Chapter 20
NINETEEN
Jen
Adam’s hand in mine feels nice—right. When he talks about what I mean to him, I get a bit choked up.
I never felt like he valued me when we dated before. I always felt like I was the last on his list of priorities. But recently it’s been quite the opposite. I figured it was just because he was in a tight spot, but what if it wasn’t? I wish I could know for sure.
“Let’s talk about how you’re both communicating,” Judy says. “Jen, can you think of a time recently when Adam did something that annoyed you?”
I press my lips together, because as much as things have changed, I can think of quite a few. “I guess so.”
Adam turns to look at me, and I suddenly feel very much in the spotlight.
“Can you describe what happened and how you communicated your feelings to Adam?”
I shift, letting go of Adam’s hand for the moment. “Well, I was pretty annoyed when you went through my online shopping cart and—” I pause, remembering the second part of the question. “You know what? Let’s talk about a different example.”
Adam smirks and spreads his legs wider, making the bulge of the dildo extremely obvious. It’s off camera, but I’m completely distracted for a moment and can’t help pressing my thighs together to savor the slight pressure.
I clear my throat, trying to focus. “The first night you stayed with me. You woke me up with your stupid music.”
“You think my music is stupid?”
Judy interrupts. “Hold on, Adam. I want to hear from Jen how she communicated that with you.”
I scratch my head. “I don’t remember. I guess I told him to turn it off?”
“No, you just came out of the bedroom and groused at me for a whole bunch of other stuff like using your laptop.”
“Hmmm.” Judy says.
Why do I feel so attacked by a sound? “OK, but I was annoyed. What was I supposed to do?”
“Well, Jen. You said it yourself. You could have just explained that you were feeling a bit frustrated and asked him to turn off the music or use headphones.”
So now I’m the asshole? “Well what about the time he used up all the hot water right before I wanted a shower?”
“That must have been frustrating,” Judy says. “But let’s try not to stack up gripes. Instead, let’s try voicing them at the time and then letting them go.”
I glare at her self-satisfied expression in the video chat. Sure. Let’s see how she does living with him for a week.
“That would be great,” says Adam. “I often get the feeling you’re annoyed with me, but you don’t say what I did to piss you off, you just stay mad.”
“I don’t stay mad!”
“Not if I distract you.” He grins, adjusting himself in the sweatpants.
I glare at him.
“Hmmm,” Judy says again. “Adam, that’s probably not helpful for Jen. How about we try to sit with her feelings for a little while when you can tell she’s angry and let her have a chance to express that to you.”
He leans close to me and whispers in my ear. “What if you tell me while I eat your pussy? You can never stay mad when I’m doing that.”
I slap his leg, but he doesn’t stop grinning at me, and despite myself I’m very aware of how wet I feel. I clear my throat. “Right.”
“Let’s practice. Jen, can you repeat after me? Adam, when you wake me up with loud music, I feel…” She trails off, giving me an encouraging look.
I sigh. “Adam, when you wake me up with loud music, I feel angry. Especially when it’s the Chainsmokers. They’ve got to be the worst band in the universe.”
Judy shakes her head. “Try again, Jen. Let’s just keep to your feelings and what you’d like Adam to do.”
Why do I feel like a naughty toddler? “Fine. Adam, when you wake me up with loud music, I feel annoyed and I wish you wouldn’t. Happy?” I fold my arms across my chest.
His expression turns serious. “Sorry, Jen. I guess that was pretty inconsiderate of me.”
My arms drop back into my lap along with any impending temper. It’s hard to stay mad when he reacts like that.
“Great. Adam, I really liked how you owned the behavior without making excuses.”
Oh perfect. So now he gets a gold star? What is happening here?
Judy smiles. “I think this was a really productive session. I hope you both feel that way. For next time, let’s keep working on your communication. I’ll check in with you in about a week’s time, OK?”
“Great.” Adam grins and wraps his arm around my shoulder. I give Judy a smile I do not feel.
When the chat ends, Adam turns to me. “What did you think?”
I’m about to brush him off with a snarky comment when I remember that just cost me eighty pounds. I sigh. Might as well try what she said, I guess. “Well, honestly I feel a bit frustrated because I feel like I got told off and you got praised. So now I feel like she thinks I’m the problem.”
His eyes widen. “Oh really? I’m sure she doesn’t think that. I’ve done a lot of inconsiderate things.”
There he goes again, cutting the wind from my sails and leaving me floating on a bunch of unfamiliar feelings.
He winks. “Would it make you feel better to tell me about them all while I go down on you?”
I give him a little shove, but I can’t help laughing. “I’m not supposed to make a list, remember? And you’re not supposed to distract me.”
“She didn’t say I’m not allowed to make you laugh…” He leans in and nips at my neck. “And I don’t remember her saying anything about not making you scream either. I still have that dildo on.”
I groan. Even though my pussy gives an excited little flutter, I can feel that it’s tender. “I think that thing broke my vag.”
He hums against my neck. “I’ve never heard you make so much noise.”
“And you liked it, even though you didn’t get off?”
“Liked it?” He pulls back, looking at me seriously. “I fucking loved it. Any time you want me to use that toy on you, you just say the word.”
I snort. “You’re just horny cause you need to cum.”
“No. I don’t think so. I mean, yeah I’m horny as fuck but focused too. I don’t think I explained it very well before, but it actually helps me. I feel like a better version of me.”
A smile I can’t contain breaks over me. I can’t argue with him that he is more focused when he hasn’t cum for a while. “I kind of like it too, even though it makes me feel a bit bad. You’re right. I like this version of you.”
I settle into his arms, tucking my feet up on the sofa and just letting him hold me for a while, like we used to do after I’d had a long day at work. I’ve missed this. Adam always gave great hugs.
I lean my head back against his chest. “Hey, can I ask you about something and will you promise to be honest with me?”
“Of course.”
“Were you serious about wanting me to uh… to fuck other guys if we’re together?”
“What do you mean if?”
I dig my elbow into his belly and he coughs.
“Yeah, OK. I was serious. Really. Why? Are you considering it?”
I chew my lip, testing out my own feelings about it. Why was it fine to bring Luca home to piss Adam off but suddenly not fine when I actually have his consent? “Well, what if you decide you’re not OK with it after all?”
“I really don’t think that’s going to happen.”
“Be serious, Adam.”
“Well, what about this: We could have a safe word or a signal, and if either one of us gets weird about it, we wrap it up?”
A safe word? I guess that makes sense. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but OK. I’d consider it.”
“You would?”
I turn to him, and he’s grinning. I can’t help returning the smile. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It is kinda hot.”