Chapter 36
AREK
I end the call with my siblings when I realize Kylen is almost asleep. After I set my tablet down, I lie in silence and listen to his breath. It was a difficult day for him. He might have slept for a lot of it, but he hid inside my hoodie, wrapped protectively in my arms for the majority of it.
The ceiling looks like any other ceiling. I stare at it, wondering if there’s something I could have done differently to bring Kylen more comfort while still eliminating his abuser. Something that didn’t force him to be on the spot with everyone.
While I won’t pretend to have unlocked the secret of reading emotions on the faces of those around me—especially considering I’ve been surrounded by people I don’t know all day—I’m relatively confident that they all figured it out.
Once they heard the news of Rowling’s brutal murder and the words carved into her that prompted a rush of her past victims telling their truths, everyone seemed to have suddenly been able to read the signs that ten-year-old Kylen left them.
Nothing like being a decade late in realizing that he needed help.
He’s not upset with them, though. I suppose I can respect that. If he won’t hold them accountable for missing the signs of an abused child when he was the victim, then I shouldn’t either. That’s what my family would say, isn’t it?
Kylen murmurs, wriggling ever closer. I roll a little so I’m facing him better and hug him against me. He sighs.
“You ready to sleep, Ky?”
“I thought you were going to breed me tonight,” he mumbles.
“I was,” I agree and gently drag my hand down his body until I can press my fingers between his ass cheeks, against the plug. “However, you wore this far longer than I ever intended you to. I think your pretty hole needs a break tonight.”
The way he turns his face into my chest, I know that he’s blushing.
“But we do need to get it out of you. Think you can be on your feet for a few minutes?”
Kylen sighs. “Yeah.”
I kiss the top of his head and pull him to his feet. He sways a little, eyelids heavy as he blinks at me, the movement of his eyelids exaggerated. I kiss his nose gently and then lead him to the bathroom.
Kylen’s feet stall and I look back. He’s glaring at the pile of wrapped boxes. I’m quite proud of myself when I recognize the expression on his face as he looks at me—annoyed. “They’re for your family,” I lie.
His eyelids hood and he allows me to lead him to the bathroom once more. We brush our teeth together, and then I watch as he washes his face… four times? With four different bottles of stuff. The last one, I think, might be lotion since he doesn’t wash it off.
He flushes when he glances at me. “What?”
“This is how you stay so pretty?”
His pink cheeks darken to red. “I-I guess.”
I pick up one of the tubes. “This one looks like cum.”
Kylen practically chokes on air. I become a little concerned when the red of his cheeks turns purple. “Oh my god, it’s not cum.”
“Are you sure?” I turn it over and look at infinitely small letters. Even the best vision would need a magnifying glass. “It could be whale sperm, and you’d never know.”
“Well, you’ve just ruined that one for me.” Kylen takes the tube from my hand and tosses it in the bottom drawer of his vanity, shutting it with his foot.
With a grin spreading wide, I turn him to face the mirror and then gently push him over the counter. I tug his pants down, bringing his underwear with them. Being as gentle as I can, I slowly pull the plug from his ass. Kylen gasps, then groans quietly.
His hole is very red. I’m not even sure that the plug keeps my load locked inside him. It probably slipped out around it throughout the day, but I love the idea of it all the same.
“Shower,” I instruct and proceed to undress him. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Kylen doesn’t argue. While he stands under the hot water, I wash the plug thoroughly and then bring it back into the bedroom before joining him under the hot water. I wash him thoroughly everywhere, maintaining a business touch so he doesn’t feel obliged to respond when he’s as tired as he is.
Once out of the shower, I dry him and rub lotion all over his beautiful body until I finally take him in my arms and leave the bathroom.
Making sure all the lights are off, I finally crawl into bed.
I wrap around him, hearing Kylen sigh contentedly.
This is all I want. All I’ve ever wanted. Maybe I didn’t know I wanted it.
Briefly, I wonder how I’ll like to share Kylen with Orev.
We did say we’d share someone one day. Did we mean that on a permanent basis?
Or like… for playtime? I stare at the empty space behind Kylen, and I can picture my twin there.
Sandwiching Kylen between us so he feels comfort, warmth, and safety from all sides.
That’s not something I can manage on my own.
He feels my arms, but a lot of his back is exposed. Orev would fix that.
I press my lips to Kylen’s head and close my eyes. That’s not a today Arek consideration, though. That’s for tomorrow. Or maybe the next day. Before we get to the Estate, at any rate, I’ll need to decide how I feel about it.
“You really don’t want to breed me tonight?” Kylen asks.
“Of course, I do. But I also think your ass needs a night off since that plug was in you for so damn long. And also, you’re tired.”
He sighs.
“So tonight you’ll sleep. And tomorrow morning, I have a plan to ring in the holiday in a spectacular way.”
Kylen’s smile presses against my chest. I’m pretty confident he falls asleep after that, so I’m surprised when he says, “Arek?”
“Mhm?”
“I… I love you.”
My heart stutters for a minute. Oh, I love those words far more than I thought I ever would. It takes me a minute, during which I feel Kylen begin to tense, before I can find my voice.
“Experts say that people who suffer from antisocial disorders are incapable of loving someone. In my experience, our love just looks different. I might not remember to do romantic things or take you on thoughtful dates. I may forget important dates—though I’m obsessive about remembering things, so maybe not.
How I think my affection will manifest might look like red flags and gray morals.
I will always keep you safe, to the point where maybe you might feel smothered.
To the point where Kole will call me a stalker.
I will protect you, with violence if the situation calls for it.
I will make sure you have everything, even if it’s something tiny and silly that I might not understand.
I will be your shadow and your skin and your breath.
I will probably be suffocating and overbearing, and obsessive. ”
“Those are a lot of words,” Kylen says quietly.
“But not the ones you wanted to hear.”
“I don’t want you to say them if you don’t, uh… feel all those things that mean love to you?”
“Little kit,” I croon, hugging him tightly. “I felt those things for you the moment I realized it was you in the dark. You were mine then. You’ll be mine for the rest of our lives.”
There’s a shift in his breathing.
“I think Kylen Van Doren sounds really sexy,” I add.
He shivers. His arms tighten around me. “What do you think about Arek Whitaker?” he asks, and I think he’s teasing.
“It also sounds sexy. I’ll change my middle name.” I pause. “Actually, I don’t think my father will allow that. I’ll add it to my middle name, but you’re going to be Kylen Van Doren. There’s no negotiation on that.”
He laughs quietly, the sound becoming muffled in my chest. “I love that.”
“Go to sleep,” I tell him and hold him close. “Kylen?”
“Mhm?”
“I love you too.”
He sighs.
For a long time, I listen to him breathing. I know when he falls asleep. Not just because of his breathing, but because his body settles entirely. It becomes loose and pliable. His heart becomes a hypnotic rhythm against me, and it quickly lulls me to sleep with him.
It feels like I barely sleep when my eyes open again. The sky is a dull gray, which isn’t unusual in winter. Whether it’s from the hour or because clouds are blocking the sun, I’m not sure. I’d have to look at the time, and I don’t want to move.
Kylen is awake. I can feel him fidgeting. It’s unusual that he’s awake before me. “Did you not sleep well?” I ask.
He smiles. “I slept okay. Just not long, I guess. I woke up when you went to the bathroom and slept fitfully after that.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t.” He shakes his head. “I don’t like waking alone when you’re supposed to be there. Even though I knew where you were, because I could see the bathroom light under the door. It just… made me feel… unsettled.”
“Should I carry you to the bathroom with me when I have to piss in the night?”
Kylen laughs. “No.”
“You’ll never wake alone. Not when it matters. I’ll always be here when you wake up. Every day. Forever.”
He shifts to meet my eyes, and there’s a small smile on his face. “You going to fuck me awake now?”
“Actually, I think you should fuck me awake this morning.”
His eyes widen. His inhale is sharp, and he doesn’t release the breath for several beats. When it finally comes out, it’s a loud whoosh. “I-I, uh—I’ve never…”
“I know.”
“I’m going to be bad at it.”
I grin. “No, you’re not.”
“You don’t know that, Arek. I might—”
I cut off his argument with my mouth to his. His fingers dig into my hair, and he kisses me hard for a long time. “Really?” he asks.
“If you’re comfortable with it, yes.”
I’m not sure he is. The longer I study his face while he doesn’t answer, the less sure I am that he’s comfortable with the idea.