26. Alexis
Chapter 26
Alexis
When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold.
Not surprising, seeing as it’s been absolutely freezing these past few weeks, and the old buildings on campus are poorly insulated. But when you’re expecting the warm embrace of your lover, it’s a disappointing way of waking nonetheless.
I drag myself out of bed, snatching Blake’s hoodie off the floor to keep warm as I roam the halls looking for him. The top floors are mostly bedrooms, and the bathroom is empty, so I know he’s in the kitchen even before I hear his voice.
Neither he nor Rafael spots me as they sit at the table in the corner, the beat-up wood dwarfed by their size. I’m about to greet them when I hear the latter say my name, and I duck behind the wall to listen in. What can I say? I’m nosy. People never say what they think of you to your face, after all. And on the off chance that Blake is playing me…I’d rather I know.
“Are you bringing Alexis home for Christmas?”
“There’s nothing left for me to go home to,” Blake says with an indifferent tone. How he can be so cavalier about a statement so sad is beyond me. “I’d ask her to go on a trip with me so I’m not alone in this place, but she and her family are big on Christmas traditions. I’m not making her choose between them and me, you know—especially not with Levi between us.”
Oh. That’s actually really sweet.
“Wait, so you’re not going with her, either? Not even for a quick visit?” asks Rafael. “I figured you’d be leaving here together one way or the other, seeing as you’re basically joined at the hip these days.”
“If only I were that lucky,” Blake says, and a warm feeling spreads through my chest at the sound. In all my planning I hadn’t considered coming home with me was something he’d want; my other relationships never got this far. I guess Blake’s not the only one new to this relationship thing. “But she hasn’t asked me to go, and I won’t pressure her.”
Rafael scoffs. “Why wait for her to ask? Take matters into your own hands, show initiative. Chicks love that, right?”
“Alexis is not a chick, ” Blake says, and there is a territorial kind of protectiveness in his voice that leaves me weak in the knees. “And there are things about her that are on a need-to-know basis. I promised her she would be the one who sets the pace, and I will honor that promise. But shit if I’m not dreading being apart from her for two weeks.”
I’m not sure what I thought he was going to say about me, but this I did not see coming. Blake wants to come home with me for Christmas. Home, where we have nothing to prove to anyone. Where we can just be.
My dad is a sports guy, so he and Blake would get along fine. Mom is probably knitting him a scarf as we speak, expecting me to bring it back for him. They can be intense and overbearing, but they are good, loving people, so far off from what Blake has told me about his mother and the father who ghosted both of them. If he came with me, would it be overwhelming? Or would it be healing for him in a way I could never truly understand?
Footsteps echo off the top of the stairs and I know my cover is about to be blown to bits, so I fake a yawn and a stretch as I stumble into the kitchen with a half-hearted morning, boys .
Blake perks up the moment I step into sight, though he says nothing as I scavenge the kitchen for some plain toast and an apple. Even with my back turned towards the table I can feel their eyes trained on me, the tension in the air like a weighted blanket, as if they know I heard everything they said.
They very well could—I’m not exactly light on my feet.
I’ve just closed the refrigerator door when Eric and Levi slump against the island like they’re experiencing a hangover from hell. There might not be a game this weekend, but Levi is usually very strict about his no drinking during the game season rule. Something must be off if he’s making an exception.
“They sent out an email about changing the date activity for today,” Blake says as I slide into his lap to munch on my toast. For a house with this many people, there is a serious lack of seats available. I'm not complaining, though, and from what I can feel beneath me, neither is Blake. “Apparently the ice on the pond is now thick enough to be safe, so they want to go ice-skating. As if this whole thing wasn’t cliché enough.”
His arm curls around my stomach for no other reason but to touch me and I lean back into his warm chest, savoring the feeling of having him close. I can feel Levi’s glare like a burn on my skin, but I force myself to ignore it. “Look at it this way: I can’t skate to save my life, so you’ll have an excuse to touch me whenever you want.”
“Is that a promise, Alexis?” Blake winks.
From the island, my brother groans like he’s going to be sick, which makes Eric break out into a fit of laughter. “Trust me, Cap, they’ve done far worse. At least out in the open they’ll be forced to keep their clothes on, unlike that camping trip. Eh, Taylor?”
He laughs like he just made the most hilarious joke anyone’s ever heard, but no one else thinks it’s funny. Levi’s spine has gone ram-rod straight, and Blake’s muscles go taut underneath me—not in the fun way—as if he’s waiting to be punched in the face. Rafael rises slightly, ready to catch Levi before he can get to us, anger radiating off his warm brown skin. He’s not scared to stand up to my brother, then; that’s good. Great, even. I’m glad Blake has someone willing to literally fight for him, protect him like he protects everyone else.
“Right! Haha!” I say sweetly. “Kind of like you and Mandy Trekker when you got caught in the greenhouses. Remind me, was that before or after Levi dumped her? Before, right?”
Yeah. I’ve been sitting on that one for a while.
Eric’s eyes are big as saucers as they shoot to me and then back at Levi. To my brother’s credit, he doesn’t immediately deck him. Still, the look on his face must be terrifying, because Eric makes a break for it until the front door closes with a bang.
Levi places both hands on the counter, refusing to look at either of us as he manages, “Is what he said true?”
“Yes,” Blake says flatly, taking my hand underneath the table. “But if you’re going to be a baby about it, leave Alexis out of it. I came onto her .”
Not true—very, very not true. Well, not entirely, anyway. Blake has been flirty and suggestive since the start, but that’s just who he is. He’s always kept it at a comfortable, take-it-or-leave-it level. It wasn’t until I reciprocated that things got real between us. The first time he ate me out? Well, a case could be made for either of us. But our first time having sex? That was me all the way.
Even from behind I can see the muscle twitch in Levi’s jaw. “Lex, can I talk to you for a minute?”
Alissa’s words ring through my mind. To live your life to the fullest and truly be happy, you have to learn to be selfish.
“Nope, not when you’re like this. I have a date to get ready for.” I rise, Blake’s hand clutched in mine as I lead him towards the stairs. I know some kind of talk is in our future—it’s inevitable, and exactly what I was trying to avoid this whole time. But I plan to put it off for as long as I can, and I definitely don’t plan on having it while he’s in such a childish mood.
“Taylor?” Levi says in the same tone, but Blake just shrugs.
“Sorry man, I can’t.” And as if he can’t stop himself from irking my brother more, a shit-eating grin spreads on his face. “I have to get Alexis ready for our date.”
I sit on a bench at the edge of the frozen pond, trying to work up the courage to join the others on the ice.
The others shoot me dirty looks, like they think I’m too stuck-up to join in on the second-to-last date of the contest. In truth, I’m just too much of a coward to get onto the ice.
Blake is skating around, stomping his feet along the edges to prove the ice is sturdy enough to hold us all. He looks so handsome bundled up in his big coat and scarf. I might even say cute, but that word feels wrong when used on someone built like a house. Cute is what you call a kitten or a puppy or two otters holding hands. A tall, jacked hockey player? Smokin’ Hot comes closer.
“The ice is rock-solid, I promise.” Blake halts at my feet, extending both hands to help me up.
I hesitate. “What if I fall and bring you down with me? What if either of us breaks something? Your coach would kill me if I took out his star player.”
“Please. Like I would ever let you fall,” Blake says. He takes my hands, holding them tight while he skates backward, forcing me onto the ice. I press my eyes shut, preparing for the plunge into the ice-cold water. It doesn’t come.
I raise a brow, forcing myself to look at him as I question, “Never? Not even fall in love?”
The ice cracks and wheezes beneath my skates, but it doesn’t break. Still, I try not to look at it, hoping that as long as I can’t see it I can pretend we’re on solid ground.
Blake pulls me closer, closing the gap between our bodies until I’m pressed flush against his chest. “Falling implies pain. When it comes to you, I prefer a controlled descent.”
I place my palm on the hard planes of his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart even through his coat. “A controlled descent? Controlled by who?”
“You. Always you.”
With a laugh I grab a fistful of his scarf and pull it down, bringing his face closer to mine.
“Well you better be prepared to catch me, Blake, ‘cause I’m already falling,” I breathe with a smile, and brush my lips against his until the frustration gets the better of him and he kisses me, hard and rough and wanting.
I let myself get lost in his kiss, pushing anything not related to the two of us out of my mind. There are years of longing between us, years of stolen glances and little touches, and Blake kisses like he’s making up for every one of them.
To be honest, I half-expected Levi to show up here and intimidate Blake into keeping his hands off me. I have never seen him so needlessly angry, especially over something as trivial and childish as this.
I’m an adult, fully capable of making my own choices. Levi knowingly and willingly set me up with a hot, strapping athlete with the intention of us faking a relationship and making it look real. What did he expect would happen? That I was going to be a celibate nun? Please. He and Lis might as well have shoved us into a candle-lit hotel room and handed us a box of condoms.
That sounds pretty good, actually.
“Do you think Lucky and I could stay at your place tonight?” Blake asks. I look up into his bright blue eyes, at the quiet sadness they hold. My heart clenches at the sight. “I think your brother might kill me in my sleep if he gets the chance.”
“Levi’s squeamish around blood, so you’ll probably see him coming,” I say, though the look on his face tells me my lame joke isn’t working. “Don’t worry, I’ll talk some sense into him.”
Blake’s thumb runs along my cheekbone. “You know, this might be the only upside of not being with you during winter break; he might warm up to the idea of us. If he doesn’t change your mind about me first.’’
“You really think I can be persuaded that easily?” I scan his face, searching for any hint that he’s joking. Does he really think that little of me?
“I hope not,” Blake says quietly. “But we never really discussed…”
He pulls me out of the way just in time to avoid a collision with a couple who clearly need their eyes checked. Noticing the cameras drawing closer, Blake leads me closer to the center of the pond and twirls me to avoid suspicion, though more than one of the other couples roll their eyes at us. Afraid to be upstaged, I guess.
“I know I said I wouldn’t be scared off by your silence, Alexis, and I still mean that.” His hand moves to rest on my jaw, his thumb running along my cheekbone. “But I need to know if you see any kind of future for us as a couple. Because if deep down you can’t see yourself falling in love with me…I’ll honor my promises, but I would need to take a step back from you. To protect my heart.”
I meet his gaze, taking in the heartbreak in his eyes, the five-o-clock shadow on his jaw. Like a mantra, I hear my sister’s voice in my head. To live your life to the fullest and truly be happy, you have to learn to be selfish.
Those gorgeous blues are still staring at me as I raise my hand to his chest and slide it to my favorite place—his heart. “If I didn’t love you, Blake, I wouldn’t be here with you now. I would have run, hard and fast, and hid in my room like I used to. I never would have had sex with you—especially not in public, and you would never have known who I am. I might not be able to say the words yet, but the feelings are there. I am yours, Blake Taylor, as you are mine.”
Relief washes over his body as he blows out a breath, the tension easing from his muscles until that goofy grin appears in its place.
Did he think I was leading him on? That it would be too hard to fall in love with him? Because it’s not hard at all. The hard part was resisting it all those years, pretending there was no invisible string pulling us together.
I glide my hand up to his neck and pull him down, raking my teeth over his lower lip before kissing him.
Blake is mine. I am his. Irrevocably and unconditionally his.
“Aren’t you going to ask?” I whisper against his lips, but his fingers tangle my hair, pulling me closer to him with every breath until we’re forced to come up for air.
“Ask what, Sunshine?” Blake asks, and adds with a wink, “If it’s a proposal you’re after, you’ll have to wait a bit longer.”
I roll my eyes, and his grin gets wider at the sight. “To go home with me, weirdo. To spend Christmas together like one of those couples that can’t be apart for more than five minutes. No presents, no obligations. Just you, me, and the entire Moore family doing whatever they can to embarrass the hell out of me.”
“Are you sure you trust me enough to bring me home with you, Alexis? I mean, for all you know I could be an ax murderer.”
I smile at the callback to our first date, when I jumped out of his moving car and he told me he was mine and mine alone. I took it as a joke when he said it, of course I did. There was no reason for me to think, to hope he meant it. That night, I wanted to get away from him as fast as I could, afraid of my feelings and the possible dangers of having him in my life. But now…I don’t want to be without him for a second.
“The only danger of this trip would be you and Levi sharing a car. But that can easily be avoided by driving up together, just the two of us.” The thought of those two giants having to be polite to each other, handing one another snacks and juice boxes while cramped in a small space, is enough to make my smile bigger. They would not even make it halfway before pulling over to fight.
A shy smile pulls at his lips, and for a fleeting moment, I think he might look away. “Can you believe I’ve never been invited to meet someone’s parents before?”
“Then this will be a first for both of us.” I pull his scarf again, pulling him closer and closer until his breath tickles my nose. “You better be a keeper, Taylor.”
He grins, and the sight of it steals my breath. “Sunshine, you and I both know I can be the one. ”