Hannah #3
“Hi, Vivi...” I say with a smile of my own before being ushered to the table by Jodie Wilder.
I stand in the same place, watching the herd of them filter around the table and sit down.
Dean pulls a chair out next to him watching me, waiting for me to sit beside him.
Narrowing my eyes at him, I tilt my chin up in defiance and shuffle behind Owen to take the seat beside Vivi, directly across from Dean.
His lips tilt up at the challenge he pushes the chair back in before giving me a nod, scratching the growth on his chin.
“Let’s say grace,” Jodie starts, and the group slowly lifts their hands, ready to pray. Vivi reaches her hand out to mine, and I move to grab it when the sound of a chair sliding across the wood floor grabs everyone's attention.
“One sec, Mama,” Dean says loudly, his long legs carrying him around the table towards me.
My mouth falls open, but I sit there and stare at him.
When he reaches me, he pulls out my seat with a grunt then reaches his arms under my knees, lifting me up to his chest. I let out a huff of frustration at the scene he’s causing before he grabs the back of the chair he originally pulled out for me and plops me roughly into the seat.
Everyone watches in shock, except for Owen who has one hand over his mouth hiding a smile, the other gripping Vivi’s hand, ready for grace.
“Go on.” Dean motions towards his mom, reaching out and grabbing her still outstretched hand.
I tuck my palm between my thighs, but one look from him says he’d enjoy fishing it out.
With another sigh of defeat, I slap it down in his with an exaggerated eye roll.
His fingers curl around mine and that familiar heat that has haunted me since he first touched me begins to soak back in.
Jodie hesitates for a moment before bowing her head.
Somewhere amidst the blessing over the meal, a warm shoulder leans against mine.
Stubble rubs against my ear getting tangled with my hair as Dean whispers to me, so quietly I can’t help but bend closer so I can hear him, “Rule number four, darlin’.
” I hear the smirk in his words, feel the tilt of his lips as they brush my skin, but keep my head bowed and eyes closed.
Trying to ignore the butterflies coming to life in my belly.
As the prayer ends, I watch in awe as the family around me chats about their upcoming day on the ranch, cattle needing to be pushed from one pasture to the other, the broken fence a couple acres to the west that needs fixing, then shifting to the upcoming wedding of Owen and Vivi.
A plate of crepes is passed to me and I take it, nodding my thanks before placing a couple on my plate and filling them with the berries from the garden.
Conversation surrounds me and I’m grateful for the distraction.
Grabbing a piece of bacon from the plate Dean holds out to me, I pop a bite in my mouth.
For a split second, the taste explodes across my tongue and I fight back a moan at the familiar taste.
In an instant, that joy vanishes and my stomach roils uncomfortably.
My forehead breaks out in a cold sweat as I fight back the nausea quickly building.
“Hannah, sugar. Will you help me outside for a moment?” Jodie’s voice breaks through my torture and I nod instantly, grateful for the excuse to rush away from all the smells in front of me.
As quickly as I can, I rush around the table and slip out the back door, hearing Dean stand from his chair and praying he doesn’t follow me.
Right before I double over and dry heave into the rosebush that lines the back porch, I hear Jodie give a stern warning to sit back down.
A tender hand rests along my back, rubbing soothingly up and down as I wipe my mouth with my hand and inhale through my nose and out my mouth a few times settling my stomach.
“How far along are you?” Jodie asks as I stand, keeping her hand on my back.
I lift my eyes and stare at her, a mix of anxiety and embarrassment sweeping over me.
Shaking my head slowly, I turn to face her.
Before I can stop it, a flood of tears run down my cheeks and I’m sobbing, throwing myself into her arms. I can’t quite explain why, but she feels like a safe place for me.
I’ve only known this woman for less than an hour, but she already feels like someone who I can fall into when I need that comfort that only a mother can bring.
Her arms wrap around me and her smell of spice and vanilla picks up a broken piece of my heart and puts it back into place.
Calmly, she loops an arm around my waist and walks me around the side of the house.
I hear a latch unlock and a rusty gate swings open into one of the most gorgeous gardens I’ve ever laid eyes on.
A pebble walkway splits it in two sections with wide stepping stones between multiple raised planter boxes.
Jodie releases me, bending down to snap a lavender stem between her fingers.
Standing back up, she passes it to me before putting her arm back around me.
Bringing the purple blossom to my nose, I inhale deeply, letting the calming scent relax my nerves and settle my rolling stomach.
I listen intently as she walks me around the gated garden pointing out each blossom and vine.
We munch on freshly picked strawberries as we round the last box and settle onto a wood bench in the corner.
“How did you know?” I ask, keeping my eyes on the half-eaten berry in my hand.
She lets out a soft chuckle before turning to look towards the house.
“Those boys have been a pain in my ass since before I pushed them into this world.” Plucking the stem off and popping the rest of the strawberry into my mouth, I laugh as I chew.
“Feral as boys, wild as men, but even inside they just wanted out into this world. I was sick as a dog with both of them, so I knew something didn’t seem right when I saw your face go pale at the table. ”
Placing my cool hands on my flaming cheeks, I glance over at her. “I’m still early on. Only Owen knows, though.” I give a shaking laugh, her smile is soft. “He set me up with an appointment later this morning.”
“Good, sugar.”
“Please don’t tell Dean!” I blurt out, then pinch my lips closed, a fresh wave of embarrassment pulling me under again. “We’re…working through things and I want it to be right.”
She pats my knee and smiles brightly at me, “It’s not my secret to tell.
” I feel her eyes on me. I turn towards her, expecting to see her judgement in her eyes and her mouth open ready to give me an earful.
But instead, she reaches her arm around me and pulls me into her side.
“Is there anything else you want to talk about?” I lean into her, contemplating telling her how I feel, how I want Dean so badly but I’m scared.
Scared to let him in, scared he’ll run even though deep down I know he won’t.
Scared that if I let someone in, I’m opening myself up to feeling that loss I felt when my parents died.
Scared to prove myself wrong that love is what I’ve needed all along.
Taking a deep breath, I let it out in a rush.
“There is so much on my mind. So much I need to say, but it’s not fair of me to wade through that with you.
Dean just walked back into your life and I don’t need to burden you with my own conflicting feelings.
You’ve raised an incredible man, one that I would be a fool to deny how in love with him I am.
But I’ve been through so much grief in my life I need to make sure I’m all in here,” I point at my head, “and here.” I rest my palm on my heart.
“I love your family, and know that you’ll always be a part of my life.
I’m just not ready to open up about our problems to someone who clearly loves him so dearly. ”
“I understand that.” Her hand pulls me closer into her.
“And I’m here if you ever need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to bend.
I know better than anyone how infuriating the male species can be.
You hear me?” My head bobs up and down rapidly, but she points a finger at me, her face going stern, but a hint of a smile still resting on her lips “But sugar, I see the way that boy looks at you. There isn’t anything you could do that would make him push you away.
” I’m speechless, so I just bite my lip and look back over the garden in front of me.
“He may have a restless spirit, but I’d bet my favorite horse that you might be the one to break him.
” And with that, she gives my knee another squeeze before standing and leaving me sitting there to stew in my thoughts.
My phone pings in my pocket, and I pull it out looking at the appointment reminder on my screen.
It’s not until I’m halfway into town that I remember Dean can track my location.
Digging deep, I try to make myself get angry at his invasion of privacy.
At the next red light, I sit back heavily in the seat.
No matter how hard I pretend, I can’t be upset with him.
When was the last time someone cared enough to keep an eye on me, make sure I was safe, save me from freezing to death or whatever else would have happened to me if he hadn’t shown up when he did?
I swipe into his contact and click the red letters, effectively disconnecting him from my every move.
This is not the way for him to find out we’re expecting a baby.
And if I know Dean, it won’t be long before he finds a way to turn it back on again.
A couple minutes later, I pull into the parking lot of the address Owen gave me, take a few deep breaths, then step out of my truck and head inside.