Chapter 12
Rob
I hadn’t expected to be invited to Christmas at the Wexler-Rodrigues family celebration but, as I sat and enjoyed eggnog while Alicia and Zayden played with Thomas, I was able to breathe. Just like when I’d been with Danny, I felt weirdly secure with these near-strangers.
Gerard was out on bond but, with lawyer Wynn Cavanah’s help, I’d secured a restraining order. I worried Gerard might figure out Wynn was from Gaynor Beach and come after us here, but Wynn used a lawyer friend in LA to file the formal paperwork. No chance, he promised, that I could be tracked here.
Anthony had helped me disable the tracking on my phone in LA that first night and, last week, had helped me acquire a new one. I’d migrated my meager few contacts, then carefully texted James, Colin, and Danny with the new number. Anthony had a friend in the police department who was happy to recycle the old phone. My ex had always been prodigiously careful about what he put in writing—so I didn’t have incriminating texts or emails from him. He always issued his threats in person. He was efficient that way. And paranoid. Which stood him in good stead. I could attest to his vicious verbal attacks and threats in the last few months—but I had no witnesses or anything in writing. I could point out he’d broken my nose—but he maintained I’d walked into a door and was blaming him so I could take his children away.
So far, it appeared the cops in LA—including Officer Greenaway—weren’t buying what he was selling. But it was only a matter of time, as far as I was concerned, before someone bought his story. He’d acquired a lawyer, after all. Someone who would back him up when he said he’d never laid a finger on me or the children. Hallie’s bruises, he maintained, were my doing. Not his.
“Hey, you okay?” Scott’s concerned voice reached me. “I asked if you wanted some cider or hot chocolate. It’s a mild day, but I’m from Oklahoma and used to freezing my nuts off at Christmas. So a hot beverage is kind of a tradition.”
“I’m from Missouri. Not a tradition in my family. Uh, hot chocolate would be nice.”
“Great, let me?—”
“I’ll come with you.”
Hallie and the twins were absorbed in a building-block game of some kind—one only they understood.
Thomas was fast asleep in Anthony’s arms.
Laura, Anthony’s nine-year-old, read a book she’d gotten for Christmas while leaning against Anthony. Periodically she would stroke Thomas’s leg. She clearly adored the little ones.
Anthony offered me a broad grin, making it clear he was happy and had everything under control.
Today, I was breathing more easily. The constant panic had abated a little while being here. We were three grown men, and although two of us were on the smaller side, we had enough might to deal with any threat from Gerard. I just didn’t feel I had that same protection when I was alone with the kids.
Scott gently pointed the way to the kitchen, and I followed him.
Heavenly scents assailed me as I walked in. “You’re certain there’s nothing I can do?”
He shook his head as he got the milk out of the fridge. “Those rolls you brought are perfect.” He gave me a sheepish grin. “I might’ve tried one.”
“I brought a dozen. They’re Danny’s mom’s recipe.”
As he poured milk into mugs, Scott cocked his head.
“What?”
“Interesting that you refer to her as Danny’s mom instead of James’s.” He put the milk back in the fridge and took out some sweetened cacao powder.
“I could’ve said James.” Heat slowly crept into my cheeks.
He stirred the chocolate into the milk. “And it’s okay that you said Danny. I just…” He stopped. “You’ve mentioned him a couple of times today. You probably don’t even realize you’re doing it. Of course, I’m hoping something might come of your friendship. That Danny might…” He scrunched his nose. “I want to say heal, but that’s wrong. Anthony would give me a stern talking-to about that.”
“Oh?”
“I hope you can each give the other some support. I’m not sure what’s going on with Danny, but I think he needs a friend, and you do too. Someone to be there while you do the hard emotional work ahead.”
“Work?” I was pretty sure I knew what he meant, but I didn’t really want to hear it. I needed to, though, which was why I stayed.
And because I really wanted hot chocolate. Although I sensed if I shut down the conversation, he’d take the hint—he seemed like that kind of guy.
“Like…” He put the mug into the microwave. “I can tell you, without breaking confidence, that Anthony had a tough time with how his brother, sister, and mother died. And when his past caught up with him, he had to make some horrible, difficult decisions on how to deal with things. Whether to move forward or stay stuck in the past.” The microwave beeped, and he removed the mug. “Let it cool.” He placed the mug before me.
“Sure.” I met his green-eyed gaze. “And?”
“And he had to choose whether to hold on to past angers, and past regrets, or to move forward. It helped that, by then, he had me and the twins to consider. I was prepared to give him all the space in the world, but…” He put the other mug in the microwave and turned it on. “I was able to offer him a home. A safe harbor. I had my own shit to deal with—my family and all that. I was, ironically, in a better place than him. And once I was able to deal with the twins’ mom—a good friend no less, but with some rough choices of her own to figure out—then I had my future set. I was lucky he chose to be part of that.”
“I can’t see either of you alone.”
“God willing, we won’t ever be.” He laughed. “I don’t believe in my parents’ God. Just that there’s something more powerful than me in the universe. Nature?” He pointed to his beautiful and lush backyard. “We sure didn’t have this beauty during the winter in Oklahoma.”
“Snow can be beautiful.”
The microwave dinged. Scott removed his mug and put it on the counter. “Sure. When it first falls and it’s pristine white. Then you have to shovel it. It turns mushy, dirty, and slushy. Or it freezes and turns to ice. I’ve fallen on my ass more than a few times over the years—but not once since I arrived in SoCal. I’m never going back.” He held my gaze. “For any reason.”
“That’s fair. It’s, uh…” I ventured a sip and broke into a wide grin. “This is delicious.”
“For a powder mix, it really is. I’ve done the whole melt-a-chocolate-bar thing, but that’s tons of work, and I just don’t have the patience.” He cocked his head. “What were you going to say?”
“Just…how similar our backgrounds are. I mean, I don’t know yours exactly, but we both came from the middle of the country and wound up out here.”
“And we’ve both found happiness with beautiful children.” He ventured a sip. “You’re a great dad, Rob. It’s so damn obvious how much you love those kids. They’re damn lucky to have you.”
I swallowed, trying to rid myself of the lump in my throat. “I don’t always feel that way. I wonder…”
Scott held my gaze.
“I mean…their moms, although great people, couldn’t care for them. But I wonder if they might’ve found better people to adopt their babies. People more…stable. I worry about what these first years have done to them.”
He waved off my concern. “That’s valid, but you love them. They’ve always had that love, whatever else was going on. You’ll get things sorted, and everything will be fine.”
“You don’t know that.” I persisted because I was all about pessimism these days. I didn’t have his optimism.
“Well, when do you see Danny again?”
I cocked my head. “I don’t know. He’s…going to be very busy for the next little while.”
“School?” He took another sip.
Fuck. “Something like that.” They weren’t my secrets to share. “Anyway, I need to get my problems solved myself. Like getting a job. And finding a babysitter.”
Anthony walked into the kitchen at that exact moment. “I’ve changed his diaper, but I think he wants?—”
I had the hot chocolate set down on the counter and Thomas in my arms in an instant. I met Anthony’s gaze over my son’s head. “Thank you.”
He tossed the folded used diaper in the garbage under the sink. “I’ll remember to take that out shortly.” He met my gaze. “My pleasure. I remember what the twins were like at that age. My favorite thing was just to have them lie on my chest.”
“Because that was the only time they stopped moving.” Scott rolled his eyes. “Holy terrors. Both of them.”
“They seem so well-behaved now.”
Even as I said the words, a howl came from the living room.
Scott grabbed his hot chocolate. “I’ll get that.” Within a moment, he disappeared.
I watched as Anthony opened the fridge, grabbed a jug of water, then closed the door. He found a glass, poured some water, then put the jug back in the fridge. After all that, he leaned against the counter and regarded me. “You said you need a job?”
I shifted uncomfortably. “Uh, yeah. I need to be independent, you know?”
“Sure…” He appeared to consider. “I was talking to Oscar the other day. He’s the vet tech at the Gaynor Beach Animal Hospital.”
“I don’t know anything about animals.” I loved them, but they also scared me. Zelda and Widget were okay, but unknown animals? Not my jam.
“Well, you wouldn’t be dealing with the animals.” He took a long pull of water and swallowed. “He was saying they’ve had trouble finding reliable help to clean the clinic after hours. I know it’s not glamorous?—”
“I’ll take it.”
“—work.” He held my gaze. “It’s tough work. The pay’s decent, but you can’t do a half-assed job. Otherwise, I can see if Hugh, Oscar’s husband, knows of anything at the hospital. Orderlies get paid a good salary, but that’s hard work as well.”
“I can do hard work.” I stood a little taller. “Just because I’ve never had a job?—”
“You’ve raised two kids.” He offered a smile. “That’s a job, Rob. Don’t ever doubt that. They’re happy and healthy. That speaks to dedication and hard work. The only problem is the job is in the evening and Corey doesn’t run Charmers Daycare after hours. I can see if she can recommend someone…”
“Could you?” I scratched my head. “But I don’t see how I can pay someone a decent childcare wage and cover everything else.”
“Oscar said they pay a good wage.” His deep-brown eyes held my gaze. “James isn’t going to raise your rent. So you need to make certain you have enough to take care of your kids. The clinic will offer benefits after your probationary period, so you’ll have good insurance coverage. Dr. Louisa’s a great boss, and I think you’ll really like Oscar. His daughter Marilee is just a year older than the twins. And he and Hugh have a foster son as well that they’re looking at adopting.”
“Another gay couple.” I shook my head. “I’ve never met so many.”
“Oh?”
I winced. “That sounds bad. But…” I swallowed. “I didn’t know anyone back home, and Gerard didn’t let me meet anyone. There was one guy on our street. Well, a couple. But I really only knew Jake. He worked from home and did much of the child rearing because his husband travelled a lot. He didn’t mind, right, because they were so happy. And they had two great kids, and you did not need to know all that.”
“Maybe not. But knowing where you’ve come from isn’t a bad thing. You’ll find tons of gay and lesbian couples in Gaynor Beach. You don’t have to feel isolated anymore.”
“And you can help me with getting this job?”
“I can definitely get you an interview. And I might have a lead on a babysitter. Oscar’s sister, Lacy, does that sometimes. Let me ask him if she can help out, even if just temporarily. And she’s attending the high school, so she might know other students looking for a bit of pocket money.”
“That…” I floundered. “Sounds so easy.” I pressed a kiss to Thomas’s head even as he drowsed against me.
Anthony cocked his head. “Because sometimes things can go your way. Sometimes people who need help can reach out and it’s there. And I don’t just mean you. Oscar and Louisa are desperate. They need someone diligent and reliable. The last company charged them a huge amount and didn’t do a good job. The salary they’re offering is competitive. I’ve seen how spotless you keep your house, even with two little kids. You’d do well. Cleaning isn’t glamorous?—”
“It’s what I know.” Heat flushed my cheeks. “It’s what I’m good at.”
“Okay. And, when things are more stable, you might consider babysitting other people’s children. You’d have to do a background check.” He pointed to my healing nose. “And you need to be recovered…but there are never enough daycare spots. I’m not suggesting you open your own, but taking in a kid or two a couple of hours a week or more could boost your resources. You’re already watching your two.” He shook his head. “But you’re going to be working on your GED.”
“I can do both. It’s a great idea.” The GED felt so damn far away. But babysitting another child—especially one who could play with my kids—sounded doable.
“Well, we might keep you in mind.” Anthony grinned. “I’ve been trying to talk Scott into a weekend away. We each get a couple of days off for Christmas, but it’s never enough. And, all that being said, as the supervisor of social services in town, I’m on call if my social worker who’s working needs help.”
“You never really get a break.” Paying me would probably be a conflict of interest, but I could definitely offer to do it as a thank you for all they’d given to me.
He shrugged. “Sometimes. But if I spirited my husband hundreds of miles away, we might actually be able to breathe.”
“Funny…I’ve been saying that to myself a lot lately—that I need to breathe.”
“Well, think about it. Laura would be here, and as much as I say she needs to just be a kid, she also derives a lot of her self-worth from helping with the twins. She’s mostly healed from her injuries, but her recovery was aided by the incentive that the sooner she got better, the more she could interact with the toddlers. We didn’t let her push, but we didn’t hold her back either.”
“Ah, tricky balance. I get that.”
“Yeah. She’s thriving.”
“Did you get her counseling? Or did you handle that yourself?”
Anthony shook his head. “I’d never attempt therapy with my own child.” He smiled. “Your kids have an appointment with Dr. Coral Llewellyn after Christmas, right?”
“Yes. It’ll be their second appointment. She saw them two days after we came to town, and she wanted to see them again. Do you think she could recommend someone?”
“For certain. I can as well. Also…” He took another drink of water. “If it comes down to some kind of dispute about what happened that night, the courts might want Hallie to speak to a psychiatrist. We have a good one in town—Dr. Xavier Martin. He’s in general practice, so he’s dealt with kids and adults. I’ve never hesitated to encourage a client to seek him out.”
I felt lightheaded. “They won’t make her testify, will they? And her memory’s probably getting fuzzy, if not completely gone.”
Anthony gave me a long, level look. “She’s traumatized, so it’s entirely possible she’ll have recall issues. Or she remembers everything and hasn’t processed it. Let’s see what Dr. Llewellyn says, and then we’ll find someone for Hallie to talk to.”
Maybe we should’ve done it sooner. Even though I wanted to forget the whole thing and pretend like it never happened. Maybe that was unrealistic wishful thinking. As we finished our visit, though, I pushed all thoughts of that from my mind.