Chapter 36
36
brIAR
I haven’t really interacted with Leo in days, once again.
It’s this familiar dance with us every time. And I know that I’m the problem here. But he’s so understanding every time, and I hate him for it.
I just want this to be easy. Whichever way it has to be, there has to be an easier way, right?
He either hates me for constantly rejecting him so I start to lose feelings, or I just give into my desires. Out of those two options, I so desperately just wish he would hate me. More than anything, I just want him to yell at me. To scream at me and tell me to leave.
In this moment, for whatever reason, I just want something familiar. There’s a comfort in familiar, however hard that may be to understand. However hard that may be to get through.
Because of course I don’t want to be screamed at. Of course I don’t want to be kicked out of a place that’s become more like home than anywhere I’ve ever lived, even if I’d never admit it out loud. Of course I don’t want to suffer, and no amount of me wishing it’ll happen will ever excuse what I went through as okay .
I just want that familiar melancholic warmth of rejection.
Rejection, I can move on from.
Desperately wanting someone I know will never want me long term is something I can’t move on from, no matter how hard I try, it seems.
Thanksgiving went by without a hitch. I stayed out of the way, mostly in my room curled up in my bed watching movies while Leo was home, trying desperately to stay out of the way. I left to take Champ for walks and to curl up with Elara, put her to bed, and the like. I had to keep her away from Leo too. Not for any other reason than she can be overwhelming, and he had a lot on his plate with Thanksgiving.
The apartment was filled with the most amazing smells while he cooked, and I could hear people coming and going as food was made. I hoped he had people to help him.
That specific event wasn’t in my job description, and I wasn’t about to go out and explain myself again.
So, I spent the day moping in my room.
And I spent that night in his family room, surrounded by friends, a glass of wine in my hand at all times, ignoring the pull I have toward him.
Even with his eyes on me the entire night, the drink in his hand at his lips as he watched me from across the room, our eyes locked and loaded with promises neither of us will ever be able to keep.
No matter how much he thinks he may be able to.
I could tell Zara had noticed, but with a shake of her head, I knew she wasn’t going to say anything, and she never did.
For that I was thankful.
“Back in the Warner jersey, are we?” Isla says, a knowing grin spread across her face as I walk toward the front of the suite.
“Was kinda locked into it when I wore it the first time, unfortunately,” I wince. When my brother had seen me in the Warner jersey, he had cringed but refused to say anything about it. In fact, he hasn’t said much to me at all in relation to Leo. He knew that I could handle myself when this whole thing first started, and he never wavered from that belief.
Part of me thinks he’s letting it play out to show Leo how much of a dick he was.
“Did his publicist say something about it?” she asks, handing me an ice cold coke.
I nod. “She called me to tell me how amazing it was, but mainly to remind me that if I wear the old one, it’ll start rumors that we broke up.”
Isla smiles, bumping my hip. “Well, at some point that may be true, and you’ll be free from my brother’s little web. I hope you’re doing okay for now.”
I don’t think her words were meant to sting so much.
Elara grabs a plate full of chicken nuggets and heads to the seats out front of the suite, settling in. I follow, getting comfortable as the coin toss starts.
We get the ball first.
The first half of the game goes fine. Owen plays perfectly, only dropping a pass one time when he was shoved from behind. Cooper had two touchdowns, one of his best games this season.
In the third quarter, things get dicey as Leo fumbles the ball twice, and within minutes we’re tied.
The other team’s defense seems to have woken up.
The boys line up, and when the ball is snapped, Leo steps back, looking down the field for one of his receivers when his knee waivers, and a second later, he’s on the ground.
The whole stadium goes silent, or maybe it’s just my hearing .
Everything stops.
Laying on his side, Leo grips his leg as the medical team hurries onto the field. They crowd around him, getting him sitting up.
I feel like I can’t breathe, my heart hammering in my chest, sweat gathering at the base of my neck as I watch them attempt to get him standing.
With his coach at his side, Leo hobbles off the field, his eyes squeezed shut.
Playing football is his first love. His only love, really, that I know of. Leo Warner has never been known to love one single thing more than this.
And I know that injury. If you’re around football enough, you know what a torn Achilles looks like.
We just watched the last game Leo will play this season.