Chapter Twenty-Nine
Carly
While hanging out with my friends and Caleb on Sunday afternoon, just when we’re about to watch one of Raven’s favorite epic fantasy movies, my phone buzzes with a text.
My stomach tightens when I see it’s from Ryder.
The memory of yesterday’s incident flashes in my mind. How we came this close to kissing…
I shake my head, shoving the memory away. Things are good between us because we’re both acting like it never happened. So there’s no sense allowing it to enter my mind and mess things up.
Ryder: Hey, can we squeeze in another practice today?
Carly: You worked your butt off yesterday. You deserve the day off.
He’s quiet for a bit before his next text comes.
Ryder: That’s kind of you, Captain, but I want to get it done before tomorrow’s practice. It’s cool if you have plans, though.
When I lift my head, I find all four of them watching me.
“It’s Ryder,” I tell them.
“No, duh,” Sophie says with a giggle. “Your whole face is lit.”
Ignoring that comment, I say, “He wants to practice today. But I’m going to tell him I made plans with my friends.”
“Uh, no you’re not,” Addie says.
“Yeah, are you seriously picking us over a guy?” Sophie says.
“ Yes . You know you guys are more important to me than anyone else at this school.”
“We know that,” Raven assures me. “But…” She holds out both her hands. “Boy…” She raises her right palm. “Or friends.” She raises her left palm. Then she weighs them like on a scale before lifting her right hand higher. “I think we know who the winner is.”
“But we’re watching your favorite movie, Raven.”
She waves her hand. “We can watch that anytime.”
I twist my nose. Of course the prospect of hanging out with Ryder excites me, but I want to spend as much time with my friends as possible, too. I’ve been so busy with dance that I feel like we don’t hang out much outside of school.
“Take it from someone who pushed people away,” Caleb says. “You don’t want to have any regrets.”
He’s referring to his relationship with Addie. If he remained stubborn and hadn’t opened his heart, he and Addie would never have gotten together. He would still be a teen bodyguard and away protecting another person. Who knows if the two of them would ever meet again?
Ryder and I are friends now and we have fun hanging out, especially when we dance.
Maybe a part of me is scared to get closer to him because of all the heartache I went through when I was younger, but I need to leave all of that in the past. I don’t want to regret missing out on a potential amazing friendship.
“Maybe we can continue the movie after I get back?”
“For sure,” Raven says with a smile.
“Okay. I’ll text him to meet me in the gym.”
Once I do that, I change my clothes, wish my friends goodbye, and make my way down the stairs and to the door. They’re going to try a new TV show that just came out. I do feel a little FOMO, but it’s easily replaced by my anticipation to dance with Ryder.
When I step out of the girls’ dorm, I stop dead in my tracks.
Ryder stands outside, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. He smiles and nods to the random girls and guys who say hello to him as they pass by or leave the building.
When his eyes land on me, he straightens up and smiles. “Hey.”
“Were you waiting for me?”
“Yeah. Since we’re headed to the same destination, I figured we can walk together.”
“Oh, yeah. That makes sense.”
We fall into place side by side and make our way to the gym.
Now that he and I are sort of in close proximity to each other, yesterday’s incident once again breaches the fortification around my mind.
I muster all the weapons I’ve got and remove the threat.
I don’t want it to ruin anything between us.
Although, I can’t help but wonder if he thinks about it, too. And if he does, does he also shove it away? Or does he wonder what would happen if I hadn’t pushed him away?
“I focused on my arms this morning,” he tells me, flexing. “What do you think? Does it look any stronger?” He nods at his bicep.
“Uh…sure?” I joke. Because I don’t see any change.
“Well, I think so.” He kisses it. “Be good to me, boys.” He kisses his other one.
I laugh, shaking my head. “As if your biceps have any magical power.”
“Of course they do.”
“Nope.”
“Okay, fine. What do you suggest I kiss for good luck?”
As soon as he realizes what he just said, the grin vanishes from his face and his cheeks get a little pink. My face feels warm, too.
But to keep things not weird between us, I say, “You can always kiss the trophy the old dance team won years ago. You know, the one inside the glass case in the hallway?”
Ryder thinks about it for a second before shaking his head. “I think my biceps are more powerful.” And he proceeds to kiss them again, which gets another chuckle out of me.
Like yesterday, the gym is thankfully empty. We choose the same area we practiced at yesterday and I set up the music. As we step into our starting position, I see the stress and worry on Ryder’s face. But most of all? I see his doubt.
“We’ll get it,” I assure him. “Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You know that practice, practice, practice is key.”
“I’m just so disappointed and frustrated with myself.”
“One of the reasons I started the team was to have fun. It’ll suck if you’re not having any fun.”
“I am,” he promises. “I’ve been having loads of fun since day one, and now I’m having even more fun because we’re partners.
But it drives me insane that I can’t do a simple lift.
I won’t give up, though. I’ll stay here all night if I have to.
Uh…I mean, if you agree to stay with me,” he adds with a sheepish laugh. “Because I can’t do it without you.”
“I’ll stay all night, too,” I tell him. “Whatever it takes to make it happen.”
“Thanks. Hopefully it won’t come to that.”
I play the music and we start the routine.
We’ve practiced the first half of it so many times that we have it down perfectly , and I feel like I’m dancing on a professional stage.
Since Ryder’s not stressing about this part, he dances in a carefree manner and completely lets go, allowing himself to become one with the music.
He’s graceful when he needs to be and powerful at other times.
It’s so wonderful to watch, and even more wonderful to share with him.
It’s not every day I see him vulnerable like this, and I have to say I love it.
But as we get closer to the part he’s struggling with, his moves become less confident and he clutches my hands a little tightly. The stress on his face rises with every passing second. I try to muster as much confidence as possible, hoping it will rub off on him. But I don’t know if it’s helping.
And then finally, it’s time for the lift.
I spin a few times as I move away from him, then turn around and rush toward him.
That same look of panic takes control of his face and when he grabs my waist, his hold is way too tight.
I think he realizes it, too, because he quickly lets go of me and drops me to the ground.
My jaw knocks into his shoulder, and we both cry out.
“Sorry!” He takes hold of my chin and tilts it from right to left, assessing for damage. “Are you okay?”
“That will be one quarter,” I say as I hold out my hand.
His brows dip. What? Oh.” He laughs lightly, despite the frustration in his eyes. “Right. I’m not supposed to ask if you’re okay.”
“Pay up.”
He holds out his hands helplessly. “Got no money.”
“That’s not really my problem, is it?” I joke, trying to wipe the disappointment from his face. But it’s far too strong. “Minor setback. That was the warm-up. Let’s try again.”
We spend about half an hour trying the move, but I’m sad to say that we don’t make much progress.
Ryder gets too much in his head and is far too upset with himself, which doesn’t exactly help.
He needs to have a clear head if he wants to perform the move successfully.
But I have no idea how to pump him up with confidence.
“You’re doing great,” I encourage with a smile. “You’re just not getting the timing right.”
“Maybe I’m just not cut out to lift you,” he says with a frown. “Maybe we should scrap this and you can have a solo dance.”
My eyes widen. “No way. Everyone knows you’re the star of this sequence.”
He stares at me. “You kidding? You’re the star.”
“Uh, do you think girls will stare at you during the routine, or me?”
“Who cares about girls? All I care about are the judges.”
“And as the only guy, they’ll be fixated on you,” I point out.
“Not when you’re the best dancer on the team—” He snaps his lips shut and shakes his head. “Are we arguing again?”
I lift my shoulders. “Looks like it.”
“Well, I have to say it calmed me down a little,” he admits. “I don’t know what it is, but I like arguing with you, even when I don’t. Does that make sense?”
“Does anything you say make sense?” I tease. “Let’s try again.”
This time, he manages to lift me high in the air, but only after he stopped dancing abruptly so he could put his hands on my waist. It made the move look sloppy and very unprofessional.
“Progress!” I tell him with a smile. “See how strong you are, Mr. Magical Biceps? I told you that you can do the lift. We just have to work on the timing.”
Even though he’s beyond frustrated, he laughs. “Mr. Magical Biceps?”
“Do you prefer Twinkle Toes?”
“My toes are anything but twinkly today.”
“Well, I can’t say your magical biceps have come out to play, either.”
That makes him laugh harder, which causes me to laugh, too. “Let’s try again,” I say.
I spin away from him and then bolt over, just as I’ve done many, many, many times before.
But this time, a look of confidence I’ve never seen on him before completely takes over, and when he grabs hold of my waist, I fly in the air like a beautiful, graceful bird.
I stretch out my arms above me and extend my legs as far as they can go.
Ryder keeps me in the air for as long as he’s supposed to, and then he flips me over and gently lowers me to the ground.
“I did it?” he asks, face holding nothing but shock and bewilderment. “Carly, I did it!”
“You did it, Ryder! I can’t believe you did it.” I launch myself at him.
He gathers me in his arms and hugs me close, burying his face in my neck. It feels so good to be in his arms like this. I’ve hugged guys in the past, but it never felt like this. So…perfect. I don’t think I ever want to let go. I should have hugged him earlier if I knew it felt this good.
“It’s all because of you, Captain,” he says as he lifts his head from my neck. His face is so bright, I swear he swallowed a star. I don’t think he’s ever looked more gorgeous. “You lifted my mood and made me more confident,” he continues. “You’re—”
I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips to his.
But when I realize what I just did, I yank away, my cheeks hotter than a boiling egg. “Sorry,” I stammer, avoiding his eyes. “I didn’t mean—”
He steps closer and wraps an arm around me, hauling me to his chest. With heated eyes, he leans forward and closes his lips over mine.
I’m a little shocked at first, but my arms fall to my sides as I welcome his kiss.
He closes his second arm around me, pulling me even closer to his body, until he and I are practically fused together.
Our lips move over each other’s urgently, but they slow down as we savor this moment, and each other.
My hands slide up his chest and toward his neck, then further upward until my fingers tangle in his hair.
I clutch onto the strands as the kiss grows more intense, and his hands tighten on my waist, though not enough to hurt me. It’s the perfect amount of pressure.
When our lips come apart, my eyes flutter open. I stare into Ryder’s eyes, noticing how many emotions float around in there. He’s not trying to hide them like he usually does. He’s bare and open, allowing me to see the happiness and hope, but also the agony and heartache he carries around.
His chest rises and falls wildly, matching my own. We don’t take our eyes off each other, not for what feels like a million years.
But a loud noise in the distance breaks me out of the trance. It’s one of the cleaners. He’s listening to music as he mops the gym floor, not paying any attention to us.
When I look back at Ryder, realization hits me. I kissed Ryder. And he kissed me back.
I kissed Ryder.
This isn’t good. Not at all. Ryder and I are supposed to be friends. Friends don’t share the most amazing kiss on the planet.
And he’s not looking for a serious girlfriend. Even if he feels something for me, he has no intention of committing to me the way I deserve.
How could I have allowed myself to fall for him like this? He’s a good guy, but he’s not the guy for me. Girls will always flock to him. I don’t think I could ever be special to him in the way I want to be special to a guy.
“I’m sorry,” I stammer as I back away. “This was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened.”
“Carly…”
“I need to go. Raven’s movie. I’m supposed to watch.”
“Carly…”
I grab my phone and spin around, racing to the door.
For a second, I think he might run after me, but I don’t hear or feel him behind me.
I escape to the girls’ dorm and am about to burst into my room, but I remember that my friends are in there.
They’ll see the state I’m in and ask a million questions, and then I’ll have to admit that I actually kissed Ryder Bennett.
I rush into the bathroom instead and grab the sides of the sink, staring at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes are bright and my cheeks are rosy, my lips a little puffy. My chest still rises and falls.
Pressing my fingers to my lips, I yank my gaze away from the girl staring back at me.
I feel like I ruined everything now. We might have been able to pretend that the almost-kiss never happened, but there’s no way in heck either of us can pretend the real kiss didn’t happen.
How am I going to deal with this? With him?
All I’ve felt since Ryder came to Harrington Bay Academy has been confusing emotions.
He complicated my life in a way it’s never been complicated before.
Why couldn’t we just remain friends?