13. Cali
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CALI
“ I can’t wait to get back home and finally do something with my hair,” I murmured to myself, gazing into the mirror.
The reflection staring back at me was a far cry from what I aspired to be. I could do my own hair, but between my job, my side hustle, and the everyday chaos of raising twin toddlers, finding time for myself felt nearly impossible. Despite my somewhat 'I don't give a fuck' appearance, I made it a priority to make sure my children's clothing and overall looks were always on point. After all, a good mother will always find a way to make things work, even if it means neglecting her own needs and desires. Again, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I looked like a bum, but it was clear to me that I needed to dedicate some “me time” to pamper myself. A little self-care could do wonders, and I was determined to reclaim that part of my life.
“You're looking good this morning, baby. Let me find out you at that job giving them niggas yo’ number, or you have a regular customer you’re trying to look good for,” Jayceon said as he stood behind me with his hard dick brushing against my ass while rubbing his hands all over my titties.
I was slightly turned on because it had been a week without any ‘lovey-dovey’ affection between us. However, time wasn’t on my side that morning for a freak session, so I pushed his hand slightly out of the way and moved away from him.
“Don’t start, Jayceon.”
“Aye, come here,” he said as he gently grabbed my arm and pulled me back into him.
I rolled my eyes in irritation. “What is it, Jayceon?”
“You feel this dick, Cali, so you know what I want.”
“Well, I want a million dollars, but we can’t seem to get what we always want, now can we?”
“Why you trippin’? You’re still mad about the rent money?”
“You’re damn right!”
Wordlessly, Jayceon picked up his pants from the floor and pulled out a wad of money. I blinked erratically. If I had known Jayceon had that money before I went to bed the night before and believed I could’ve gotten away with it, I would’ve robbed his ass. That’s probably how he had done to somebody else to get his hands on all that cash in the first place.
“Here,” Jayceon said, then handed it all to me.
Curiosity mixed with caution surged through me as I took the money. I was more stuck on where he got all that cash from, especially when, days before, he claimed to be broke.
“Where did you get this from?” I questioned.
“That ain’t even important,” he replied, waving his hand dismissively. “What matters is, I got it, and now it's yours. I don’t know how much it is, but I’m sure it’s enough to cover my half on the bills for the past three months.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, skepticism creeping in as I began to count the bills. After a moment, I realized it amounted to just about $2,500—a significant sum that made my pussy twitch with excitement, and my stomach churn with unease.
“This will do. As long as it isn’t fake, I don’t care where you got it from. It was nice doing business with you,” I said as I placed the money inside my purse.
“Look, Cali, I know shit between us been a lil’ rough lately, and I want to apologize for not being the man that you need and the father figure that Zion and Zuri need. I want this family shit badder than you might think. I know I need to get my shit together; I just don’t want you giving up on a nigga. I’ma do better. I swear.”
“Okay, where is all of this unexpected niceness coming from?” I quizzed.
I couldn't help but wonder what had prompted that sudden change.
“I was talking to Leek the other day, and he kind of just told me that I need to be taking care of home before I lose out on a good ass woman.”
“I can’t say he told you anything wrong there.”
“Nah, and I don’t want that to happen. You and the twins mean a lot to me, and I love y’all. I’m actually going to do a lil shopping today. What do they need?”
A new stepdaddy , I wanted to say.
“Get them whatever you think they need or whatever you think they’ll like,” I answered instead.
“Aight. But before you go, let a nigga get some pussy, baby. Hell, a quickie,” Jayceon practically begged, peeling out of his shirt like he just knew he was about to get some.
“Jayceon, I can’t,” I shut it down. “I have to go and wake the twins.”
“All the reason why we can get in a quickie while they’re asleep.”
“Jayceon, you know the kids’ school is closed today, so I gotta take them to my mama, and you know I’m already dreading having to take them over there. You know, if you wanna show me that you’re trying, try watching the kids sometimes when I have to go to work. That would be a big help. Now, doing that will get you some pussy and head anytime, anywhere,” I voiced salaciously and teasingly as I trailed a finger down his chest. I then closed the space between us and whispered, “Remember, the nicer you treat a woman outside the bedroom, the naughtier she’ll get inside the bedroom.” I drew back. “But I got you when I get home today.” I winked.
“So, you really gon’ leave me hanging like this?” Jayceon asked, pointing at his dick, which was on full display.
I glanced at it, then back at him. “Yep, just like that,” I replied, then sashayed out of the room.
“Cali!” he shouted.
“I got you when I get home! I promise!” I shouted back as I kept walking.
I wasn’t lying to him; I needed some dick, so that was going to be one of the first things on my agenda once I returned, especially since I didn’t have a client after work that day. I still couldn’t help but wonder about the story behind that money and what lengths Jayceon might have gone to in order to acquire it. However, I wasn’t mad, nor was I going to further question him about it. That money came in the clutch. I was off that following day; the twins would be back in daycare, and I didn’t have a client until 1:00 in the afternoon, so I was definitely using that morning as a me day.
I sat outside in my car, taking a deep breath and mentally preparing myself for the impending encounter with my mom. That was a routine I had grown accustomed to every time I had to drop the kids off for her to watch while I worked. Our relationship was strained, to put it mildly; my mom and I rarely saw eye to eye. However, with the twins needing care and me needing to earn a living, we had to navigate that complicated arrangement.
“Okay, you two, let’s go see y’all, Granny,” I called out, trying to infuse some enthusiasm into my voice despite the eye roll that accompanied my words as I unbuckled the twins from their car seats.
As we stepped into her house, I was immediately hit by a mix of scents—faint tobacco from her cigarette and the lingering aroma of the last meal she’d cooked. There she was, lounging on her new, fancy couch with her legs crossed and a cigarette in hand. The moment my mom caught sight of the twins, her entire demeanor shifted; she quickly stubbed out the cigarette in a nearby ashtray and stood up with surprising energy.
“Hey there, my babies!” she excitedly exclaimed as she rushed over to them.
The joy in my mom’s expression was evident as she bent down to scoop the twins into her arms, showering them with affectionate hugs and kisses. Meanwhile, I felt like a ghost in the background, as if I were completely invisible. It was both amusing and bittersweet to observe how easily I faded into the background while the twins basked in her attention. That was classic Audrey behavior; I had come to expect it, so I didn’t let it get to me. Still, I often found myself pondering whether her affection for the twins was sincere or merely a facade intended to irritate me. Fortunately, my twins were brilliant and at an age where they could articulate their feelings and experiences. I was grateful for that because it allowed me to understand how they truly felt about their grandmother, despite my own reservations.
As I observed her engagement with the twins, a wave of nostalgia washed over me. I couldn't help but reflect on the days long past when I was the one receiving that same affection from her. Those moments felt like a distant memory now, and I struggled to recall the last time I expressed my love for my mom and vice versa. The words “I love you” had become stuck in my throat, buried beneath layers of unspoken feelings.
“Y’all go on to your room. Granny will be there soon!” she exclaimed.
“Mommy will see y'all later,” I told them, waving goodbye.
“Bye, Mommy!” they chirped, their enthusiasm infectious as they waved goodbye and dashed excitedly toward their room, their small feet pattering against the floor.
Once the sounds of their laughter faded into the distance, my mom turned to me, and I caught her expression shifting. She wore a look that could only be described as disgust, or perhaps disappointment as if I were the most unsightly thing she had ever encountered.
“Cali,” she finally acknowledged me. Her tone was careful, almost reluctant.
“ Audrey,” I replied, mirroring our usual formality.
Those names had become our standard greetings, stripped of any friendliness. I had made a conscious decision to stop calling her “Mom” a year prior. That title felt too significant to bestow upon someone I believed did not earn it. Most mothers wouldn’t have allowed such disrespect, but she appeared perfectly at ease with my choice to address her by her first name. It was as if our relationship had evolved into something that warranted detachment rather than love.
“I guess your lil’ wanna be a thug boyfriend is out doing his lil’ hustle, the reason you had to bring them over here.”
“Audrey, look, I didn’t come over here for all of that. Is it a problem for you to watch them?’ ’Cause I’ll just take them to work with me if I have to,” I replied, basically letting her know that if it came down to it, I had other options, although taking them to work with me would’ve been my last resort.
“Did I say I couldn’t watch them? As long as you’re back by 3:3o, I have no problem. So, I hope you don’t have any clients scheduled after you get off.”
“I don’t,” I sassed, my irritation rising.
“I just don’t get why you’re trying to juggle a full-time job, doing hair on the side, and everything else, especially when you barely have a dependable babysitter.”
Here we go again , I thought, rolling my eyes internally while trying to maintain my composure.
“I have goals that I’m trying to reach, Audrey. I also work as hard as I do because I wake up every morning knowing ain’t nobody gon’ give me a dime and couldn’t care less if I’m doing bad or good. I don’t have anyone to fall back on, not even you. I am the backup,” I stressed. “ That’s why I ain’t got time for nothing but business,” I added, trying to keep my tone respectful even though I was itching to let a few curse words slip out.
“Well, if your boyfriend was worth anything at all, he’d be covering most, if not all, of your bills, so you wouldn’t have to work yourself into the ground! If that were the case, you could’ve saved enough money to get your own shop by now! And, honestly, you know you can’t run a successful hair business out of your house with those kids around!”
I kept my thoughts to myself, but what I really wanted to say was if my mama was worth anything, she wouldn’t just sit back and watch her daughter struggle without offering to help.
Three months prior to the conception of the twins, my mom was involved in an accident with an 18-wheeler truck. The accident resulted in multiple injuries. None were life-threatening, though. She spent three months in the hospital as doctors worked to address her various health issues, which included several internal injuries along with some minor neck and back problems, including a few fractures. Those injuries rendered her temporarily disabled, making it impossible for her to work during her first year of recovery.
During her hospitalization and subsequent recovery, my mom faced financial struggles, as she had no source of income. Although her doctor ultimately cleared her to return to work a year later, my mom was anxiously awaiting the arrival of her settlement check from the accident, so she just gave up on going back to her job of twenty years as a factory worker, where she was making damn good money. So, guess who was stuck paying her bills until then? Yep , me . It was a challenging time, but I was patient and dedicated, supporting her financially and emotionally.
Living with my mom for the first year after her accident, I didn’t mind covering the utilities―those were the only bills she had. The house was paid for, and so was her car. However, once the twins turned one and I saw her health improving, I decided to move out, but I continued to support her financially, a decision I later regretted. After recently receiving her settlement check, my mom suddenly no longer needed my help or my money. Needless to say, I wasn’t offered a penny of the $475,000 she received, which was her share after all the lawyer and hospital fees. It was a tough pill to swallow, especially considering the sacrifices I had made. Some people are like birds; you help them to fly, and once they’re in the air, they shit on you.
“How about you buy me a shop, Audrey?” I asked instead.
She scoffed. “Girl, I know you done lost your mind now!”
“I’m saying you have so much to say about what someone else isn’t doing for me. If me doing services inside my house is such an issue for you, we can easily solve that problem. Well, you can, by getting me a shop. I mean, you’re the woman with the money, right?”
“Yeah, my money!”
I shook my head. “Typical Audrey. I really didn’t think you’d buy me a shop. I was being sarcastic. But, Audrey, let’s be real. When do I ever do hair with the kids there?”
“Oh, that’s right, because you’re always bringing them over here. I don’t have a fuckin’ life!”
Aside from you going to bingo and the casino, shit, you don’t, I wanted to tell her.
My mom was convinced that the money she received from the settlement would provide for her for at least the next couple of years. She even thought it might last five years or more. For someone her age and careful with their finances, that sum of money could have comfortably carried them for the rest of their lives. However, my mom had a different approach. Audrey had a deep love for gambling, and I knew that as soon as she got her hands on that cash, it would vanish before my eyes. I estimated that she would stretch it out for a good two years at best before it all slipped away, leaving her back at square one.
“ Only when the daycare is closed and on the weekend when Jai is unavailable! I hardly ever bring them to you during the week!” I shouted, my voice echoing in the living room, a reflection of my mounting anger.
“And you need to stop dropping them off on Jai! That girl has her own life, you know—one that doesn’t revolve around someone else’s children!” she shot back, her tone sharp and unyielding.
“You know what… bye, lady!” I snapped, feeling the intense urge to escape before things escalated further.
As I turned to leave, her next words made me freeze in place.
“I just don’t understand where I went wrong with you, Cali. You used to be such a bright girl with so much potential. But then you started getting into fights, smoking weed, and now look at your life. You’re running around with two kids whose father you can’t even identify. You’re stuck working at that corner store, making minimum wage, and can barely make ends meet. And to top it off, you’re with a man, well, a boy , who drives around in all of these luxury cars but can’t even be bothered to invest in your future by getting you a shop. Why couldn’t you turn out like Jai?”
Audrey’s words stung deeply, even though I knew some of it was true. Normally, I would brush off many of her negative comments, but that particular day, they struck a nerve—a painful one that resonated within me. I think the reference to Jai, who seemed to have it all together, hit me the hardest.
I stepped to her. “What you and a lot of people don’t know is that those luxury cars you see in my driveway are rental cars. Yep… rental cars that Jayceon’s mom gets for him!” I set straight. “Now, let’s move along to this bad child you claim to have had. You’re right; I did turn into a wild teen, but I never disrespected you. Yeah, I started smoking weed while I was in high school. I even got in a few fights at school. I was going through the somewhat typical teen behavior phase. Again, I’ve never been to jail, and no police have ever shown up to your house about me! I also graduated, probably not with honors like Jai , but I did that shit!
“As far as my kids go, yeah, I had a one night stand, and I have the slightest clue who their daddy is, but guess what… sometimes the perfect family is just a mama and her kids. You’re a prime example of that. Remember, I grew up without my father, and I turned out damn good, despite what you may think of me. Last but not least, those babies back there will always be good as long as they have me as their mom! You can say what you want about me, but you can’t call me a deadbeat mama on any given day, not even my weakest one! As for me doing services in my house, I’ma get me a shop, that you can believe, but until I do, I’ma continue to hustle the way I do because no one is going to feed me or my kids if I go broke, especially not you ! Oh, and stop with the comparison shit with me and Jai! It’s getting kind of old!”
With those bitter and truthful words, I spun on my heel and stormed out of her house. As I reached the front door, I slammed it shut behind me, a physical sign of my anger. Suddenly, her voice rang out from behind me, sharp and demanding.
“Stop slamming my damn door! And you better have my money when you come to pick them up! And be on time! I’m going to bingo tonight!”
I wanted to turn around and say, “Fuck you,” but I wasn’t about to give that woman any more of my energy or time that morning.
Despite my mom having hundreds of thousands of dollars, she still had the audacity to expect me to pay her for watching her grandkids. The situation felt absurd and infuriating. Yet, I paid her because, deep down, I knew I needed her assistance at times, no matter how much it irritated me. What bothered me most was the feeling of dependency. I longed for the day when I would be financially independent and free from relying on her.
As I pulled into the parking lot of my workplace, I decided to take a moment to collect my thoughts. I sat in the car, staring out at the busy world around me, letting the chaos outside match the turmoil I felt inside. Normally, I wouldn’t let my mom get under my skin, but that particular morning, she pushed me over the edge. After ten minutes of breathing deeply and whispering a few prayers, the tension in my shoulders eased, and I began to regain some composure. I made a silent vow to myself: I would turn my day around and embrace the challenges ahead, determined not to let the rough start ruin the rest of it.