Chapter Thirty-One
Carly
It’s after dinner and I’m doing my homework.
I asked my friends to fetch food for me because I didn’t want to see a certain guy in the dining hall.
They understand that I need some time alone now and I love them for that.
They’re hanging out in Raven and Sophie’s room.
Addie will be back later when it’s time to go to sleep.
But for now, I have the entire room to myself.
It helps that my room is completely silent because there’s no way I can concentrate on my advanced English work in a noisy room.
Just as I’m about to finish, there’s a noise outside. I ignore it, since there are always strange noises outside. But it sounds close to my room. Way, way close.
Shrugging, I finish my homework and shut the textbook. Then I drum my fingers on my desk. Now what? Addie should be back soon because it’s almost curfew, but I’m not in the mood to do anything.
I freeze when I hear the noise again. It sounds like rustling leaves. There’s this large tree outside my window that makes a lot of noise, but something tells me this isn’t the wind.
Getting to my feet, I slowly make my way to the window. I peer outside and notice that the leaves are indeed rustling. Looks like it’s the wind after all. I’m about to turn around, but stop when I spot something dark among the leaves. It looks like someone is hanging onto a branch for dear life.
I snort. Right. As if someone would be hiding in a tree outside my room. I turn around again.
“Carly,” a voice says.
I freeze for a second time. The wind is calling my name?
“Carly!” the voice is louder now, desperate, like whoever said it is in danger.
I spin around and squint, trying to see if my eyes and ears are playing tricks on me. They’re not. There really is someone in the branches.
“Let me in, Carly. Please!” The leaves rustle as the form shuffles around.
I know that voice. It belongs to the guy I’ve been avoiding the whole day.
What’s Ryder doing here? And in a tree???
“Carly!”
I blink, snapping into it. I quickly open the window and watch him grab onto a few branches and heave himself into my window. He rolls onto the floor.
“What are you doing?” I cry. “Do you want to get yourself killed?!”
He glances at me, sitting up. “I’ve been trying to talk to you all day, but you kept avoiding me. And you know the security guard hates my guts. What did you expect me to do?”
I gape at him, then at the tree, and back at him. “You climbed that tree?”
He grins. “Remember how me and Blake used to love climbing trees? Looks like it came in handy now.”
I continue to gape at him.
He stands and peeks out the window, glancing down. “We’re not that high up, so it’s not like I was in danger.”
“You could have broken something.”
He shrugs, smiling. “I’d break every bone in my body if it meant having a chance to talk to you.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “You could have texted me or waited to talk to me tomorrow.”
“Yeah, right. You would have avoided me tomorrow, too.”
“You know I’d eventually have to talk to you. We are dance partners.” We didn’t practice our duet this afternoon because Moreno wanted to polish the team dance.
He tilts his head to the side. “Yeah, but I couldn’t wait that long.”
I just stare at him. He’s acting like nothing happened. Doesn’t he feel weird about the kiss? Then again, he’s used to kissing girls all the time.
He searches my eyes, the smile dropping from his face. “Look, Carly, I think we need to have a serious conversation.” He steps closer to me and I involuntarily step back.
He stops, pushing his fingers through his hair. “Is that okay?”
I nod, unable to talk because my throat is suddenly dry. Of course I can’t avoid him forever. We need to talk. So I gesture for him to take a seat. He lowers himself on my desk chair while I drop down on my bed.
I squish my pillow to my chest. “Sorry…” I clear my throat. “About…everything.”
“What are you sorry about? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“If I hadn’t attacked you, we’d still be friends.”
He watches me and then chuckles. “Attacked me? Carly, you can attack me like that any day and I’ll gladly take it.”
I play with a loose thread on my pillow. “It…” I shut my eyes. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
He wheels over to the bed, taking my hand and squishing it between both of his. “Hurt me? How is ‘attacking me’ hurting me?”
“I mean, like, you know.”
He scans my face. “Not really.”
“Okay, so you know how I…kissed you?”
He grins. “Pretty sure I was there.”
“Right. And because you’re used to kissing girls, I know it didn’t mean anything to you. But for me—”
“Hold up. You think it didn’t mean anything to me?”
I shrug. “Well, yeah. It was just a kiss from another girl. Nothing special. I’m not special to you or anything.” I avert my gaze to the floor. This is kind of embarrassing.
“Carly, you’re not just any girl. Of course you’re special to me. You think I make it a habit of climbing trees outside girls’ windows?”
I look at him. “Have you done that before?”
He shakes his head. “I know I have a reputation of being a player. I like hanging out with girls and having fun with no commitment.” He stares into my eyes. “But it’s different with you.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh my gosh, do not say I’m different than other girls.”
“No. I’m not saying that at all. I’m saying the way I feel about you is different than I feel about other girls.
I never saw myself as the boyfriend type.
But the more we hung out, the more I wanted to be close to you.
I held back because of my no-commitment rule.
I was so confused. You were the first girl I thought about in that way—as a potential happily ever after, if you know what I mean. ”
“Why me?”
“Because you’re amazing?”
I roll my eyes. “Lots of girls here are amazing.”
“True, but they’re not you.” He lifts his hand to my forehead, brushing some hair away.
“They don’t drive me insane,” he murmurs, lips close to mine.
“They don’t keep me up at night.” He runs the back of his finger on my cheek.
“They don’t make me question the no-girlfriend rule I imposed on myself when I was ten years old. ”
“What are you saying?” I whisper.
“I’m saying that I want to be all in, Carly,” he whispers back. “Not just having fun. Not only dating for a month and goodbye. I want to be there for you forever.”
My eyebrows furrow as I take in his words.
“I know it doesn’t make sense,” he continues. “I don’t understand it, but I’m opening my heart to you, Carly. I want to hold your hand like couples in the movies. I want to go on picnics and to the beach and take pictures so we can show everyone how happy we are and how much you mean to me.”
I just stare at him, not knowing what to say.
“I know what you’re thinking.” He gives me a sad smile.
“Once a player, always a player, right? I know I don’t deserve you.
I hurt you and have no right to want to be with you.
But this is how I feel. The kiss? It was building up between us.
At least that’s how it felt on my end. I can’t speak for you. ”
“I…” I clear my throat. “I started liking you for a while, but I didn’t allow myself to because of…um…”
“My reputation.”
“Girls make you happy.”
“No.” He takes my hand. “Girls certainly do not make me happy. You think I like that lifestyle? Just hanging out with girls and forgetting about them a short while later?”
I shrug. “It looked like it.”
He puffs out his cheeks. “When I was really little, I believed in happily ever after. But it didn’t take long for me to realize that was just a fairy tale.
My parents weren’t exactly all lovey-dovey, so I thought romance was just in the movies.
But then I started going to your house and when I saw how much your parents loved each other, I was filled with hope.
Maybe love does exist. But then I concluded that your parents were the exception.
From what I experienced at home and saw in the world around me, love was just something people invented to give themselves something to hope for.
So I vowed to never fall in love. To not hope and dream for something that didn’t exist. After a while, it just became normal.
Hanging out with girls without committing to them was the best thing.
That’s what I thought at the time. I used to make fun of Blake because he was waiting to fall in love with his special girl.
Now I see that I was the silly one for not believing in love. ”
I squeeze his hand. “I’m sorry about your home life. Do you want to talk about it?”
He gives me a small smile. “No, that’s okay. I want to focus on us and how we feel about each other.” He strokes the side of my head. “You have no reason to trust me. I understand that. And if you want me out of your life, I’ll respect that. Just tell me what you want.”
“What about what you want?”
He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter.”
“I think it does.”
He smiles sadly again. “You see? That’s why you’re so special. Here I am, telling you that all I care about is what you want and you’re worried about what I want.” He takes my hands. “Forget about me. What do you want, Carly Simmons? If you need a few days to think it over, that’s totally fine.”
I glance at the floor, then at him. “To be honest, it bothered me a lot that you were constantly surrounded by girls, but it wasn’t my business. I saw that you didn’t talk much to girls today.”
He shakes his head. “My days of being a player are over. I want to focus on one girl. A special girl.” He gazes into my eyes. “And you know who the special girl I’m talking about is.”
My stomach rolls over itself, my heart skipping a few beats. “Is it because of the kiss?”
“No. I mean, I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day.
But like I said, I started having feelings for you and I kept questioning myself.
I couldn’t understand why I felt differently about you than other girls.
All I knew was that I looked forward to hanging out with you, laughing with you, dancing with you, just being around you.
It felt like a deep connection, something I never felt with other girls. Not one.”
He takes a breath before continuing, “The more I think about it, the more I’m beginning to understand it. I think the reason why I’m feeling this way is because I’m meant to be with you.”
I blink at him. “What?”
He chuckles lightly. “Normally I’d be the last person to believe in fate, but I believe it now.
You’re the only girl for me, Carly. And I’m talking long term.
Like I said, happily ever after. And I know we’re only sixteen, and yeah, my reputation precedes me, but look into my eyes—into my heart—and tell me what you see. ”
“It’s okay—”
“Please look, Carly.”
I face him and look into his eyes. The pain is still there, but it’s been pushed to the back and now all I see is sincerity and a pure heart. There’s hope in there as well.
“I see genuine care for me,” I tell him. “I see a guy who wants to be happy and wants to make those around him happy.”
He places his hands on either side of my face. “That includes you. You’re at the top of that list. And if I have to spend every second of every day proving my loyalty and devotion to you, then that’s exactly what I’ll do.”
I press my forehead to his. “You don’t have to do that. I trust you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I see how pure your heart is. You’re not just messing with me. You really want a serious relationship. With me.”
He rubs my nose with his. “Only with you.” He draws back. “That is, if you want the same thing.”
“You’re the first guy I kissed,” I admit, cheeks red. “But I’m not an innocent girl falling for the first guy who kisses her. We have a deep, strong connection, something we don’t even understand. But I want to explore it with you, Ryder. We can take things slow and see what happens.”
He smiles, dipping his head. “Slow. I really like the sound of that.” He lowers his head so our lips are inches apart. He scans my eyes, as if not sure if he should proceed.
I return the smile, wrapping my arms around his neck and yanking him to me.
We kiss slowly, then it picks up speed. My fingers tangle in his hair while his are on my waist. At the back of my head, I know Addie can come in any minute, but I don’t care.
We kiss for what feels like forever. I reluctantly pull away and rest my forehead on his. “I wish you could stay forever, but if someone catches you here, you’ll probably be expelled and then we won’t see each other anymore.”
He pouts. “But I don’t want to leave.” He sweeps his lips across my cheek.
“I know, but I don’t want you to get expelled.”
He nods with a sigh. “Okay. I’ll climb out the window.”
“Heck no. We’re sneaking you out.”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
I shoot him a look. He sinks down in his seat, scowling. “Okay.”
He follows me out of my room, down the stairs, and to the door. “I’ll distract the guard while you escape.”
He nods. “Got it.”
I stand before the guard, giving him a bright smile before asking him random questions. From the corner of my eye, I see Ryder slipping out and making a mad dash to the boys’ dorm.
When I’m back in my room, I plop down and stare at the ceiling. And I can’t help but smile. Then I grab a pillow and squeal into it.
After a while, the door opens and Addie walks in.
“Where have you been?” I ask as I glance at the clock on the wall. “It’s way past curfew.”
“I heard a guy’s voice behind the door and realized it was Ryder.” She joins me on my bed with a huge grin. “Did you guys kiss and make up?”
Returning her grin, I say, “Let’s sneak into Raven and Sophie’s room. There’s a lot I need to tell you guys.”