28. Emerson
Emerson
Idid what I had to do. Or at least that was what I kept telling myself.
I had fucked over Pearl's life in more ways than one. People thought being in a coma meant that you were just asleep, but my mind had been working. I had dreamed, and in those dreams I'd started to realize things.
If it weren’t for me, Pearl would never have been on my father’s radar at all. He never would have come for her. She never would have had to kill him for me.
I was the one who was supposed to protect her. And I’d failed. Epically. The shame was more painful than anything that he could have done to me. It made me lash out. Hurt Pearl when I should have been pulling her closer to me.
It made me angry at myself. I couldn’t have done better. Should have.
“Since you're still technically a patient, I won't literally knock some sense into you, but what the actual fuck were you thinking?”
I looked over at Jax with a raised brow.
“What we were all thinking. That Pearl shouldn't have been involved in this.”
Jax sat back in her chair and gave me an exasperated look.
“You can't be that stupid,” she said and waited for my response, but when there was none, she leaned forward. “No, seriously, someone as smart as you cannot be that stupid.”
I gave her a death glare, but she wasn’t intimidated in the slightest.
“This is bullshit. Let me see if I can figure this out. So you pushed Pearl away because your sorry excuse of a father almost killed her. Okay, cool. But how about the stalker? Did he come into her life because of you too? I mean, does everything revolve around you, Emerson?”
I wasn't stupid. I knew what she was doing. She was taunting me, poking me. And I wanted to tell her to fuck off and leave me alone, but Pearl’s words came back to me.
I love you, I know you love me, and I’m not giving up on you.
I did love her. And I had even finally said it. But that didn't change the fact that I fucked it up.
“I still put her in danger—"
“Oh no, wait. One more.” Jax seemed determined to let me have it. “Let’s imagine for a second you hadn’t hired me. Let’s imagine Pearl was all alone in the apartment when her stalker came back for her. She would be dead by now. How’s that for endangering her, hm?”
“Her stalker wouldn’t have been there if not for my f—”
“Or he could have escaped. Could have been out on parole. Could have hunted her down. Could have wanted to make her pay for her sending him to prison—you know, because crazy people tend to hold grudges and all. In any one of these scenarios, she’d be dead because you weren’t in her life.
I winced. Just the thought of that…
I used to think that I could handle any consequences as long as I had her. She was the most important thing in the world to me. Even thinking about losing her…
“Jax, I get what you’re saying, but you know what my life is like. Every time I buy a new company, more people hate me for it. There’s a chance this will happen again, and if Pearl is with me, she may have to deal with this all the time. And that’s not fair to her.
This time, she thought my words through.
“That’s why you have people like me. That’s literally my line of work.”
“Jax—”
“And don’t you think she should be the one to decide what she wants to deal with or not?”
Let me determine what I deserve. Let me choose whose love I’m worthy of, okay?
Remembering Pearl saying those words to me shut me up. I didn’t know how to answer Jax.
“I really like Pearl. And I really like you with her, so I have one more thing to say, and then I’ll leave,” she said and got up, running her hand through her short hair.
I had never seen her even remotely angry.
She always schooled her expressions, but now it was starting to show.
“She stayed by your side the entire time and took care of you.
She made sure they didn't cut your fucking throat open and put a tube down it because she knew you would wake up when no one else believed it anymore. She was here for you every step—”
“Fucking stop it, Jax,” I hissed. “You think I don't want her? You think I don't miss her? All I have ever wanted was Pearl. But at least I can admit that her being with me is the wrong choice for her.”
She stood back, shocked. A heavy silence fell over us as she merely shook her head.
“You're making a mistake,” she muttered under her breath before she walked out.
When the door finally shut and I knew I was alone, I buried my head in my hands. My eyes pricked with tears.
“I know,” I whispered. “I know.”
I let myself stay there for a few moments, giving in to the wave of grief that overtook me.
Damn it all.
“I told you I don’t want another assistant.”
Cristian gave me a look that told me he was tired of my shit, which was strange because he never openly acted annoyed with me. No matter how difficult I was.
It had been a few weeks since I forced Pearl out of my life, and I was regretting every moment of it. I know it would be hard, but I thought I could handle it.
Newsflash, I can’t.
Coming back to the office had been my backup plan. Just burying myself in work and forgetting everything else. I might have to sell my apartment because she was everywhere I looked. The problem was that I couldn’t escape her at the office either.
It was ten in the morning, I had back-to-back meetings and a dinner with one of the board members tonight, and Cristian had marched right into my office, shut the door behind him, and decided to let out all his frustration on me.
And that annoyed the shit out of me.
“I’m not talking about another assistant. I'm saying bring Pearl back.”
It was my turn to give him a look.
“Is there a reason it has to be Pearl? What, are you two best friends or something now?” I couldn't keep the venom from my voice, and even though jealousy made no sense, I was still feeling it.
“You need to hire Pearl back for your sake, not mine. You think we haven't seen just how moody you've been lately?”
“Moody?” I repeated with a hiss.
“Maybe throwing a temper tantrum is actually a better way to describe it.”
My eyes snapped up to him, but he was meeting me with a stare that told me he wasn't going to back down anytime soon.
“Listen,” He leaned forward with a sigh, putting his hands on the table and dropping his voice to a whisper. “We all know that you had a relationship. Not everyone visited you in the hospital, but Leslie and I did, and do you know what we saw?”
I bit my tongue, not wanting to answer him.
“Pearl, taking care of you. Making sure you were comfortable and that you weren't alone. She wouldn’t leave because she was sure you’d wake up and she wanted to be there—”
“You think I don't know that?” I spat at him, my eyes narrowing. “You think I don't know how much she gave up to stay by my side? I fucking know, Cristian.”
“Do you also know I wasn’t the one who handled things while you were in the hospital?”
“What?”
“Work was piling up without you here. We all did what we could, but it wasn’t enough.
Pearl was the one who picked up the slack.
She asked me to take her computer to the hospital.
While she was there, she answered and organized your emails, rescheduled things, smoothed things over with anyone who was upset about us taking so long to reply.
She charmed the board members and kept them updated on your situation.
Did you know she even got Parker to agree to a dinner with you whenever you were back? ”
“Parker?” I echoed. How on earth did she manage that? Parker hated me, especially because I pushed back so much on her “cost-saving efforts.”
“Yes, Parker! Tell me, since when has that cold-blooded witch ever wanted to meet you outside of meetings where she chops you up and serves you on a goddamn platter for profit?”
His voice was rising toward the end, his anger and frustration becoming clear.
“But she didn’t—”
He let out a heavy sigh.
“Whenever she wasn’t sure how to do something, we’d help. She wasn’t afraid to ask, and we showed her what she needed. We taught her what she didn’t know.” His face softened. “And… she did all of that without leaving your side. Even when we begged her to.”
I didn’t know what to say.
Pearl had worked herself like a dog, even though she didn’t have to. Even though I was in a coma and knew nothing about what she was doing, and she didn’t even know if I’d ever wake up.
She did it all for me.
I must have been thinking for too long because he let out another sigh and stood straight, his work-appropriate mask clicking into place. Just like that, his anger had melted into something that left a bitter taste in my mouth.
Pity.
“Emerson, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I'm sorry. You’re the boss, so please don’t fire me. But please get over yourself. Go apologize to her. And bring her back. For everyone’s sake.”
After he turned and left my office without another word, I pressed the button to darken the windows.
I thought about Pearl every waking moment. I couldn’t forget how she looked when she cradled me in her arms, blood splashed all over her face. Or the last thing I saw before I passed out—her face as she was about to pull the trigger on my father.
I couldn’t believe she did it. And the way she wasn’t sorry for it was just the icing on the cake, along with the way they’d discarded his ashes, even though I could sense a hint of Jax’s pettiness in that.
She did it all for me, and I pushed her away.
Jax was right. I was fucking stupid.
And it didn't help that she kept messaging me with updates even after I fired her security company and uninstalled her app.
Pearl was late for class today.
Got a coffee on her way to school.
Bought a new apartment.
Bought a new TV.
Hasn't left her house in three days.
I found myself waiting by my phone for them. For just a glimpse of how she'd been doing.
I brought up my phone to look at the picture Jax had sent me of her going to school just yesterday. She was so close to finishing this semester. I knew how much it meant to her. And for that, I should try and stay as far away from her as possible.
Except I couldn’t.
When you realize what you’ve done, you will. And when that happens, come find me, but be ready to apologize, and make it good.
I was ready to apologize.
And I knew how to make it good.