Chapter Twenty
Twenty
It’s not until I see his curly hair, much like mine, that I work out who it is. “What the… Dylan?!” I say, hopping off the sofa and running across to him where he’s collapsed on the floor. I help pull his body in so Freddie can close the door.
“I forgot Dylan was coming,” Sam says. He looks almost pleased he’s remembered the thing he forgot.
I stare at him, aghast. “I don’t understand what’s happening,” I say. “Sara, can you run a tepid bath for Dyl, please?”
There’s a flurry of action. Sam helps Freddie lift Dylan onto the sofa, wrapping a blanket over him.
The kettle is boiling in the kitchen and Priya has come back to help get the fireplace roaring again.
Dylan’s teeth are chattering as he stares at me with a guilty expression.
His cheeks are so red, he looks like he’s added blush to them, but I guess that might be the frostbite.
“Care to explain?” I ask, rubbing his arms to help warm him.
“S-s-urp-ris-ss-ee!”
“What’s the surprise? You arriving at our party uninvited? Or that you’re nearly frozen to death?”
“B-b-oth.”
“Ok… but why are you here?”
Sam arrives at this exact moment with a hot chocolate, placing it on the side table, and a hot water bottle, which he slides across to Dylan, tucking it under the blanket to warm his chest. “That’ll be my fault.”
I glare at my best friend. “What did you do?”
“I was meant to remember that Dylan was driving up here. But then it started snowing and I forgot, so…”
“What? Wait. Why?”
He shrugs. “We wanted to surprise you!”
I sigh. “Well, congrats, I’m surprised!”
Sam smiles as if he did good then turns away to the kitchen, leaving me with Dylan.
“I still don’t understand. Why are you here?”
He takes a sip of hot chocolate before answering, his voice still wavering as he says, “I didn’t want to be alone with our family on New Year’s Eve. I messaged Sam because I thought you’d say no.”
“How do you have Sam’s number?”
Dylan rolls his eyes. “That doesn’t matter. I’m here because we’re black sheep now and we have to stick together. You can’t just swan off and abandon me with our family. I’m tired of being the loser.”
“You’re not a loser,” I say, but right now, with him shivering on the sofa, it’s a hard sell so I shrug. “Ok. You are a bit of a loser.”
“Thank you,” he says, as if that was in fact a compliment. “I borrowed Dad’s car to drive here but as I got closer, it started to snow. But, like, proper snow. Like I could barely see, kind of snow.”
“Yeah, I get it.”
“Well, the car got stuck on a bank somewhere. The wheels just spinning out. I tried calling Sam but I had no signal.”
“Neither do I, to be fair,” Sam adds from behind me. I don’t look around. He shall be cold-shouldered for the time being.
“…I just started walking. But I didn’t have a coat.”
“Where’s your bag?”
Dylan looks over at the door with a frown. “Oh shit.”
“What?”
“I might’ve left my bag in the car.”
“Might’ve?”
He cringes. “I did. I left it in the car. I was panicking. I thought I was going to freeze to death in the middle of nowhere, covered in snow, as the dark crept in.”
“And your coat?”
He shrugs. “Didn’t think I’d need one. I left it at home. I was meant to be driving up to the door.”
I shake my head at him. “I’m calling Mum. Let her know you’re insane but alive.”
“Oh! And then I got chased by something, dropped my phone and couldn’t find it.”
“So, you lost your phone too?”
He nods.
“What did you get chased by?” I ask, eyes wide.
“A pig, I think. It was dark.”
“Oh my God.”
“I slipped over. Don’t remember the next part.”
I hear Freddie mutter, “Wild bacon.”
“You probably have concussion then,” I say.
“I’m fine.”
I roll my shoulders to ease the tension as I walk to my room to call Mum and let her know my idiot cousin has arrived at the lodge.
The signal is patchy, but I manage to explain how he’s waded through what now looks like at least a foot of snow.
She tuts and huffs before promising to call my auntie.
I mean, it’s not as if Dylan isn’t an adult with his own autonomy, but on the off-chance someone is worried about him, it felt right to make a call.
Sara is ushering Dylan to the bathroom as I re-enter the upstairs hallway.
Sam is following behind with a towel. “You,” I say, pointing at him.
“This is your fault. You can stay with him and make sure he doesn’t drown.
You need to slowly warm the water up until he can feel his toes again.
I don’t want to drag paramedics out here in the snow. ”
Sam presses his lips together and nods.
As I descend the stairs again, Priya is in the kitchen. All I see is a plume of smoke as she opens the oven door, her arms batting around like crazy.
The fire alarm goes off. The screeching sound it emits runs straight from my ears to my toes, making my whole body tense. I try to work out which button to reach for but even though I’m tall, I can’t get to it with these high ceilings.
Freddie runs up behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders before reaching up to turn it off. My instincts tell me to lean into his touch, but my brain reminds me it’s off limits, so I squirm to escape him.
Priya opens the windows. “Sorry guys, I forgot the pizzas.”
“There’s no hot water left now,” Sara huffs, storming back into the room. “Hattie, can you remember how to work the boiler…?”
“Oh my God!” I say a little too loudly. “I’m going to get some space. This isn’t the chaos I was after for this trip!”
I jog across the living space to the door that leads to the basement games room. We haven’t really used it yet as it’s cold and dark down there with only one ground-level window, totally blocked up with snow. I switch the garish lights on and perch on the pool table.
I take a few deep breaths when the fire alarm goes off again, clenching my eyes closed to calm myself.
I can hear feet shuffling above me before it’s turned off.
Voices are muffled. I bet they’re wondering what the hell my problem is, running off sulking like that.
But isn’t it ok for things to just become too much sometimes?
Isn’t it ok to need a break? Some space without chaos?
Steps finally sound on the stairs. I look across to find Freddie frowning at me by the doorway, his hands on his hips.
He’s wearing a plain, long-sleeved, maroon t-shirt with rolled-up sleeves.
The firm lines of his forearms are clear to see.
I bet he does forearm workouts. Are those a thing?
He steps closer slowly, like he’s worried he’ll spook me, his blue jeans rustling.
His thick, grey, hiking socks must feel nice on the smooth, concrete floor.
I look down at myself, dressed in black leggings and a grey, longline sweatshirt.
He’s right; I am plain. He looks disappointed, and it triggers something in me.
There’s a short burst of unwanted adrenaline spreading across my sternum.
I feel like I’m going to have to pay for that moment in some way.
“Are you here to tell me off?” I ask, my protective walls closing me in.
His frown deepens. “No. Why would you think that?”
“Because Adam would’ve told me off for making a scene.”
Adam would’ve been disappointed in me. Adam would’ve pointed out that his mates’ girlfriends weren’t as emotional and difficult as me. Adam would’ve made me feel like the brattiest person ever.
“You didn’t make a scene,” Freddie confirms. “It was already a scene. I don’t blame you for needing to get away. That’s why I left it a minute before checking on you. What Dylan and Sam did earlier… Ambushing you. It was out of order.”
“Oh,” I say, surprised. Something light and airy settles in my core. I’m ok. This isn’t going to end in tears. I’m not being blamed.
“I’m checking you’re ok,” he says, his voice taking a gentler tone.
I fiddle with the end of my sleeves. “I’m ok.
It’s just… a lot. I feel really bad. I should’ve told Priya to go home earlier on before the snow got so heavy.
You or Sam could’ve driven her. Who knows how long we’ll be stranded now.
I should’ve known why Sara was feeling off and I shouldn’t have left Dylan to deal with my family on his own.
He’s right; I should’ve seen that. I could’ve invited him in the first place. ”
Freddie’s frown stays right there. I want him to nod or confirm my selfishness but he just laughs instead, a kind of breathy, disbelieving sound. “Hattie, none of those things are your fault. You’re not responsible for anyone in this lodge. They’re all adults.”
I roll my eyes. “I know. But this was my idea…”
“They all agreed to come. You didn’t bundle them into the car and force them to come here. They agreed. They wanted to be here.”
“I know. But Priya…”
“Could’ve left herself if she wanted to. She chose to stay.”
“I know you’re right, but it doesn’t just make the feeling go away. I still feel like I’ve let them down.”
He shrugs. “I just wish I could release you from that feeling. Why did you think I came down here to have a go at you?”
I look away. “I don’t know.”
He steps closer, and even though I can’t bring myself to turn to him, I know his eyes never stray from my face. It’s like my skin feels brushed wherever his gaze lands. If I was a braver woman, I’d take him on and stare straight back, challenge him and play with our chemistry, but I’m not anymore.
When I feel his warm thumb on my chin, I swear something bursts in my core, heat pooling everywhere. I’ve craved his touch for years.
He adds a light pressure to turn my face towards him, using his other hand to sweep my hair back behind my shoulder. His fingers linger. “Your hair is so soft,” he murmurs; his steady, deep voice sends shockwaves rolling down my spine.
I finally look up. He’s so close, I can see the gold flecks flitting out from his iris; it’s like staring into a forest during the hot, glowing days of summer.
“I took this off the cards, remember,” I say gently.
He nods. “I know. Want me to give you space?”
I don’t respond. Instead, I take the opportunity to trace his beautiful, rugged face with my thumb. The fact he closes his eyes and sighs as I do it only fuels my confidence. I wonder what the light stubble around his mouth would feel like under my tongue. What would he taste like?
I laugh at myself, twisting and stepping away from the pool table to give us space. My thumb that touched him feels scorched. Freddie doesn’t turn fully, and I secretly hope it’s because he’s hiding the swell in his jeans.
“I’m sorry,” I squeak. “That was stupid.”
Freddie sighs again and shakes his head. “I’m not sorry and wish you wouldn’t be either.”
“You’re…” I’m about to say terrible, or outrageously hot, but I don’t because there’s a clanking sound throughout the lodge before all the lights go out. We’re plunged into darkness. Not a speck of light.
I blink, disorientated.
There are a few screams and a yell upstairs.
I swear a sound comes out of my mouth but it’s so feral, I can’t work out if it was a scream or some kind of demented yelp.
Before I know what’s happening, two large hands are on my waist.
“I’ve got you,” he says.
I fall into him, placing my hands on his solid shoulders to ground me. It’s not that I’m frightened of the dark. In contrary, the only way I get myself to sleep these days is by blacking out my room to match the deepest, darkest caves.
But this was unexpected.
There are voices upstairs and I imagine they all have their phone torches on, trying to work out where the hell the switchboard is.
I bet Freddie knows. Hopefully, it’s only that and not something to do with the snowstorm raging on outside.
At least they have the glow of the fireplace up there. We have nothing down here.
Freddie’s breathing is calm and sure, his chest moving slowly against my cheek as he rests his chin on my head. He moves to step away, but I can’t help myself. I draw him in again, tangling my arms around his neck and running my fingers through his short, tawny hair.
But then, with a sharp, disbelieving laugh, I snatch my hands away, plastering myself to the cold wall behind me. “No, we can’t. This needs to stop.”
Freddie laughs deeply. “Want me to help you back upstairs?”
“You can’t see either, can you? Do you have built-in night vision or something?”
“Yeah, all vampires have it.”
I snort. “You could’ve gone with superhero.”
“Nah. They don’t suck the life out of people.”
I blow out a long breath. “Freddie, that was dark.” When he doesn’t immediately reply, I say, “Have you left me down here? Because that would be really mean.”
“Did you bring your phone down?” he asks instead.
“Erm, no?”
“Me neither. I’m sure we can crawl over to the door somehow.”
“Sick of being stuck with me already?”
“We both know that’s impossible.”
I chew on my cheek. “Then why are you trying to escape?”
“I’m not. I’m strategizing. And distracting myself from the fact that I’m down here with you, alone, and you’ve just made it very clear we can’t do this. Whatever this is. So, I’m thinking up next steps.”
“We could talk?”
Freddie makes a strained sound. “Don’t say scary things to me in the dark. It’s cruel.”
This only eggs me on. I think about asking him something about his dad but instead I go for, “What is it you actually do for work?”
“I’m a director of data.”
“That sounds thrilling.”
He sniffs. “It’s a daily horror show. And it follows me everywhere.”
“But pays well.”
“Not always worth it,” he says.
“Then quit.”
“And do what?”
“What do you want to do?”
He groans. “You’ll laugh at me.”
“Oh, this should be good. Let me guess. A clown?”
“As if.”
“You’re right, too simple. Hmm, an actor?”
“I only know how to frown, remember. I’d be restricted.”
I snort. “You’re right. Plus, Hollywood already has enough grumpy arseholes.”
“Hattie…”
“Can you sing?”
“No. Hattie, listen…”
“It’s not something pretentious, is it? Like you’re going to try and retrain for six years to be a marine biologist specialising in sea lions. They already have plenty of those.”
“My God, shh,” he says, one hand sliding onto my hip, the weight of it is exquisite, whilst his other hand finds my face skilfully, two fingers pressing against my lips.
The pressure in my core slides down and settles lower.
“If I didn’t feel trapped in my current job, I’d quit and start my own business.
But I don’t have the start-up funds I need so… I carry on working away.”
I swallow as his fingers slide away from my lips. “Well, that’s not funny.”
“What?”
“You said I’d laugh.”
“It’s not… You know what, don’t worry.”