Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
NADINE
Picking up my phone, I stare at it for a moment, then I toss it back on the charger before I make my way into the bathroom to shower and change into real clothes, the whole time wondering if what happened was real or a dream.
Once I’m dressed and have a small amount of makeup on, I walk back into the room and look around for Grayson.
He’s not here, and I can’t sense him.
This means he’s not here because I can always sense Grayson when he’s somewhere nearby.
Walking over to the nightstand, I look down at my phone again.
There’s a new message notification.
Reaching down, I wrap my fingers around it and look at the screen.
It unlocks, and then I’m met with my new message.
GRAYSON: Go back to Nights.
I won’t be there.
But if you ever need anything, it’s yours.
Whatever you need from me, baby.
You always have it.
X-Gray.
Is this real life?
How?
Slowly, I sink down onto the edge of the bed and stare at my phone.
I’m not sure what to do.
Do I call Brody?
Do I call Lucille or Theron?
My knee starts bouncing, and I think about telling Grayson to just go back to Nights, that I am not worth any of this.
For the millionth time in just a few days, tears prick my eyes, and at the same time, my stomach growls.
I haven’t eaten in days.
I’m hungry, exhausted, and need to make a decision.
Do I go back to Nights or stay here and try to make a new life?
Do I want a new life?
I was pretty happy in Nights, all things considered.
Just because Grayson doesn’t want to keep me, does that mean that I need to leave?
But freedom is calling me.
Pinching my eyes closed, I think about the future.
About what it would really look like without Theron, Lucille, and Brody.
I don’t think I like that.
I don’t think I want that.
Inhaling a deep breath, I hold it for a moment, then let it out slowly.
Instead of calling Brody or Theron, I pack my things.
The beach was nothing but a fantasy anyway, just like Grayson was, too.
I didn’t know the person deep inside him.
I only knew the surface, which is all he knew of me, too.
The sex was amazing.
But I need to come to terms with the fact that was all it was and just have it be a delicious memory.
A perfectly amazing memory.
Maybe I can look back on it fondly, in time, without heartache.
I thought that I loved him, or rather that I could love him.
I wanted to love him.
I wanted to build something with him because I know that he is a good man, and while I’ve been surrounded by good men the past few years, I have never known the touch of a good man before Grayson.
It was beautiful, and I wanted to hold on to it, to keep it in my grasp until my dying breath.
But the tighter I wanted to hold, the more he slipped away from me.
He saw things that he could not easily forget.
I can’t blame him for any of it.
I can’t blame him for seeing me differently after being abused at the hands of Landon Tate.
So, as I pack my bag, I have to think about the good things that Grayson brought into my life.
The quickening heartbeat, the way his touch was beyond welcoming, and not once did I think about any other man’s touch.
That means something.
The way his fingers wrapped around my throat.
The way he knew exactly what I needed when I needed it.
Nothing was too soft or too harsh.
Everything was perfect.
Another reason why it hurts so badly is that he knew my body better than I did.
He knew what I desired, and I didn’t even know I would have wanted that.
I didn’t know that pain could feel good like that if done right.
Gathering my bags, I shove my phone in my pocket and head toward my car.
Once I have everything loaded up, I check out before I sink down into the driver’s seat.
I plug my apartment address into the GPS and start the engine, but before I leave, I send a message to the group text with Lucille and Colette.
I’m on my way back to Nights.
Can you come to my apartment this evening?
LUCILLE: Girls’ night?
Do we need snacks?
COLETTE: We always need snacks.
LUCILLE: Desserts or actual food?
How upset are you?
I smile at the sight of the banter, knowing that this was the correct decision.
Salty and sweet.
I’m upset, but I want to devise a plan, and you’re the only ones who can help me.
LUCILLE: I love a good plan.
A crazy one.
COLETTE: I’ll help, but nothing crazy.
LUCILLE: The crazier the better.
I smile at the back-and-forth texts.
I can’t wait to get back to where I belong.
I wish I had never left.
But maybe I needed to.
But now that I’m going to the office, home, everywhere without Grayson, I’m going to get him back.
The way he made me feel wasn’t just something passing.
I may not know every single thing about him, but I know his heart, and that is all I need.
With renewed determination and excitement, I sink my teeth into my bottom lip and head straight for home.
I am going to get my man back.
I don’t know if I ever even had him to begin with, but that’s beside the point.
I am determined to live my best life now that Landon is gone, and that includes Grayson.
I’m not going to let him run away from me because he has some notion that he’s not a good man.
That he’s not the best man and can’t be a good father.
He will be the best at everything he does because that’s who he is.
And I’m going to show it all to him—and more.
So much more.
GRAYSON
Staying across the street from the motel, I watch as Nadine gathers her things, loads them in her car, and then backs out of the spot before her car moves forward.
I watch for a moment, then follow behind her, telling myself that I’m just going to ensure that she makes it out of town and is heading toward Nights.
After following her for about a hundred miles, I figure it’s time for me to change directions.
I don’t even know where I’m going at this point.
I didn’t really think this through.
I was just worried about Nadine and getting her back.
I’m unsure when I should turn and head in a different direction.
Instead, I continue to follow Nadine.
And when she pulls into Nights, I’m right behind her, well, a few car lengths back, so she doesn’t know it’s me.
I watch as she turns into her apartment parking garage and resist the urge to follow.
Driving past, I make my way toward my apartment.
I pull into my parking spot and let out a heavy sigh.
How the fuck am I going to disappear if I stay in town?
Maybe there is a way that I can work from home, and then she wouldn’t be the wiser.
Fuck.
I don’t know what to do.
Instead of staying in my car, I unfold from the front seat and lock it up before I head up to my place.
Walking inside, I look around and wonder how the fuck it could feel so empty when I was only gone for a day and literally nothing inside has changed.
Pressing my lips together, I slam the door behind me, lock it, then walk over to the freezer.
I pour myself a glass of whiskey, sit down in a chair, and sink down.
Bringing the glass to my lips, I stare straight ahead at nothingness as I drink.
I’m not sure what the fuck I’m going to do, but I do know that I can’t just leave Nights, not if Nadine is here.
I’ve never felt this sensation before.
The push and pull, the absolute chaos of my mind right now.
It’s not organized or controlled.
I’m spiraling, but I can’t leave her.
I said I would, but I’m a goddamn liar.
I reach for my phone to call Theron.
He answers within two rings, and instead of greeting me with a hello, he clears his throat and thanks me.
“She’s back,” I state.
“I know. She already texted Lucille and Colette. They’re getting together.”
I press my lips together.
“I don’t know how long I can stay here in Nights, but I promised her that she wouldn’t see me any longer, so I need to work from home.”
“How about on the road?”
There is a moment of silence.
I think about his question.
I have no idea what the fuck that entails, but before I can ask him, he continues.
“We’ve got a list of the men on that drive. We’re compiling data. I want them all ruined. I don’t want any of them looking for Nadine.”
“You think they would?”
“Now that Tate is dead? Absolutely. Tying up loose ends is what these people do.”
He’s right.
I know he is, but it would be nice not to have any more of this shit on our plates.
It would be nice to be able to move on from the sick perversions of men.
But no matter how many times we try to climb out of that world, we’re sucked right back in.
“I’m not Vaughn,” I say, referring to the fact that he is a hit man for hire.
Theron hums, then chuckles.
“I know, and I would never ask you to be. But you can get information for the girls and for Vaughn if need be. Some of these men are prominent, and that makes things a bit easier. Some are underground.”
“I can do that. It will take my mind off things.”
Theron doesn’t confirm or deny my statement.
Instead, he continues speaking, telling me that he’ll send me a list of names along with whatever information he has already found on them.
Most of them have not been able to be located just by searching around digitally.
“And you can do without me for a while? I’m not sure how long this will take.”
“I’m good here. Everyone is back from the shit they were focused on, we’re going to rework schedules, and we’re also going to make a deal with the Willow Club and get that off our plates.”
“Yeah?” I ask.
He chuckles.
“Brody and his men are going to take over completely. They’re going to pay us rent. That triple net lease shit where we do nothing but collect money. It will, without a doubt, pad our accounts and beef up our portfolio.”
“I like that a hell of a lot.”
“You know, any time you want to come back to the office, you’re more than welcome, no matter what happens.”
I know that.
But at the same time, I can’t.
“Send me that list. I’ll pack a bag,” I say, ending the call.