I Can’t Even

Chapter Twenty-five

I sat outside by the fire pit, mulling over Soph, Em, and me. I tipped my head back and studied the sky. There wasn’t as much light pollution in Gull’s Harbor as New York City, so the stars were bright and twinkled down at me in eternal optimism. I had always loved stargazing. They reminded me that I was really just a teeny tiny bit of cosmic dust in a vast universe and from that perspective, my problems became miniscule, too. I found comfort in that.

I heard a noise. It was a soft thump, like the sound of a footstep of a person trying to sneak up on someone. I whipped my head in the direction of the house. I didn’t see any movement. Still, my skin prickled with unease.

“Who’s there?” I called out. No one answered, which, if I’m being honest, was much less scary than if an unfamiliar voice had said, I am .

For a second, I wondered if the presence I felt was the guy in the hoodie and the aviators. No, I had no proof that he’d been following me, just a gut instinct that something with that dude was not right and that his interest in me wasn’t normal.

Mercifully, I did not see a shock of blond hair, a blue hoodie, or aviators. In fact, I saw no one. The hair on the back of my still prickled, however, and that had me moving toward the house at a pretty fast clip for a girl who had just been stargazing.

Habit had me glancing over my shoulder at Liam’s house. It was dark, presumably no one was home. My heart sank at this observation. The reality was that even if Liam did come back right now, I wasn’t sure I was up for taking on Courtney’s sloppy seconds not when I’d had so much to tell him, and he just refused to listen and then left—with her.

For the first time in days, my sadness was replaced with something else. It took me a second to identify it, but yeah. I was kind of pissed. Sure, I had left town with Liam’s best friend, Jessie, years ago, and, yes, it was all hush hush, mostly, to keep Liam’s butt out of jail because my mother was a crazy vicious shrew, or she had been. Now she was dead, and not actually my mother, which I was still processing.

But that wasn’t the point. The point, and I really did have one, was that after the past few weeks of finding our way together again, instead of giving me even a nanosecond to explain, Liam had stormed off with some other woman wrapped around him like a dollar-store necktie. Well, I was done!

I snatched up the dinner cartons and slammed into the house, locking the sliding glass door behind me. If Liam wanted to call it quits, fine. I didn’t need him. I didn’t need anyone. I never had and I never would.

And as for Babs, well, the heck with feeling guilty about that relationship, too. If she’d wanted me to remember her nicely, then she should have treated me better when she was alive and not just in the final hours before she kicked the bucket.

The woman had never admitted that she was wrong and had never apologized when she’d put me through some serious shit in my life. Saying she wished she could make it right hours before she died did not make it okay, and I was tired of feeling like I was supposed to be all forgiving and loving about her. And the same thing held true for my birth mother. She gave me up for money, so fuck her, too.

Granted, I should have told Liam what Babs threatened to do that night so many years ago. I should have told him that I was sorry for the choice I made at the time, but I was eighteen. Give me a break for not being mature and all-knowing at that age. I did what I thought was best for him, for me, for our futures, and frankly, I had to get the hell away from that woman for a while.

I blew out a huge breath. Babs was dead but the things she had done hadn’t changed and I was no longer going to pretend that they had. I could still grieve for what could have been without pretending she was more to me than she was.

I tossed the remainder of the Thai food into the garbage and went upstairs. I paused to check on Soph and was relieved to see her asleep in her bed. Feeling as if I bore a passing resemblance to myself for the first time since I arrived, I climbed into my bed and slept the peaceful, exhausted slumber of a person who has shrugged off all her burdens, at least temporarily. It was a lovely sleep right up until Meatball landed on my chest with a thump and a yowl, demanding his breakfast.

“Get off,” I said. He flattened himself more fully on my chest. “Can’t breathe.” He did not care.

I turned my head and found myself forehead to forehead with Spaghetti, who showed his affection with head butts. He bumped his nose into mine about three times before he finally gave up and patted my face with his paw. This was the signal that I needed to be upright and filling their bowls pronto before they got really annoying.

“Fine, fine,” I mumbled. I rolled, dislodging Meatball. He hopped off the bed as if this had been his intention all along and Spaghetti followed him, tails in the air as they marched and waddled, accordingly, out of the room. I listened to them scamper down the stairs, okay, it was more galumphing on Meatball’s part but still down they went.

I didn’t bother to look in the mirror and instead shrugged on a comfy sweatshirt against the morning chill and made my way to the kitchen. I was mentally high fiving myself for not going to the window to see if Liam was home. What the hell did I care? I didn’t. Boom. Yay, me!

When my feet reached the first floor, I heard whistling. Happy, off-key, annoying whistling. Em did not whistle. Neither did Soph. I followed the noise.

I entered the great room and stumbled to a halt. I squinted at the faux blonde standing by the window with a measuring tape in hand. My cousin Paisley. What the hell was she doing here?

“Paisley, is that you?” I asked, stupidly, as if she could possibly be anyone else.

She turned to look at me and gave a little start. I imagined I had the Medusa of bedhead going.

“Good morning, Julia,” Paisley said. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No.” I watched her jot something down on a pad. “The cats took care of that.”

“You have cats?” Paisley’s tone was disapproving. “Since when? Aunt Babs was allergic.”

“Yeah, well, she’s gone now.” I wondered briefly if Babs was going to haunt me for sounding so callous. “So, we have cats.”

“They had better not spray anything,” my cousin said.

“Um, what do you care if they do? And not to be rude, but why are you in my house?”

“I’m measuring the windows for my new curtains,” Paisley said.

“Your what?” I snapped.

“Cur-tains,” Paisley spoke slowly as if I was too stupid to grasp the English language.

My temper began to heat, but I forced myself to keep it cool. In a voice much calmer than I felt, I asked, “Again, why are you doing that?”

“Well, because the house is about to become mine.” Paisley tossed her hair and gave me a victorious look. “Since Em never came home last night, that violates the terms of the will, thus the house and the money are all mine.”

We stared at each other. She embodied the beauty queen in the pageant, all false humility and fake boobs, while I appeared like the help, the unshowered help.

Em didn’t come home last night? A cold feeling started at the crown of my head and worked its way down my skin until I was chilled from the outside in. Mr. Loren, our attorney, had said that there were two terms to the will that were unbreakable. One was that the three of us came home very night and two was that Babs’s urn stayed in the picture window so long as we owned the house. I got the feeling from Paisley’s smug smile that she had somehow been tracking us. If so, Em not being here meant Paisley could swoop in and take everything. Oh, crap! Oh, crap! Oh, crap!

I tossed my hair back and licked my lips. I was striving for casual when really my heart had stopped, my hands were sweating, and my mouth was completely dry.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. “Em is upstairs.”

“Really?” Paisley asked. “Go get her for me. I’d love to see her.”

I scoffed. “I’m not waking her up for you.”

Paisley stared at me and then took out her phone. She tapped the display before holding it to her ear. “Yes, Mr. Loren—Howard—it’s Paisley. Could you swing by the Blumer house at your earliest convenience? Yes, it’s important. Yes, right now. And bring a pen. I think you’re going to have to make some changes to the ownership of the estate.”

My cousin hung up without waiting for him to reply. My heart was beating so hard in my chest I thought I might pass out. I decided to bluff.

I shook my head. “You are going to look so ridiculous when Em comes down those stairs. Make yourself at home. I’ll be right back.”

I turned and walked up the stairs, forcing myself not to run. As soon as I hit the hallway, I sprinted and ran into Em’s room. Sure enough, it was as neat as always and she wasn’t there. Damn it!

Panic set in and I was pretty sure I was going to hyperventilate. Paisley wanted to see Em, and I couldn’t produce her. Paisley had already speed-dialed Mr. Loren and if he got here before I could find Em, we were so screwed. The terms of the will were very clear that Babs’s wishes were to be met or Paisley would inherit everything. Oh, hell no!

I grabbed my phone and thumbed through my apps. I opened the one I had installed on both of my sisters’ phones after Em’s drunken debacle at Duff’s. So long as their phones were on, I could track them. I opened the app and watched the bubble that was Em pop up on my phone. Yes! She was five minutes away, in fact, it looked like she was on the beach. This sitch might be fixable after all.

I called her. She didn’t answer. I texted. Still, nothing. Short of installing something on her phone that emitted electric shocks when she didn’t answer, I didn’t know how to get her to notice that I was frantically trying to reach her. Ugh. The warm fuzzies I’d been feeling for my sisters evaporated like the morning marine layer mist under a hot sun. How could she be this irresponsible? Paisley was just looking for us to screw up.

Since Em wasn’t there, I took a moment to toss her room, making it look like she’d slept in her bed but hadn’t made it. Then I dashed to the bathroom, opened the window, and cranked on the shower, locking the door behind me. Next, I dashed down the hall and shook Soph awake.

“We have a situation,” I said.

“Huh?” Soph’s eyes were puffy, and she looked hollow as if someone had scooped out her insides, or more accurately, as if her prick of husband had cut out her still beating heart.

“Em never came home last night,” I said. “Somehow Paisley knows this and she’s here demanding to see her while she measures our windows for her new curtains.”

“Ah!” Soph leapt out of bed. “Should we call the police? Oh, my god, what could have happened to Em?”

“She’s fine,” I said.

“How do you know?”

“Well, I sort of put an app on her phone that tells me where she is.” I peeked at her from under my lashes. “Yours, too.”

Soph blinked. “Genius.”

“Yes, I am, now you go stall Paisley, while I drag Em back here,” I said.

Soph nodded, so I raced to my room to get dressed. Quickly, I pulled my hair back into a tie, changed into the first things I could grab, baggy skateboard shorts, slip on Vans, an orange tank top, and my favorite oversized hoodie. Surveying my options, I knew there was no way I could go downstairs without Paisley seeing me. It was going to have to be the window.

Sliding open the pane, I glanced down. On the upside, if I broke my neck, I would not have to deal with the fallout from Em being gone. On the downside, I’d be dead and even worse, it would probably hurt really bad. Okay, then, no falling.

I sat on the sill and sent another quick SOS text to Em, letting her know we had an uninvited guest in the house and that I was coming to get her right now. Then I put one leg outside and leaned out, trying to determine if I could reach the roof or not. Just glancing up made my hands sweat and my heart race.

“Blumer, what the hell are you doing?”

My head snapped in the direction of Liam’s house. He was leaning out the window of his workout room, shirtless, of course, and glaring at me.

“Shh!” I put my finger to my lips.

If Paisley heard him and caught me, I was doomed. I gestured with my hand up to my ear for him to use his phone. He growled in response and disappeared from the window. I took my phone out of my bag just as it buzzed. It was him.

I wondered what it meant that I was still in his contacts. Probably nothing but my foolish heart clung to it anyway.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he asked.

“Language,” I snapped, just because.

“Blumer.” Liam’s voice held a warning note. Whatever.

“Mahony,” I returned. “If you must know I’m on a search and rescue mission.”

“Through the window?”

He’d moved back to his own window so I could see him. He was still glaring and shirtless. Damn, that did not help my concentration, not even a little.

“It’s complicated,” I said.

He said nothing as he waited, looking at me with one eyebrow raised higher than the other. He was not going to let me jump or climb or anything until I explained myself. Fine.

“I told you Babs put in her will that my sisters and I had to live here for three months and if we don’t, she cuts us out of the will and our horrible cousin Paisley inherits everything. Well, Em never came home last night, and Paisley is here, looking for her. I think she’s been spying on us and that’s why she’s making her move. I have to get Em back and upstairs before Paisley gets our attorney here.”

“You’re joking.”

“I’m about to jump out of a window to avoid admitting to my cousin that Em didn’t come home last night—does that seem like joking to you?”

“It’s official,” Liam said. “You Blumer women are bat shit crazy!”

“That’s not fair. I’m not really in a position to argue that point right now.”

“Do. Not. Move.”

He disappeared from the window. Oh, man, what was he going to do? Storm the house? Threaten Paisley? None of that would help me. Yes, it was incredibly macho in a Neanderthal-helping-the-little-female sort of way but, yeah, the feminist inside of me was gagging on her Wheaties. Still, it was kind of hot that he wanted to help.

I couldn’t risk it, however. If he made a scene and Paisley figured out Em was gone, we were boned and not in a good way. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and heaved myself up until I was standing on the windowsill. With one hand I clung to the window while I stretched and tried to reach the roof above with the other. I was ten inches too short. I couldn’t even jump up or I’d surely fall.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

“Julia, what are you doing in there?” Paisley called through the door.

I glanced at the handle. It was locked. Phew!

“I’m coming, Paisley.” I crouched on the sill so it sounded as if I was more in the room than out. “I just need to get dressed, since Em is in the shower. We’ll be down in a few minutes. Have Soph make you some eggs—hers are the best.”

Paisley had seen me at my worst earlier. There was no way she could be suspicious or argue with my need for a change of clothes.

“We’ll see about that,” Paisley said. “And you’d better hurry up. I don’t have all day.”

I sucked in a breath. Given that I was pretty sure she was up to something, I figured she had all the time in the world whereas I did not.

“Psst.”

I glanced down. Liam stood there with an extendable ladder. My eyes went wide as I gaped at him. A ladder? I could have kissed him!

“Come on,” he said, casting a worried glance at the house.

He didn’t have to say it twice. He gently propped the ladder on the side of the house, and I shimmied down it like I climbed up and down ladders every day.

Shouldering the ladder, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the backyard behind the cover of the enormous lemon tree. Then he leaned the ladder against the wall between our yards and gestured for me to go. He was right behind me, and I tried not to be distracted by the fact that he was eye level with my butt. Focus, Jules, focus!

I jumped from the top of the wall, and he followed. He tipped the ladder toward us and pulled it over, dropping it to the ground. We both jumped when it rattled, and he stood on tiptoe to peer into our yard and see if Paisley was about to come flying out of the house.

Weak from nerves, I sank onto the thick grass and put my hands over my eyes. I could not believe I’d just had to climb out the window to escape my greedy cousin.

“One quick question,” Liam said.

I moved my hands and opened one eye. “What?”

“Where is Em?” he said.

“The app I have tracking her says she’s on the beach,” I said.

“You’re tracking her?”

“Do not be judgy. My sisters are a handful.”

“Come on,” he said. “I’ll drive you down to the beach.”

“Thanks,” I said.

“I’m not doing it for you.” Liam looked cranky again. “I’m doing it for Em and Soph.”

I sighed. “Whatever.”

We crept around the side of his house, where he kept his pickup parked. He grabbed his keys and we climbed in. I scooted down in the seat on the off-chance Paisley was still measuring for curtains and might see me.

Once we cleared the street, I popped up, scanning the road in case Em suddenly appeared. I checked the app on my phone and saw that she was still on the beach. Good grief, had she slept there? Was she toying with becoming an unemployed transient? Was an intervention required?

Liam reached across the console and took my hand in his. He gave my fingers a quick reassuring squeeze. “Relax. Em is okay and we’ll get her home with Paisley none the wiser.”

He sounded so sure that I took a deep breath and blew it out. In my mind I saw him again with Courtney wrapped around him like a poisonous vine. I removed my hand from his and stared out the window. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to explain but I couldn’t seem to get the words out around the big bubble of hurt in my chest. So, I said nothing.

When we arrived at the beach, Liam double parked and we jumped out of the truck. A crowd had gathered at the water’s edge. Had something happened? Had there been a shark attack? Is that why Em hadn’t answered me?

I broke into a run, stomping down the rocky path, skidding a few times in my race to get to my sister. Liam was right behind me. We jumped onto the sandy beach and sprinted toward the mass of people. I elbowed my way through the bodies not caring that I was being rude.

“Excuse me, sorry, my sister,” I said as I pushed my way to the center where I stumbled to a stop. There was Em, sitting in the sand in the same clothes she’d had on the night before. In one hand she held a lethal-looking knife while cradling an enormous sea turtle on her lap with the other.

“Em, what...?” Words escaped me.

“Jules,” Em cried in sheer joy. “Can you believe it? I found this poor guy all wadded up in a fishing line. I saved him.”

A man sat with Em cutting away the last of what looked like a net that had been wrapped around the little guy’s neck.

“Oh, Em.” I was torn between wanting to hug my turtle-saving sister and wanting to strangle her for scaring me to death. “This is why you were out all night?”

“Yup,” she said. “We were having a bonfire on the beach and then when it was breaking up for the night, I saw this turtle in the water. It kept flailing and I just knew it needed my help. Pretty cool, right?”

“Yeah.” I simply did not have it in me to scold her when, I swear, the big brown-shelled turtle in her lap peered at her from beneath heavy eyelids with something in his round face that looked like worship.

“Okay, this dude is ready,” the man sitting beside Em said. He was a neo-hippie, skinny, with a head of long dreadlocks, a fair amount of chin stumble, and wearing a Grateful Dead T-shirt. “Back to the sea, shell man.”

“Swim safely, buddy,” Em said. She leaned forward and kissed the turtle on the head before pushing him off her lap into an incoming wave. The turtle struggled and Em and her new friend each took a side of his shell and helped him to get deeper into the surf. The people around were all filming the rescue and Em with her long blue and gold hair, her tank top and broomstick skirt now plastered to her legs resembled an actual mermaid as waves broke around her and she pushed her turtle pal out to sea. Finally, the big guy achieved lift off and rode the next wave out like a pro and then with a flap of a flipper, he was gone.

Em and her friend waved him off while the crowd cheered, taking pictures and video until the turtle disappeared.

“That was righteous,” neo-hippie guy said.

“Totally,” Em said. She turned toward him and they exchanged a high five and a half hug.

“How about an acai bowl and protein shake?” the guy asked. “My treat.”

“She’d love to,” I said. “But we have a thing.”

“We do?” Em asked. She yawned. “I don’t think I can do a thing. It took us three hours to cut that turtle loose. I am exhausted.”

“Paisley is at our house,” I said. “Looking for you. Because you didn’t come home last night, she thinks we’ve broken the terms of the will and she’s called Mr. Loren to come and verify the situation.”

“What?” Em asked. “But that’s mental.”

“Yes, and now we have to go,” I said. “Liam will give us a ride.”

“Oh, hi, Liam,” she said.

“Hi,” he responded. “Nice rescue.”

“Thanks,” she said.

I took Em’s arm and dragged her through the crowd. Lots of people were patting her on the back, and she absently smiled at them as we headed toward the path to the truck above.

“This should be a great piece for your social media followers,” I said. “But you might want to post it later so that Paisley doesn’t use it to prove you weren’t home.”

“Doubtful,” she said. “I dropped my phone somewhere on the beach while we were trying to haul the turtle in.”

“Does this mean your celebrity days are over?” I asked.

She shrugged.

“Not to rush you girls,” Liam said. “But we’ve been gone exactly twenty minutes. We’d better hustle if you’re going to convince Paisley that Em was in the shower all this time.”

I texted Soph that I’d spotted a beehive on my side of the house and that she should keep everyone away. I hoped she understood the code. The thumbs-up emoji in return assured me that she did.

In minutes, we were back at Liam’s, and he was sneaking across our yard with the ladder. He gestured for us to hurry, and we ran behind him. Em disappeared through the bathroom window—all she had to do was slip into the house without Paisley seeing her.

“No one takes showers that are this long,” a voice said from the glass doors that led to the yard.

Liam and I exchanged a look. He snatched the ladder and dropped it behind the thick hedge of rosemary bushes, then grabbed my hand and hauled me around the side of the house just before Paisley pushed open the door and stepped outside.

“Come on.” Liam pulled me around to my front yard and we dashed down the sidewalk then around to the far side of his house, where we stood in the shadows, gasping as we caught our breath.

“I need to know what’s happening,” I said once my head had stopped spinning.

He nodded. Together we slipped into his backyard and peeked over the wall that separated our yards just in time to see Em come out the sliding glass door of our house and greet our cousin.