Chapter 70
SEVENTY
Maya put on shorts and a little flowery top. She applied her make-up carefully and put gel through her blonde spiky hair. As usual, the professor was on time.
He seemed preoccupied when he arrived, edgier than usual. His smile was weak.
‘Shall we?’ He beckoned her to follow him down the front steps.
Maya felt uneasy. She sensed something was wrong. Even the warm summer’s evening couldn’t melt the cold atmosphere that she felt between them. They reached the park close to her house and found a quiet place to sit on the grass.
Scott couldn’t even look at Maya; he took her hand and gently rubbed her palm with his fingers.
‘My wife had an accident.’ Maya said nothing. ‘She has been in a coma. The prognosis is good, but she is going to need a lot of care and rehabilitation.’
‘Now I understand your silence.’ Maya felt herself welling up.
‘Yes.’ He let go of her hand and starting picking randomly at blades of grass. ‘I do love you, Maya.’ Maya felt like every breath was being sucked out of her body. She gulped. ‘But…’ A lone tear ran down the young woman’s cheek. ‘Just say it and get it over with, I’m not a little girl, Professor.’
Scott put his hand to his heart. ‘I know you’re not. You’re a clever, quick-witted, desirable woman who deserves more than anything I can offer you. But when I saw Cynthia lying there, it was a wake-up call. I’m the one who needs to grow up and stop playing with people’s emotions. I can’t leave her, Maya. I’m so sorry.’
‘Then why say what you said? Fill me with hope when you know that I love you?’ Maya spat.
Scott blew out a big breath. ‘I was blown away by you, flattered by the fact you do love me and, well, maybe if the accident hadn’t happened then... Oh, I don’t know, Maya but what I do know is the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.’
‘What we felt together that night was not an illusion. I can tell you love me, too.’
Scott ruffled his hair with his hands. ‘I do love you, but there are many aspects of love and I have to listen to my head for once and not just my loins.’
‘I think you might be making a big mistake,’ Maya blasted.
Scott’s voice remained level. ‘Maybe I am, but I owe it to my family to try and do the best by them.’
Maya couldn’t stop her tears. ‘I can’t not see you again. I simply couldn’t bear it.’
‘It has to be this way, Maya, it’s not fair on anyone otherwise. You will get over me. I can’t see what you see in an obnoxious old fool like me, anyway. Look at you. You are beautiful, you will find somebody else much worthier of your love straight away.’
Maya sobbed. ‘But I want you. I love you, Professor.’
‘And in twenty years’ time, would you? Would you really? When I’m in my sixties and you are still a vibrant fortysomething. Come on, we need to be realistic.’
‘My heart chose you, not my bloody birth certificate. Age is just a number. I know what I feel.’
‘Oh, Maya. I don’t want more children either. I’m certain about that.’
Maya’s tears subsided. ‘When did I ever mention children? And if it can’t be forever, why can’t we just enjoy the now? Carry on as we were.’
‘Because my “now” has to be with my wife and my daughter.’
Maya sniffed, then leaning in to Scott, hung on as if she would never let him go. Scott discreetly checked that nobody could see them. The last thing he needed was a nosey student spotting them.
‘Maybe when your wife is better?’ Maya pleaded.
‘No, Maya. I’ve made a decision for once that I must stick to. I’ve been playing a young man’s game for too long. It’s time I grew up.’
Maya pulled herself away from him and covered her face with both hands as if not looking at him would make this whole dreadful situation disappear.
‘I have to go now. I need to go back to the hospital. I’m truly sorry that I have hurt you.’
‘Can’t we go back and go to bed just one more time?’ Maya urged.
Scott was short in his delivery. ‘As much as I want to, it would do neither of us any good. This has to be the end.’
Scott coughed to remove the huge lump that had formed in his throat. Saying goodbye to his little bird was possibly one of the hardest things he had ever had to do. But he was clear in his mind what he was doing was the right thing for him, for his family and ultimately for Maya, too.
He got up and helped Maya up off the grass. No fuss, no bother, he just had to go and go now. He knew if he got within a metre of her front door, he would not be able to resist her and all the temptations she had offered him for so long.
As he walked away Scott didn’t dare look back for he knew if he saw Maya’s sad, beautiful face he might well be tempted to change his mind. His psychology studies had said that it was possible to love two people at once; he could now teach this with conviction.
Maya pushed open her bedroom door and threw herself face down onto her bed.
Even if he had wanted to be with her, he had just said he was certain he didn’t want more children. And what use was that to either her or the little bundle of cells that was now growing inside her.