That I’m an idiot,” I translate for her.
“If you’re going to offend Kaz, at least do it in English so I can join in.” She smirks, not moving an inch from my lap.
Vanya wants to hate her, but he can’t. He had a fit of laughter when he found me handcuffed to the bed, not at all surprised by her escaping attempt. He was more pissed that I woke him up than that we had to chase Caelia through the house. My cousin is used to me pointing a gun at him, but I’ve never meant it until that night. I wasn’t joking when I told him I was going to put a bullet in his head if he threatened her again. He will give her grief, though. He wouldn’t be who he is otherwise.
“I see. You still don’t like me,” she adds when Vanya fails to reply. He ignores her, puts his headphones on, and sits on the other couch. “Fine, have it your way,” she mumbles. “What’s going on?”
I’ve promised I won’t lie to her again, and I’m sure I can at least keep this promise.
“Fiona has been kidnapped. We think it was Sevastyan, but we don’t know if he’s in New York or hiding somewhere in Russia. We were trying to figure out what our next move would be.” At least, this is what we were talking about before Vanya insisted on reminding me how stupid he thought this plan was.
“Your mom has been kidnapped.” I nod. “Why are you so calm about this?”
“I’m not sure I care enough about Fiona to bother saving her. I let her go in the end. Maybe trying to keep her confined would have been safer, but I didn’t care enough. Would you if it were yours instead?”
I know how she feels about her mom.
“It’s not the same,” she says, avoiding giving me an answer.
“Aren’t they both mothers in name only?”
“Maybe you still have a chance of having something I never did. My mom hates me, Kaz. Nothing will ever be good enough for her. She most likely smiled when she heard I was dead.”
“She’ll always choose Mattia.”
“Nothing I’ll say will make you change your mind. Just make sure that whatever you decide, you won’t lose sleep over it.”
“Are you saying that I should try to save her?”
“I’m saying that if you decide not to, make sure you’re at peace with this decision. That you won’t drive yourself crazy by asking what you could have done differently.”
“I’ll have Dmitri look into this, but I won’t return. It’s not safe for you.”
“It’s your mom. You can’t possibly think my life is worth more than hers.”
I laugh. Caelia gets distracted, as she often does, staring at my dimples.
“I’m going to say this once, and you’ll listen. Your life is worth more to me than anyone else’s. I will not put you in danger. I will not go back to save a woman who doesn’t give a shit about me so that I can be the bigger person. You’re my priority.”
Caelia will realize one of these days that I’m not kidding. It’s not a joke for me. I hope I’ll devise a plan to make her stay after the time’s up. A plan that doesn’t include pregnancy. I need her for myself for at least another ten years. I won’t share her time with anyone else. I’m a selfish bastard like that.
“What’s the plan when we land?” She shifts uncomfortably, changing the subject.
“Vanya will take you to my house. I need to see Dedushka and catch him up on everything that’s been going on.”
“Dedushka?”
“My grandpa, Grigoriy. He won’t like a single thing about any of this.”
I will never hear the end of this. I realize what a stupid plan this has been to keep everything hidden from him. I let Sevastyan play me, and now I’ll have to deal with the consequences, hoping he won’t try to remove me.
“Do I need to go with Vanya? He hates me.”
I watch my cousin, but his eyes are closed and he is not moving a muscle. That doesn’t mean that he’s not listening to our conversation. I know him all too well. He can break inside, and he won’t even blink. He’s worse than me, only showing others the emotions he wants them to see.
“He doesn’t hate you. He’s pissed that I left Russia to look for you. We knew there was a hit with my name on it, and I didn’t care. I should’ve, but I didn’t think anyone was crazy enough to open fire at the hospital.”
A mistake I will not make again.
“He’s right to be pissed. You should’ve stayed home.” There’s no bite in her remark. It sounds like she’s just as unhappy as Vanya for precisely the same reasons: I refused to hide, aware of what was coming after me. “How’s your shoulder?”
It’s the first time she’s shown any concern. Is this what I’ve signed up for? Feelings, concerns, and truths for the next six months? Or is she just great at pretending?
“It’s sore.”
“You’ve been shot before?”
“Shot, kidnapped, tortured. I don’t die that easily.”
“Stabbed,” she adds, pursing her lips.
“That too. How are you feeling?”
“Mentally? Unstable.” She shrugs. “Physically? Better.”
“You know you can talk to me if you need to. I’ll always listen.”
“I know.”
Her hair feels like silk under my fingers. I can’t wait to have her in my house for the next six months. It’s a slippery road. It won’t do my obsession any good, but things are not as bad as I thought. She took my proposal and hasn’t tried to open the door and jump out of the plane so far.
“How long until we land?”
“At least thirteen hours. You should get some sleep.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re afraid of flying.” It’s not a question.
She swallows, avoiding my gaze.
“I’ve never been on a plane before. It’s just new, that’s all.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“Would you?” She sounds surprised.
“All you have to do is ask, moya solnyshko.”
“What does that mean?” She stands up, waiting for me to follow.
“You can ask anything but that,” I smirk.
It’s something my father used to call me when I was a child. An endearment I didn’t think I was ever going to use. She rolls her eyes, taking my hand.