Chapter 2
Rob
I hadn’t thought I’d sleep, but once we arrived at the shelter in Gaynor Beach and Anthony gave us a secure room, fatigue overtook me. The adrenaline that had sustained me from the moment Gerard had broken my nose evaporated.
With Anthony’s help, I got Thomas changed, fed, and down for the count in the small crib.
Hallie wouldn’t let go of me, and I made the executive decision she was fine in the pajamas she still wore. I also decided I’d crash in the clothes I had on. Again, with Anthony’s help, Hallie and I got into the single bed.
Gerard never allowed co-sleeping. I understood the practice could be dangerous, but I also always wanted to be as close to the kids as I could. Possibly because I’d unconsciously worried Gerard might get angry with them when I wasn’t around.
Well, probably.
Anthony shut the door, and in just a moment Hallie was out. I turned the lock, checking twice that the door was secure. Told myself Gerard had no way to find us. The folks at safe house were used to abusive spouses and wouldn’t let him in if he did. We were fine. We were safe. For now. Sleep took a lot longer in claiming me, but exhaustion muffled my thoughts, and eventually it did.
I hadn’t bothered to set an alarm because my adorable son, no matter the circumstances, woke up at six-thirty. Didn’t matter what time he went to bed or how many times he woke up in the night—come six-thirty, he was awake and ready to go.
We’d gotten about six hours of sleep, so I was actually okay when I slipped out of bed to take care of him. I wanted a shower, but I couldn’t leave the kids. I’d met a caretaker last night, and Anthony had mentioned someone being around in the morning, but I’d only focused on the bed.
“Hey, little man.” I whispered the words since Hallie still lay curled under the blankets. At least she didn’t have a nightmare. My daughter had them fairly often, and I’d need to soothe her back to sleep.
Much to Gerard’s consternation.
Why did he even want kids? Come to that, why did he even want me?
I could ask the question, but I could also now recognize the answer. I’d thought he wanted a legacy, to have kids carry on his name. The last six months had opened my eyes to the truth. The man loved to control people. To play God with people’s lives. From the little he said about his job, he got to boss people around a lot. He also said everyone who worked for him was a moron. I’d once tried to talk to him about his job. His rebuke, along with the name he’d called me, ensured I shelved that curiosity.
Which made me wonder just how much power he really had. Why not fire the ones who weren’t doing the job and hire smarter people? Although maybe he liked being around people he felt superior to. Much of me doubted these people he derided were as stupid as he implied. And I now suspected what he said about being the big boss was also horseshit.
Thomas giggled as I blew a raspberry on his tummy. He was such a happy kid—completely oblivious to the surrounding turmoil. His luminous dark-brown eyes gazed up at me as I finished changing his diaper, then I slipped him into an outfit the nice people at the hospital had provided. We’d need more stuff soon. Maybe I should’ve run home for a quick retrieval. Gerard was in jail. He couldn’t have hurt me.
Yet I wouldn’t have had the strength to walk in that door. Although the broken nose had been a shock to my system, it shouldn’t have been. This was, truly, the conclusion of a toxic relationship. Only, until the moment his fist had connected with my face, I’d still believed I could somehow make us work. That if we just bonded as a family that everything would be okay.
Fucking idiot.
I didn’t like putting myself down, but the cruel words of my parents, and now Gerard, were hard to deny. I wasn’t smart. I didn’t know how things worked. I’d managed to figure out how to cook, clean, raise children, and not be a complete disaster in the process. Except Gerard was always explaining how my mistakes were my own fault. Telling me I wasn’t?—
“Papa?” Hallie’s small voice rang out in the small room which held only the bed, the crib, and a dresser.
“Yes, baby.”
“I have to pee.”
“Of course.” I did as well, but I’d just have to wait until the kids were comfortable. “There’s a bathroom in here.” I guided her to the bathroom with Thomas on my hip. To my relief, there was a potty-training seat, and she was able to pee easily. A little stepstool helped her reach the sink so she could wash her hands.
When she was done, we went back into the room. “Honey, can you watch Thomas?”
“Yep.” She’d never said no. She probably didn’t even know that was an option. Without being asked, she sat on the little mat on the floor and held open her arms.
I gently placed Thomas in them. Immediately, he pushed up, stood, and toddled over to a little plastic chest. I hadn’t even noticed it.
I murmured to Hallie, “Do you think there are toys in there?”
“Oh yes.” Hallie scrambled over as well.
After raising the lid, I found the safety latch and made sure it wouldn’t close on little fingers.
Thomas already had pulled out some colorful rings and had one in his mouth.
Working off the assumption everything had been properly sanitized, I scooped him up safely into the crib with his new treasures, pressed a kiss to the top of Hallie’s head, then made a beeline to the bathroom. Knowing my daughter would be okay for a few minutes, I decided to take a thirty-second shower. My face still ached, and I’d need to keep the bandage clean, but I needed a moment to rinse off some of the gross stinky sweat from last night. I regretted sleeping in my clothes, but I hadn’t really had a choice. Hopefully today I’d have the opportunity to grab something fresh.
Doesn’t matter. The kids are the priority.
Right. I needed to focus. In the shower, I lathered up and then rinsed off as quickly as I could, ever mindful that something bad might happen. The vigilance never let up. As soon as I was clean, I rinsed off, shut off the water, and hopped out. I did a quick rubdown, then tied a towel around my waist and opened the bathroom door.
Hallie sat beside the crib as she read Thomas a story. I didn’t recognize the book, and Hallie couldn’t read, so she was likely making up a story to fit the pictures. Her creativity knew no bounds. That was one of the reasons I could leave her to her own devices and she’d be perfectly happy to just sit in her room with a pile of toys and books. She didn’t need me to guide her—she could figure it out by herself.
Thomas, on the other hand, required guidance. Appropriate for a one-year-old. I got the feeling, though, that he wouldn’t have Hallie’s quietness. From the beginning, she’d been undemanding. Thomas very much wanted to have everyone’s attention. Although he was adorable, that much energy was also exhausting.
“Papa?” Hallie blinked up at me.
“Everything’s okay, sweetheart.”
“You have an owie.” She pointed to my face.
“I banged my nose. I’ll be fine, just like when you skinned your knee.”
Her solemn blue eyes held my gaze. If any four-year-old was capable of calling bullshit, it would be her. Still, she offered a small smile. “I’ll keep reading.”
Thomas put an arm through the bars and seized the book in his tiny fist, but the solid cardboard didn’t crumple. Thank God. I didn’t know what I’d do if he destroyed something and I’d have to repair it.
I scooted back into the bathroom, and after a quick search, found a new deodorant as well as a toothbrush and toothpaste. There were tiny brushes as well. Which reminded me that my kids hadn’t brushed their teeth last night. Small everyday things were starting to pile up and, if I didn’t miss my mark, we were headed toward a Hallie meltdown. She thrived on routine, and with everything that had happened, I was surprised she hadn’t lost it yet. Or, perhaps, she sensed I wouldn’t be able to cope, and she’d somehow hold on.
Wishful thinking.
My child was empathetic, but I didn’t think she was capable of understanding how her meltdowns affected me. I was always careful to never show how I felt about things. I didn’t want my negative emotions to affect her.
She probably knows.
Yeah, probably.
I put the borrowed clothes back on.
No, not borrowed. Gifted. And they fit pretty well.
I padded out of the bathroom with my socks in one hand and a toothbrush in the other. “Hallie?”
She glanced up. “Thomas first.”
“Of course. Come on, little man.”
My boy held his arms out, and I easily scooped him into my arms. Despite being born underweight, he was now in the ninety-seventh percentile for height and weight. I was super proud of how far he’d come. He was a healthy chunk of happy baby. Toddler, I corrected. In just a couple of days, he’d have his first birthday.
What kind of celebration will that be now? No gifts, no party? He wouldn’t care, of course. Wouldn’t understand. But I would. I’d carefully documented everything from my children’s lives and had beautiful scrapbooks. All abandoned. I still had some of the photos on my phone, but Gerard paid the phone bill, so God only knew when it would be cut off. Even if I knew how to change it to my name, I didn’t have the money to pay for the plan.
Thomas bopped me on the side of the head. Not hard. But not gentle either. “Ba!”
I chuckled. “Okay, let’s get this done.”
Ten minutes later, both kids had brushed teeth, and I’d tamed Hallie’s hair. Her fine blonde locks curled naturally. They also tangled continuously, so keeping up with the brushing was critical.
“Maybe we should put on our shoes?”
“Papa, I’m hungry.”
I wasn’t, but relief washed over me that she wanted food. I worried constantly about her waifishness. She ate plenty, but always seemed so fragile. Unlike Thomas, who was finally as solid as a toddler could get. “I suppose we could go and see if we can find food. Uh…” I glanced around. “Let’s put on our shoes first.” I could barely remember the walk from the front door to our second-story room. This place felt less industrial than I’d expected and more like a house. But I hadn’t been given a tour, and I didn’t want to wander into something I shouldn’t.
Just as I finished tying Hallie’s laces, a soft knock sounded at the door. When I picked up Thomas and rose to answer it, she cowered behind me.
I paused with my hand on the lock. “Who’s there?”
“Anthony? We met last night.”
“Oh, sure.” Thomas grabbed my hair as I opened the door, and I gasped.
Anthony smiled, stepped forward, and gently extricated my hair from my son’s grasp. “That’s a strong grip.”
In response, Thomas twisted and threw himself into Anthony’s arms.
Fortunately, the social worker caught him easily, hefted him in the air, then settled him on his hip. A flush of exertion overtook the man’s tanned skin, and his eyes sparkled in amusement. “I thought he was easygoing last night. Clearly my recollection was correct.”
Hallie gripped my jeans tighter.
“Did you want to come in?” I slowly loosened her grip, then gently pulled her up into my arms. I wasn’t a big guy—certainly not tall like Anthony—but I could still lift Hallie. If Thomas kept growing like he was, he’d be a much bigger armful at four.
“I could, but I was thinking you might like to come down to the kitchen and have some breakfast.”
“Will there be other people?” I was painfully aware of my bruised face and bandaged nose. I didn’t want pity or questions, and Hallie was shy even before last night.
“We have two other women here, and both have already eaten. We’ll have the kitchen to ourselves.” He cocked his head. “Do you like avocado?”
Thomas clapped his hands.
Anthony laughed.
Hallie buried her face in my shirt. One step forward…
We followed Anthony downstairs, and I sat with the kids at the table while he set about making a breakfast of avocado toast, eggs, and sausages. I wanted to help, but Hallie clung to me like a limpet, huddled in my lap. Anthony had slipped Thomas into the chair with practiced ease, getting my son’s flailing legs in the right holes and the belt buckled even faster than I could. The social worker quickly sliced an avocado and passed Thomas a bit, smiling as my kid mashed it on the tray.
“You’re good with kids,” I said.
Anthony grinned as he sliced the rest of the avocado. “My husband and I have four-year-old twins. Zayden and Alicia.”
“Oh my God.”
He grinned. “Yeah, we pretty much say that every day. We also have a foster daughter.” He blinked a couple of times and sobered, a shine coming to his eyes. “But it looks like we’re going to be able to adopt her soon.”
The palpability of his emotion hit me. Joy? Sadness? I couldn’t be certain. “That’s good?”
“That’s great.” He shook his head a little. “I love kids so much, and Laura…well, all kids need love, right? Some are just luckier than others.”
“I’d say she’s lucky to have you and your husband.”
He appeared to consider. “Yeah, you could say that. I wasn’t sure how things were going to pan out. We were an emergency foster for her. But she just…settled right in. Like she was always meant to be with us. The twins adore her. And she them,” he quickly added. “She’s even won Crumpy’s heart.”
“Crumpy?”
“Our seal-point Himalayan cat. Scott had him before the twins showed up, and at first, grumpy-cat wasn’t quite certain what to make of those two characters.”
I wanted to ask if one of the men was the biological father, but that was so none of my business. It never mattered how a family was made—just that it was full of love.
“Papa?” Hallie tugged on my shirt.
“Yes, sweetheart?”
She wrapped her tiny arms around my neck.
I breathed in her scent.
“We’ll take care of you three.” Anthony spoke quietly. “I’m taking you to a different house today—a donated space. It’ll be all yours. It’s small—just one bedroom and a den?—”
“I don’t care?—”
“I imagine you don’t.” He brought a plate of avocado toast cut into four with a little bowl of sliced fruit as well. He placed the bowl before Thomas, who dug in with both hands. Then he put the plate on the table. “If you’re up for it,” he said to Hallie.
She ducked her head against my shoulder again.
“How is there a house available?” This felt way too easy.
Anthony grinned again. “The guy who owns it is moving in with his boyfriend. He didn’t want to sell just yet…you know…”
I did know. Lack of having a place to escape to when things went sideways was what had led to my predicament.
“…so he wants to keep his place, but doesn’t want it to sit empty. I called him when I realized you’d need a longer placement than we have space for here. The room you’re in is promised to another family tomorrow.”
“I can’t afford rent.”
He held my gaze. “Don’t worry about that right now. Let’s get you and the kids settled, and then we can figure things out.”
“I need to get a job.” I gripped Hallie even tighter. “But I’ve never had one. I know my social security number, though. But if I give that, will Gerard be able to find me?”
“Let’s not worry about that right now,” Anthony repeated. “You’ve got a lot to deal with. Let’s get you safe first, and then we can figure out the rest.”
Damn. “Look, Anthony, I really appreciate this.”
He stirred the scrambled eggs. “I know you do.”
“But I don’t want to be beholden to another person. That’s the correct word, right? That I don’t want to owe anyone else?”
“That’s the right word.” He continued to stir the eggs. “You won’t be beholden, Rob. Sometimes…” He added a sprinkle of salt and pepper. “Sometimes there are people in the world who just want to help. They’ve had a run of good luck, and they want to share. Or something bad happened to them once, and they got help and now they want to do the same thing. Pay it forward.”
My mind spun.
“And you’re eligible for some emergency funds. So we’re going to go shopping for stuff for you and the kids. This afternoon, you’ll move into your new house. We’re going to set up counselling, and you’ll see a pro bono lawyer about sorting out your situation.” He plated the eggs. “It’s up to you, but I got the impression you don’t want to go back either to your house or your marriage.”
“No fucking way.”
Hallie clutched me tighter at my vehement words.
Anthony’s gaze shot to mine.
“Sorry. Sorry, Hallie, Daddy said a bad word.” I was such a screwup. My fault if Hallie said that at school one day.
Anthony shrugged. “Don’t be. Just…sometimes the other person says they’re sorry, makes a big, splashy apology, and the spouse forgives them. I’m actually relieved to hear you so certain you won’t go back.”
“I was worried who else my spouse might…impact.” I dropped my eyes to Hallie, hoping my message was clear to Anthony and not her. The bruises on her arms were bad enough, but if he’d… No, I couldn’t go there.
The social worker’s eyes widened.
“Yeah, I didn’t say that to the cops last night. But I lay awake in bed and replayed everything in my mind. He was going to do it. I think I knew that. That was why I put myself in the position to, um, get between.” I gingerly pressed my nose. “I don’t want Gerard near me or my children again. You can do that, right? Make certain he never gets to see them?”
He met my gaze. “Under certain circumstances, the other parent might be awarded supervised visitation.”
My chest seized and my head swam. “You heard what you just said, right?” I hugged Hallie tighter. Gerard would only touch her over my dead body.
Slowly, Anthony nodded. “But that’s a long way off. The lawyer, Wynn Cavanah, will help you with a restraining order. We’ll figure out when you might need to go back to LA to testify.”
Hallie reached out to grab a slice of toast.
I loosened my grip a bit. “That sounds deceptively easy.”
“It’s not. The law is complicated. I won’t go into specifics, but I’ve dealt with custody issues firsthand. Even when everyone’s on the same page, the law might not agree. You’ll have a good lawyer?—”
“Who I can’t pay?—”
“—who will take good care of you.” Anthony moved to the table with two plates. He placed one before me—with more toast and some eggs. Then he tapped a bit of cooled egg onto Thomas’s tray.
He’d asked about allergies last night.
Thomas, who adored eggs, grabbed a handful and shoved it in his mouth.
Anthony put the plate before Hallie. “In case you like them too.”
“I do.” She blinked. “Eggs are good.”
“Yes, eggs are very good.” He moved back to the counter, snagged another plate, then joined me at the table. He grinned sheepishly. “Slow start this morning.”
He’d been at my door at seven after having dropped me off near midnight. That felt Herculean to me. I was still an inch away from panic, my daughter was eating one-handed with the other clenched on my shirt, and Gerard might not be easy to ban from our lives. But as I took a bite of egg and the homey taste soothed me, Anthony’s steady presence kept my fears under control. “Thank you. For all of it.”
His eyes sparkled. “My pleasure.”