Chapter 45 Linus
forty-five
Linus
Six Months Later
Fireball blew the roof off the place.
Less Than Zero is preparing to take the stage in a few minutes.
Connor’s bass echoes through the walls. It’s part of the act, he always plucks a couple of specific notes to prime the pump.
The crowd of nearly sixty thousand people goes ape-shit.
We’re in Seattle at a show benefitting legendary rock club, The Mission. Fireball and Less Than Zero got their start there, so we’re happy to help keep them afloat.
The afterglow of Fireball’s set clings to my skin along with a bit of leftover adrenaline. Outside the dressing room, the hallway buzzes with post-show static. Bodies moving in half-sync. Crew swapping cables. Security checking passes.
Liam and Padraig’s family are gathered in our dressing room.
Rory, Liam’s da, sits on a folding chair near the far wall.
Maureen, his ma, hovers nearby, hand resting on Rory’s shoulder.
She radiates a quiet command most Irish mothers possess, Brothers Cillian and Brennan are deep in conversation about AI and tour logistics, Seamus hangs back near the door, quiet and observant.
The younger McGloughlin brothers have grown into men.
Each of them look at Liam and Padraig like they’re gods.
Oblivious, Liam, still in the black jeans and T-shirt he wore on stage, stands beside the vanity mirror.
Padraig is shirtless and leans against the table beside him, calm in the way he always is after a show.
As usual, they talk in shorthand, an invisible thread running between them. It’s strange. Once, I mistook the thread for a rope. Something unbreakable.
Now I view it as more fragile, strained by this past year of Liam’s martyr-like sacrifice.
Avonna is curled up on the couch across from me, her body still wobbly from everything she gave during the show. Her color’s a little off, too pale under the stage makeup. She hasn’t been feeling well but tries to hide it, smiling when Cillian compliments her voice.
It’s the first time she’s met Liam’s family. My first time meeting his da. Instead of being introduced properly, as his life partner, she’s been relegated to “Fireball’s new singer.” As usual, I’m the “manager.”
Despite her bravado during our recording sessions, she’s hasn’t ended things with Liam or left the band. She’s pushed through the sadness clawing at her, refusing to falter. Even after she told him what Padraig said that day, Liam’s determined to keep things status quo.
Tonight with his family here, however, he keeps himself even more removed from both of us. Other than giving us an occasional smile as his eyes pass over the room.
On the positive side, the show went flawlessly.
Studio precision wrapped in live theatrical fire.
Avonna brings something special to Fireball.
A cohesive energy neither of the twins ever found with their previous singers.
Every lyric in the new material carries the tension the three of us all live in.
The story of our love bleeding through sound.
Our girl should be floating. Instead, she looks ready to collapse. I feel the familiar twist more acutely. Want, fear, pride, love, all tied into one impossible knot.
The trouble is, we can’t go on like this.
Liam catches my eye. For a heartbeat, neither of us blinks. Then he looks away, muttering something about tuning issues during the encore to Padraig.
Avonna shifts forward to greet Seamus, who crouches before her. He praises her in a careful tone doctors use when they mean well but sense fragility. Her smile wobbles but holds.
Part of me wonders if Liam’s family’s kindness disarms her. Despite how Liam has portrayed the McGloughlins, the only thing evident here is love and support. Aside from a few dinners at my folks’ place when we still lived in Dublin, she certainly has never experienced this before.
“Hell of a show, son.” Rory’s Irish lilt carries gravel and sincerity. He’s never seen Fireball live, for obvious reasons. “You and your brother made me proud.”
Liam’s reply is half a nod. He shoves his hands into his pockets and looks at the ground. His inability to receive a compliment from his da troubles me more than anything.
Maureen steps in, saving them both. “It was magnificent. You brought the house down, so you did.”
Avonna peers over at Liam again, searching for a flicker of warmth. He gives her a small grin before turning back to Padraig. The slight is subtle, invisible to anyone else, but it I see the breath leave her. She hides her pain by reaching for a bottle of water.
“LTZ’s gonna have a tough time toppin’ our set tonight.” Padraig claps Liam’s shoulder.
Liam’s grin widens. “They can try. They always do.”
The twins laugh at the good-natured rivalry they’ve developed with LTZ. We’ve all grown close to the band and their crew, having toured together on and off for a couple of years.
Nevertheless, I’m pissed. Mostly at myself for not standing up for myself and Avonna more.
I want to shake Liam. Chastise him for failing to clue the fuck in.
It’ll wait. I’m not about to unravel the whole night, although, I’m pretty sure Liam’s picking up my vibe by the tension in his posture, even if he’s too careful to let it show.
At the end of the day, this is his family. They’re all getting along. Liam suddenly revealing the truth about the three of us could blow the fragile ground the McGloughlin’s have traversed to pieces.
Connor’s bass hum rumbles through the wall again, followed by Ty’s voice testing the mic.
The focus in our dressing room begins to shift toward the hallway, where security waits to escort the McGloughlins to their seats.
The brothers make their way to the door.
Rory shifts in his chair, rubbing his leg, Maureen helps him up and they follow.
When Avonna stands, her knees buckle slightly. No one but me catches it. She laughs under her breath and tries to mask it. I take a step toward her. She shakes her head, subtle, mouthing later.
Always fucking later.
Padraig pulls on a fresh T-shirt. “You guys comin’?”
“Yeah, after I check the loadout,” I answer.
Liam’s half tuned out, eyes focused on their setlist taped to the wall. I get it. He’s not comfortable in the presence of his people. He’ll do anything to distract himself.
The big-screen monitor in the dressing room flicks on to a view of the stage. The house lights dim for LTZ’s set and the crowd roars so loud you can hear it through the corridor. The family departs out the side exit.
“Don’t stay in here hidin’,” Padraig says to Liam. “Come watch your brother steal the show.”
Liam chuckles. “He doesn’t need my help.”
Padraig laughs, shutting the door behind him.
The sudden quiet feels unusually heavy. Avonna settles back onto the couch, one hand at her temple. Her skin’s completely lost its glow. Sweat beads at her hairline, her lips are pale.
“Avonna.” I cross the short space between us. “Baby, are you okay?”
“Fine,” she says too quickly. “Tired.”
“Are you sure? You didn’t look right durin’ the second chorus.” Liam turns, taking in her slumped posture.
Her head lifts, eyes meeting his. “You noticed?”
The question hangs. He hesitates, guilt flashes across his face before he can hide it. “Of course I noticed.”
“I’ll be okay.” She manages a faint smile. “Go watch the show.”
He doesn’t move. Torn between staying and the pull of being with his family. I see every battle written across his expression, every part of him conditioned to put the everything else before anything us.
Avonna stands again, likely intending to prove her strength, but her body betrays her. The moment she’s up, her breath stutters. Knees buckle. The bottle in her hand slips, water splashes the floor. I catch her before she hits the ground.
Liam’s there in an instant, panic cracking through his mask. “Avonna. Jesus, what’s wrong?”
“Too hot.” Her eyes roll slightly, lashes fluttering. “I’ll be okay.”
Seamus’s voice slices through the doorway. “Give her space. Let her breathe.”
I set her down on the sofa and Liam’s wee brother is at her side in an instant. He’s a medical student and immediately takes charge. Calm. Precise.
Liam crouches next to him, concern etched deep in face.
Seamus checks Avonna’s pulse with steady fingers. “Her vitals are fine. Probably dehydration, overexertion.”
I kneel beside Liam, my hand shakes as it brushes Avonna’s cheek.
“She needs rest.” Seamus looks between us. “You’ve all been running yourselves ragged.”
Liam nods, eyes glassy. “We’ll take care of her.”
“See that you do.” Seamus’s gaze lingers on Linus. “Maybe grab a pregnancy test from the drugstore.”
Shocked, I can’t help but clear my throat. “Uh, yeah. Okay.”
On his way out the door to rejoin the family, Seamus fetches a bottle of electrolyte water and instructs us to make sure she drinks it before we go back to the hotel.
In the background, LTZ’s set thunders, a reminder the world outside our small circle keeps spinning. The three of us are left alone in the dressing room with a bomb of an instruction.
The silence closes in around us. Jarring. Expectant.
Avonna sits up, one hand splayed over her stomach. “My period’s a few weeks late. I’ve been blaming stress. Told myself once things slowed down, it would come.” Her laugh is thin and painful. “Of course, we never take a break.”
I wince and Liam stiffens.
“Could be nothin’,” he tries to reassure her.
Her gaze sharpens. “Or it could be everything.”
“Let’s not panic. We’ll get a test. Figure it out.” He exhales.
She shakes her head. “Sure. Why not? We all know, regardless of the result, you’ll bury it like you always do. Like both of you do.”
The truth cuts through the room and stabs me in the heart.
“Bury it? No. I’m tryin’ to protect us,” Liam protests, though his words fall flat.
“Who exactly are you protecting?” Avonna’s voice cracks and tears pool.
“I told you how I felt months ago and you don’t seem to care.
I’ve held my tongue because I personally know how rough it is to work though harsh shit.
Today, I’ve come to the end of my rope. I’ll not mince words.
You’re protecting yourself. I sure as hell know you’re not protecting me. ”
His hands fall open. “Padraig—”
“Padraig isn’t the problem.” She holds her hand up. “He’s the excuse. I’m calling bullshit.”
Liam recoils as if she slapped him.
My head hurts. “She’s right. We’re both guilty. My parents still think Avonna and I are a normal couple and have no idea about you. How can you feel comfortable goin’ all in if I haven’t?”
Liam’s glare flashes.
“Look, I’m sick of talking about this. I’ve given you far too much time to work through your issues.
” Avonna wipes her eyes. “The hourglass has run out. It hit me tonight when Liam ignored me in front of his family and Linus barely touched me.” Her beautiful angelic face scrunches with pain.
“I’m truly back where I started. I grew up being told love was shame.
My body was sin. Silence was virtuous. I trudged through years of therapy to unlearn the lies my parents told me.
Yet, here I am, hiding for people who profess to love me.
Maybe I’m pregnant. Maybe I’m not. Either way, I didn’t work relentlessly on myself for nothing.
I refuse to stay in the shadows, let alone force my child to live there. ”
Liam’s face cracks open. “I never want to hide you, Avonna.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.” She gets up and grabs another bottle of Gatorade. “This has been coming to a head for months. Focusing on band stuff has allowed us to bury it for a while. Now we can’t. Not anymore.”
The air thickens between the three of us.
I try to smooth things over. “I want to take care of you. Our baby. It doesn’t matter which one of us is the father—”
“I don’t need caretakers,” Avonna roars. “I need partners who aren’t ashamed of me.”
“Goddammit. I’m not fuckin’ ashamed.” Liam grips his neck, eyes wet. “When the three of us are together, it’s the only time I feel complete.”
“Same.” I shake my head glumly. “I love both of you so much. You’re the most important people in my life, and if my folks can’t handle it, then so be it.”
Liam is utterly gutted. “I don’t know what to do—”
“Stop being a fucking victim.” Avonna wrings her hands.
“Everyone knows Padraig gave up Stevie. He made his choice years ago and he seems to be happy with Mara. As far as your family is concerned, your dad apologized and you haven’t tried to let him know you at all.
Your mother and brothers are lovely and do not seem like the type of people who give a shit who you fuck.
The truth is, you’re a child hiding behind old wounds because it’s easier than to be a man and face them. ”
Liam flinches like she struck him.
I want to step in, ease the edge, but she’s right.
Avonna keeps going. “Either get into therapy like you promised or stop letting your warped perceptions of how other people view you control your life. You’re so adamant about protecting the band, your brother and your family from the idea of us when we’re the ones who love you, would do anything for you.
I don’t deserve to be treated this way. Stop letting old ghosts decide who you get to love. ”
Silence folds over us.
Liam drops onto the sofa and stares into space. “You think I don’t wake up every day terrified I’ll lose you both?”
“Well, congratulations, you’re already halfway there.” Her eyes close. Tears spill down her cheeks. “Every time you choose silence, every time you let me fade into the background, I slip a little further. I love you both, but love isn’t supposed to shrink you. It’s supposed to expand.”
LTZ materializes on the screen. Liam drags a hand through his hair. I sit on the coffee table in front of her.
Avonna grasps Liam’s hand and then takes mine. “It’s time for you both to decide who you want to be. If we’re a family, then let’s be one. If we’re not, be honest with me so I can stop pretending this is something precious. If I’m not enough—if our baby isn’t enough…”
Her voice cracks on the word “baby.”
Liam cups her jaw, thumb brushing away a tear. “You are enough. You both are. I need to wise the fuck up.”
“Time doesn’t stop for anyone.” Avonna meets his eyes. “Not for love. Not for fear.”
“Tomorrow.” He nods, breath shaky. “I’ll tell Padraig tomorrow. He’ll help me figure out how to tell da.”
“I’ll book a trip to Dublin when Liam’s talking to Padraig.”
“You mean it?” Her lips part, a whisper of disbelief.
He nods again. “I won’t lose you.”
“Me either.” I squeeze her fingers.
A fragile sense of relief flickers across her face. “Then let’s go to the hotel. I’m peopled out.”
I help her to her feet. Liam steadies her other side.
The crowd beyond the walls roars for LTZ’s final encore.
We slip out the back of the dressing room, three figures moving through a maze of corridors.
The world outside doesn’t know who we are to each other yet.
Tonight, for the first time, it feels like they might.