Chapter 33
Gavin
My brain goes completely blank.
Switzerland.
Seven years.
Doc is standing there, eyes wet, hands shaking, waiting for me to say something. Waiting for me to fall apart.
Switzerland.
My mind starts grabbing at random facts like a drowning man reaching for driftwood.
Amazing chocolate. And cheese. Mountains everywhere. Watches, they make really good watches. Neutrality, that's a thing. Swiss banks. That's definitely a thing, right? Rich people love Swiss banks.
Doc's expression is crumbling. He thinks my silence means something bad.
Say something, idiot. Open your mouth and say words.
"Okay," I hear myself say. "When do we go?"
Doc blinks.
"What city will we live in?" I'm picking up steam now, my brain finally coming back online. "Bern? That's the capital, right? Or is it Zurich? I always get those confused. Zurich sounds fancier, but Bern sounds more... I don't know, cozy?"
Doc is staring at me like I've started speaking in tongues.
I reach out and grab him, pulling him toward me until he's standing between my legs. My hands find his hips, and I tug him closer so I can lean up and kiss him.
He kisses back, but it's stiff. Confused.
"What are you talking about, Gavin?"
"I love cheese and chocolate," I say against his lips. "And traveling is going to be amazing. We can visit all those little villages in the Alps. Oh fuck—" I pull back suddenly. "I need a passport. I don't have one of those. How long does that take? Do I need to go to a special office, or—"
"Gavin."
Something in his voice makes me stop.
I look at him. Really look at him.
He's not happy. He's not relieved. He looks... terrified.
Oh no.
The panic hits me like a freight train.
He doesn't want me to come with him.
"Um." My voice comes out smaller than I intended. "Doc. I'm in love with you, and you're in love with me, so... we go to Switzerland together, right?"
Please say yes. Please say yes. Please—
"You can't just move to Switzerland," Doc says.
"Why not? That's what you're doing."
"But what about your family—" He stops. Blushes. "Oh. Wait. Never mind."
He looks so embarrassed that I laugh.
"But what about your degree?" he presses on, clearly grasping for objections. "You can't just abandon your education!"
I lean back a little, letting a smug smile spread across my face. "Um, Doc... Mensa, remember? I'm pretty sure I can get into a school there."
His mouth opens. Closes. Opens again.
"But people don't just up and move to Switzerland!" His voice is rising now. "We haven't been dating that long! And… and football! You could play pro! I've heard the guys on the team talk about you!"
Okay, that's kind of sweet.
"Your friends!" Doc is full-on yelling now, arms crossing over his chest like he's won some kind of argument. "What about your friends?"
I wait until he's done.
Then I reach for his hands again, uncrossing his arms, threading my fingers through his.
"You're 'up and moving to Switzerland,'" I say calmly, "so I can too. We've been dating long enough to fall in love, so I don't see how that's relevant."
He opens his mouth to argue, but I keep going.
"I have zero interest in playing pro football. It was never the plan. And Doc..." I squeeze his hands. "I'll always have the guys, no matter where we go. Tyler, Ethan, the whole frat… they're not going anywhere. But you..."
My throat tightens.
"I won't live without you. You're my home." I pull him closer, looking up into those dark eyes that have become the center of my entire universe. "So I say again: when do we go?"
Doc blinks.
And blinks again.
I can practically see his brain short-circuiting.
Good. Now he knows how I felt five minutes ago.
I start reeling him in slowly, pressing kisses to his jaw. His cheek. The corner of his mouth. My hands slide around to his ass, squeezing, and he lets out a soft moan that goes straight to my dick.
"Gavin..."
"We're going to Switzerland," I murmur against his neck. "Together. And it's going to be amazing."
I squeeze again, harder this time, and his hips jerk forward.
"Oh God," he breathes.
"That's the plan."
I pull him down onto the bed with me, and we go tumbling in a tangle of limbs. Doc ends up on top, which is perfect, because I can wrap my arms around him and hold him close and kiss him like my life depends on it.
Which it kind of does.
We kiss and kiss and kiss. Deep, desperate kisses that taste like relief and love and the future. His hands are in my hair. My hands are everywhere, his back, his ass, sliding under his shirt to feel warm skin.
Doc leans back, straddling my hips, and starts to pull his shirt over his head.
Then he looks at me and stops.
"What's that face?"
Shit.
I can feel the heat spreading across my cheeks. Down my neck. Probably all the way to my chest.
"Um." I clear my throat. "I kind of... lied before."
Doc's eyebrows shoot up. "About what?"
Just say it. Just say the words.
"I actually, kind of, really want..." The words get stuck. I force them out. "I want you to be inside me."
My face feels like it's approximately one thousand degrees.
Doc goes very, very still.
"Tyler tried it and didn't like it," I babble, because apparently I can't stop talking when I'm nervous. "But I... yeah. I want to try. Doc, will you fuck me? Please?"
A slow smile spreads across his face. "I didn't need to know about Tyler."
"Sorry, I just—"
"But yes." He leans down, and his voice drops to something low and hot that makes my whole body shiver. "I would be honored to take you apart and make you fucking fly."
Oh God.
"How do we… I mean, with the size difference—" I'm stammering now, which is embarrassing, but Doc just keeps smiling.
"You ride me," he says simply. "Your first time, you control how deep things go. You set the pace."
That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. I nod, probably too enthusiastically.
Doc's expression softens. He cups my face in his hands.
"Everything stops any time you aren't comfortable," he says. "I mean it, Gavin. Any time. For any reason. You say stop, we stop."
"Okay." My voice comes out rough. "Yeah. Okay."
"Good." He kisses me, soft and sweet. "Now let me take care of you."
Clothes come off in a flurry of movement. Shirts yanked over heads. Pants are kicked off, and they land somewhere on the floor. I'm too busy kissing every inch of Doc's skin to care where anything ends up.
Then Doc starts working his way down my body, and I stop thinking altogether.
His mouth finds my nipples first, tongue flicking, teeth grazing, and I arch up off the bed with a groan. He laughs against my skin and does it again.
"Sensitive," he murmurs.
"Shut up."
He doesn't shut up. He keeps going, kissing down my chest, my stomach, tracing the V of my hips with his tongue.
"These should be illegal," he whispers, pressing a kiss to the cut of muscle. "So fucking sexy."
I'm going to die. I'm actually going to die.
Then his mouth is on my cock, and I make a sound that's probably embarrassing, but I don't care because holy shit. My legs fall open wider, giving him room to settle between them, and my hands find his hair.
"Doc... fuck..."
He hums around me, and I see stars.
My hips start moving on their own, shallow thrusts into the wet heat of his mouth. Doc takes it, takes me, and I'm getting dangerously close to the edge when he pulls off.
"Where's the lube?"
I blink, brain fuzzy. "What?"
"Lube, babe. Where?"
"Oh. Um. Nightstand. Top drawer."
He reaches over, and I hear the drawer open. Then close. Then the cap of the bottle clicking open.
My heart is pounding so hard I can hear it in my ears.
This is happening. This is actually happening.
Doc's mouth returns to my cock, and I let out the breath I was holding. Then I feel it… a slick finger circling my hole.
My whole body tenses.
Doc pulls off just enough to speak. "Relax, babe. I've got you."
"I know. I know, I just—"
"Do you want this?" His finger pauses. "I meant what I said. I'm beyond happy for you to be in me tonight instead."
The offer hangs in the air.
I shake my head. "No. I want this. I want you."
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure."
He holds my gaze for a long moment. Then he nods, and his mouth sinks back down onto my cock as his finger starts to press inside.
It's... weird. Not bad, just weird. Foreign. My body doesn't quite know what to do with the sensation.
But Doc is patient. So fucking patient. He works me open slowly, one finger becoming two, stretching and curling and—
"Oh Fuck—”
My whole body jolts.
Doc laughs around my cock, and the vibration makes everything ten times more intense. His fingers curl again, hitting that same spot, and I swear I see God.
"There it is," he murmurs, pulling off to watch my face as he does it again.
"Doc—fuck—I can't—"
"Yes, you can."
He adds a third finger, and the stretch burns a little, but then he's hitting that spot again, and the pleasure drowns everything else out. I'm fucking myself on his fingers now, hips rolling, chasing the sensation.
"You're ready," Doc says, and his voice is wrecked. "Fuck, Gavin, you're so ready."
We switch positions, which involves a lot of awkward maneuvering and elbows in the wrong places, and at one point, Doc almost falls off the bed entirely.
We're both laughing by the time we get sorted.
Doc hands me a condom, and I take it with shaking fingers. I roll it down his cock slowly, watching his face, loving the way his eyes flutter shut and his breath catches.
"You're going to kill me," he groans.
"Not yet."
I swing my leg over and settle on top of him, knees bracketing his hips. He looks up at me with so much heat and love that my chest aches.
I reach behind myself, positioning his cock at my entrance. Slippery and hot and right there.
"I love you," I say.
"I love you too." His hands find my hips, steadying me. "Go slow."
I sink down.
Oh.
It's a lot. It's so much. The stretch, the fullness, the impossible pressure of him inside me.
"Oh fuck," Doc breathes. "Gavin, you're so fucking tight. And hot. Oh God."
I pause, letting my body adjust, trying to remember how to breathe.
"You okay?" Doc's voice is strained, like it's taking everything he has not to move.
"Yeah. Just... give me a second."
I sink down a little more. And a little more. And then I'm fully seated, and Doc is all the way inside me, and I don't know if I like it or not.
It's overwhelming. Full. Strange.
I lean forward to kiss him, shifting my angle, and at the same second, Doc's hips push up—
"Holy fuck!”
The sound that comes out of me is barely human.
Doc laughs breathlessly. "Found it."
"Oh my God. Do that again."
He does. His hips snap up, and I see actual stars.
"What did you call it?" Doc's grinning now, pushing up again. "Your giggle switch? The magic dot?"
"The Joy Button," I manage.
"Right." Another thrust. "The Joy Button."
I start to move. Rising up, sinking down, chasing that angle that makes everything light up.
"I think—" I'm panting now, barely coherent. "I think I'm going to call it… the holy fuck yes right there oh God fuck me harder Doc button."
It comes out as one long sentence, and Doc laughs even as he obeys, his hips snapping up to meet mine.
We find a rhythm. Me riding him hard, my athlete's stamina finally good for something off the field, while Doc thrusts up to meet every movement. The sound of skin on skin fills the room. The headboard knocks against the wall. I'm making noises I've never made before, and I don't even care.
"So good," Doc gasps. "Gavin, you feel so fucking good—"
"Don't stop. Don't stop, don't stop, don't—"
His hand lifts from my hip, where he's been holding on for dear life. I hear the click of the lube cap, then cool slickness, and then his hand wraps around my cock. Fuckin Perfect.
I actually howl.
"That's it," Doc pants, jacking me in time with our fucking. "Come on, babe. Come for me."
It only takes a few more seconds.
My orgasm hits me like a truck, pleasure whiting out my vision as cum shoots up Doc's chest. I'm shaking, clenching around him, and I lean down to kiss him desperately.
"Come inside me," I beg against his lips. "Please, Doc, come inside me—"
He does, with a groan so loud the whole frat house probably hears it. His hips stutter up into me again, and again before he goes completely boneless beneath me.
I sit up slowly, still impaled on him, a giant smile spreading across my face.
We're both panting. Both wrecked. Doc has cum all over his chest and the most blissed-out expression I've ever seen.
"Holy shit," he breathes.
"Yeah."
I rise up carefully, and—
Ow.
Okay, that's a thing. A sore thing.
I wince as I roll off him, collapsing onto the mattress beside him. Everything aches in ways I didn't know things could ache.
Totally worth it.
"As soon as my ass doesn't hurt," I announce to the ceiling, still trying to catch my breath, "we're doing that again."
Doc bursts out laughing.
I start laughing too, and then we're both lying there, sweaty and sticky and completely wrecked, laughing like idiots.
Switzerland, I think. With him.
Best decision I ever made.