26. Sorrel
SORREL
It’s been a few months now since we left for the Windsong Tour. Emily has been a pebble in my boot ever since she arrived.
If she wasn't ignoring me, then she was just being a plain old bitch. I’d had it with her and it was starting to get to me if I was being honest.
We're in Fort Worth, Texas, tonight. Denton is playing at the Dickies Arena. I’m shaking in my tiny sequin skirt with excitement because Charli is finally here with me, hence why I’m wearing a tiny sequin skirt!
Emily went into town before Charli got here and I can’t fucking wait to see her reaction when she gets back. If she doesn’t like me, she’ll loathe Charli even more.
We’re wearing matching skirts that she brought with her and tiny crop tops.
I have to say Charli fills the outfit out a lot better than me with her curves and tiny frame.
She’s wearing her brown curls straight tonight and I decided to curl mine.
We totally look like groupies but I don’t care.
For Denton I am a groupie. He likes the skirt anyways; he only told me he does about five times.
Johnny was practically drooling over Charli when she got here.
They had been FaceTiming every day. I asked her if she was actually into him and she got all weird and nervous.
I have never seen her act like that over a guy.
She’s around cowboys all the time and never batted an eye at them, so she must have some kind of feelings for Johnny.
I’m more than okay with it. How fun would it be if they actually got together.
“Sorrel, shots—let’s go!”
I take the tiny shot glass from her hand and throw back the liquor. It tastes horrible.
“What the hell was that?”
“Fireball. That's all I could find.”
“Gross,” I say, gagging and looking for some water. Note to self, ask what it is before I drink it.
The boys left to do sound check and rehearsals so it’s just me and Charli now.
“All right, spill it Saxxon. How are you really doing?”
I sigh. “Everything's been great. It’s fun but I can’t lie and say I don’t miss the ranch.”
“I knew it,” Charli says, taking a drink of her coke.
“It doesn't help that their tour manager is a raging bitch.”
Just as the words fly out of my mouth, lo and behold, said tour manager walks in.
Emily puts one arm up on the doorframe and tilts her head. Her beady eyes narrow in on me. “What was that, Sorrel?”
“Um…” I have no words. I’ve been utterly caught.
“She said you’ve been a bitch.”
Turning around in the booth, Charli looks Emily up and down. “What’s up with that?”
Emily scoffs and does her signature eye roll.
“I don’t know who the hell you are, but neither of you should be here. Denton has real talent, Sorrel, and this ‘relationship’ of yours is temporary. I’ve been in the business long enough to see how it all plays out. Trust me.”
That’s fucking it. It’s time to stand up for myself. I’ve held back long enough.
“Fuck you, Emily! You have no idea what Denton and I have been through, and I don’t need to prove to you how real our relationship is.”
“It may be real for now but it will also be real over soon,” she says, smirking.
“I know you see all the women that throw themselves at him. He could have anyone in the world. Why would he want some nobody cowgirl whose world is so small all you know is ranch life? Don’t hold him back.
His world is going to be so much bigger than yours and there won’t be space for you in it. ”
Tears begin to pool in my eyes, and Charli gives me a look and mouths, “Don't cry.” I know I can’t let her see me cry or she’ll think she’s won.
But I can’t help the doubt that creeps into my mind.
His world is bigger than mine. I don’t want a bigger world; I love the ranch and it’s more than I could ever want out of this life.
It makes me wonder if Denton and I are too different in that way.
His life will be award shows and music videos. Sure, I can tag along but I don’t want to be famous. I don’t want my picture taken at award shows and put on the internet for people to mock and judge. I never wanted any of this. I’m just a cowgirl. A cowgirl who fell for a star.
I rush past Emily as she snickers at me.
I need air now. It’s cold tonight and I shiver in this stupid little skirt and crop top.
I feel silly now and I want the comfort of my jeans and a long-sleeve button-up.
I miss the simplicity of my life. I miss not wearing makeup every day and putting my hair in a braid.
Being out on the ranch, with horses and cows. I’ve been around people for too long.
Dash is getting homesick too. When the bus is parked, I set up a temporary pen so he can spend time outside but it isn’t nearly the same freedom he has at the ranch. I’ve been feeling guilty for bringing him with us.
“Don’t worry. I gave that bitch a piece of my mind, Sorrel. I think she’s going to be acting a lot different now,” Charli says as she comes down the steps of the bus. The door is still open and I’m sure Emily heard everything she said. I don’t respond. I’m done fighting with Emily.
Charli slams the door shut and comes to sit in the chair next to mine.
“I think I need to go home.”
“Sorrel, don’t give up just yet. It’s only been a couple of months.”
“I’m not giving up. I just need to go home and regroup. Figure things out.”
“What’s there to figure out? Denton loves you. He’d do anything for you.”
“That’s the problem!” I say, raising my voice more than I mean to. “It’s not fair to him. I’ll never want this life and I can’t string him along into believing I do.”
“If that’s what you think is right. You know I’ll support you no matter what.”
I have no idea what is right. My feelings are all mixed up and I don’t know what to do.
“I’m going to pack. I can travel back to Montana with you tomorrow.”
“If that’s what you want, Sorrel,” she says softly.
By the look on her face, she thinks I’m making the wrong choice but I’ve made up my mind.
I pack my things and hide my suitcase in Charli’s truck.
I’m happy she decided to drive instead of fly.
She was visiting family here in Texas so it worked out perfectly when the tour landed in Fort Worth.
I hope Denton doesn’t think I was planning this all along.
I won’t tell him I’m leaving until after the show.
I know if I do it before it will ruin his night.
Tears prick my eyes and I swipe them away quickly. The sound of laughter and Denton’s voice, coming toward us. I plaster on my best smile, shaking away my anger.
“Hey, babe.”
I give Denton a quick peck and he gives me a confused look.
“Break a leg tonight or whatever they say,” I laugh nervously.
“What’s wrong, Sorrel?”
“Nothing!” I say quickly. “Everything's great. It looks like you got a great crowd tonight. I'm excited for you.”
Damn, I hate how he can sense something’s wrong. It’s like he’s studied my emotions and notices the slightest shift.
“Yeah…it’ll be a good time. You seen Emily? She left rehearsal early.”
“She’s in the back lounge I think.”
I’m annoyed he’s looking for her. Who cares where she is? I wish she’d go back to whatever bitch hole she crawled out of. Denton leaves to go find her and I join the others.
Charli has a cheesy grin on her face as her and Johnny banter back and forth relentlessly.
They’re perfect for each other. I’m happy for her but sad for myself, dreading the conversation I know I’ll be having with Denton in the morning.
I’ll do my best not to think about it tonight.
My best friend is here and I want her to have a fun night in her old stomping grounds.
. . .
Charli and I hang out backstage with our new friends.
the Lone Star Revival band who opened for Denton.
The lead singer is a fiery redhead but she’s as sweet as can be.
Her voice is rustic and sweet like honey all at the same time.
She was amazing during her performance. She grew up on a ranch here in Fort Worth Texas so we have that in common and it’s nice to be able to talk with someone who gets it.
“So how long have you and Denton been together?”
“Oh, uh, a couple of months. We were friends before we started dating though. He basically forced me into a friendship with him when he showed up at my family’s ranch over the summer,” I joke.
“No way! That’s the cutest love story ever. He better write a song about it if he hasn’t already.”
I smile knowingly. I watch as her and Charli go to the bar to take shots. I’m not in the mood for partying anymore but I’m trying my best to rally. It’s probably best if one of us stays sober anyways. Someone's gotta be the responsible one of the group.
Denton is up now and we head over to the right wing.
Johnny takes his spot and blows a kiss to Charli and she catches it and puts it to her lips.
I shake my head and laugh at how cringy they are.
Denton turns his head to me and gives me a tight smile.
I try to give him one back but my heart hurts knowing I’m leaving.
I scan the backstage area looking for the harsh tour manager, but Emily is nowhere to be found. Now she isn’t even doing her job. Jake really needs to do a better job at checking credentials before hiring these people.
The concert is almost over and the energy is strange. The crowd doesn’t buzz with their usual electricity. Denton’s vibe is off and his heart isn’t in it tonight—it reflects in the crowd.
I know it’s not fair to the people who paid to watch him.
Hopefully they understand that he’s a real human who has bad nights too.
I think when people watch performers it’s like they almost forget we’re just like them.
We have emotions and our feelings get hurt too.
We’re not robots who were made to entertain people.
But ultimately that settles it for me. I can’t be a distraction for him anymore.