Chapter 16
AS SOON as Sterling left for his appointment, Connor checked the clock and left the house, striding back down the block in his best kilt, toward the square where the market was held. He’d be damned if he’d let Phillip Randall control his actions.
“Good evening,” he said as he approached a woman waiting to cross at the corner. “I’m Connor Hillyard, and I’m running for mayor.”
The woman, who appeared in her late forties, lifted her gaze at him. “Are you the calendar boy the other man was referring to?” she asked seriously.
Connor steeled his insides. “Yes, ma’am. I posed for the garden club calendar in order to support their programs. And the man I posed with is my boyfriend.” He smiled and held his head high.
She put her bags down at her feet. “Then it’s nice to meet you.” She grinned and pulled out a calendar.
“Would you like me to sign it as Mr. April?” he quipped, and her smile shifted to a grin.
“Please do. That man always gave me the creeps, so when he was talking about what you did and all that decency that man tries to wrap himself in, I bought a copy just to wave in his face.”
Connor signed it for her and handed it back. “I thank you. The garden club is a worthy organization, and they do a lot for this community, as I hope to if elected.” He flashed his best smile, and she patted his shoulder.
“You hang in there.”
She put the calendar back in her bag, and when the light changed, she hurried across the street.
Connor crossed after her and joined the groups of people at the market, introducing himself as he always did.
“I see you’re back. Got more guts than I thought you would to show your face again,” Mayor Randall said.
“Please.” He grinned. “You’ve seen my face, as well as pictures of the rest of me. I have nothing that needs hiding.” He looked Randall over. “You, on the other hand, should be the one hiding.” A few people snickered from behind him. “What I did was for a community service organization,” he said more loudly. “You only serve yourself.” He turned away and shook hands with one of the men standing behind him, as well as some of the others, introducing himself and asking what sort of improvements the borough needed to make.
“What about the parks?” one lady asked.
“Which park, and what can we do?” he asked while pulling a small notebook and pen out of his sporran and making notes.
“Do you really think the people of this borough are ready for a gay calendar boy as mayor? You probably have fluff between your ears… and other places,” Mayor Randall stage-whispered.
Connor didn’t rise to the bait. “You were saying, before we were interrupted?” He kept his attention on the woman and heard her complaint. “I’ll add it to my list of items and go out to look at it myself.” If what she said was true, it meant the entire play structure at one of the main parks was unstable. “Thank you so much.” He smiled, and she thanked him and continued on her way.
“And how do you intend to pay for everything these people want?” Mayor Randall asked more quietly.
“Maybe in reduced liability insurance premiums once it’s proven the equipment is properly maintained.” He moved away.
“You know that beauty is only skin deep,” Mayor Randall said, loudly enough for others to hear.
“True. But ugly goes clear through to the bone.” He strode away to a chorus of snickers, and it seemed Mayor Randall had had enough for the day. Connor suppressed a snicker of his own and wandered through the market, speaking to the vendors and looking through the goods offered for sale.
“I thought I’d find you here,” Sterling said as soon as he crossed the street. “Where is the mayor?”
“I took your advice and returned, and while I was meeting with people, he was terrible, but I took the high road, and apparently the pressure was too much for him.” Connor did not snicker or even break into a smile. “My campaign will be about what’s good for Carlisle and the people who live here. I have a list of places I need to visit because I want to see if what I’m told is true. There are things here that are being neglected.” He motioned, and Sterling joined him as he took another pass through the market.
Connor and Sterling left the market as the vendors were packing up. “You seem much happier.”
“It’s the people here. They don’t care about calendars and things. All they want is their government to help them and make things better. The current mayor doesn’t care about anyone but himself. I did my best to listen.”
“Sometimes that’s all you can do.” They waited at the corner to cross the street. “Oh, and I think you need to call your great-aunt. Apparently your phone is off and she has some things to speak to you about.”
Connor pulled out his phone. “Danged battery. I really need to get a new one.” He shoved it back into his pocket and walked with Sterling back to his house, where he plugged in the phone to call his great-aunt while Sterling made dinner.
“Sorry I missed your calls.”
“I was talking to Grant, and I think you should attend all the borough council meetings up until the election. Sit right in front and make sure people see you. You can’t campaign on borough property, but you need to be there.”
Connor swallowed hard. “What are you up to?”
“Just be there.” His great-aunt said goodbye, leaving Connor puzzled.
He set down his phone and joined Sterling. “I’m starting to think that Aunt Lucille is beginning to lose it. Either that or she likes treating me like a child.” He sat in one of the kitchen chairs. “Apparently I’m supposed to go to the next council meeting, which I intended to do anyway. After all, if I hope to be mayor, I should not only see how things run but be familiar with the current issues. Because many of the ones up before the council will still be there next year in one form or another.” He sighed and watched Sterling work and sway a little to the music he had playing.
It didn’t take Connor long to forget about his great-aunt and stand up, sliding his arms around Sterling’s waist and moving along with him. Sterling had this thing when he danced with moving his backside in these circles. It made him look like one of those bobble-waisted hula dancers people used to put on their dashboards. “Sometimes you dance like you have spiders in your drawers.”
Sterling stilled. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s sweet, and I love that you’re so free around me. But relax and move your butt a little less. Let the music flow through all of you.” He tightened his grip, setting the pace and guiding Sterling through the movement with his hips pressed to Sterling’s firm butt. “That’s it.” He pressed closer, and Sterling groaned.
“You know, we aren’t going to get any dinner if you keep that up.” Sterling pressed back against him, and Connor was about to tell Sterling to forget the food and go upstairs when Sterling’s phone rang. He stepped back and let Sterling get it. Sometimes he wished Alexander Graham Bell had gone on to be a farmer.
Connor sat back down and waited as Sterling set up an appointment. Then he finished dinner, and they sat down to what he hoped would be a quiet meal for two. “What has you so distracted?”
“It feels like there are half a million balls in the air and it’s my job to keep them there. This race is more complicated than I thought it would be. The journal loved my article and wants another, and I am supposed to put together my package for tenure. Because I knew that was coming, I’ve always kept my accomplishments documented, with copies of articles and all the things I’ve published so that I would have it. But it just seems that nothing is going the way I thought it would.”
“Okay.” Sterling set down his fork. “Would you change anything if you could?”
Connor shrugged and thought for a few seconds. “Probably not. I love all the things I’m doing, and my life is pretty good right about now. I have a great job and a chance to do good for a lot of people. I have someone special in my life, and I’m happy.” He squeezed Sterling’s hand.
“It’s right about then that the wheels fall off,” Sterling said softly, and Connor had to agree with him.
“But it’s the bad stuff that happened that got me here. Sure, my parents aren’t accepting, caring people. Growing up, they were distant, and they only got more so when they learned I didn’t fit into their molds. I think my dad wanted a carbon copy of himself, and my mother would have loved it if I had been a girl. I suppose I was an equal-opportunity disappointer.” He tried to make light of it.
“They’re the ones who let you down, not the other way around.” Sterling placed his hand on top of Connor’s, and he turned it over, lacing their fingers together.
“Sometimes I used to wonder if I was ever going to have someone who would be able to put up with me. My parents certainly didn’t. The only person I had who truly cares is Aunt Lucille.”
“And me,” Sterling whispered.
Connor put his napkin on the table and leaned forward, tightening his hold on Sterling’s fingers. “Do you really? Not that I doubt you or think you’re lying, but I’ve never really been able to tell when someone really liked me or was just using me. I mean… sometimes guys really suck… and not in that eyes-rolling-to-the-back-of-your-head kind of way. But I can tell with you. At least I hope so.”
Sterling chuckled lightly. “I do, honey.” He pulled Connor closer. “Look, I was never the kind of guy to go around talking about my feelings. With you, it’s easy. I know what I want and I’m not afraid to say it.” He paused, and Connor half held his breath, wondering what he was about to say. “Look, I have a terrible record at looking into the future. If I’m honest, I’ve spent the last few years trying to build a life here while at the same time hoping that my old life would somehow call me back. There, I said it, and it’s the truth. I did good work, and I miss my old life. I don’t miss Alexander, but he still casts this shadow that I can’t seem to get away from.”
Connor tensed. “What is it you’re trying to say?” He had this feeling that Sterling was about to say goodbye. This was how things started with the guys in college. They always started with nice things before they dropped the bomb and were out the door before he even had a chance to say anything. Connor swallowed hard, and his heart pounded in his ears. “On second thought, you don’t need to tell me anything. I get it.” He pulled his hand away.
“Connor, I’m saying that you’ve become part of me. The time we’re together goes so fast, and when we’re apart, I’m looking forward to seeing you again.” He tugged Connor’s hand to his lips. “I love the time we’re together, and this isn’t just about sex. I mean, being with you that way is incredible, but I like waking up next to you and seeing you when I go to sleep. I look forward to going on walks with you and making dinner with you.”
Connor ran through what Sterling had said just to make sure there wasn’t something he should be worried about. “Sterling, I….”
“But….” There was always a but , and Connor stiffened as he waited for the disappointment. “I still have this crap with Alexander that I can’t seem to let go of. I loved him, and I thought he loved me, but he didn’t.”
“I would never treat you that way.”
“I know that, and sometimes it takes someone wonderful before you realize that what you had wasn’t all that great.”
Connor nodded. “But that shadow you talked about is still there anyway.” Just like his own past cast a shadow, though less and less each day. Maybe it was the fact that he had found someone like Sterling who engaged his heart. That had to be it. This whole shadow business was because Connor wasn’t good enough or didn’t cast enough light to banish it.
“It gets less and less dark,” Sterling said. “But I don’t know how to make it go away completely.”
“It doesn’t have to. You are the man you are because of what happened to you.” He squeezed Sterling’s hand. “Are you the same person you were when you came back here and started your business? Heck, are you the same person who used to photograph models all day long and was celebrated in the fashion world?”
Sterling shook his head. “No. I doubt you would have liked that person very much.”
“Really?” That seemed a little pat.
“No. You wouldn’t. When I was with Alexander, I was jumpy and nervous. He was always surrounded by beautiful people, and there were times when I was jealous. I got over it and figured if I became a success in my own field and had a life separate from his, everything would be great. He’d be successful, I’d be successful… together we’d be unstoppable. But….”
“It sounds like a marriage of careers,” he snarked. “Can you imagine the ceremony?” Connor motioned broadly with his hands. “Picture it on a beach in Saint Croix. Do you, fashion photographer, take thee, fashion model, to be your lawfully wedded career choice? And do you, Sterling, the photographer, promise not to take pictures of other guys… and do you, Alexander, vapid fashion model, promise to only pose in your skivvies for Sterling?” He batted his eyes, and Sterling shook his head, mouth hanging open. “I now pronounce you a power couple. You may take a selfie, post it to Instagram, and will from this day forward be known as Sterlander.”
Sterling gaped for a few seconds, his mouth hanging open. “Damn, I….” Connor hoped he hadn’t gone too far. “You have a quick wit.”
“I try.” He smiled and waited for Sterling’s reaction. Finally he tossed his head back and laughed.
“You know, I think we’ve talked about all this too much.” Sterling gently rubbed the back of his hand. “There are times when talking about things gets you nowhere. Maybe we could switch to more pleasant topics.”
“I have a colonoscopy scheduled for next month…,” Connor quipped, and Sterling rolled his eyes.
“Leave it to you to switch the conversation to poop jokes.” Sterling chuckled.
“Well, from what I understand, with that procedure, it’s the lack of said poop that is the goal….”
Sterling groaned. “Fine. Then you pick the subject.” He cocked his eyebrows.
“How about you and I go upstairs, go to bed, and talk about what comes up.” Now it was Connor’s turn to groan.