27. Pearl
Pearl
“The doctor says it's for the best,” Jax said, her eyebrows pushed together as she looked me over.
I was sure I looked like a mess. I’d barely left the hospital for the almost two weeks that I'd been living out of Emerson’s room.
She still hadn’t woken up. It wasn't clear why. The doctors said she was healing fine.
Maybe it was the trauma of it all.
I grabbed her hand, not liking how cold it felt. I remembered her warmth.
I missed her more than I could say.
People had been coming and going, leaving flowers and food for me. Both Cristian and Leslie had visited multiple times, along with Jax and Laura.
A few people from the club visited as well, namely the girl with silver hair and piercings, who brought the scary one with her. I wish I could remember their names, but I couldn’t. It was a short visit, and I was severely sleep-deprived, so it was all blurry to me.
Jax was by far our biggest supporter. She was the one who was constantly checking on me, making sure I ate and drank, staying with Emerson so I could go home—and forcing me to go when I didn’t want to.
She was also the one that the doctors had turned to when I refused to listen.
“She's going to wake up soon,” I said, my voice thick. I ran my tongue over my teeth. I needed to brush them as much as I needed a shower, but every moment I was away from Emerson was a moment when she could wake up without me being here.
I didn't want her to think she was alone. Or that I’d left her.
Again.
Truthfully, the doctor didn't need to run anything by me. I wasn't family. But Laura had raised enough of a stink about it that they tried to at least get my approval beforehand. Just to keep the peace.
“They can take it back out. It's not like it’s a permanent—”
“I don't want them cutting her open and shoving that thing down her throat,” I hissed, glaring at her. As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them.
With a sigh, I shook my head and cast my eyes downwards to Emerson's hand in mine.
“I'm sorry, Jax,” I whispered. “I just don't want her to wake up with that thing down her throat like that. She’s been through enough already.”
Jax looked at me and grabbed my shoulder in support.
“No need to apologize.” After a second, she added, her voice placating, “Okay, so I’ll tell them to wait two more days before doing it. Do we have a deal?”
No. I wanted to tell her that no matter what, I would fight it. But I kept my mouth shut and nodded instead. I didn’t have the energy for more than that.
“Can I get you anything?”
I looked up at her.
“Coffee? And not one of those shitty ones from the cafeteria. Like a good one with actual sugar in it.”
She gave me a smile. “You got it. I'll be back in less than twenty. Also, try my girl’s cooking, would you? She's a really good cook.”
She motioned to the side table where there was a very well-packed tray with lunch as well as snacks waiting for me.
It looked good. Great, even. But I knew my stomach wouldn’t hold it, and I couldn't bring myself to get up. I couldn't bring myself to be away from Emerson for more than a few minutes.
“Please,” I whispered to her and placed my head back on her stomach. “Please wake up. I’ll do whatever you want if you only wake up. I can’t—”
Wait.
I felt something. Emerson’s hand moved in mine just the slightest bit, and I pushed myself back to look at her.
I stared at her for what seemed like forever, but then it happened. The right side of her mouth twitched. And then I felt her hand squeezing mine. It was unmistakable.
I let out a gasp and lunged over her to press the call button.
“She’s waking up!” I screamed. “Nurse!”
As if my words were the final push she needed, Emerson’s eyes popped open, but she immediately started panicking. Her eyes went wide, and she let go of my hand, both of hers going straight for the mask covering her face.
I held them down as I got close enough for her to see me.
“Emerson, you’re safe. It's okay! They’re coming!”
She made a scared sound, her eyebrows pushed together in a frown, and it was such an Emerson frown that I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face. The tears that fell now were happy tears.
I knew she'd wake up. I knew she’d come back to me.
I moved to the side so that the nurses and the doctor could take over. They explained everything that happened and did a couple of cognitive checks.
Emerson seemed fine. She had some trouble talking, so she mostly nodded, seeming strangely calm. Even when Jax came back and apologized profusely for what had happened, she immediately shook her head, letting her know it was okay.
Jax stayed for a while, talking about everything that had gone down, conveniently leaving out that I’d been the one who killed Emerson's father. She was letting me tell that tale, and I was grateful.
With all the comings and goings, I didn’t have the chance to be alone with her for a while. I didn’t want to push her, especially after the doctor had been very clear that she needed to rest. She would need more sleep to recover.
I stayed beside her as she tried to eat. Jax pretended to be hurt that we weren’t going to eat “her girl’s” food, but my stomach was in knots and Emerson couldn't eat much either. Mainly bits of broth and water, of course, which she kept down.
Once everyone was gone, we stayed in silence for a while until I finally got the courage to speak up.
All I wanted was to tell her how much I loved her. Pick up where we’d left off before she lost consciousness. Hear her say she loved me back. But telling her the news about her father was more important than my selfish desires.
“I don't know if this is the right time to say this, but your father…”
“He’s dead.” Her voice was hoarse.
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“He is,” I said. “Jax wanted me to be the one to break the news.”
“His body?”
Her line of questioning shocked me. If it were me, I would've asked what happened first and gone from there.
“Will never be found,” I reassured her as I moved my hand to take hers, but she leaned away. “Listen, Emerson, I’m—”
“I told you not to dirty yourself.”
This time, her voice held the slightest twinge of anger. She knew. Of course she did. Emerson was too smart to not have put it together.
I wasn’t sorry I did it, but her being mad at me for it made me feel less and less confident about my actions.
“I don't regret doing it. I hope you know that. He deserved it. The only thing I wish was that it had been you pulling the trigger, not me, after everything he did to you.”
Her face twisted.
“Ever since…” I took a deep breath, looking her straight in the eyes.
I was taken aback by how tired she looked, even after sleeping for so long.
It made me soften my voice a bit. “Ever since I saw him hurt you in that alley, I knew in my heart he was a monster. And if I could do anything to save you from him? I would do it in a heartbeat.”
“Like being a witness?” she asked, an edge to her voice. I stiffened.
“Or pulling the trigger,” I shot back. “Firing bullet after bullet until I knew that piece of shit was dead and would have no other choice but to finally leave you alone. For good.”
“This life isn't for you, Pearl. It was supposed to be me. I was the one supposed to end him. You were supposed to walk away with your hands clean.”
I puffed up.
“You can't decide my life for me, Emerson.”
“That's where you're wrong.” She looked me straight in the eyes as she pushed her food away, then she swallowed before her voice came out clearer.
“You're going to leave here. Right now. You're going to go back to your apartment or, better yet, find another one that piece of shit hasn’t touched.
One you love. Live the life you should've lived. Go to school. Get a new job if you want. And never talk to me again.”
I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I had taken a leave from school. They had been more than willing to give me some time off, especially after hearing what had happened.
“What?” I scoffed. “You go from telling me you love me to this? What the hell do you mean with Live the life I should have lived? The life I want to live has you in it.”
Her eyebrows pushed together, and her mouth was set.
“I don't want you here anymore, Pearl. Leave, or I'll call security.”
I gave her a couple of seconds to think about it. To realize what she was doing. But she didn't fold. She just continued to stare at me.
So I slowly got up and started grabbing my stuff. My movements were jerky. Robotic. I couldn't wrap my mind around why she was doing this.
“If you need anything—”
“I won’t,” she said, not looking at me, instead choosing to look out the window of her room.
I turned to leave, but then I stopped when I realized what this was.
No. Not this time. She doesn’t get to push me away because she’s scared.
“You know what, Emerson?” Her head snapped back at my harsh tone.
“Yes, you will. When you realize what you’ve done, you will.
And when that happens, come find me, but be ready to apologize, and make it good.
Because I love you, I know you love me, and I’m not giving up on you.
I won’t let you throw us away just because you’re being a coward. ”
With that, I left the room. I didn’t bother looking back.
I knew she was staring at me, just like I knew she would come for me.
We were… inevitable.
And that was why there was a smile on my face as I left.