Chapter 42 Lucifer
Something’s wrong. The pain she’s feeling, I can’t get a read on it.
It’s not like with her missing Ruin or even when Rome visits her dreams; this is almost like an invisible force is attacking her.
Whatever it is, it’s enough to bring her to her knees.
I attempted to reach her at Ruin’s, but despite our mate bond, it was as if something was stopping me. Before now, I’ve tried to stay out of her head, worried it would trigger her with everything that Rome’s done, but this was an emergency.
I move through the castle, letting my senses guide me, knowing they will lead me to her faster than anything else. I’ve been staying busy, keeping away to give her space, room to heal, but there’s no denying I crave her in every way I can.
I’m drawn to her; there’s nothing I can do about it, nothing anyone can do about it, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
My mate.
Father said I would never be worthy of one, that no demon would be, but would you look at that… wrong as usual.
She’s not only mine, but Talian’s as well.
And those are just the bonds I have confirmation of. I’m pretty sure there are a few more left still.
I barge into the dungeon, the door slams against the wall, and I feel the tremble that moves through it, shaking the very foundation as I fly down the stairs.
Bringing the whole castle down on the mortal would be bad. I remind myself as I attempt to keep myself in check enough that I don’t cause her more damage.
I feel Kai close by, Bast and Talian moving through the shadows to get to her, but I’m faster.
I also notice the one who’s missing.
The second I see her, I almost wish I hadn’t.
Aerilyn lies on the floor, her arms wrapped around her waist, her knees curled up so high they almost touch her nose.
Her bottom lip is caught between her teeth, hard enough I fear she’ll bite through the plush skin at any moment.
Tears run down her face, and though she doesn’t make so much as a sound, I can see the pain as it radiates through her.
I can only think of one thing that could do this to her, but in all my years, I’ve never seen it.
I reach out to Asta, and even before I reach his mind, I know.
He might be able to hide it better, but his pain coats the air the same as hers, just as potent and sad.
Fucker!
I want to beat him bloody and let him heal just to do it again. I want to send his soul to the abyss or make him man the fields of sorrows. But none of it is good enough, or bad enough, I guess, in this situation.
I lose control. One moment I’m on the dungeon stairs, the next I’m in front of Asta.
I’m on him in an instant, and I’m not sure if it’s better that he doesn’t fight back or worse.
My fist collides with his cheek, and the crunch of bone should be satisfying, but it’s not.
We heal fast, and while that might have stung, it wasn’t even close to what he deserves after what he just did.
“Luce…” I pull him back with me, unwilling to release him but desperate to get back to her. I find Talian, Bast, Ruin, and Kai standing just feet away, their eyes fixed on Aeri. I don’t even know who said my name, but it doesn’t matter, not right now.
I can’t stomach seeing her like that, but I don’t need to look; the image will be burned into my mind for the rest of my days.
“There’s nothing we can do but try and make her comfortable.” My voice doesn’t even sound like my own; instead, it sounds sad… defeated, something I’ve never been, not even after I was cast out of Heaven.
But that was different.
There was a solution, a way to make things better, our own.
This isn’t anything like that; this cannot be fixed, ever.
She will carry this pain with her until she dies.
The thought makes me spiral all over again, my knuckles finding Asta’s face. Once isn’t enough. I pull back and swing over and over until the metallic scent of blood fills the air.
Something pulls at my arm, and I pause to look back. I’m not surprised when I find Ruin.
Bast is gathering Aeri up in his arms, and I catch a glimpse of blood as it runs from her lip down her chin, yet she doesn’t stop, doesn’t release her hold on her lip.
“Stop, this isn’t helping her. We need to…” he trails off, looking back at her with so much fear in his eyes that I make myself stop, if only for a moment, to explain this all to him.
Aeri wouldn’t want me to leave them in the dark, and she’s in no condition to fill them in.
“Nothing is going to help her,” I bite out, wrenching my arm from his grip with a huff.
“It’s said to be the worst pain any being can endure, whether it be in Hell or otherwise, and there’s no cure.
It will fade, and she will learn to live with it.
” I glare at Asta, and he manages to hold my gaze but just barely.
I see the flicker of pain in his eyes that he can’t hide. “They both will.”
“What?” Ruin asks, looking between the two of us.
“The pain of what exactly?” Talian asks, his voice harder than Ruin’s, and I have a feeling he’s figured it out and is only asking me to confirm.
I look at each of them before sucking it up to look at the tiny mortal who changed my whole world just by existing, and know that, despite the way I want to punish Asta, she wouldn’t want that. I can’t let the others get out of hand either.
“The pain of a rejected mate bond.”
“Don’t act so surprised.” The fact that Asta is speaking to me lets me know I haven’t hit him nearly enough, which is crazy because I’ve been doing it for hours now.
Despite knowing I shouldn’t, I take the bait.
“Why would you ever think I would expect you to reject your mate?” This should be good because I can’t think of one half-assed reason, let alone any good ones.
“We’re demons, Lucifer, you're the devil. The fucking King of Hell, and you want to tie your immortal soul to a mortal girl who’s only here because she’s running from Rome.
An angel who’s taken advantage of her and is attempting to rewrite her life to make her love him enough that she never leaves him? ”
“What Rome has done has nothing to do with us. We’re helping her, and it’s not like I set out to make her my mate.
I’m not preying on the poor defenseless mortal.
” I shove him hard enough that he stumbles back a step, but he manages to stay on his feet as he glares back at me.
“The universe picked her for me, for us!”
“Who says the universe is right? Who says the universe didn’t pick her for us before the fall? Who says we get to damn her soul to be with us?”
His words hit me like a slap in the face, and I stagger back a step.
“What?” I heard him, but no. “That’s not what this is…” I trail off, unable to argue against what he said because that’s exactly what this is.
I’d never believed I had a mate, so it wasn’t something I worried about. But he’s right; for me to keep her means she will be stuck here.
The Queen of Hell.
A position many would love, but only for the power, only for their own personal gain.
I knew I couldn’t keep her. Once she was free of Rome, she wouldn’t want me; she’s too pure, too good.
Everything I’m not.
But I’d tricked myself into believing we had time, that maybe, just maybe, she would decide to keep the bond.
The thought of her lying on the floor, the way she was just moments ago, kills me. I’d felt the pain through our bond, how all-consuming it was.
How am I to subject her to that again, knowingly?
“I never intended to keep her, but having her tied to me is for the best, at least for now. It keeps her safe from Rome.” It’s not a lie, but it still makes me feel sick to say it aloud.
“She doesn't even know us, and I won’t force myself on her just because the universe says so. Given the choice, she would never have picked us, at least not as we are now. You know that, and so do I.”
He’s right.
“The pain will fade, eventually, and she will be happier for it. You’ll see, once Rome is handled and she’s safe, she’ll be thanking me for this decision.
She’ll go back topside and never think twice about what could have been because, despite her ability to look past it at the moment, we’re monsters, Luce. We always will be.”
I fucking hate it when Asta’s right.