Chapter Nineteen
Ryder
It’s been a few days of hard work, but I’m glad to say the dance team is ready for our competition today. And I’m a pro at the move I was having difficulty with, thanks to the awesome Carly.
Speaking of our Captain, I can’t stop thinking about what she said to me the other day as I lie in bed early in the morning. About the pain in my eyes. How did she notice that? I thought all she sees when she looks at me is revulsion. I didn’t think she…cared.
But never mind all that. I don’t want thoughts of my parents to drag me down on this important day. I need to be on my game and help my team qualify for the next competition. And hopefully, take the crown.
One step at a time, though.
I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Because of my thoughts, because of nerves, because of a certain red-haired beauty. We didn’t interact much all week since we were focused on dance. I miss talking to her.
I roll onto my side, shut my eyes, and try to squeeze in some sleep, when my alarm goes off. Sitting up, I stretch my arms. All right. I’m ready to demolish the competition today.
Felix is still in bed. Since it’s Saturday, most kids are sleeping in. But my team and I have to get ready for the competition. It’s kind of a long drive to the school that will be hosting it. And Coach wants to get us there early so we’re not rushing last minute.
A loud groan comes from the other end of the room. “Seriously, man,” Felix grumbles as he squishes his pillow under his head. “It’s the weekend.”
“Sorry.” It’s not even that early, but he and our friends went to a party last night with most of our schoolmates. I chose not to go because I want to focus on today.
Before I climb out of bed to get ready, I snatch my phone from my night table and peer at the screen.
Nothing from my parents. I texted them a few reminders about the competition all week, even left some voicemails.
Looks like they don’t plan on showing up.
Not that it surprises me. They never showed up to any of my football games over the years.
Felix and some of my friends and several girls (including the Parker twins) will be coming to support me, and while I appreciate it, it’s not the same as my parents.
I dress in my dance uniform and meet the rest of the team. We take care of some last-minute things before heading to the dining hall to put some food in our bellies. No one really says much—I think our thoughts are on the competition—but Coach Moreno offers words of encouragement.
After making sure we’re all set, we head to the bus that’ll transport us to the competition.
I lag behind, hanging my backpack over my shoulder as I check my phone for what must be the millionth time. Why can’t I just let it go?
“Ryder?” Coach calls from where she stands near the bus.
Snapping out of it, I shove my phone into my backpack and rush to the door of the bus. “Sorry, Coach. Was just distracted.”
She eyes my phone, maybe figuring it’s girl problems or something. “Okay, but please leave your problems here and don’t take them with you. I need you to focus.”
I nod. “Of course.”
She pats my arm before gesturing for me to go ahead and join my teammates on the bus. It’s very noisy as everyone gushes about how nervous and excited they are.
I scan around, noticing most of the seats are taken.
I spot Carly and Addie toward the middle, Carly at the window.
They, like the rest of the girls, have makeup on and their hair is pulled into ponytails or buns with scrunchies and ribbons.
Just like it was at the football game. Everyone looks beautiful, but I can’t take my eyes off Carly.
It’s like she stands out while everyone else is just background noise. And she looks like she’s glowing.
Glowing and drawing me in. The next second, I find myself standing near her seat. She stops talking to Addie and looks at me like she’s wondering why I’m here and not sitting in the back with some of the other girls.
It’s a little awkward because of how vulnerable she saw I was the other day when she helped me dance.
I was kind of hoping she’d forget about it, but the expression on her face tells me she hasn’t.
She’s sympathetic, but not in a pity kind of way.
Still, I don’t like the feeling of being so open and raw in front of her.
Wish I did, though. I wish I could tell her everything.
But we’re not there. Maybe we never will be.
“Hey.” I wave with a lame chuckle. “Excited, huh?”
She makes a move to tuck some hair behind her ear, but remembers it’s tied up. “Yeah, but mostly nervous.”
I lean against the back of the seat in front of them. “Why? You’ll do great. We all will.”
She gives me a small smile, but doesn’t say anything.
I keep my gaze on her, wanting to say something, but I’m not sure what.
That she’s awesome because she put this together?
I already had a cake brought out for her at the diner.
Or maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and let her focus on today.
Addie looks from me to Carly and shoots to her feet. “Here, Ryder. You should sit with Carly.”
Carly’s eyes grow as large as a soccer ball and she tugs her friend’s hand. “What are you doing?” she hisses.
“I promised Naya I’d sit with her.” She tries to free her hand, but Carly’s got a firm grip.
“You’re not going anywhere,” she says through clenched teeth.
Addie gives me a wide smile before plucking Carly’s hand off hers and slipping into the aisle. She doesn’t glance at Carly before bending to fetch her backpack and making her way to the front of the bus, where Naya sits.
Carly keeps her eyes on her friend’s back, as if she’s refusing to glance my way. And even after Addie drops down in the seat, Carly still has her eyes on her.
A few seconds pass and she still won’t look at me.
“Can I sit?” I ask.
She shrugs. “It’s not like I own the bus. You can sit wherever you want.”
“Cool.” I lower myself next to her and place my backpack at my feet. “Was worried I’d have to stand the entire trip.”
She finally turns to me and gives me a look. “There are lots of empty seats in the back. Near the other girls.”
I don’t look at where she’s pointing, just at her. “Nope. This is the only empty seat.”
She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest and gazing out the window.
Scooting closer to her so that there’s barely any space between us, I also look out the window. There’s nothing much out here. Just Coach talking to Principal Harrington near the entrance to the school. “What are we looking at?” I whisper, my mouth close to her ear.
A slight tremor goes through her, but she doesn’t give me any attention.
“I have the perfect thing to distract us and make us less nervous,” I tell her. I reach into my backpack, pull out my earbuds, and hold one out to her.
She glances at it, then at me. “Something tells me we don’t have the same taste in music.”
I grin. “Probably not, but all girls like this playlist I made. Check it out.” I hold out my phone.
She narrows her eyes. “I’m not interested in the many girls you’ve shared these songs with.” She turns back to the widow.
“When I said all the girls, I really just meant one. A special girl with whom I only want to listen to music with.”
“And who’s this special girl ,” she mutters from the window.
“A girl I hope will stop holding a grudge against me because of something I did when we were kids.”
Slowly, like time is freezing, she turns around and looks at me. The expression in her eyes tells me she has no idea what to say.
“Carly.” I take her hand. “I’m really trying here. Why can’t we start over? Why are you so upset about something that happened so long ago?”
“It’s not something .”
“Then what is it? You said it’s not the Lego, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. It’s like you said—it was a long time ago.”
I run my finger along her hand. “It does matter because you clearly can’t let it go and give us a chance to be friends.”
She turns back to the window. “I don’t want to be your friend.”
Ouch…
“But why?”
She shrugs.
“Is it the girls?” I ask. “Does it bother you that I’ve hung out with so many—?”
“Oh my gosh, you’re so full of yourself.
” She faces me. “I’ve hated you for years because you and Blake—well, really you— treated me like garbage when we were kids.
I didn’t have friends. I didn’t have anyone to hang out with or play with.
Blake was my best friend, but you took him away from me.
I was so lonely. And every time I tried to hang out with you guys, you treated me like crap and purposely shut me out.
You didn’t want me anywhere near you. How was six-year-old me supposed to feel? ”
I open my mouth to respond, but she goes on. “But forget it. It was so long ago, it doesn’t even matter.”
I shake my head as I reach for her hand again. “Stop saying it doesn’t matter. It does. I’m sorry, Carly. I’m so sorry I did that. No explanation I give will excuse what I did. I was such a jerk.”
She doesn’t say anything, though the anger in her eyes starts to shift to pain. I hate that I caused her pain. But she doesn’t understand…and I’m not ready to tell her.
“I was…” I clear my throat. “I was going through something and needed a friend. Blake was there for me. He listened to me, helped me deal with my problems. But it wasn’t right for me to steal your brother from you.”
Her gaze drops to where my hand still clutches hers. Slowly, I drop it.
“Thanks for apologizing,” she says in a low voice. “I didn’t know you were going through something. I guess I didn’t realize you needed a friend, too.”
I nod slowly. “Still wasn’t right to push you away.”
“I get it. We were kids. Why would you and Blake want his annoying sister around?”
“You weren’t annoying.”
“I kind of was.”
There’s a small smile on her face, which fills me with hope that we might be starting to repair the damage between us.
I return her smile. “Well, maybe a little.”
She playfully shoves my shoulder. “You’re not supposed to say that.”
“And you’re still annoying now.”
“Oh my gosh! Get out of my seat.”
She shoves me, but I catch both her hands in mine. I look into her beautiful green eyes. “Seriously, Carly. I’m very sorry for all the pain I caused you.”
She stares back into my eyes. Her chest rises and falls softly, and I feel my own doing the same.
I tug on one of her ribbons. “Am I forgiven?” I whisper. “Maybe we can start over?”
“I…”
I move my hand to her cheek. “Maybe you’ll learn I’m not such an ignoramus cretin after all?”
She searches my eyes, as though trying to figure out if I’m serious or not. How do I convince her that I mean every single word? How can I get her to trust me?
“Ryder!” voices screech. Hands circle my chest and I’m yanked out of my seat. It’s a few girls from the team and they’re dragging me toward the back of the bus. “Come sit with us!”
“Wait…” My voice is drowned out by their excited chatter.
As they pull me further back, Carly and I latch eyes on each other. I don’t know what she’s thinking because I can’t read the expression on her face. But what I do get a sense of? Her annoyance that I enjoy all the attention from girls.
What she doesn’t understand is that the only girl’s attention I want right now is hers.