Chapter 21
CHRISTIAN
Iwas so happy I let Karima talk me into going to check on Mya today. When I parked and saw a nigga barge into Mya’s apartment, I grabbed my gun from the console. A surge of fear had gone through me at the sight. It wasn’t a fear saying that I was afraid of him, but a fear of not knowing what he had done to her. I could hear her screaming for him to get out.
When I got to the open door and saw her on the floor, I wanted to shoot that nigga right then without asking questions. My baby was on the floor hurting, and it was because of his ass. He deserved everything he got plus some. He had better be glad she wasn’t more hurt than she was, or I would have definitely killed his ass. I didn’t have bitch in my blood, and I was sure he learned that today.
Uncle Storm and Uncle Jasper had taught us all how to shoot, but I was even better at it because I hunted with Uncle Jasper when it was deer season. I couldn’t wait for November to roll around. Sometimes, Uncle Philly came out there with us, and he showed me even more tricks to hitting my mark. Philly’s famous line was that he could shoot the nuts off a mosquito. He’d taught me to do the same.
As I sat in Mya’s room while they had her in X-ray, I couldn’t help but to think about the talks I had with Karima. To say she was still in her twenties, she was a smart woman. She was older than the twins, but she was about six years under KJ and me. She had wisdom beyond her years. She’d taken the best of both Uncle Kenny and Aunt Keisha and converted herself into a powerful and fearless woman who knew her worth and refused to put up with bullshit.
She was private about her personal shit, but she shared with me why she and her boyfriend broke up. I just knew she’d met the man she was going to marry, but she said after he lost his job, he thought he was going to ride her coattails. Karima was big shit in the rodeo world and was predicted to go to nationals next year for barrel racing. She was doing the damn thing, even more than KJ it seemed.
She took her career seriously, but I didn’t expect anything less since she learned from the best. Aunt Tiffany had been training her since she was six years old. Out of everything she said to me, these couple of things stood out.
If a woman can’t feel like she matters… like she’s your number one priority, your best bet is to leave her alone until you can make her feel that way. As a man, you have to be the leader and have your shit together, especially for a woman that has been through trauma like Mya.
She needs to know that she is safe with you and that you feel safe with her. Not necessarily physically safe, but that you’re emotionally safe. If you can’t be vulnerable with her, sharing your deepest fears and worries, then she will feel like you’re stringing her along for other purposes. She should be your number one confidant.
She had me thinking hard as hell about everything. I told her I had a weak moment, but she said there was a better way to handle it. I shouldn’t have pushed Mya away, but I learned that was my toxic trait when I was feeling emotional. I tended to seclude myself, not wanting anyone to see me that way… not even my mama.
For a week straight, Karima and I talked every day like she was my counselor. While she was an amazing barrel racer, I felt like she’d missed her calling. She had me opening up to her in ways I hadn’t opened up to no one. She even asked me if I thought I needed another conversation with my father. I didn’t think I did. We’d talked when he first got out of prison, but I hadn’t had an in-depth conversation with him since.
I didn’t need that type of conversation with him. It wouldn’t change how I saw him. He was a pedophile, and no more needed to be said about that shit. I didn’t have to have a relationship with him, and he finally understood that. However, Mya was right when she said it still shouldn’t be affecting me this way. The talk with Karima was good, but I knew I needed to get past my hangups about it.
My mama gave me her therapist, Serita Gardener’s, phone number. She was the woman we first talked to when all the shit hit the fan. She was a good counselor and had helped us tremendously, but as a grown man, I knew I needed to talk to her again. She was happy to hear from me, and the talk was seamless. It was just as easy to talk to her as it was when I was eighteen, if not easier.
She already knew the situation, so I didn’t have to go through every detail like I would have had to had I gone to someone that didn’t know me. She said my problem was that I was trying to understand why he did what he did instead of just accepting that he did it. There was no way I would ever understand why he did those horrible things.
She even encouraged me to talk to my cousin, Nesha. Besides Aunt Syn, Nesha had also been raped by my dad. Her two sisters had been molested. When I talked to Nesha, it opened my eyes to how I was harboring guilt and shame as if I’d done it. She said Jakari had been the same way. He felt guilty because he thought he should have taken the change in her behavior more seriously.
I left Nesha’s house renewed. It was almost like I was a different man. The icing on the cake was finding out that Nesha was pregnant. I was beyond happy for her. Baylor would have a sister or brother coming soon. Her husband Lennox was beyond excited. We made a little wager on what the sex of the baby would be. My money was on another boy, and he insisted that it would be a girl.
When the curtain pulled back and they had wheeled Mya back inside the room, I gave her a slight smile then stood and helped her to the bed. Once she was situated, I kissed her head and went back to my seat. She still seemed a little out of it. It reminded me of how she slept for nearly an entire day when she was in the hospital. The girl was weaker than wet toilet paper when it came to pain medication.
The paramedic said they’d given her a low dose of something to relax her, and she was out of it when they got here. I could only chuckle. It took nearly an hour for that shit to wear off enough for her to be lucid enough to have the X-ray done.
“Christian, I can’t say thank you enough.”
“Woman, aren’t you mine? I don’t care what the fuck you said about taking a break. You’re mine and will always be mine. I promised your dad that I would take care of you, and I plan to do just that.”
She smiled. “I need to call him and let him know what’s going on. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about what happened between us. I’d been avoiding his questions about what was going on with me. He could clearly tell it was something. I was miserable without you, but the work I did on myself for those two weeks was amazing. It was something I should have done years ago.”
“So he doesn’t know you broke up with me and threw me out of your house?”
Her eyebrows lifted as a slow smile graced my lips. “Wow,” she said sarcastically. “You make that shit sound so heartless.”
I stood and went to her bedside. “I know. I’m sorry, baby, but I couldn’t let you make it on that. Gon’ tell me you’ll see me in a month. Thank you for that though. It forced me to work on shit I knew I needed help with. I kept brushing that shit off, and it was only causing it to build. Then it created what happened two weeks ago.”
“Speaking of, has Courtney gotten out of jail?”
“Yeah, she’s out, fucking up the streets. I can’t believe I didn’t realize shit was off with her ass when I first saw her.”
“That’s because you were too busy thinking with the head of your dick instead of the one on your shoulders.”
Mya chuckled as I stared at her with a slight frown on my face. “You know, you didn’t have to say that shit like that. Making me sound like a whole fuckboy in these streets.”
“Well, you weren’t a fuckboy, as far as I know, but you were definitely in these streets.”
“Well, if that ain’t the pot calling the kettle black.”
Mya stared at me with a confused look on her face as I chuckled. My grandmother used to say that shit all the time. “It means you can’t talk about me because you were just like me. That’s okay though. You had to hang them cleats up. All the games done been played, baby girl. You done won the championship.”
She fell out laughing. “Oh, so you’re the prize, Christian?”
“Hell yeah! Have you seen me naked? Girl, this body will have your nipples orgasming. Keep fucking with me, and you gon’ find out. You ain’t had the best of me yet.”
Mya was laughing so damn hard she started coughing. “You’re about to kill me!” she said between coughs.
I couldn’t help but laugh too. I was glad she was feeling better. While I knew the medicine had played a part, she hadn’t complained about her back hurting. When the doctor walked in, we both did our best to subdue our laughter. He seemed a little irritable. Despite his attitude, he offered a slight smile.
“Typically, we try not to do X-rays of pregnant women. The radiation could be bad for the baby, but we needed to be sure you were okay, and you are. You bruised your tailbone though. We just want to take another listen to the baby’s heartbeat. The paramedic told me that they’d gotten a pretty strong heartbeat, but I wanna be sure before we let you go home.”
I sat up in my seat, eagerly waiting to hear the baby’s heartbeat. I’d heard it two weeks ago, but I could hear it every day. My reaction would still be one of awe and gratitude. God had blessed us with a baby, and I wanted to be the best man I could be while raising him or her. For some reason, I felt like it would be a girl.
When he placed the doppler on her stomach, I closed my eyes, waiting to hear the extension of me come through the speaker. Within seconds, the baby’s heartbeat rang out through the speaker, causing smiles to grace all our faces. The heartbeat was really strong, and that seemed to give Mya peace… me too.
I believed, in the backs of our minds, there was some fear that the baby could have gotten hurt in all this. Janson had better count his blessings once again. After the doctor gave Mya instructions, which included no strenuous activity until her next doctor’s appointment, he let us know he would be releasing her.
When he left the room, I stood and went back to her bedside. I grabbed her hand and kissed it, thanking God for His favor. I stared into her eyes and said, “Yo’ boy better count his blessings one by one. I would’ve found his ass.”
She slowly shook her head. “There is no doubt in my mind that you would have, baby. I would have encouraged it.”
“I’m okay, Daddy. I promise.”
“That’s what you say, but you haven’t been good for the past two weeks. Whenever I bring up Christian, you change the subject or hang up the phone. What’s going on, Mya?”
“We had a misunderstanding, but we’re good now, Daddy. There’s no telling how bad Janson may have hurt me had Christian not shown up when he did.”
“Oh shit! My boy’s there?”
I chuckled as Mya rolled her eyes. “He’s here, Daddy.”
“Hey, Mister Andre. How’s it going?”
“Great now. I know y’all’s little hiatus was Mya’s doing. She’s stubborn as hell. I’m glad you didn’t listen to her.”
“Daddy!”
I chuckled once again as they went back and forth. I’d gotten Mya home about an hour ago, and I helped her shower, wishing I could have put her ass to sleep too. As soon as she moisturized her body, we ate and called her dad. I couldn’t bear rubbing lotion all over her. She had to do that shit herself if she didn’t want me disobeying the doctor’s orders.
I pulled her in my arms, grateful for this time with her and my baby. As I rubbed her stomach, Mr. Andre said, “Well, I’m gonna let you go. Christian, we gon’ have to hook up soon, son.”
I smiled slightly. “Yes, siiir.”
“I love you, Daddy.”
“Love you too, baby girl.”
They ended their call, and Mya lay back against me, taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly. We were silent for a moment, just soaking up one another’s presence. Her spirit seemed to be at ease, and mine was too. Pulling away from her, I slid from the couch to my knees in front of her. She spread her legs, allowing me to come closer.
I licked my lips as I glanced down at the shit that had snatched my fucking soul. “Mya, I want you to know that I’m here for the long haul. You not gon’ get away with that shit again. I ain’t going nowhere. But more importantly, I’m going to always treat you like you matter… like you’re my soulmate. You wanna know why?”
“Why?” she practically whispered as she stared into my eyes.
“Because I love you, girl. I don’t want nobody else. You got me a whole simp in these streets.”
Tears fell from her eyes as she held her hands to my cheeks. “I love you too, Christian. I won’t ever allow no trivial shit to pull us apart again. I mean… it wasn’t trivial, but it was definitely something we could have worked through. Just please… don’t ever shut me out again, baby. I want to be the person you confide in… the person you can be vulnerable with. I want to be your strength, your peace, and your best friend.”
“Girl, don’t make me tell KJ you tryna take his spot.” She chuckled as I smiled and swiped her tears with my thumb. “Naw, for real, you are already all those things. I promise to start showing you that shit.”
I softly kissed her lips, and she wrapped her arms around my neck. “I love you so much, Christian. Thank you for loving me through my trauma.”
“I’ll love you through anything… even bullshit. As long as you’re faithful, I got’chu, girl. Just don’t have me looking like a sucka. I’m a whole addict… got the munchies for your love ass nigga.”
She giggled, but I was serious as hell. That shit I had with Janay didn’t even compare to this. This was way more than some rebound bullshit. Mya’s young ass had snatched my heart and fucked the shit out of it… did tricks with the shit like Cirque du Soleil. I didn’t mind, though, because I was a willing subject.