Chapter 41 Ruin
Ileft after wanting nothing more than to be granted access to Hell, to Aeri. I left.
I didn’t say anything to any of them, instead leaving in a hurry because if I didn’t, I wasn’t sure what would happen.
I’d been around plenty of people—demons, mortals, angels—yet I’d never seen anyone but myself naked. I understood the basics of the woman’s body from books, sculptures, and my own imagination, so why had my body reacted to her the way it did?
My heart rate went through the roof, my palms were sweaty, and my lungs seized up. But despite all of that, I couldn’t look away; I couldn’t stop my eyes from moving over her skin even though I knew it was a sin, and worst of all, I was hard as a fucking rock while doing it.
Despite what people seem to believe, angels can sin, and we do it quite often. Rome is a wonderful example of just how free we are to do whatever we want.
It wasn’t always like this, but ever since Lucifer and the others fell, things changed.
Father has hidden away, allowing whatever to happen, not only on earth but everywhere else as well.
I still know it’s a sin, though.
She’s my charge, my friend, and on the run from another angel who has spent the last ten years ruining her life, and I was picturing fucking her!
Fuck!
I yank at my hair as I pace the length of my apartment over and over again, my mind unable to think of anything but Aeri.
When I close my eyes at night, it’s like I’m back there.
It’s so clear that I’ve given up on even attempting to sleep at this point.
I thought it would help, but I think it’s only making it worse because now all I can think about is how she must feel with me just disappearing.
Did I hurt her feelings?
Did she even notice with everyone else there? I shake the thought away as soon as it crosses my mind because that’s not who Aeri is; I can almost guarantee she noticed.
My wings burst out of my back, my powers surging as I lose control at the thought of her being sad because of me.
I need to go back. I make it to the door before I shake myself from that idea and move back to the living room.
I can’t get back in without Lucifer, and right now his mental shields are up, meaning I couldn’t reach out to him if I wanted to.
Thinking of Aeri before showering is a bad idea.
My cock throbs, and while masturbation isn’t exactly a sin, I’m pretty sure it’s at least frowned upon to get off thinking about the mortal you're supposed to protect. Not to mention, as much as I might hate it, she is Rome’s per the contract, and that makes it a sin.
Not to mention the fact that she’s Lucifer’s mate…
Fuck.
Unfortunately, it’s either handle it or walk around with my cock aching all day.
I might not have ever pursued relations with anyone, but I know my own body. Standing under the lukewarm spray from the showerhead, I’m embarrassed by how fast my body responds as I wrap my hand around the base of my cock and let my eyes fall closed to picture her.
Aeri, naked and unashamed, as she held my gaze, as if hoping to tempt me.
If only she knew how much she did just that on a daily basis.
I pump my hand up and down, slowly attempting to make this last more than five seconds, relishing in the memory of her on display just for me.
It doesn’t matter how long I live, I will never forget that moment, her every curve, and the way her eyes held mine, her pupils blown wide, no doubt matching my own.
My orgasm sneaks up on me, and I can’t stop my release as I let out a groan and come right down the drain.
I stand panting, unable to open my eyes, unwilling to let go of the thought of her just yet.
I’m so fucked. Whatever this feeling is, it’s all-consuming, and despite just having come, I already feel the need for more.
With a huff, I rinse myself and flick the water off, annoyed with myself and this need I can’t seem to curb.
Maybe if it were her hand?
No! That’s not better and definitely not helping.
I don’t feel better. If anything, I feel kind of gross because now I’m even more aroused.
I want Aeri to be more than my charge, but I know that can never happen. Even if not for Rome, to pull her between Heaven and Hell would be wrong, unless there was another way…
I shake the thought away as I exit the shower. We have other things to worry about, like freeing her from Rome. That has to be our first priority.
What I need is a plan. Going back now is only going to make everything worse. What will I say if she asks me why I left?
“I’m sorry, I’m a bitch who doesn’t know what it means when a pretty girl makes me pop a boner.”
I whip around to find Lucifer sitting on my couch with a smirk on his face that doesn't quite reach his eyes.
“That’s not funny,” I hiss, turning and heading into my room, away from him.
“No, it’s not, but it is true, and I’m pretty sure if you like a girl you shouldn’t lie to her,” he says from inside my room, and I toss my hands in the air because, of course, I can’t get away from him even in my own house.
“But what do I know? She’s just my mate.” He shrugs, spinning on the computer chair as if we’re simply talking about the weather.
Asshole.
I stand in the doorway, unsure what to do. I don’t really want to talk to him or even see him, but I also don’t think he’s just going to go away. There’s only one place I can go that he physically can’t follow me, and that won’t be happening right now, so I have to do something.
“What do you want?” I demand crossing my arms and resigning myself to getting this over with.
Lucifer vanishes before I feel him right behind me, but I stay where I am, not giving him the satisfaction of even turning around.
“Now that’s not very nice,” he teases, and I swear my eye twitches.
All these years, and he’s the same; it shouldn’t be possible. The same man who has always been like my other brother, the person I looked up to most, banished to Hell and is still exactly like I remember him.
I keep my mouth closed through some miracle and hear his sigh of annoyance that lets me know he’s given in.
“I came to tell you to get your head out of your ass. You're upsetting my mate.” His hand presses me forward, and I’m so caught off guard by what he just said that I almost faceplant.
I stumble forward, arms wheeling before I catch myself and whip around to face him.
“What?” My heart races, and I need him to explain right now.
Lucifer rolls his eyes as if I’m stupid, and honestly, I might be, but I really need him to spell it out.,
He moves around my room, looking at the few things I’ve acquired during my time here—a laptop, an Xbox controller, and shoes. I might have an unhealthy obsession with the shoes; I think I have close to twenty pairs now. Nothing special, but things that help pass the time that I find fun.
Stopping at my dresser, he picks up the one framed picture I have resting on top; it’s me and Kai in the shop back when we first opened it seven years ago.
I’d lost my charge and needed something to do to help fill the ache, and Kai was down to do anything that kept him from whatever it was he was here for to begin with.
It’s the only picture I’ve ever gone through the effort of getting printed. Thinking about it makes my phone feel heavy in my pocket, all the messages with Aeri and pictures I’d taken during coffee and even at Purgatory.
Damn it.
“She’s like a drug,” I grumble, squeezing my eyes closed as I try and think of something else, anything really.
“First of all, what do you know about drugs?” I hear the mocking tone in his voice, but I ignore him.
Just because he’s right doesn’t mean he needs to know it.
“Second,” He’s closer now, almost right behind me, and I try not to let my nerves show. I know I fail when he speaks again, and I hear him move away.
“I assure you she’s better than any drug, just wait and you’ll see.”
Again, his words cut through me just the way he no doubt intended.
“What do you mean?”
“For God’s sake, Ruin.” He throws his arms up in exasperation, and I cringe at the use of Father's name thrown around like that by him.
It feels strange because Father has never said Lucifer’s or any of the other fallen’s names after that day; it was as if they never existed.
“I know you're pretty, but can you at least act like you have a brain in that head?” he snaps, and I don’t even hesitate; reaching down, I grab the rolly chair and chuck it at him.
Asshole.
He teleports, and the chair ends up on my bed, but it felt good either way.
He pops back into existence with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall, his knee up, foot propped against it, looking right at home with a huge smile on his face.
“Now now, brothers shouldn’t fight,” he scolds me, but it falls flat with a smile on his face.
“Oh yeah, because that’s ever stopped you before. How many brothers have you stripped of their wings?”
He pulls a face, waving that off as if it’s not important.
“I didn’t strip them, and that’s not what I meant.”
What?
What else could he mean, unless, no…
The smile on his face is almost terrifying, like the villains in a horror movie the mortals are so obsessed with.
He can’t mean what I think he does, can he?
“You think I’m—”
I don’t get to finish my question, though, because as we stand there, I watch him change. His eyes shift, the black spreading through the whites, and his irises turn red. Horns grow from his head, and his armor grows out of him.
I don’t know what’s going on, but I know something's wrong, and there’s only one thing I can think of that would make him react like this.
“Aeri.” I almost choke on her name, my throat tight, my stomach rolling, threatening to throw up the meager lunch I ate as my mind thinks of every worst-case scenario, knowing so much is possible.
She’s in Hell, for fuck’s sake; who knows what could happen there.
Worse still, I can’t go to her.
Without thinking about it, I move behind Lucifer. Reaching out, I rest my hand on his shoulder just as he teleports himself back to the underworld.
It doesn’t feel the same when I’m not the one in control, but even more than that, it doesn’t feel the same going into the center of Hell versus the border.
“Are you out of your mind?” Lucifer’s eyes burn with barely controlled rage as his hand closes around my throat, and finally, I see it, the difference.
This isn’t my friend anymore.
No, this is the King of Hell, the devil, and he’s dangerous.
“You could have died!”
What?
“If I hadn’t already brought you across the river, your brain would be a fucking puddle right now, Ruin!”
Oh, well, shit.
Maybe it’s possible he’s the devil and my friend.
“I wasn’t thinking—”
“No shit!” he hisses, cutting me off, and I get it, but also I’m not the main concern right now, or I’m not supposed to be.
It’s like he remembers at the same time I think it; his fingers loosen before he releases me completely, whipping around and moving to a door that he throws open before descending down what appears to be a god-awful amount of stairs.
The dungeon?
I massage my throat as I breathe deeply, moving to follow him at a much slower pace.
What pulled him away?
In the hall, I pause for a moment to listen, and that’s when I hear it, a sound that makes me feel like someone’s gripping my heart with their bare hand.
Aeri’s crying, sniffling, and sobbing.
The sound is heart-wrenching, and I’m moving without even realizing it, my sore throat forgotten as if my body craves her as much as my mind does.
I’m so screwed when it comes to this tiny ray of sunshine, but I’d gladly go blind if it meant I got to look at her for even another moment.