Chapter 30
Ava
This was possibly the most challenging week of my life.
Even worse than the week after finding my best friend Casey in bed with my boyfriend Cole and having to go to school every day and see the two of them together.
And much worse than the week my mother took us out of the house with my father and we went to live with our grandparents.
Being in the same room as Logan was torture.
My body longed to touch him.
My heart yearned to speak to him.
My soul ached to be near him.
But I made it through the entire week without uttering one word to him. I ate most of my meals in my room, unless I knew he wouldn’t be home. The start of his rugby season helped as it kept him out of the house more often.
My new partner for Marketing was a pain in the ass, but I had to deal with it.
She insisted on us solely working over Facetime, refusing to work in person.
Which was fine, except most of the times we set up to meet, her boyfriend was there with her while we worked.
I feared my grade would take a hit because of her, and I worked overtime on my end to ensure it wouldn’t.
Again, which was fine. What else was I spending my time on?
I wondered repeatedly if I was doing the right thing or not. If staying away from him was better for his mental health even though it was worse for mine. But I’d kept away from him successfully enough that I had no insight on the matter.
Tonight he had practice, so I could safely cook and eat in the kitchen.
“Hey, girl, haven’t seen much of you this week. You doing OK?” Macie asked as she came up behind me. “I’ve been wanting to come by your room, maybe do a movie night, but I’ve been swamped with exams this week, I’m sorry.”
“It’s OK.”
She turned me to face her, gripping my hands.
“No, it’s not OK, and I don’t think you’re OK, either, are you, sweetie? This had to be so hard on you this week, dealing with everything. Do you need to talk about it at all?”
I tried to be nonchalant, because if I wasn’t, I’d end up a puddle of tears. Shaking out of her hold, and shaking my head at the same time, I tried to convince her I was fine. It didn’t work. She followed me like a puppy.
“Have you thought anymore about what Logan suggested? Are you going to file charges against that guy?” she asked.
Had I thought about it?
I hadn’t stopped thinking about it, but not in the way she thought.
“I’m not sure yet,” I told her. And I wasn’t. The guy deserved it, I knew that, but I wasn’t sure if I was prepared for the mess that went along with the process.
The kitchen was a disaster, and I decided to load the dishwasher before even thinking about what to make for dinner. But there was an ulterior motive. The job was loud, and I hoped it would discourage any further discussion.
I was never a fan of deflecting before, yet I’d become a master of it lately.
However, as I loaded the cups and plates, Macie stuck close by, leaning against the counter next to the sink. She watched my every move, as if how I held a dish would explain the mystery of my moods this past month.
I saw in my periphery that she turned toward me, her arms across her chest.
“Can I ask you something?” There was more to that question, I heard it in the tone. It held weight.
I stopped what I was doing and looked her way.
“What?” I asked. But her eyes knew, I could tell. I had to look away, going back to my task at hand.
“Ava,” she said. “You’ve been acting out of sorts for a while, and this is hard to bring up with what happened last weekend, because, well, anyone would be out of sorts after that.
But there’s more going on with you, I can tell.
” Her tone softened. “What’s go on, Ave?
I don’t like that you’re keeping it from me. ”
I should have known she would assume something, eventually. My emotions were all over the place this week, so it made sense it would happen now. I couldn’t look at her, so I kept working on the full sink.
“I’m not keeping anything from you.”
I hated lying to her. I’d never done it before. The knot in my throat hurt as I tried to swallow.
“Ava, stop and look at me.”
“What, Macie?” I snapped back at her. As I did, I threw the glass in my hand into the sink.
It shattered against the stainless steel, tiny shards filtering down through the dirty dishes.
The larger pieces remained on top. As I stared at them, I slumped against the lip of the sink, feeling the defeat throughout my entire body.
“Ava,” Macie whispered. “I’m sorry, honey, let me help you clean this up.” She started toward the closet.
“No,” I said. “I’m sorry. This is my fault. I’ve got it. Why don’t you head upstairs? I’ll do this and get something started for dinner for us. Then we can talk, I promise.”
The sadness in her slow nod broke my heart, but she didn’t fight me as she left the room for upstairs.
I turned toward the mess I’d made, unsure of where to start.
The largest pieces were the most logical place, and as I lifted them out, I pulled the garbage pail closer to make it easier.
There were five large chunks of glass in the pail already, and it appeared all were gone from the sink.
There was no way to pick out the tiny shards, they clung to the wet, dirty dishes.
So I grabbed for the silly dish gloves that Becca insisted on buying that were under the sink, and proceeded to finish loading the dishwasher, careful to rinse the glass from the dishes first.
All was fine.
Until it wasn’t.
I saw it before I felt it.
The red streaks dripped into the sink, staining the water pink.
I tore the ripped gloves from my hands, pissed they offered little protection.
The cut on my wrist had to come from a large piece of glass I’d mistakenly left behind. As soon as I saw it, the burn was intense. And the blood, now gushing, covered my wrist, my hand, and the dishes below.
“Fuck!”
I didn’t do well at the sight of blood, at all.
“Macie!” I screamed, but didn’t know if it was loud enough.
I was already starting to lose my hearing. The fringe of darkness hit the edges of my eyesight.
And then it all went black.