Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
GRAYSON
Hale slips out of Nadine’s apartment without me having to tell him to, which is good, because I can’t speak right now.
Staring at her standing in the middle of her living room, her eyes wide with surprise, her lips parted with awe, her chest rising and falling with her breaths, it’s almost enough to send me over the edge.
But then I watch as her nostrils flare, and that’s it.
I’m over the goddamn edge.
Slamming the door closed behind me, I flip the lock into place and slowly stalk toward her.
“What are you doing here?” she breathes.
“Funny,” I say.
“I’m wondering the same thing.”
We stare at one another in silence for what feels like a lifetime.
I take one step closer toward her, then another, repeating the move until I’m close enough to touch her.
I don’t, though, not yet.
“It’s time for me to move on,” she whispers.
I blink, unsure that I’ve heard her correctly.
“Move on?” I ask.
She hums, tearing her gaze away from mine, her eyes shifting to the floor before she slowly lifts them to meet mine again.
When she speaks, I listen, even though I decide that it’s all bullshit.
“You’ve made it very clear how our relationship is going to be, which is okay with me. You want to be friends, maybe companions, but at the end of the day, that’s just friends who possibly live under the same roof. I think it’s time for me to move forward, which includes personally and with my job. The threat of Landon is done, thanks to you and the guys.”
If she wasn’t on the fucking nose, I would probably laugh right about now.
But she’s right.
I have been treating her as a companion and was planning to continue doing so, content in supplying her with the peace, safety, and comfort she deserves.
“Are you saying that you want more?” I ask.
Nadine shifts forward, placing her hand on the center of my chest.
As her head tips back slightly, those eyes that I fucking dream about find mine, and she smiles, though it’s a sad smile.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say here, Grayson. We started something, and I thought it was amazing, a dream come true. We went through some things, and now you won’t even look at me.”
“Went through some things?” I ask.
“Are you fucking serious with me right now?”
She spins around, and I watch as she walks over to the window, then begins to pace in front of it.
Nadine crosses her arms just beneath her chest as she walks back and forth in front of the window a few times before she stops and faces me again.
“Yes,” she snaps.
“A few things.”
I almost laugh in her face, but decide against it.
Tilting my head to the side, I look at her, holding her gaze for a long moment before I speak.
“I think you forget that I know what you’ve been through, and I also know that you need some fucking peace in your life. I’m trying to give that to you.”
Her eyes narrow, and for the first time in the years that I’ve known her, I realize that she isn’t just a little office wallflower, eye candy for the looking.
She’s also feisty.
I mean, I knew internally she’s strong as fuck, but seeing it pour out of her right now, I don’t know if I’ve ever wanted to fuck her more.
“What on earth would make you think that I didn’t want a normal life?”
“You are not normal,” I point out the obvious.
She shakes her head, her eyes filling with tears.
Her voice is now soft, trembling, and I swear to fuck it makes my heart squeeze.
“I want everything, Grayson. I want to live. I want to be free.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, and I can’t promise you that I won’t.”
She throws her hands up in the air, almost as if she’s surrendering, but I’m not sure what.
There is absolutely nothing for her to fucking surrender to.
But the fact of the matter is that I am not a gentle partner in any sense of the word.
I’ve also never actually been in a relationship, so I know without a doubt there are going to be some major fuckups on my part, and Nadine is the last person who needs to be part of any fuckup.
“I’m not made of glass, Grayson,” she snaps.
“I know that you are done with me because of what you saw Landon doing. I know that you think I’m damaged and dirty. Just fucking admit it.”
Her voice rises with each word, and my heart stops beating.
I can’t fucking believe that she thinks I, of all people, would ever think that about her.
I’m so fucking angry that I turn around and walk out the door, slamming it behind me as I go.
NADINE
My entire body jumps at least six inches off the floor as Grayson slams the door behind him, leaving me alone in my apartment.
I stare at the door, knowing that I should go and lock it behind him, but also feeling too raw and full of awe to even move.
How could he just walk out like that?
At least now I know the truth of it.
He does think of me as dirty and damaged.
I was sure he did, and now it’s been confirmed.
Pressing my lips together tightly, I try to keep from crying harder than I already am, but I fail.
I fail so hard that my knees give out and I slide down onto the floor, my butt slamming down hard.
Bringing my knees up to my chest, I wrap my arms around my shins and rest my cheek against them, staring at the blank wall.
I’m not sure how long I sit there on the floor.
Long enough that my eyes dry up.
Long enough that my stomach growls.
Long enough that my heart completely and totally shatters.
I think about calling Lucille or Colette, maybe even Brody, but I’m embarrassed as hell.
I don’t want anyone to know anything.
How do I tell them what Grayson thinks of me?
Will they look at me differently?
I mean, Brody saw everything, Lucille and Colette saw the aftermath, and I didn’t feel like they judged me in any way for something that I couldn’t control.
But if they hear that Grayson feels a certain way, that could make them see me differently, too.
I can’t take anyone else looking at me that way, like there is something wrong with me when I didn’t do anything.
My life has never been my own, and this is just another way that I’m a victim.
I hate it.
I don’t want to be this object that Landon Tate broke.
I don’t want to be this untouchable creature.
I am more than just a survivor.
I want to thrive, and I want to do that with someone who doesn’t see me as broken.
After a good, long cry, I stand and walk over to the sofa, sinking down on the cushion.
Turning the television on, I blink at the sight in front of me.
It’s a picture of Landon Tate on the news.
I turn the volume up so I can hear what the news anchor is saying.
“Landon Tate, who was on administrative leave from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, was found deceased a few weeks ago in the bathroom of the Willow Club. His toxicology has come back, and it showed that he died from a fentanyl overdose. The investigation into his death is now closed.”
I turn the television off and sink my teeth into the inside of my cheek, worrying the skin back and forth a few times.
It is truly finished.
Done.
As his wife, I should probably go back to Washington, where he’s been stationed, and clean out his shit, but I don’t want to.
In fact, if the world could forget we were ever married, that would be the best outcome.
I know I’ve forgotten—or at least tried my hardest.
I’m sure that there are some legalities I’m supposed to be handling as his estranged wife, but I don’t care enough to figure them out.
I’m glad he’s gone, and I want to forget he ever existed.
There is a knock on the door that causes my spine to straighten.
The sun has set, it is past nightfall, and nobody should be here, knocking or otherwise.
I look at the door but don’t make a motion to move from my place on the sofa.
My gaze slides to the locks, and I take them in to ensure that they are indeed locked.
Then, as if I’m doing it with my mind or something, the dead bolt begins to slowly unlock.
The handle turns, and the door opens.
I’m sure I am staring at the door wide-eyed and lips parted in shock.
Grayson walks through, closing it behind him before he lifts his gaze to meet mine.
His brows snap together, and he tilts his head to the side in an unasked question, but one that I understand.
“I wasn’t expecting anyone,” I say.
He hums but doesn’t explain to me why he’s here or what’s going on.
Instead, he closes the distance between us, walking around my sofa before he sinks down on the edge of the coffee table in front of me.
“Grayson?” I ask.
He shakes his head once, which causes my lips to snap shut.
Sucking in a breath, I hold it for a moment, then let it out slowly as I wait for whatever it is he’s going to lay on me.
His lips slowly curve up into a smile, and my entire body freezes as he reaches into his pocket and produces a small box.
“Grayson?” I breathe.
“I’m not going to ask you to marry me,” he begins, “but I know that having you by my side until the day I die won’t ever be enough. I could never see you as damaged. Be mine. Move in with me. Don’t leave.”
I want to tell him yes.
I want to wrap my arms around him, kiss him, and tell him that, yes, I will love him forever and be with him forever.
But I don’t do that.
He opens the box, and a ring winks back at me.
It’s an oval emerald with diamonds around it.
I don’t get the chance to admire it because Grayson shifts forward, touches his mouth to mine, and kisses me.
Hard .