Chapter 9 #3
Hawk squeezed her hand. “Why do you still clean houses instead of running the office?”
“Because the office is boring. Endless paperwork. My mom put me to work when I turned fifteen. I spent time after school and on weekends cleaning other people’s houses and businesses.
It kept me away from my father. Not that my mother did it to help me.
I was free labor. And my dad waited for me to come home so he could let off some steam and play with his prey.
” It felt so easy to open up to Hawk, she didn’t care that his family heard the truth about her past, too.
Hawk’s whole body went tense next to her. “That sounds ominous.”
“Imagine walking into it night after night.” Since he had her hand, she went to use the other one without thinking and pulled at her sore shoulder. She winced through the pain. “Some nights, he was just a jerk, pushing my buttons, putting me down. Other nights he was worse.”
“You didn’t get paid to work because he wanted to keep you under his thumb. He wanted to make sure you didn’t have a way out,” Hawk guessed correctly.
“His favorite thing to say to me was, don’t be too smart for your own good. Or your brother’s.”
Lyric gasped. “He threatened you and your brother? If you tried to leave, he’d hurt him?”
“He hurt us anyway. But I knew despite Desiree’s father being the sheriff that I was never getting out.
If I told anyone what was happening, he’d have killed me.
I believed that from the time I was seven and he choked me out the first time, that no matter what, he’d always win.
I wasn’t strong enough to beat him, only to endure him. ”
“The cops would have helped you,” Lyric pointed out.
She caught the disbelief in Mason’s eyes and confirmed what he must know, having presumably seen a lot on the job as an FBI agent.
“My best friend’s father was the sheriff, but the sheriff’s best friend was my dad.
All he ever said about bruises or cuts on me was that I should stay out of the kitchen if I was that clumsy with a knife, or that my father should take it easy on me when I screwed up.
In his mind, it was my fault because that’s what my father made him believe.
He was a guy’s guy. Everyone loved him. He made sure to the outside world we looked like a happy family.
And I cooperated, wearing long sleeves and hiding my wounds from everyone.
After they were gone, I didn’t care anymore who saw them.
I didn’t care about anything anymore. I simply existed. ”
“Did you and your ex talk about what was going on at home?” Mason asked.
“Sometimes. If he saw my injuries, he’d ask. I mostly didn’t want to talk about it.”
“How did he feel about it?” Lyric asked.
“Like I felt. Helpless. Oh, he talked a good game about wanting to take my father out for hurting me, but I never believed he’d actually do it. My father liked Neil.”
“I’d think the last thing he’d want is someone knowing he was abusing you,” Hawk pointed out.
“He threatened Neil the first time I introduced him as my boyfriend. I’d tried to hide it for a few weeks, because I wanted to keep the one good thing I had mine. I knew it would eventually get out, but I craved Neil’s attention.”
“Something good,” Hawk guessed.
“Yes. My one rebellion. But my father got wind of it from other parents. I thought he’d order me to stop seeing him.
Instead, he invited Neil to dinner. Right there at the table where they were all killed, he casually told Neil that if he ever said anything that put me or my family in a bad light, he’d have me accuse Neil of rape.
Didn’t matter if it was true, it would ruin Neil’s life. ”
“Damn. That’s diabolical.” Mason sat back heavily in his chair.
“I tried to break up with Neil that night, but he wouldn’t let me.
He said I mattered to him and having him around might make my dad stop.
He was wrong on both counts. If I mattered to him, then why did he kill my innocent little brother?
He knew how protective I was over Danny.
And my father never stopped hurting me. The night before he was killed, he’d come to the dinner table and asked why I hadn’t fixed my hair or put on a clean shirt.
I hadn’t noticed I’d spilled soda on it.
Like one tiny drop on the front. But he saw it and I got a fist to the side of my head that rang my bell.
He pushed me out of my chair and dragged me by my hair to my room and ordered me to fix myself and present myself to him once I was dressed and cleaned up properly for dinner.
When I did, I was swaying on my feet, dizzy from the blow.
My ears rang for like an hour. He asked if I was drunk and had stolen his booze. ”
Mason’s hands fisted on the table. “He had to know you were hurt.”
“He didn’t care. He just wanted an excuse to keep piling on the pain.”
“What did he do?” Hawk didn’t look like he really wanted the answer.
“He took out his knife and cut me.” She tilted her chin back and showed him the scar along her jaw.
“I don’t know if he was going for my throat or what.
My mom screamed when she saw how much blood was pouring out.
I just stood there, dead inside, wishing he’d have aimed better and put me out of my misery. ”
Lyric reached her hand across the table toward her. “Oh, Lucky. I’m so sorry you felt that way. And I’m so glad you survived.”
Hawk scooped her out of her chair and into his lap.
His huge arms wrapped around her and held her tight, his lips pressed to her ear.
“I hate that you ever felt that way and that he made you feel like that was the only way out. I know what it’s like to feel trapped.
To feel like there’s no way to make it stop.
That’s not your life anymore.” He said the last louder for the others to hear.
“But it is. Sorta. Someone, most likely Neil, is still hurting me.”
“Why?” Lyric asked. “If he loved you and took out your family to make you safe, why keep hurting you?”
“Because I was angry he killed my brother. Because I refused to go along with his denial that he did it just to help his case. He swore he was framed and I called bullshit. Because I refused to speak to him at all after he was arrested.”
“You didn’t want to know what he had to say for himself?” Mason asked.
“No. At the time, I was in a fog. I woke up to…” She swallowed back the bile and scream that had been in her throat even then.
“It was horrible. All the blood. The utter silence.” She leaned into Hawk even more.
“I felt so guilty. Why was I alive and he was dead? He was just a little boy. He’d never done anything in his whole life to deserve that. ”
Hawk held her close and kissed her head. “Neither of you deserved what happened to you. You’re so strong and resilient. I don’t know how you do it.”
“Yes, you do. You’ve had to overcome a lot after your service. You probably don’t want to talk about it, and that’s fine, but know that I’m here if you ever need me to listen.”
Lyric leaned on her forearms on the table. “I worried that maybe this wouldn’t work between you because she’s so much younger than you.”
Lucky was twenty-four but felt much older.
Hawk had to be in his early thirties.
To her, it didn’t seem like a huge age-gap.
Lyric went on. “But you’ve both endured so much trauma and found your way out of it. You’re exactly what each other needs.”
Hawk rubbed his nose into her hair. “All I know is that now that I have you, I’m not letting you go.”
She wrapped her arm around his neck. “I don’t want to be anywhere else.”
“I really like you two together.” Lyric’s bright smile could blind them.
“Let’s have dessert,” Hawk suggested. “Lyric made some killer brownies.”
“My favorite.”
Hawk met her gaze. “Yeah? Me, too.”
She loved that they were finding things in common.
Hawk gave her a soft peck on the lips then nudged her up to take her own seat, while he headed to the kitchen counter to retrieve the pan and plates.
Lyric got up to clear the dishes. Lucky stood to help, but Lyric waved her back down into her seat. “I’ll do it. You sit and rest or Hawk will have a heart attack that you’re overdoing it.”
“She just got out of the hospital.” He set the pan on the table along with the plates.
“I’m fine.”
“You wince every time you move.” Mason gave her a don’t argue look that Hawk nodded agreement to.
So she sat and let Lyric clear the dishes while Hawk doled out the brownies, and Mason refilled everyone’s water glasses.
She and Lyric talked about owning their own businesses.
Lyric loved some of her stories about the weirdest things she’d discovered in people’s houses while she cleaned.
Lucky laughed at some of the dumbass things drunks had done at the bar.
One guy had passed out face first on the pool table in the middle of trying to convince some woman to come home with him so he could show her how he could fuck all night.
“He probably couldn’t get it up if he was that drunk.” Hawk shook his head. “Dumbass.”
Lucky found herself smiling and laughing again. How long had it been since she’d felt this light and carefree. Sure they’d talked about some heavy stuff tonight, but somehow she still felt light. Because of him.
He made her feel safe here.
“We better get going. We’re leaving early in the morning,” Mason announced. “And I’m no dumbass, so Lyric will be up even later.” He winked at his wife.
She rubbed her hand over her baby bump. “My name might not be Lucky, but I’m getting lucky tonight. Yay me!”
Hawk’s big hand landed on Lucky’s thigh again. “You must be beat.”
She let her tired gaze answer for her. “I still desperately want a shower.”
He nodded. “We need to change your bandages, too.”
Mason and Lyric stood. Lyric picked up the rest of the plates and forks.
“I’ll put these up, then we’ll let you two get ready for bed.
It was really nice to meet you, Lucky. I haven’t seen Hawk smile or talk this much ever.
I hope they catch whoever hurt you. I’ll call and check on you in a few days. ”
“I’d really like that. If you’ll excuse me. I’m going to use the restroom and let you say goodbye to Hawk.” She walked out of the room, overhearing Mason say, “She’s everything you said she was. She’s perfect for you.”
“I really like her for you,” was the last thing she caught before ducking into the bathroom, desperate to be clean, so she could sleep comfortably tonight, hopefully with Hawk right beside her again.