Chapter 19
Iwake up in a familiar room. It’s one I wish I could wipe from my memory and never speak of again. LED lights glow faintly, my eyes take a few seconds to adjust. At the foot of the bed is the monster. He’s holding a bloody axe in one hand and my boxers in another. His body is covered in blood.
“Stop,” I plead. My lips are moving, but no sound escapes them.
“You’re mine tonight,” the monster says as he begins to crawl up the bed towards me.
“No.”
“What was that?”
“I said no.” This time the words have volume. The monster looks puzzled. But continues anyway. He throws my boxers to the ground and goes to turn me onto my stomach, exposing my behind. I instantly dart around and push him off me with a force I’ve never felt before.
“I said no!” I scream before I launch myself at him. I grab the axe from his hand, the look on his face is one I’ll savour forever. I raise the axe up high and bring it down hard. It penetrates his back with a bloody thud. And then I do it over, and over, and over again.
“JUST. STAY. THE. FUCK. AWAY. FROM. ME!” I scream as tears stream down my face.
(Noah it’s okay. It’s not real. You need to wake up.)
I continue attacking the monster while sobs escape me. The tears land on his back and mix with the blood.
(Wake up Noah!)
I scream as I wake up in a different room.
“It’s okay honey I’ve got you,” a voice says before reaching out to hug me.
“Don’t touch me,” I spit, jumping to the other side of the bed. My chest rises and falls quickly as my eyes adjust to the room.
“You’re okay Noah, it was just a nightmare,” he says as I try to steady my breathing. My eyes adjust, and I realise it’s Teddy that’s sitting across the bed from me.
As my eyes adjust to the room, I slowly realise I’m in Teddy’s room, and in his bed.
In a quick panic I look under the covers to confirm I’m still wearing clothes.
I sigh with relief when I see I’m still wearing the pjs from last night.
Then my head throbs wildly to the point I’m wincing.
I lick my lips and realise that I have a really bad case of dry mouth.
There’s a large pint of water next to me, I quickly start gulping it down, drips of water slide down my chest.
Teddy is looking at me with worry on his face.
“I’m okay. I’m sorry I just… sometimes I get these nightmares and I don’t know where I am when I wake up,” I tell him while placing my hand on top of his. “We can go back to bed,” I add as I place the glass back down.
“You scared me,” he says, quietly looking down at our hands.
“I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“You don’t have to be sorry.” He lies back down and opens up his arms for me to nestle into his chest. He grips me tight. We quickly fall into a deep sleep in each other’s arms.
My eyes slowly open, and I’m met with a flood of golden light. I move to pick up my water. Gravity feels heavier than usual, and my head is throbbing. I place it down and cuddle into Teddy, who begins to stir.
“Good morning,” he says, his voice deep and gravelly because he just woke up. I’m taken aback by the sound. “How you feeling?”
“Shit,” I say with a small laugh. Teddy turns around to face me. He looks so pretty. I smile again, then Teddy smiles back.
“Why are you smiling?” He asks, touching my nose with his index finger.
“I was just thinking about how pretty you are,” I tell him, to which he pulls me closer to him. We kiss deeply, my heart exploding.
“Your breath still smells like vodka,” he laughs, kissing me again. I grab the back of his hair and bring his lips to mine.
“I may have had way too many shots last night,” I tell him as we come apart. His eyes glisten in the golden morning light.
“I’m sorry I ran off like that, I should have been here supporting you through this,” I tell him. He gives me a quick peck on the cheek.
“I’m just glad you’re okay. But you need to promise me you won’t run off like that again,” he asks. I hold out my pinky.
“I pinky promise.” He wraps his pinky around mine, then brings it to his mouth. He starts pretending to bite my finger, making my giggle.
“Stop that! It tickles!” I shout through fits of laughter. We relax again and just spend a few moments looking at each other’s eyes.
“You’re very annoying, you know, I only keep you around because your bed is comfy,” I laugh.
“You’re only my boyfriend because you’re a good kisser,” he replies with a grin on his face. We laugh for a moment then go quiet. I then ask him the question that’s been on my mind since I woke up.
“Why… why didn’t you have sex with me last night?”
“I thought you didn’t want to yet?” He asks, his lips pursed.
“I’m still not ready, but I was drunk last night… didn’t you want to…”
“No, never.”
“What?”
“I’d never do that when you’re vulnerable, even if you asked me. Why would I?” he asks, and then, like a switch in my brain, I finally understand.
My understanding of sex is completely warped.
“I think he broke me.”
“Broke you? No, no, no. Why would you think that?” He asks, cupping my cheek.
“I can’t get what he did out of my brain. I see his face in my sleep. I feel everything and I… I don’t trust people. I thought because I was drunk you would… you would take advantage of me,” I whisper, my vision blurring.
“I would never Noah,” he whispers back, his face frowning.
“What he did to you was awful. I don’t know why anyone would want to hurt you.
Yes, I’d love to have sex with you, but only when you’re ready.
I’m not going to coerce you into it and I’m not going to force myself on you.
None of that. What he did was illegal. That wasn’t sex.
Sex is a beautiful thing between two people that love each other.
What he did was abusive. There’s a big difference. ”
“Will you… wait for me?” I ask him, touched by his words. I need communication when it comes to this. That monster ruined my idea of what sex is. I need Teddy to teach me. I couldn’t imagine anyone else doing that for me.
“Of course, I will,” he replies, rubbing the palm of my hand with his thumb. I feel warm inside.
“Won’t you get bored?” I ask, genuinely wondering what the answer will be. Won’t it be annoying to wait? I can see him getting bored waiting. He’s already been waiting for so long.
“Never. I like you for you, not the idea of undressing you,” He replies, which causes a smile to appear on my face. “You don’t owe me anything at all,” he adds, as if hearing my thoughts.
“I think I needed to hear this,” I tell him, before kissing him again. I move him onto his back and I lie on his chest, wrapping my leg around his. I can hear his heartbeat, which threatens to put me to sleep again.
We stay like that for a few moments, until Teddy has to ruin it.
“I think it’s time to open the shop, but you can stay here if you want?” He asks before tracing circles on my cheeks with his thumb. The touch is electric and makes me want to kiss him even more.
“How about we both stay in bed all day and cuddle?” I ask, holding him in place.
“I’m kind of the owner? So if I don’t go downstairs now, the shop won’t open,” he laughs. I stay in place. He tickles me in the armpits which makes me jump to the other end of the bed.
“I’m hungover, leave me alone!” I moan, blocking my armpits off with my hands.
“Okay if you insist,” he says, getting out of bed. The coldness attacks my skin quickly, a whine escapes my throat.
“No come back I didn’t mean it,” I say, extending my arms out for a hug. The warmth comes back and I fully relax again.
“I need to go baby,” he says again. I huff and cross my arms.
“Okay, if you insist,” I tell him grudgingly. He checks his phone and realizes the time. He starts pulling clothes out the wardrobe as I get comfy in bed. It isn’t until he’s in his boxers and he turns around that I realize I’m staring.
“Stop staring at my ass,” He asks, trying to put a pair of jeans on.
“Sorry I couldn’t help myself,” I say, still staring.
I go back to bed for a couple hours. His bed smells like him and it makes me miss him terribly. I get up slowly with a need for paracetamol and a cold glass of water.
I search Teddy’s room for some paracetamol, hoping he’s kept it in a drawer or something. I go to his beside table and look in the top drawer. There’s some pants and socks and a couple of condoms. Standard stuff for a bedroom drawer. Then I look in the bottom drawer.
There’s something not so standard, glistening amongst a variety of junk.
I pick out the metal object cautiously. The weight of it is surprising. I press a button on the handle, and a sharp blade springs out.
“What the fuck, Teddy?” I whisper to myself. My heartbeat quickens as my mind races. Why would he have a knife like this? It’s sharp and deadly looking. My hands tremble as I slowly put it back where I found it.
That isn’t that strange, right? People keep blades in their bedroom, right?. It doesn’t mean anything.
But what if it does?
My head begins to throb. I get up and head out of Teddy’s room. I see Cat cooking something in the kitchen.
“Morning sleepy head, or should I say afternoon?” she says, a small laugh coming from her.
“Hey, what you cooking?” I ask, making my way into the kitchen. I decide not to mention the switch blade in Teddy’s drawer. I need to wrap my own head around it first. I grab a glass from the cupboard and pour myself a glass of water.
“Just some poached eggs and bacon. Do you want some?” She asks, looking at me with a spatula in her hand.
“I would love some honestly, this hangover is kicking my ass,” I tell her which makes her laugh.
“Yeah I’m not great with hangovers either,” she mentions before grabbing the bacon and eggs from the fridge and putting some on for me.
“Where is everyone?” I ask, noticing how quiet the flat is.
“Elijah’s working and Daisy’s out with her Dad,” she says as she puts some toast on. She cracks the eggs into separate cups then pours them into boiling water.