Chapter Fifteen
Charlene had never felt so alive as in this moment. Oh, there were certainly moments that were breathtakingly thrilling, and most of them with Adam, and she’d also felt alive in those, but in this moment, with this kiss, she felt alive.
In. Every. Sense. Of. The. Word.
A sense she had lost on that fateful night so long ago.
Not even when David Cross had pushed himself on her, but afterward, in her bedroom when the shock of it all had died off.
And while those senses had returned bit by bit over the years, and with each encounter with Adam, they were rushing back now.
Practically exploding. Like the fireworks.
Her hands curled around his lapels.
She dragged him closer, needing—no, craving—more. He tasted like danger, and she found she loved it even more than their first time. A hundred emotions flooded her, but she pushed them all back, allowing only the moment’s excitement to exist.
Adam groaned softly, the sound so profoundly deep and masculine it found a home in her bones. The same bones covered by flesh and his hands, which didn’t seem content to stay in one place.
Each second that passed, she reclaimed a bit of something back that had been stolen. Her fingers slid from his jacket and into his hair, tugging just enough to make him respond with a growl that only made her bolder.
She gripped tighter.
Another groan.
Lord, she could get addicted to these sounds of him.
He broke the kiss, eyes lifting to lock onto hers. “You are determined to drive me mad, aren’t you?”
“What is mad if not mad about a kiss?”
His gaze darkened. “Then I must be raving,” he said, his voice a gruff murmur against her lips, “because I haven’t thought clearly since the moment I saw you again.”
“Do you mean tonight?”
“I mean since I returned to London.”
Charlene’s breath hitched. “That was weeks ago.”
“Yes, but even that doesn’t bring any justice to my madness. Try years,” he said, the soft stubble of his cheek against hers. “You think I ever forgot you for a second? That I didn’t wonder how you were, or if you were keeping safe, or if you ever spared a thought for me.”
Charlene didn’t know what to say to that or feel about that. “I did spare a thought to you, though,” her lips curled slightly, “they were never good thoughts.”
“Well, that’s a relief.”
“I said they were bad thoughts.”
“A thought is still a thought.”
She laughed. “That desperate?”
“You have no idea, love.”
“Desperation has never been a good look on a man, you know.”
He shrugged. “Don’t I look good now?”
Charlene arched a brow. “You’re still desperate?”
“Even more so at this moment.” He leaned closer, brushing his lips against hers. “Help me rid me of it, love.”
“I don’t know how I feel about this sudden endearment.”
A rough chuckle. “Just love it, I say.”
She huffed. “So incorrigible.” She glanced back to the house spilling with light, music, and laughter before glancing back at Adam, saying softly, “I don’t trust myself, to be honest. I don’t trust this.”
“You don’t trust me,” he whispered back.
“It’s not about trusting you or not.” This much she knew for a fact. “It’s about opening a door that I won’t be able to shut.”
“And trusting that everything will be fine.”
Charlene nodded. “I don’t know if everything will be fine.” Not while his brother was the very reason for the most hurt she’d experienced in her life. She certainly didn’t want to experience it again, and while Adam would never hurt her in that way, it didn’t mean she wouldn’t get hurt.
He leaned in, his forehead resting against hers. “I don’t want you to kiss me like that and pretend it means nothing. That’s my biggest fear.”
“Oh, it’s the biggest?”
His eyes bored into hers. “At the moment, yes.”
“Well, I’m not pretending at the moment,” Charlene said softly. Tomorrow might be another story.
His thumb brushed her bottom lip. “Then kiss me again. No ghosts, no regrets. Just us.”
She thought she’d been doing just that, but in hindsight, being so lost in the sensation of him, there was no way to think about anything else, so Charlene did just that. She pressed a soft, chaste kiss on his lips.
A peck.
But a true peck.
Not one of thrill, desire, or longing.
Just a soft press of lips against lips.
She pulled away. “How was that?”
“Bloody soul-shattering.”
Charlene laughed. She couldn’t help it. When the man said things like that with such a straight face, how else was she to respond but with true delight.
The truth was, she felt the very same. There was no way to get lost in such a simple kiss.
It exposed everything. Which might seem impossible, and yet here she sat with her heart pounding even harder than any other time they had touched.
This man had a way to wrap himself around her and make her believe in dreams again. He made her believe.
And she didn’t know what to do about that. Did she fight it? Did she surrender? What were the consequences of both?
“You are doing it again.”
She blinked at the man, the roughness of his voice sending a delightful shiver skittering down her spine. “Doing what again?”
“Thinking.”
Charlene snorted. “What nonsense is this? No person can go without thoughts.”
“True, but depending on the thoughts, some people are better left not thinking at all.”
Her eyes narrowed on the man. “I’m sure that’s an insult.”
“To some maybe, but not to you.”
“So you’re saying I shouldn’t think about anything but—”
“Me.” He grinned at her. “If you are not thinking about me, it’s best not to think at all.”
Oh, but she was thinking about him. Always. However, she wasn’t about to tell him that, lest she wanted his grin to turn all sorts of wicked.
Resistance would be futile, then.
And she wasn’t done resisting yet.
*
Control.
It had always been one of those things he had been good at.
He had to be as the heir to the dukedom.
He certainly couldn’t allow it to slip when his brother almost, so very almost got engaged to the woman he had always been drawn to.
But he had never grasped the depth of that pull until she’d been lost to him.
But that was before David had wrecked everything.
Something Adam both despised and rejoiced in at the same time.
Despised, because he never wanted Charlene to hurt, ever.
Rejoiced, because he had been given a chance.
One he didn’t even think—dare think about—until the moment he had spotted her in that ballroom at the first event he attended upon his return.
Attended because he’d spotted her name. Attended because the moment he did, his control had already started slipping.
It had slipped with every encounter.
Every glare.
Every touch.
And now that she had kissed him? But not just any kiss, such a pure, simple kiss that if he’d not been sitting, he’d have been brought to his knees.
Saints, threadbare couldn’t describe the amount he had left.
The only thing keeping him from pouncing on her and claiming her here and now was her ever-present hesitancy. It lingered. Always a reminder.
Patience, however, had always been a strength. On the other hand, patience and control were stout companions, and if the one disintegrated, he didn’t know where that would leave the other.
And the way she was looking at him…
“We should head inside,” he found himself saying before he defeated the moment with any of his urges.
“We probably should. Miss Martin should be green with envy by now.”
Adam groaned. “Must you bring her up in this moment?” While he was rock hard and wanting. He certainly wilted at the mention of Miss Martin.
She shrugged and grinned.
Wench.
A spill of laughter reached them, and Adam’s head whipped to the house, followed by a curse. In one smooth movement, he gathered Charlene into his arms and leaped to his feet, retreating deeper into the shadows of the garden.
“We’ve been here too long.”
“Seems so,” she murmured back.
He glanced down at her, slowly setting her to her feet. “Not afraid?”
She snorted. “I don’t know why you would say that since this is not the first time we’ve been alone like this.”
Yes, but it’s the first time it felt different.
More raw.
More… bloody everything.
Before he could speak, she leaned in to get a better view of the crowd of six people, if he weren’t mistaken.
“It looks like Miss Martin is part of the group.”
“Of course she is,” he muttered. In a few short hours, that woman had become the bane of his damn existence.
“Perhaps I should be flattered,” Charlene whispered, tilting her head toward him, “that she sees me as such fierce competition.”
Adam growled low in his throat. “She wouldn’t, if I’d done a better job of discouraging her.” And his mother for that matter. “I’ve been too preoccupied.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I doubt that would have deterred your admirer.”
“It doesn’t make me feel better, no.”
A soft chuckle, very soft.
He glanced at her, a slow smile curving his lips. He loved that sound. He could listen to it every second of every minute of every day.
“Should we just stay here?” she asked, breaking the spell.
He glanced back at the group. “I don’t know how long they’ll be strolling.”
“I think they might be heading this way.”
The bench. “You might be right. Should we retreat farther?”
She nodded. “There should be another entrance for us somewhere.”
Neither of them moved.
After a beat, she added softly, “But I find I’m a bit reluctant.”
And damn it all, so was he.
The murmur of the group grew nearer.
“Quick,” he murmured, reaching for her hand. “This way.”
With this, she didn’t hesitate, placing her hand in his, allowing him to lead her away from possible disaster. That didn’t mean they couldn’t, or wouldn’t, encounter disaster anywhere else.
Which was exactly what they did encounter.
The distinct, very distinct, sound of moaning brought them to an abrupt halt.
It was clear as day. At least to him. A couple was fornicating close by!
He inwardly cursed and dragged her in the opposite direction, before breaking out in a run, with no clear idea where he was leading her to, only to get her away as far as possible from that.
He stopped near the edge of the garden on the exact opposite side of the house, and very close to the street running along the property.
“That was…” she trailed off, breathless from the dash.
“Don’t even say it,” Adam said, out of breath himself. “In fact, just put it out of your head.”
She laughed. “If you insist.”
“I do. I very well do insist.” Else he might replace those sounds playing in his head with theirs. And then he’d be doomed.
“Do you think we’re safe?” she asked, thankfully changing the subject.
“Define safe,” he muttered, his gaze darting over the property. Who knew what they might find here?
“Safe from being seen.”
“Oh. That.” He leaned against a tree. “Then yes. Probably.”
She tilted her head. “You don’t sound convinced.”
“Are you?”
Her lips twitched. “Not even a little.”
He huffed a quiet laugh. The situation had certainly spiraled out of control. Control… Adam inwardly shook his head. He needed to get them back into that ballroom. She was too close. Too tempting. Too much.
He had two choices—step away or give in.
And stepping away felt impossible.
He forced his gaze upward, away from temptation.
“If we follow the street line, we should reach the house without any more encounters.” They’d also probably reach a different side of the house, which brought along more sets of troubles, but he couldn’t think about that now. The biggest trouble was staying here.
Because he realized with heart thrumming clarity. Control? It wasn’t slipping. It had already shattered.