Chapter 3
Logan
Fuck. Two almost panic attacks on my first day back at school.
This was not going well. When I walked into the registrar’s office and saw how crowded it was, my breathing hitched immediately and I felt the tightening in my chest. Then, that hot girl started staring at me.
It felt as though her green eyes were staring through me, as if she could see into my soul and discover every good and bad thing I’d ever done with one look.
The panic set in. Panic of being in a crowd of strangers, but also the panic of being around someone I felt an attraction to. Living at home made avoiding being in a relationship easier. Being back here, that was another temptation I’d be dealing with.
I had to get out of there.
I bit off more than I could chew on my first day. My therapist warned me of this. She told me I’d feel a level of comfort coming back, that I’d believe I could settle right back into my old ways once back at school.
Boy was she was right.
I hustled right out of there, drove back to the house, and requested a video call with her. Thankfully she was available.
Dr. Jean talked me down from it all. She helped me realize that everything I was feeling was normal for the changes I was going through and that I needed to give myself some grace.
At least for the first week or so. Her suggestion was to go a bit slower, maybe stick close to home the next day or two.
Classes didn’t start for a few days, so I had some time to adjust.
While I was on the call, I heard a lot of commotion downstairs. Becca texted that my other roommates had arrived. Dr. Jean advised me how to handle that as well.
Her suggestion was to approach meeting the girls just as I did when I met others on my floor freshman year. They were my roommates. In her words: “The fact that they’re girls shouldn’t matter much if you all respect one another as housemates.”
My session with Dr. Jean had been over for thirty minutes.
Yet I was still sitting in my room alone.
The knock I was expecting on my door finally came.
“Yeah,” I said as the door slowly opened.
Becca peeked her head inside. “Want to come down?”
Standing from my desk chair, I stretched my already tired body as I let out a sigh. Becca’s eyebrows went up at the sound and she slid through the door and closed it. With tentative steps, she made her way to my bed and took a seat.
“Or we could stay up here for a while, and avoid the drama downstairs,” she said. “You got your room organized pretty quickly. I’m impressed.” She looked around my space, which to her had to feel weird. During the fall semester, this had been Lanie, her best friend’s room, and now I was in it.
“Yeah, well, when all someone wears are sweats, T-shirts, and on occasion a pair of jeans there isn’t too much to unpack. Bit different for us guys.”
We both shared a small, awkward laugh, knowing full well we were avoiding the obvious.
Becca leaned back on her elbows as her eyes finally landed on mine.
“So, is my big, brawny new roommate afraid to meet some petite, meek little girls?” she asked. Her satirical grin put me at ease.
“They don’t sound meek. Christ, they’re loud.”
“Yeah, well.” Becca stood from my bed. “Apparently Macie saw some hot guy on campus and hasn’t shut up about it since getting home. She’s on a mission to piss off the guy she was last with and I guess found a new conquest, although Ava doesn’t seem on board. So there’s been some discussion.”
Sitting back at my desk, I still wanted to prolong going downstairs. “What can you tell me about them?”
She sat up, almost eager to answer my question.
“Well, they’re both amazing. Macie is a sweetheart.
She’s beautiful and tall, like taller than Lanie.
And her skin is amazing, the smoothest, most radiant I’ve ever seen.
” She noticed my look. “Ok, you probably don’t care about that, but us girls notice. And then there’s Ava.”
She paused.
“You say that like there’s a problem with her.”
“Not at all,” she continued. “She might be one of my favorite people.” She paused again while looking out the window, gathering her thoughts.
“She’s the complete opposite of Macie. Tiny, short dark hair, and these piercing green eyes, even crazier than mine.
She’s a special one, but I can’t read her completely yet. She’s definitely a firecracker.”
“Oh christ, if you’re saying that, I’m in trouble!”
And I meant that as she laughed along with me.
“Shut up, asshole. Nothing wrong with her being like me.” Then Becca got quiet again.
“She’s very insightful, in a good way.” She stood from the bed, and as she came toward me at my desk, my heart rate skyrocketed because I knew we were heading downstairs.
She stood next to me, her hand gripping my arm.
“Come on, I won’t let them hurt you, big guy. ”
We both got the joke as she chuckled under her breath. My smile was small as I moved toward the door, my steps tentative. Turning toward Becca, I made a last-minute plea. “Is Ty down there?”
“Yep, and he needs to be saved from the girls, so let’s go.” She dragged me out the door.
As I trudged down the stairs, the voices in the living room became more audible. I could make out Ty’s as he fake-yelled at one of them to stop whining about something. The tone he used told me he had a good relationship with them, which made me feel better as I rounded the corner of the hallway.
“Finally!” Ty’s voice bellowed across the room as he stood from a chair, his wide eyes imploring mine, their message clear. As he stalked toward me, I took note of the others in the room, their backs to me on the couch. But their heads swiveled quickly as they heard my approach.
One by one, they stood and turned toward me.
One by one, our eyes connected.
One by one, the recognition ignited. By all three of us.
First, the one with light brown skin, whom I had to assume was Macie, stood to her full height as she ran to my side, excited. And Becca was right, she was beautiful with smooth skin, gorgeous light bluish-green eyes, a contrast to her skin. It was a stunning combination.
“Oh my god, Logan! It was you on campus before!” Her piercing yell had everyone staring at us both. Her gaze bounced back and forth between me and the other girl, who had yet to move away from the couch.
She seemed frozen in her spot as she stared at me.
The same way she did about an hour ago.
Like she was looking into my soul.
But unlike before, the warmth was nowhere to be found in those eyes.
It was a cold stare as her eyes bored into mine, yet I found it impossible to pull mine from hers. The only thing that broke the connection was Becca’s voice.
“So, you guys already met?” Her question was directed at me first, then Macie.
“No, we didn’t meet, but he was at the registrar’s office when we were, and we, well, kinda noticed him.” Macie suddenly seemed shy as she reflected on our impromptu meeting earlier. I chanced a look at the other one, but she’d already given up, her attention glued to her phone.
Becca’s eyes went wide with realization.
“Logan,” Becca said, “this is Macie.” She gestured to the girl standing mere inches from me, who had a cute grin on her face.
Her skinny braids were tied back into a knot behind her head, and she wore a comfy-looking sweatsuit.
A hand with slim fingers and long pink painted nails on the ends extended toward me.
“Hi.” A chipper voice went along with the overly spirited person in front of me and I couldn’t hold back a smile.
“Hi,” I said in return, holding out my hand for her.
She gripped it in hers, squeezing it tight, the other hand coming around and wrapping around the top of our joined hands.
“See, Ava,” she said, turning toward our other roommate. “It was him. I told you it was, but you didn’t believe me.”
We both turned toward her.
But the petite, raven haired “firecracker” had returned to lounging on the couch, leg over the end, her booted foot swaying. She tried to seem engrossed in her phone and completely ignored her friend’s comment.
Becca, on the other hand, looked uncomfortable, unsure of how to read the situation. Ty came to her rescue. He was by her side, sensing she needed his support.
“Logan.” As he said my name, Becca breathed a sigh of relief. His hand began gesturing toward the silent one across the room. “This is Ava. Ava, this is Logan.”
“Hi, Ava, it’s nice to meet you.” Moving toward the couch, I waited for her to maybe get up, or at least look my way. Long seconds passed before she even responded.
“Hey,” she said. But she continued to scroll on her phone without looking up.
And that was it. Hey.
What. A. Bitch.
It was totally awkward. I felt bad for Becca and Ty.
Macie tried to diffuse the situation. Looping her arm through mine, she guided me toward the kitchen. “We’re so excited to have you living with us. Becca told me you like to cook.”
Becca could tell I was thrown off by Ava’s reaction to me and took over the conversation with Macie, answering her questions about how I’d started teaching myself to cook over the past six months.
While they talked, I found myself continuously glancing at the occupied couch in the living room, wondering what the hell I’d done to receive the lackluster welcome she’d given me.
Lanie, Becca, and I spoke at length over Christmas break about me coming to live here with the three girls. They assured me that both Macie and Ava were more than on board with the situation. That’s why this whole scene didn’t make any sense.
Unless she was just that, a total bitch. Which was fine. I could live with that. Steering clear of her wouldn’t be a problem. The place was big enough for us to live our lives in harmony together and not have to worry about getting in each other’s way.
At least I hoped so.
“What the hell is wrong with her?” As I flipped burgers on the grill, Ty kept me company.
We huddled close to the small flames in an attempt to stay warm as the temperature continued to drop outside.
The girls were inside putting together some sides to go with the burgers.
Squinting, I tried to look through the sliding doors to see if all three of them were still in the kitchen, but the glare on the glass prevented it.
I could only hope the tiny, short-haired bitch decided to go upstairs instead of eating a meal I’d be providing her.
Ty’s downturned eyes as he glanced inside the kitchen told me he understood who I was talking about.
“I don’t know, man, I have no idea what’s gotten into her.
I’ve never seen her like that.” Turning toward me, he shrugged.
“She’s always been kinda cool, especially when me and Becca were going through our shit last semester.
” He came to stand next to me at the grill, putting his hands up to gain some heat from the flames.
“I mean, yeah, she can have a sharp tongue, I always said her and Becca were like sisters that way but try not to read too much into it. Maybe she had a bad day just getting back to school or some shit like that. Who knows, girls can be temperamental, we know that.”
Unsure if that was all it was, I piled the burgers on the plate and turned for the door. He slid it open for me and we both entered the lion’s den.
Once inside, I immediately saw three girls in the kitchen.
She stuck around.
And I noticed some were drinking.
I stared at the can in Macie’s hand. My therapist and I had many talks about how I’d feel being around alcohol, but more importantly, around people actively drinking.
As a recovering alcoholic, you feel as though you have your demons conquered on your good days.
That nothing will ever get in the way of you accomplishing your goals.
On the bad days, well, that’s when the doubt creeps back in.
When you consider picking up that bottle again.
Today wasn’t necessarily a bad day, but it wasn’t a good one either.
It was what my mom referred to as “meh.”
Thankfully, seeing the beer did nothing to me. I had no desire to pick it up at all.
And that made me feel good. Really good.
“Burgers are ready!” I announced to everyone.
Becca and Macie joined us as I placed the meat down. They brought a large bowl of pasta salad to the table as well as buns and condiments. But Ava remained in the kitchen, making herself look busy with some dishes. As we started making our plates, I made my way over to her.
“What’s the matter, Tink, you too good to eat my food?”
She froze. Her hand literally stopped midway while putting a glass in the cupboard. Her back was to me and remained that way for long moments as I stood there waiting for a response from her. When it seemed as though I wouldn’t get one, I turned to walk away.
“Don’t call me that,” she said, with venom in her words.
Turning back toward her, her eyes pierced mine with a look ready to kill.
“Why not? I think you’ve earned it.”
Her lips thinned as her eyes glared at me with a ferocity I didn’t expect. She said nothing else.
“Whatever, Tink. Food’s ready if you want it.” Then I spun around and walked away.