Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
H unter
Nightmares.
Everyone had them from time to time. Some made no sense while others were a collection of things, people, and memories of something the person had endured.
Mine was because of a tragedy I’d caused. My brothers, especially Jagger, were pushing me to see a shrink again as I’d done with him. Sure, talking with a trained professional had helped him claw his way from the darkness, but I was locked away in a prison cell in my mind, fearful of opening it all over again.
I knew what would happen.
The shrink I’d seen years before had told me my unnecessary guilt was feeding the nightmares. Maybe she’d been right, but at this point, I was beginning to wonder if my lack of humanity and my eagerness to kill was going to be the death of me.
Whether figuratively or literally.
“You look good with flowers in your arms,” Esme teased.
Since I wasn’t much of a talker, the ride had been filled with silence. She was the opposite, wanting to chatter away, but giving me space to think.
To plan.
To ponder all the things I wanted to do to the responsible bastard.
I chuckled, but didn’t feel any amusement. The fact I was still dragging her into my world was something I needed to continue fighting. Since I knew the asshole was in town, he could easily realize I’d grown attached to Esme. She’d make a perfect target.
Damn it. What the hell was I doing?
“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it, darlin’.” I gave it my best cowboy drawl.
She pulled into the driveway and I sensed her tension had returned. “Do you have a list of your enemies somewhere?”
“In my head.”
“I could help you write them down. We could go over them together.”
I turned my head. The woman was serious. “Butterfly, the covert actions I was involved with were top secret. And not like the shit you’ve seen on action thrillers. My assignments can never be discussed with anyone.”
“Not even with people you care about?”
She was fishing, which wasn’t like her. That was because of how worried she was. It had been a long time since I’d felt like anyone had given a damn about what happened to me. As she slowed down, parking right in front of the house, she took a deep breath.
As usual to her personality, there were things she wanted to say to me, but she knew whatever she spouted off could start us bantering all over again.
“That’s really sad to hear, Hunter. But I get it. Bella kind of warned me.” She threw the gear into park and left it running.
“It’s nothing against you. Anything I tell you could place you in harm’s way. That’s just not going to happen.”
“I can?—”
“Yeah, I know. Take care of yourself,” I interrupted. “Not around me. Not ever. Got it?”
Her smile was tentative. “Got it. Let me know if you need a ride.”
“I have other methods of transportation.”
Esme glanced at the barn and laughed. “I guess you do. Well… Thank you for the flowers.” She took them from my hands, pulling them to her nose to take a deep whiff all over again.
It was good to see that I’d made her happy, even for a little while.
I climbed out and goddamn it, I didn’t want her to leave. Exhaling and debating, I finally stuck my head inside the cab. “Why don’t you come in for a drink. You came all this way. I promise I won’t be an ass.”
Her smile seemed like a sweet reward. “I’d like that. I really would.” She gingerly placed the flowers on the passenger seat before climbing out.
Yeah, so would I.
As I allowed her inside, I thought about whether or not I’d make good on my promise to punish her. I was a dominating man, but with her, I shifted between the longing to be somewhat romantic and controlling.
That was the possessive side of me.
The urge to touch and take her was strong. So much so it took me a few seconds to close the door after I’d walked inside.
Esme had a funny look on her face as she took off her jacket, placing it carefully over the back of the couch. “This is really nice.”
“Yeah, it’ll do.”
Five seconds passed.
Ten.
While she remained quiet, there was no doubt she had several things on her mind.
“What would you like to drink?” I asked, struggling to shuck the jacket. I shoved the gun into my jacket after hanging it up on the rack by the door.
“Do you have any wine? It’s a little early for hard liquor.” Even the sound of her laughter was racked with nervousness.
“I have cases. I’m forced to try the family wines before we sell them.”
She half smiled. Why was there so much awkwardness between us?
“I’d love to see the vineyards,” she finally told me.
“I’ll take you one day. I’ll be right back.” My entire body was stiff and not just because of the anger that had already tightened my chest. The desire for her was just as strong as the dark emotion I felt for the jerk threatening me. This almost felt like an impasse or a line drawn in the sand.
I could either shove her out of my life or embrace the fact I wanted more. The decision was tougher than I would have believed.
I planted my hands on the counter, fighting all the deep, dark urges that had nearly consumed me. All I could continue thinking about was that she already belonged to me. What the hell I was going to do about it was the issue.
The pep talk wasn’t working. I grabbed the wine bottle from an open box in the pantry, nearly breaking the glasses as I yanked them from the cabinet. There were no wineglasses in this house. I’d teased her about the Mickey Mouse cup, but mine were perfect representations of what you could find at a drugstore. The glass was so thin, I could press down with my thumb and shatter it into a dozen pieces.
The wine bottle proved to be an impossible task. I found myself laughing after breaking the cork.
“Do you need my help?” Esme asked from behind me. I could tell she’d been watching me for the few excruciating minutes. She didn’t wait for me to answer, grabbing the bottle and the opener from my hand.
I didn’t bother moving, the heat from the closeness tightening my balls.
“There’s an art to opening a bottle of wine or champagne. You must caress the cork with wine, especially if it wasn’t lovingly cared for, kept safely on its side. This bottle has been standing inside the box for too long. The cork is dry.”
With clear expertise, she popped the broken half from the neck, taking a deep breath as soon as she did. She didn’t bother asking me what I’d planned on drinking, filling both cheap glasses with the expensive wine.
I realized her simple act was still one of defiance.
From the second I’d met her, I’d pushed her buttons to see how she would handle my terse attitude and sarcastic comments. I realized now the immediate spark had caused my reaction. I’d wanted to drive her away. She hadn’t flinched, hadn’t looked away after a single snarky thing I’d said.
The fact she’d stood up to me had ignited the single spark, turning it into a fire. Just like today. “I can see that.”
She handed me the glass after shifting so she could face me. The smirk on her face indicated she thought she’d won a round. The way she performed every task usually kept me in awe and suspense, including when she tasted whatever magnificent food she’d present at one of the restaurants at the resort.
There was no difference as she took a sip of the wine. Where I sucked down whatever beverage I chose to drink, she was savoring the flavor. I took a step away so I could admire the woman standing in my kitchen and the way she was cherishing the special award-winning blend.
She had perfect curves, voluptuous in a way that should make every red-blooded male hunger to reach out and grab her. The soft way her tee shirt accentuated her breasts, the dip of her waist and the flare of her rounded hips had made wearing my jeans uncomfortable. As usual.
“Perfection,” she whispered.
“Yes, agreed. You’re blushing again.”
“I’m not blushing.”
I rubbed her cheek with my thumb and she stiffened. “Yeah, you are. I’m curious, Esme. Do I make you weak in your knees?”
“No. No man does. No man ever will.”
I moved closer. “You really are a terrible liar.” I lowered my head and she tilted her chin in expectation I’d kiss her. Instead, I blew a puff of hot air across her chin. “You also disobeyed me.”
“I already admitted it.” Her voice was whisper soft.
“Admitting wrongdoings is the first step in making amends.” I finally took a gulp of my drink before taking both our glasses and placing them on the counter.
“What are you doing?”
The moment I took her by the hand, she curled her fingers around mine. “I’m going to allow your conscience to feel free of guilt.”
“How do you plan on doing that?”
As soon as I was close to the island, I stopped so I could face her, already starting to unfasten her jeans. “There’s only one effective method. A hard spanking.”
Her mouth twisted in frustration. “I… err… I, um…”
“What’s wrong, butterfly? Cat got your tongue?” Everything about her brought out a strange need to get a reaction from her. However, I wasn’t expecting her to become as flustered as she was.
“I don’t deserve a spanking. I did nothing wrong.”
“You didn’t? What happened to following my rules without question? I walked away for less than five minutes and you allowed another man to take control. Unacceptable.”
Esme regained her air of confidence. “Are you jealous?”
I noticed she wasn’t fighting me as I unzipped and started to tug her jeans past her lush hips. “Yeah, maybe I was.”
“I knew it.”
As I lifted my eyebrow from her response, it finally dawned on her what I was doing. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what? Prepare you for a proper round of discipline?”
“Try and control me. I can do this myself.”
“Okay. Then do it.” She certainly wasn’t immune to my authority as evidenced by the light flush of her cheeks and perfunctory answers. The chemistry we shared was dangerous, far too explosive, but I craved more of everything.
Every harsh word.
Every passionate touch.
Every skipped breath.
Her eyes opened wide just as she slipped her fingers under her waistband. “Why are you taking off your belt?”
“Because that’s what I’m going to use for your spanking.”
“But that will hurt.”
My grin was practically evil. I could easily feel it. “That’s right. It’s supposed to hurt or a lesson won’t be learned.” The fact she was practically speechless was a powerful aphrodisiac. Normally, I relished and even reveled in the way our chemistry heated up every interaction to an explosive stage. The demure side of her was… fascinating.
“You’re a beast. You know that?” She yanked her jeans down to her knees, folding her arms and providing a killer look. “What now?”
I allowed my gaze to fall to the vibrant purple lace barely covering her mound. She watched with sheer amusement on her face as I was forced to adjust my jeans in the crotch to accommodate my swelling bulge.
“Do I turn you on with my insolence?” she asked.
“Yes. Lean over the counter.” Spots were flying in front of my eyes. The zing she offered was bordering on obnoxious and I loved every second of it.
She did so with a little flair in her step, even reaching across the island and gripping the opposite edge without me telling her to. Her butt cheeks were exposed, the thin slice of fabric shoved in between them bringing another round of intense desire. When was the last time I’d been so turned on by a conversation alone?
Never.
I yanked the belt free, snapping the end on the floor. As she’d done when hearing gunfire, she jumped. But the spitfire threw me one of her nastiest looks to date. “If you’re trying to scare me, it’s not working.”
“I’m not trying to scare you, Esme. The method in which some men and women use guns should. Never take them for granted.” This was supposed to be a teaching moment. Right? Why was it all I could think about was spanking her until the color of her skin matched her cheeks?
Her mood changed instantly. She pushed up from the island, but didn’t twist her head in my direction. “Trust me, Hunter. I know exactly what you mean. That’s why I wanted to learn how to use a weapon safely from someone who had years of practice.”
If only she’d trust me enough to tell me what she’d endured.
As she lowered down to the surface once again, her body completely relaxed. I’d be damned if she wasn’t accepting of the punishment.
“Stay in position,” I told her.
“Yes, sir.”
The few times she’d used the word, every muscle in my spine had tightened. I’d had hundreds of people use the term, but with her, the inflection and the sound of her lilting voice almost caused me to lose control.
I yanked down her thong, exposing every beautiful inch of her behind. She didn’t utter a word or make a single noise. There was no pushback as I expected. That confused the hell out of me. To calm my own nerves, I rubbed my fingers across her waist. Her skin was hot to the touch just like always. I was overheated, several drops of sweat forming over my upper lip.
My reaction to her was as difficult to understand as it was exciting. I tapped her bottom, caressing both cheeks for a few seconds before taking a step away. As strange as it seemed, I wasn’t certain I’d be content with just spanking her after tonight. I craved tying her up, teasing her for hours. I wanted to control everything about her, not just her body.
Her mind.
Her speech.
Her emotions.
Every woman up to this point had left me unsatisfied.
I stretched the belt, snapping it against my hand. At least she didn’t jump in fear this time. “Do you understand I don’t want anything bad to happen to you?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Twenty strikes should be enough to help you remember. Rules are there for a reason, and in this case, to keep you from injuring yourself or others.” And God forbid killing them or being a reason for them to be shot and killed.
My muscles remained tight, my balls thickening as I let off a single crack. The sharp sound of my wrist as it snapped was even louder than the whooshing sound the belt made slicing through the air.
Esme didn’t move except for tightening her grip on the edge. I was more aroused than ever, bringing the strap down three times in methodical strokes.
By the fifth crack of the belt, I could finally hear her moan. She shifted back and forth, no doubt trying to find a more comfortable position.
I took a few seconds to caress her blushing skin. The heat her bottom radiated forced me to bite my lip to keep from muttering all the filthy things I wanted to do to her.
She shuddered visibly when I brought the belt down twice more, catching her on her upper thighs once. The way she jerked up, swinging her head around was a clear giveaway of her intolerance to what I was doing.
The woman would never surrender easily to my dominating side. That made the actions between us even more enticing. Taming her. Breaking her. I would drive her to the point of begging me to fuck her. Was that about arrogance? No. My longing was about the connection we shared.
“Are you trying to destroy me?” she demanded.
I planted one hand on the side she was facing. “If I wanted to do that, sweetheart, I wouldn’t use a belt.”
She could take that any way she wanted. I noticed extreme lust in her eyes, enough so they were slightly dilated. It was as if I’d just issued a challenge.
After smacking her with the strap a few more times, I realized I hadn’t bothered counting. I’d been too busy admiring her rounded bottom and the color the belt made every time it connected with her skin. Everything about her was stunning, a gorgeous example of why God had created women in the first place.
“Four more.” Maybe it was five or six, but I was suddenly thinking beyond the round of discipline.
Yet I performed my task with gusto, ensuring she’d have difficulty sitting on her rose-red bottom for a significant length of time. On top of my act of jealousy, I’d been more concerned than I’d let on. I’d seen firsthand what happened when someone who had no knowledge of weapons got a hold of one. I wasn’t interested in a repeat.
When I was finished, I was forced to take a seriously deep breath. My nerves were rattled from the way spanking her had made me feel. Strong. More possessive.
I backed away, even turning slightly as I shifted the end of the belt through the loops. It took her a few seconds to move at all. When I finally heard the rustle of clothing, I purposely continued to look away. I’d seen every inch of her, but felt the need to provide her with privacy.
Maybe I was embarrassed by my raging hardness. It was perverse to be so turned on by providing pain. Another reason to keep my distance to add to the list of them. How many would it take before I’d take my own unsolicited advice?
Esme moved around me slowly, eventually standing in front of the counter with her fingers around the glass.
There was another wave of tension between us, but my gut told me it wasn’t about the spanking or the incident at the firing range.
“I was always close with my parents. They were my world. I was their only kid and we did everything together. They were older when they had me. Mom had suffered several miscarriages over the years and they’d stopped trying to get pregnant. When I was conceived, my mom was forty-five. Today that’s not really that old, but with her medical history, the risk she’d miscarry was more significant. There was also concern about her high blood pressure.”
She stopped long enough to bring the glass to her lips. Her hand was shaking.
“The doctors encouraged her to terminate the pregnancy, but she refused. My mother was a strong, hardheaded woman. Now you know where I got it from.” Her laugh was stilted, practiced.
I wanted to reach out and hold her, but she needed to get through this without my interference.
“When she made it past the first trimester, Mom and Dad became hopeful. She was healthy, her blood pressure constantly monitored and from the pictures, you could see such joy in both their faces. But at almost seven months, her blood pressure shot through the roof. The doctors were fearful she’d have a stroke. Once again, both my parents were encouraged to terminate and once again, both refused. They kept her in the hospital and two weeks later, they had to induce labor. I was born premature and with complications of my own. So I spent the next six months in the hospital. Six months my mother almost never left my side.”
I couldn’t help myself, moving closer. She needed to know I was here for her.
“But I survived and my dad told me it was the happiest day of their lives when they were able to bring me home. They were so loving, so giving. My dad worked a lot before I was born, but took another job that was only two miles from the house with the ability to work from home when necessary. We were tight. I lived there through two years of college, but when I decided to become a chef, that meant going to another state.”
Her breathing was ragged and she took another sip of wine. Fortunately, she wasn’t shaking nearly as much. “They sound wonderful,” I told her.
“They were. They encouraged me to go after my dream and I did, but I returned to Baltimore so I could be close to them. I’d spent a Sunday afternoon over there. We had burgers on the grill. My dad could burn water, but he made the best cheeseburgers.” She had a far-off look in her eyes as the memory unfolded. “Anyway, I forgot something at the house. I don’t even remember what it was, but I needed it. So I went back to their house that night.”
Her last words were nothing but sobs. I moved behind her, wrapping my arm around her upper arms and chest, pulling her against me. She didn’t fight, almost collapsing in my arms.
“The music was on, but the lights were out. At least most of them. I knew they were in the living room and after they didn’t answer when I called out, I went to find them. And… And…”
She jerked around, burying her head in my chest. I pressed my hand against the back of her head, holding her as tightly as possible. “I’m right here.”
“I know. I just…” After squeezing me, she backed away until she was leaning against the counter. Tears were trickling down both sides of her face. I gently rubbed them off. “When I walked in, I was hit from behind. I fought with him, but he was so strong. I don’t remember some of what happened, but I managed to get away from his tight hold. He followed. Thank God my parents’ neighbors heard me screaming. The police arrived as he had me around the throat, a sharp blade to my face. I’d made it to the kitchen, trying to grab one of the kitchen knives.”
Oh, my God. The anger swelled within me.
“I was injured. He’d cut me in two places and I didn’t feel it. All I could think about was my parents. The police tried to keep me from returning to the living room, but I fought hard and broke free.” She looked down, closing her eyes. “There are days I wish I’d listened.”
Every nerve ending in my body was on fire. I wanted to hunt the fucker down and kill him with my bare hands. “What about your parents?”
Her tearstained face was almost more than I could take as she lifted her head, her eyes piercing mine. “The man who broke in slaughtered them. He took their lives for a thousand dollars my mother kept as mad money. I lost the only two people who’d really ever cared about me.”