Chapter 8 #2
As much as I had dreaded it—and still did to a certain extent—it finally sank in that this was the right thing to do.
Isobel had been correct in stating that I should be able to discuss anything with my soulmate.
It couldn’t be a coincidence that Fate sent her my way at the very moment I felt on the verge of throwing in the towel.
Linsea was giving me a reason to hang on to a miserable life I no longer had the strength to endure.
I gave her a quick tour of the house, which featured one bedroom with its en suite bathroom, the second bedroom which I used as an office, the living room which also served as my meditation room, and the adjoining kitchen dining area with a small water closet by the entrance.
“This is a really beautiful house,” Linsea said with sincere admiration.
“I love the earthy color palette you chose. For some reason, I expected your place to either be all black and dark grays, or the typical white and brown that males often go for. But I adore this forest-green, midnight-blue, oranges, and deep-reds that you used. It’s warm, joyful, and inviting without being over the top or aggressive.
I also really appreciate how you balanced making the place feel homey but not cluttered. ”
I puffed out my chest a bit more with each of her words. As I never entertained guests aside from Isobel, I had no idea how my female would have perceived my decor aesthetic. Saying her response pleased me would be a major understatement.
“I’m glad you like it. As I spend most of my time here, I need it to feel warm and inviting.”
Although I spoke those words in a cheerful way, I didn’t miss the sliver of sadness they triggered in her.
Like most people, she would deem this house a prison rather than a haven.
In more ways than one, it would be an accurate assessment.
But for me, the protection it provided outweighed any negative connotation that came with it.
“This place must have cost a fortune,” Linsea said pensively as I guided her to the dining table large enough for four people.
“It wasn’t cheap,” I conceded, “but the settlement covered all of it with plenty left,” I said as I stopped right next to the table.
“That’s amazing!” she said with a smile, her gaze roaming over the house one more time before settling on me. “I truly love your home. It’s very reflective of you.”
I tilted my head to the side and gave her an inquisitive look. “Reflective of me?” I echoed. “What do you mean?”
“It’s comforting, sweet, colorful, powerful, and yet humble with the right level of sober to make it inviting instead of suffocating.
While the dampening effect is unsettling at first, it quickly fades into the background.
And you just want to wrap yourself with the warmth of your home,” Linsea replied pensively, rather than answering me as if speaking to herself.
Each of her words had me melting from the inside out.
On instinct, I caressed her cheek. The softness of her feathers against my palm nearly had my knees buckling.
To my shock, my female leaned into my touch, and she blasted a wave of tenderness at me.
Unable to resist, I drew her into my embrace.
Linsea came willingly, pressing her slender body against mine, and burying her face in the crook of my neck.
“My dove,” I whispered, my throat constricted.
A violent shiver coursed through me, and my nerve endings tingled while my skin heated. I’d never had such a potent reaction to anyone. It wasn’t lust fueling this response, but a deep sense of rightness, of belonging, of finally being whole.
I slipped my arms around her waist, tightening my hold.
She flattened her wings against her back, and I wrapped mine around her.
A deep, rumbling coo vibrated through my chest and up my throat.
Another shiver ran down my spine when Linsea joined her voice to mine as she rubbed her face against the down feathers covering my neck and chest.
In perfect sync, as if a silent communication had passed between us, we stopped cooing.
I slightly released my hold, and Linsea lifted her head to lock gazes with me.
I drowned in the crystalline blue sea of her eyes, an incredible sense of well-being and of perfect communion descending over me.
After a few seconds—or countless minutes—I leaned forward and rubbed my beak against hers in a soft kiss, which she reciprocated.
Her nails gently scratched the down feathers lining the base of my wings, near my spine.
Under specific circumstances, it would be deemed an erotic gesture, as this spot was quite erogenous for us—and for bird folk in general.
However, it could also be a soothing gesture or mark of affection, especially between mates.
That Linsea would do this indicated that she believed our relationship was moving towards something more serious and exclusive.
With much reluctance, I took a step back, freeing her of my embrace.
But we held both hands for a few moments, our gazes still locked.
In that instant, something settled in my chest, further fueled by her emotions swirling around me in a gentle caress, and the enthralling song of her soul healing the deep wounds in my messed-up brain.
Linsea and I were meant to be. Some way, somehow, we would figure it out together.
Still holding one of her hands, I helped my mate onto her seat before settling on the other side of the table.
It sat across the lab kitchen and right in front of the large patio doors that gave onto the right side of the house, with access to the river less than ten meters away.
It offered a peaceful and amazing view, especially with the luxuriant forest on the opposite shore with the mountain peaks soaring in the distance.
As we began to eat, I couldn’t help an amused chuckle when I noticed that my mate had brought herself a double serving of the grain crackers.
I filed away that information so that I could get her an exclusive gift box filled with an expansive variety of flavors and grains that were not available in the cafeteria.
After a few bites, I took a deep breath and launched into revealing everything about my condition.
“Right from birth, it was obvious that I wasn’t a normal Temern. Despite extensive training, I’m unable to shut out people the way the rest of you do. Except, I don’t just feel people’s emotions as sensations like you. To me, they also translate as sounds.”
Linsea froze, halfway through bringing a cracker to her beak. She stared at me with a stunned expression.
“As sounds?” she repeated, confused.
I nodded. “Souls have songs, unique melodies for every individual, pretty much like a psychic fingerprint. But emotions have sounds. For example, to me, anger is a very grating sound like a loudly squeaking door. Joy is like a very light windchime. Sorrow is high-pitched and one of the worst ones out there. The deeper the sorrow, and the more aggressive it becomes. It turns into something akin to a screech or nails on glass,” I explained.
My mate gave me a horrified expression. “Maker! That must be horrible.”
“It definitely is,” I said in a dejected tone.
“Jealousy and envy come across as a sustained growl. But they also have sensations. Anger is like a crawling sensation. Sadness feels like suffocating or being choked. Jealousy is just slimy and makes my skin itchy. Whereas fear is more like that unpleasant pins and needles sensation after one of your limbs has gone numb and is now reawakening.”
“Wow! I never would have expected this. But what about joy? What does it feel like?”
I smiled. “It’s warm and comforting, like a gentle summer breeze. But love is the best. It’s the embodiment of peace, that groggy feeling and sense of well-being you get while getting a massage at the spa.”
“That’s amazing!” Linsea said with a hint of envy. “If I was able to get that just from hanging around people in love or who expressed that emotion, I would latch onto them around the clock.”
I chuckled. “Being near such people is indeed wonderful. Sadly, I cannot just focus on them in isolation. I feel everything from everyone, all at once. Always,” I said, bitterness seeping into my voice.
My mate pressed a palm to her chest with a shocked expression. “What do you mean by everyone?” she asked carefully.
“Absolutely everyone. The entire campus and the surrounding areas. That’s why I can only stay near crowds for very short periods of time before it gets overwhelming. It’s especially hard when people feel extreme emotions.”
“And you say that you cannot block them?” Linsea insisted, shock and empathy warring within her in equal measure.
“I absolutely can’t, and it’s not from lack of trying,” I said with resignation.
“Naturally, the more people are present and awake, the louder it gets. Between their various emotions, the sounds they produce, and sensations they create, I’m cast down into a deadly chaos that drives me to the edge of madness. ”
“Is that why you systematically block your emotions from me?” she asked in a careful tone.
I shifted my wings uneasily before nodding. “It would be very painful for you or other empaths to feel my emotions.”
“Show me,” she demanded.
“No! I just told you that—”
“And I heard you,” Linsea interrupted in a gentle but determined tone.
“But I want to fully understand and know you. Which means getting a glimpse of what you feel as well. A bit of pain doesn’t scare me.
And we’re in your house. What better place than here where you are the least affected by others thanks to the dampening effect? ”
Although my female was making a good point, my gut screamed that this was a bad idea. Yes, the house significantly diminished the noise in my head, but it didn’t squash it. What if I hurt her?
And what if I don’t, but her perception of my emotions turns her off?