Chapter 37
37
LEO
M y entire life has been football.
Football players sacrifice a lot for the sport that they love. It doesn’t matter at what level you play, there are things you just know are going to happen down the road. There are men whose bodies are so worn down by the game they have to get shots of a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug to the ass before games, and there are guys who suffer from the sport long after they’ve stopped playing. The memory loss, the pain… we know what we’re signing up for.
But god, I love this game so fucking much.
Injuries come with the territory, and most players will suffer from one at one point in their careers. Well, if they last long enough. The average NFL career is about three years. There’s plenty of people who play their career out without one. But if you’re one of the lucky ones, it’s expected at some point, especially at the tail end of the season, when you have men lying about injuries just to play a little more.
It would be one thing if it was something I could have helped. Something I knew I did wrong. If someone else did it to me, and I went down on a sack, I think I could have dealt with it. I’d have someone to be mad at, even if they did everything right. Somewhere to channel my anger. Something to rage about.
But all I have is myself. And what’s worse, it’s something that I couldn’t really help.
Achilles injuries come out of nowhere. Step a certain way, and it snaps. Land a certain way, and it’s gone.
For me, it’s the worst injury I could have possibly gotten.
A knock comes at my door, and I roll over on my side. The TV has been on for the last five hours, the pain medicine keeping me from losing my mind.
“What?” I ask a little too abrasively.
Briar peeks her head through the door, barely meeting my eyes.
“Do you need anything? I made burritos for tonight. Something easy to eat.”
“Jesus christ Briar, I got surgery on my foot not my fucking mouth. I’m fine to eat anything you make. Just bring it when it’s ready.”
She looks at the ground, worrying her lip as she tucks her hair behind her ear. And I hate it. I hate hurting her, and I hate that the venom just spews out.
I want to go to her, but I can’t. Want to hold her in my arms.
But. I. Can’t.
“Listen,” I say, but she’s already out the door, her footsteps echoing down the stairs.
I’m not sure if I want to know how much more I can fuck it all up.
Our bye week vacation was effectively canceled. I let the guys know that they could go without me, but they said that they didn’t want to. It made sense, considering Cooper was on the fence anyways, and Emmett and Briar were working on making sure there was a nanny there to watch both kids .
But the fact that I was the reason they all had to cancel their vacations also didn’t sit right to me.
“Fuck!” I yell, pounding the bed.
Fuck. God fucking dammit.
Everything good. I fuck up everything in my life that’s good.
My hands fist at my sides, my nails digging into my flesh as I attempt to relax myself. And when I can’t, I close my eyes, allowing the pain medication to take me over, and as sleep finds me, I hope, beg, and pray that I can keep it together.
Another knock on my bedroom door wakes me out of the fog of sleep. Without waiting to be invited in, Briar swings the door open, a plate with a burrito and rice in her hand.
“I have food. Do you need help sitting up?” she asks.
I shake my head, wincing as I use all my strength to get myself up right against my headboard.
“I heard from your publicist today, she wants me to?—”
“I don’t care,” I snap before I can stop myself.
Briar’s eyes harden as her head tilts. “What do you mean you don’t care?”
“I mean I don’t care. You can go off and do whatever you want. I need to get back to my old self,” I mumble, taking the plate.
“You… want to get back to your old life,” she says slowly, as if sounding out each word individually.
“You’re off the hook. You can still stay here for a while, I’m going to need help, but after you’re off the hook.”
Briar stairs at me for a long time.
Too long .
And finally, just as I’m about to open my mouth and say something that will most definitely get me into more trouble, she stands, heading for the door.
Just as she’s about to cross the threshold, she turns, her eyes welling with tears. “You know Leo? Fuck you.”