Chapter Seventeen
January 7
Mia
J ake kissed me again. What is this world I’ve now woken up to? I’m struggling to recognize it. The status quo has changed and I don’t know what to do.
I’m freaking out. I need to talk to someone about what I’m feeling, or I think I’m going to burst.
Need an emergency breakfast meeting. How soon can you meet me at our usual place?
I text Kami in a panic. I may be sober now, but I’m even more confused. Not just about last night, but about myself, too. I can’t think straight. I don’t know whether to feel excited, cautious, or afraid.
A few minutes later, I get a reply.
Meet me in half an hour?
Thank you!
Thirty minutes later, I tiptoe to the door, sneak out of the apartment, and rush into the restaurant to find Kami sitting at a table. Thankfully, the place doesn’t look too crowded at half past nine.
“Thanks for coming so quickly.” I hug her tightly. Her embrace is warm and inviting.
“Of course, girl. Seemed like an emergency.”
“You have no idea.” I sit across from her.
“This wouldn’t have anything to do with Jake, would it?”
How did she guess? “Well…”
“Holy crap, it does. What happened? Tell me everything.”
I spend the next few minutes filling her in, but I leave out the kiss. It’s so embarrassing that Jake pulled away.
Her jaw drops. “Wait. He did what?”
“I know. Isn’t that weird?”
“Actually, I was going to say that was smart.”
Is she for real? “How is playing never have I ever smart?”
“The game got you talking, right?”
Now that I think about it… “Yeah. We started out with small admissions. It was fun, really. And then the questions started getting…personal.”
“That explains a lot.”
“What?”
“Yesterday at work, Jake pumped me for information about you.”
I blink in shock. “You’re kidding. What kind of information?”
“The personal kind. The kind I thought wasn’t my business to tell.”
Why would he do that?
“You’re such a good friend.” I thank her, squeezing her hand in mine. “What did you tell him?”
“Nothing, really. But think about it… If he didn’t have feelings for you, he wouldn’t asked me in the first place.”
“You think so?” I’m not convinced. Maybe he just wants to understand his roommate better.
“I know so. Anyway, his questions got too personal. Then what happened?
“He started talking about seeing this woman, someone he was hypothetically willing to commit to. Someone who, until recently, he couldn’t pursue.”
Kami’s brows furrow. “Did he tell you her name?”
“No, and I didn’t want to ask.”
“So…then you told him that you overheard him on your eighteenth birthday?” Kami fills in the gaps.
“Not directly. At first, I said it was some guy. But he connected the dots once I said it happened during my party.”
“And then he started laughing?”
“Yep. He kept saying he wasn’t laughing for the reasons I was thinking.” But what other reason could he have? Just talking about it makes me want to cry all over again.
“Hey, come here.” Kami stands and approaches my side of the table to comfort me. A hot sting makes me realize tears are falling down my face. “I’m so sorry. If it’s any consolation, Jake isn’t the kind to laugh at you like that. He’s not usually mean.”
“Well, I must be the exception because he did,” I sniffle.
After giving me a tight squeeze, she loosens her grip to look into my eyes. “I know you’re going to hate me for saying this. But I want you to hear me out.”
I’m not sure I’m braced for this, but I called Kami to be the voice of reason. I need to listen. “Okay.”
“I have a theory, but you have to let me finish before you shoot me down.”
“All right,” I concede as we both sit.
“Think about it. He moves in with you, cooks you dinner, asks me about you, plays this game with you to ask personal questions. Why go to that much trouble just to be your friend?”
I’ve wondered that, too… Is everything Kami and Vance been telling me the reality I just can’t see? “I don’t know. After I walked away from the game, he followed me into my room. And he…kissed me.”
“Not a peck, I presume?”
“Not even close. Full lip-lock and tongue. The works.”
She squeals with excitement. “I knew it. Was it hot?”
“Smoldering,” I groan.
“Yeah? That’s awesome. Good for you, girl.”
“It was the most passionate kiss I’ve ever had. He held me so close.” Just talking about it makes me ache to feel his embrace again.
“Did anything happen afterward?”
“Like what?”
She stares at me like I should know what she means. “Did you guys do it?”
I wish. “He refused to do more than kiss me until I sobered up.”
“But he wanted more.”
“I think he did.” He was hard, after all.
“How do you feel about that?”
“I’m not sure. One minute he overwhelms me. Then seconds later, he does something that humiliates and embarrasses me. Then I blink, and he’s arousing me. A normal guy wouldn’t confuse me this much.”
“A normal guy…or a guy you don’t give a shit about? Maybe Jake makes you feel so many things so quickly because you care.”
“He’s an emotional roller-coaster.” But Kami might have a point.
“I don’t blame you for feeling that way. Things between you two are complicated. But I don’t think that’s his intention.”
“What makes you think that?”
“A man doesn’t go to all this trouble just to give you mixed signals.”
“Then why did he stop at just kissing me? Why didn’t he take me to bed?”
“I think he’s trying to feel you out. He doesn’t want to scare you. And he’s also a gentleman. He didn’t want you to have any regrets after you sobered up.”
As much as I appreciate chivalry, I don’t know whether to feel rejected or cherished. He’s showing me a different side of himself than I’ve seen before. “Maybe.”
“When you think about being with Jake, what scares you?”
“A lot of things, mostly that he either sees me as Jonathan’s kid sister?—”
“Fair.”
“And, since we’re now roomies, a convenient notch on his bed post.”
“I understand that, given his history with women. But the man has jumped through a lot of hoops to get closer to you. If all he wanted was sex, I don’t think he would have tried this hard to get your attention.”
“Some players like the chase. They play the long game,” I point out.
“True, but manipulating women into bed doesn’t seem like Jake’s style. He’s a good guy, and too good-looking to resort to mind games. Also, you’re too important to him. Jonathan would rip him in two if he hurt you. Jake is a lot of things, but he’s especially loyal and compassionate.”
She’s right. Jake isn’t malicious or deceitful. I can’t help but reflect on the night of Josie’s birthday party, when he waited up for me. He cares deeply for the people in his life. Maybe…that includes me on some level.
“What other fears are in your head?” Kami fishes.
“Say he wants me as more than a friend, and we become a couple. What if his feelings are fleeting? What if, all along, everything in my heart is one-sided?”
“You’re listening to your insecurities and anxieties. And most of the time, those aren’t real. We have a choice to either believe them…or to take the leap of faith and look at things from the different angle.”
For years, my feelings for him have seemed utterly unrequited. The idea that he could feel the same way seems almost beyond comprehension. Then again, life works in mysterious ways, right?
“Are you telling me to just…set my fears aside?”
“I’m telling you to hear what he has to say and give him the benefit of the doubt before you start believing the worst-case scenario. Who knows? He just might surprise you.”
“How could he surprise me anymore than he already has?”
She shrugs. “I’m just saying, don’t discount Jake. Where is he now?”
“I’m not entirely sure. I snuck out. But I didn’t see his car in the lot, so I’m betting he’s at the gym.”
“And I’m assuming you two will talk once he gets back.”
I shrug. “I guess.”
“Before you go back to your place, shoot him a text and tell him you two need to talk. Showing your initiative will send the message that you’re willing to hear what he has to say.”
“Okay.” But I’m apprehensive as hell.
“Everything will be fine. Things have a way of working themselves out. Just listen to him. And even if he says something you don’t want to hear, at least you’ll know. Okay?”
No, it’s not okay, but at this point I don’t see many other options.
Jake
The music in my ears is fast and loud. Beads of sweat fall down my brow. I look in the mirror, and I realize that no amount of weights I lift is going to get me to Mia sooner. Only I can do that.
So much has happened in the last twelve hours. I’m still processing. Not only was dinner a huge success, but so was the game we played. I learned more about Mia than I anticipated. Knowing what I know now, I’m not surprised she never acted on her feelings for me. Because of a lie she was never supposed to hear, she was convinced I didn’t see her as a woman.
How did I miss the fact she had a crush on me years ago? All those times, I merely watched her and kept my distance, I never knew my feelings were mutual.
Drunk or not, I should have told her.
No. Waiting was the right call. She deserves to hear the truth when she has a clear mind. When she and I can have a lucid, honest conversation.
Even though I told myself to wait, that didn’t stop me from expressing my feelings for her in a more intimate way. I couldn’t leave her that distraught without giving her some assurance that she isn’t alone in her affections. That her desire isn’t one-sided.
I don’t regret kissing her. Every second was worth it. Having her lips under mine wasn’t merely hot; I felt like I’d come home. Her soft body against my own had me itching to tangle in the sheets with her. No barriers. Just skin on skin, melding together in the heat of passion. She was begging for release, rubbing her no-doubt soaked entrance against my hard dick. All I wanted to do was carry her to the bed and claim her as mine.
Walking away from her nearly fucking killed me. But I had to. If I’d stayed, I would have done something I wouldn’t necessarily regret, but Mia might have. She wasn’t in the right state of mind, and I want her full consent.
But now I need to get back to the apartment and tell her that my feelings for her developed when she was seventeen, and that I lied to keep the peace between her brother and me. I have to explain that everything I’ve done from the moment she came home from college was for her. Because I want her.
Before we clear the air, there’s one more thing I need to stop putting off.
I’ve already gone behind Jonathan’s back by moving in with Mia. I can’t pursue her any further without explaining my intentions. The timing isn’t optimal since I don’t know when he’ll be in range of a cell tower again, but I need this off my conscience, and I have to hope Jonathan won’t make me choose between our friendship and my heart.
Grabbing my phone, I scroll through my contacts until I find his number.
This could either go really well…or really horribly.
Taking a deep breath, I tap on his contact and hold the phone to my ear. Through four rings, I’m hoping he’ll actually pick up, but I get his voicemail. Leaving him a message isn’t my first choice, but it will have to do.
As soon as I hear the beep, I start talking. “Hey, man. Hope you’re having a good vacation with Kiera. When you get back, I need to talk to you about something important. Everything is fine with the business, so no worries there. There’s just something personal I want to get off my chest. Enjoy the rest of your trip.” I end the call and turn off my phone.
Relief and anxiety both flood me, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’ve said what I can to my best friend for now. I’ll deliver the full truth face to face when he gets home. So now all that’s left is for me to tell Mia my truth.
What if she rejects me?
She’s well within her right to do so. Going into this, I knew there’d be no guarantees, not after all the times I’ve lied to get close to her. If she wants me as much as I want her, like I want to believe she does, then things will work themselves out.
Confessing my feelings to Mia could go one of two ways: she could either feel the same way and want me to be a part of her life. Or she could tell me to get lost.
I could lose everything.
If telling the truth means I lose my best friend, my career, and possibly the love of my life, so be it. I just can’t keep lying to everyone anymore—especially myself.
I grab my bag and exit the gym. The sky is the same color as this situation I’m in—gray.
As I’m settling into the driver seat of my car, my phone chimes. So soon? No, that can’t be Jonathan. After the nebulous message I left, He’d be too anxious to text back a response. He would call and demand answers.
Reluctantly, I scan the device, but the text isn’t from him. It’s from Mia.
Headed back soon? We should talk.
Damn right.
We should. I’m on my way.
No more waiting. No more hiding. She’s open to talking, and I’m all in. This is the next step. I just pray I don’t stumble…