Chapter 19
EIGHTEEN
Adam
Jen’s round ass tucked in my lap is a hell of a temptation even when the cock she’s pressed up against isn’t mine. The sound of her cries of pleasure are still ringing in my ears while she drifts into a nap she thoroughly earned.
Fucking hell, watching her take that huge monster dick… I don’t think I’ve ever been more turned on in my life. My poor cock has made a right mess of the nightstand, but I don’t want to move yet to go clean it up.
Things with Jen feel better than ever. It’s like there’s this barrier that used to be up between us, and now that I’ve unlocked some of the things I would never let myself admit I wanted, we’re somehow on the same side.
I mean I still don’t want my mates knowing I want to dress up in her underwear or hand her my cock like a puppy bringing its owner a bone, but I like Jen knowing.
She stirs after a while, making a sleepy noise as she stretches in my arms and then rolls over. Then her eyes fly open. “What day is it?”
I can’t help laughing. “Wednesday.”
“Oh good.” She relaxes again. “I think I forgot my own name there for a minute. God, I don’t think I’ve ever cum so hard. This new you is full of surprises.”
“Good surprises?”
“Yeah. Good surprises.” There’s a pause. Her fingers drift playfully along my belly, and I’m immediately on edge again. “Did you…? Were you happy with that?”
She’s worried about me? I lean in and press a kiss to her forehead.
“I’m right where I wanna be. I could watch you stretched out on a huge dick all day.
” My dead heart tries for a moment to move in my chest while I try to find the words for what I want to say next.
It only succeeds in making a pathetic flutter.
“You um… you should fuck a real monster next time. While I watch.”
Her eyes go dinner plate wide. “I thought you wanted to give us another go. Be a couple again. Not saying yes, mind you, I just thought that’s what you wanted.”
“I do. I just meant what I said when I told you I want you to keep fucking other guys.”
Just like that, the barrier is up again. Jen pushes back a little, a frown creasing the line between her brows. “Uh-uh. Oh no. That sounds like a recipe for trouble, and we don’t need any help finding things to argue about.”
“It’s not. I promise. I want this.”
Jen sighs. She sits and takes down the messy bun, tucking her hair back neatly before climbing out of bed. “Listen, you just gave me the hardest fucking orgasm of my life, so I’m not trying to start a fight here. I’m gonna go make some breakfast—lunch? Something.”
I roll onto my back with my arms tucked behind my head, staring up at the ceiling while Jen goes into the kitchen.
I guess I pushed too hard. I can’t help it, though.
Just the thought of her having her guts re-arranged by a minotaur or sucking off an orc has me eyeing my neglected cock, wondering if I should give into the urge to milk a load out all over my belly.
I bet she thinks I’ll get jealous, or that I’ll worry it means something more than sex, but I won’t. I know Jen. If we’re together, then we’re together. She’s honest to a fault.
But maybe this is just me being selfish again. After all, she’d be doing it for my enjoyment, because it gets me off watching. If it makes her uncomfortable, I don’t want to force it on her.
I should just be grateful I get to be in the room helping her while she cums. I guess I got ahead of myself.
Telling myself to do better, I get up and walk into the kitchen. I move a little awkwardly with the heavy dildo still stitched to my lap. The thing is a fucking monster. I can hardly believe she got it all.
Back on Jen’s nightstand my cock quivers and almost falls off. I pause and press my eyes closed, but that only makes the imprint of that image which was seared onto my soul even easier to picture in my mind’s eye.
Fuck.
I just know nothing is going to come close unless by some miracle I persuade her to let me watch her fuck a real monster.
When I find my sweatpants, I also locate my phone and pull it out, wincing when I see an unread message. It’s not from my boss, though; it’s from Judy, the therapist, letting me know she has had a cancellation and could fit us in for a session tonight.
I sense Jen’s hesitation when I tell her, but she agrees, so I book it in and take over frying the haloumi and egg for her, sliding it onto a bun and dousing it in sauce the way she likes.
I wish the look she gave me felt more like gratitude and less like suspicion, but I guess she’s not exactly used to me doing stuff around the house yet.
The more I do, the more I see that needs doing and the more I realize how little I used to do when we lived together.
By the time the therapy session is about to begin, Jen’s been quiet for hours. I give her space, not wanting to make the situation worse, but the tense silence stretches on throughout the whole afternoon.
I regret not asking her to remove the monster dildo for me, but I didn’t want to make her even angrier, so I adjust my sweatpants—the only pants I can wear with it hanging from me like an elephant’s trunk—and find Jen’s laptop. “Are you ready?”
“Sure.” She comes over and takes the laptop from me. “I guess we just sit on the sofa, then.”
I shrug. “Yeah, I guess so. Want me to email you the code?”
“Sure.”
I really hope this actually helps. Seems like I really put my foot in it today.
It’s a relief when Judy’s face pops up on screen a moment after we log in. “Jen, Adam! Hi. Thanks for joining me.”
We give her an awkward wave, and I’m just about to speak when she adds, “I thought we could begin the session with a little check in so you can both let me know how you’re feeling going in, and then we’ll begin with some goal setting. Does that sound OK?”
“Fine.” Jen crosses one leg over the other, pulling away from me on the sofa. I frown.
Judy continues without commenting, but it’s glaringly obvious to me that Jen’s not happy. “OK, well, I’ll start. I’m feeling excited to begin our work together and hopeful that I can make a difference to you both. Adam, how are you feeling?”
I glance aside at Jen only to catch her rolling her eyes. “Ah… OK, I guess. Jen?”
She shrugs. “Fine.”
There’s a pause. Judy looks thoughtful. “You know, Jen, I’m picking up on a little tension here. It’s perfectly OK if you’re feeling a little anxious about beginning therapy or about anything else that might have happened today.”
“I’m fine.”
I stare at her. “You’re not fine, though, are you? Because I upset you before. I didn’t mean to.”
Jen throws up her hands and turns to face me. “Alright then. OK? I’m not fine. I’m feeling confused because last night you wanted to be my boyfriend again and just when I think I’ve recovered from the whiplash of that after you broke up with me, now you want me to keep screwing other guys.”
“Well, yeah. All that’s true.”
I glance at the screen, but Judy is listening.
“Are you hearing this?” Jen says to her. “That’s not normal, right?”
There’s a pause. I’m getting the impression Judy likes to leave a gap before she speaks. Maybe that’s a deliberate strategy. “Maybe normal isn’t a helpful word here,” she says thoughtfully. “Adam, have you talked with Jen about why you’d like her to see other men?”
I flush. “Well, I… it’s pretty hot. The idea of her getting it from someone else.”
Again a pause. “Is this something you’ve always been into?”
“Yes,” I say at the same time Jen says, “No!”
We look at each other, and her mouth drops open. “Really?”
“Yeah. I think so. I didn’t really put all the pieces together until I saw you the other night…” I clear my throat. “With Luca.”
Jen colors and shifts in her seat, swapping the leg she has crossed. “You liked that?”
Reminded of just how much I liked watching her, I’m suddenly glad my dick is still waiting on the nightstand by Jen’s bed. My voice is about three octaves deeper when I respond. “Yeah.”
She blinks. “OK, wow. Just… wow.”
Judy makes a humming sound and presses her fingertips together.
“Well, it seems like there’s still plenty to explore, you two, which sounds like there is some real potential to make some positive growth.
Let’s shift to talking about your goals while we work together, shall we?
You mentioned the other day that you used to be in a relationship, but that it ended. Now you’re looking to start over?”
We look at each other, and for a moment my skin goes clammy as I try to read Jen’s expression. Then she reaches over and slips her hand in mine unexpectedly. “Yeah. I think so. I have some hesitations, but I think it’s mostly because of how things went last time,” she says.
“OK.” Judy nods. “Maybe you could elaborate, Jen.”
“Well, we’d fight a lot, for one thing.”
“What sorts of things would you fight about?”
“Everything,” Jen says.
“Chores,” I add. “Stuff I wasn’t doing.”
Jen’s brows lift.
“Is that right, Jen? I got the sense when we met the other day that you were feeling frustrated with Adam but unable to express those frustrations?”
“Oh, I tried,” she says.
We both laugh a little, and it feels good to release some tension. “Yeah, but I didn’t get it, did I?”
She shakes her head. “No, I guess not.”
“So it sounds to me like you have both already done some talking through this?”
“A little,” I reply.
“Jen, would you say that things have been better?”
She nods. “Yeah.”
“But you’re still hesitating. Tell me why?”
Jen chews her lip. “I think I’m worried that the changes I’ve noticed in Adam won’t be permanent. I feel like I know him pretty well, and this stuff—his new stuff—well it’s very different from the guy I knew.”
“Adam, I don’t want to be rude, but can I ask how recently you became a zombie?”
I blink. I have makeup on, and what with the session being online, I wasn’t sure if she knew. I guess she does. “About a week or so.”
Judy nods. “That’s a big change. I would expect that might shift your outlook on things quite a lot?”
“Yeah.” I run a hand over my face, thinking about everything that’s happened since the accident.
“I guess I don’t feel like me anymore. In some ways.
At the same time, it put into perspective what’s really important.
” I give Jen’s hand a squeeze. “She’s the biggest part of my realization.
What she means to me. I had been pretending I didn’t miss her like hell for so long I’d almost convinced myself, but when she came through for me like no one else did, it occurred to me how special she is. ”
“So perhaps these changes you’ve noticed, Jen, might be more permanent than you think. Let’s talk about how you are both communicating.”